I make my way down stairs and to the kitchen. When I get into the kitchen I see my mom sitting by the counter.

"Mom?" she doesn't reply she just continues to stare ahead of her. 

I walk in her line of vision settling in front of her, "Mom." I say little louder.

Suddenly I'm in the guest bedroom. I walk around the bed to find my mom laying on the ground. An empty bottle of pills next to her. 

Tears prickle in my eyes as I drop down beside her.

"Mommmm!!" I scream shaking her but she doesn't respond. 

The tears begin to fall at a rapid pace as I keep screaming for her to wake up.

"Hi sweetie." I turn around to see my mom standing there. 

Her blonde hair is in waves framing her face. She's wearing her favorite white sundress.

I run up and hug her, "Mom I missed you."

"Why, it was your fault." I release her from my arms and look at her.

I shake my head, "What are you talking about?"

She laughs, "You could've saved me but you didn't. You killed me."

I gulp as the tears resurface, "I-I didn't mean to. You said you were ok."

"You didn't believe me did you?"

My lip begins to quiver. I knew she was lying. She wasn't ok. Moms right its my fault. 

Her demeanor changes as she begins to throw things at me.

"IT WAS YOUR FAULT"

I shake my head. "Mom please."

"ALL YOUR FAULT."

"Stop." I beg.

"YOU KILLED ME."

"Please mom stop."

I jolt awake. I can feel the sweat that covers my body.

Turning towards my nightstand to check the time. 

4:28a.m.

It's five years today.

***

Noah's POV

Walking into school today I know I won't see Brady or Bailey. Today marks five years since their mom died. 

I remember the day it happened, it was a Monday. Brady, Bailey and I were walking home from school. I decided to go to Brady's that day, I didn't want to deal with my family. I remember when we got close to their house, we saw two police cars and an ambulance. 

We rushed up the stairs to the house to see Mr. Johnson sitting on the bench. He was holding Ms.  Johnsons shirt. He was crying into it. Then it hit me. 

I watched as Bailey and Brady realized what had happened. Brady stormed into the house but Bailey stood there frozen. 

"Bails you ok?" I remember asking her. Of course she wasn't ok. She looked at me, I could see the tears that wanted to escape her eyes but she wouldn't let them. Instead she ran. Of course being me I chased after her. 

I found her at the local park sitting under the old oak tree. Bending down I sat beside her. I didn't know what to say. What do you say when someone just found out their mom died? So instead of saying anything I reached over and hugged her to me. 

At first she just sat there frozen, but then she wrapped her arms around me. Hugging me close to her. She held on so tight as if she even loosened her grip I would disappear. 

I ran my fingers through her hair, breathing in her vanilla honey scent. I always loved that smell. She shifts her body so she could get even closer to me and my heart picked up its pace, I watched as she peered up at me.

"How long will you stay here with me?" She asked and I could see the tears she let fall. Even with her face all red and puffy she was still the most gorgeous girl I had ever seen. I smiled down at her, "As long as you need." 

We stayed like that until it got dark. That night she asked if I could lay with her and I did. Even though I knew if I didn't go home there would be consequences I couldn't leave her. 

Now five years later I sit in first period. I look over to her seat to see its empty. We haven't spoken in three weeks. I know thats my fault. It's all my fault. 

When I heard she decided to go on that date with Derrick something in me stirred. I know it was selfish of me to even step foot in her room, to ask her to stay. Then when she said she would go out with him again. Anger pulsed through me, jealously. So I left, even when she held onto my arm silently pleading for me to stay, I couldn't.

I was selfish. I was selfish with her at my party. I was selfish for ignoring her for two weeks. I was selfish for asking her to stay. I was selfish for leaving. The worst part is I'm selfish for being in love with her. 

She's my best friends sister and yet I want her, in every sense of the way. I want to listen to her as she goes on about her day. I want to feel her body below me. I want to taste her skin again. I want her to hold me like she did in the park. I want her, and I shouldnt but I do. 

The rest of the day is a blur. I go to classes and football practice. I go home and walk up stairs to my room.

Just as I am going to pull out my homework I get a text from Brady.

Brady: Hey man could u come over?

I furrow my brows at his text. Usually on the anniversary of his moms death, the three of them grieve together. Brady told me they sit in the living room and look at old pictures and share stories they had with Mrs. Johnson.

Me: Sure 

I give him a quick response and head towards their house.

When I make it there I see Brady and his dad sitting out on the bench.

I give them a puzzled look and stand in front of them. 

Brady looks up and gives me a sad smile.

"Whats up?" I ask leaning against the porch railing. 

He sighs, "Its Bailey."

My heart rate picks up and I begin to panic.

"Why what happened? Is she ok?" I rush out needing to know. 

Mr. Johnson nods his head, "She won't come out of her room. She won't even come out of bed. Both me and Brady tried to get her out but nothing."

"She won't speak to us either." Brady adds. 

I nod my head. And Mr. Johnson continues.

"We tried to get ahold of Delilah and Matt but neither have replied. We were wondering if you could try to talk to her." they both look at me waiting for me to respond. 

Why would they think she would talk to me? Especially now, we haven't spoken since I left her in her room. Im probably the last person she wants to speak to. 

"Ok." I reply and the three of us head into the house. Mr. Johnson hands me a plate of pasta, asking me to see if I can get her to eat it. I take it and head up stairs towards her room. 

I stand in front of the door and knock.

Baileys POV

I hear a knock at my door.

Dad and Brady have tried to get me out of bed all day, but I can't. 

It's my fault she died. I can't face them. 

Slowly I hear my door creak open.

"Bails." I tense at the sound of his voice. What is he doing here?

I feel the side of the bed dip but I don't turn around. 

"Your dad and brother are worried about you." I hear him place something on my night stand.

He takes a deep breath, "I'm worried about you."

I gulp and squeeze my eyes shut to hold back the tears. 

"Baby talk to me." he begs. A tear falls down the side of my face. 

I feel him run a hand down my arm as he gets closer to me. He lays down on his side and brings me closer to him wrapping an arm around my waist. I put my hand over his and interlace our fingers he takes a sharp breath. 

"It's my fault." I say and now I realize just how dry my throat is. I haven't spoken all day. 

His head moves out from the crook in my neck.

"What are you talking about." I take a deep breath to control the tears. 

I squeeze his hand, "Her death, it was my fault." He lets go of me and sits up. I turn to face him.

He shakes his head, "No its not."

"I knew she wasn't ok Noah, it's my fault."

He cups my face in his hands angling it so I am looking directly into his eyes. 

"She was sick baby do you understand? It wasn't your fault, it was no ones fault. You can't blame your self. I won't let you." he says wiping the tears that have escaped my eyes. 

I nod my head. She was sick. Even then I think a part of me will always blame myself. I am going to school to study psychology but still, I couldn't save her. 

Noah leans down and kisses my cheek. He lays down on the bed and pulls me with him. I lay my head down on his chest and circle my arm around him. He circles his arms around me and squeezes. 

We haven't talked in three weeks yet laying here in his arms it feels like no time has passed. It doesn't feel weird or awkward. Everything with us is natural, it always has been. 

I squeeze him closer to me, never wanting to let him go. 

I look up at him to see he's already looking down at me. He gives me a small smile and I give one in return. 

"How long will you lay here with me?" I ask him wrapping my hand around his shoulder hugging him even closer to me. 

He runs his hand up and down my back.

"As long as you need."

_____

Edited