I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you directly without problems or pride:
I love you like this because I don't know any other way to love,
~Neruda

20.

Kook woke up. He was going to get married today. In two hours, his room would be filled with make up artists and his family. Joonie was still sleeping. Kook untangled himself and went to the window. He had a strange attraction to it. As soon as went closer to the window, he could smell the blue orchids. It wasn't overpowering. It was pleasant and the flowers were pleasing to look at. The arch, the aisle, the decor.. everything was to his taste. He knew every detail was according to his taste. He looked at the room. He had gone to the washroom yesterday morning after Tae had left and noticed the changes in the fittings. There were two basins now. Two corners. Two of everything in Tae's washroom. Even Tae's closet had been extended to incorporate the entire next room and Tae's room had been made bigger. The bed was more comfortable and larger than the last one. The couch was bigger. Tae had renovated his entire room. And how all of this was done in so less time... Kook didn't even want to imagine the kind of madness that would have been going on in this house. He had gotten a glimpse at his first day of arrival here. But after that, everything was perfect only the finishing touches had needed to be done on the venue. Tae went to the closet. His clothes had already been hanged. It already looked like his room. Tae's music collection that was on display at the front of the bed had been moved to a side. And a similar empty cabinet for Kook's things hung on wall. He was still to decorate it. Mrs Kim, his Eomma now had told him that their wedding picture would hang just in front of the bed. Teasing Tae how when he had designed the room years earlier he had put a fight that his music collection would never be moved anywhere else and should be directly in front of his bed.

During this entire thing, Tae had done his best to make Kook comfortable. Kook was overwhelmed with the kind of care Tae was showing. As he went out of the closet that would soon be his too, he couldn't help but be gravitated to look out the window again and think about the night before the last. The only thing that Tae had asked Kook to do was to change to his name to Kim Jungkook. If not in real life than at least on papers. Kook could see how Tae had felt sorry for asking such a huge thing. He had asked Kook to take his time.

Kook was indeed confused that night. Why did his name matter so much to Tae? But he shouldn't refuse it right? It was his husband and it was the only thing Tae had asked but. On the contrary, the name Jeon meant everything to Jungkook. It was his business. It was the name he had been brought up to carry forward. And he so badly wanted to keep his identity. He knew Jeon Jungkook, the ruthless business man. The man who worked hard and parties harder. Kim Jungkook on the other hand, blushed in front of his husband and liked being taken care. Liked the attention and love he was getting. Kim Jungkook wanted to spend time with his new family because it was fun to spend time with them. In the three days, he had been here, he had assisted Mrs Kim in cooking and liked how she was always cheerful and always taught him new things without him knowing he was learning new stuff. This Kim jungkook worried about Tae's sleep and food. And wanted to calm him down when he was worried. Jeon Jungkook was a man who knew he had responsibilities and would inherit them eventually and was ready for them. But still, the Jeon Jungkook was also a guy who was just a shadow of who he used to be some 10 years ago. This guy was empty inside. Filling up his empty heart with drink and pouring his sorrows in to his hard work at office.

Kim Jungkook had only existed for a month but Kook liked this guy more. This guy even though a bit too shy only around Tae was more... Fuller... Whole .. more happy... More lively... This guy laughed, this guy was taken care of, loved. And even though he had responsibilities... And got tired at the end of the day ... The thought of an overworked Tae made him pick his phone and scold Tae and make him fall asleep.

So, Tae asking him to change his name was not just a name change... It was a personality change. The one he wasn't sure he was ready to do. He knew true love accepts you as who you are and he didn't know of Tae loved him yet or not but he knew Tae always supported him in all his decisions. 'But what if you yourself were tired of being such a hollow version of yourself. What of you realise that being loved made you more of you... What of you realise that being Kim Jungkook made you more of Jeon Jungkook rather than taking away your identity.' Kook thought. And seeing the workers filling the gardens for the last final touches, he shook his head. What he was thinking made no sense at all. Of someone heard him they would thim him as a lunatic. In the meantime, Joonie woke up. Kissed his younger brother and ran to Jinnie. There was so much needed to done from his end.

Kook sighed. No one had given him any work. And honestly he didn't even know what all was happening. He could only sit back and enjoy. He know he shouldn't but he rummaged through the drawers. He felt guilty. He shouldn't be snooping around... But curiosity overtook. Tae rarely told Kook about himself. And it's not like he was snooping right? This was going to be his room in a while. And Tae knew he was sleeping here...so if there was something he didn't want him to see, he would have hidden it right?

Kook opened the first drawer... The usual diaries, receipts, some office papers. He went to the second drawer... He was about to give up when suddenly his eyes fell on the cigarette box... Kook didn't know Tae smoked. He had never seen him smoke. Kook knew he should be angry but he wasn't. They were getting married but they were two individuals. Maybe smoking was Tae's way of releasing stress. It would make sense wouldn't it? Unlike Kook, Tae didn't express a lot but he too is human. So maybe on days when things got too hard maybe Tae smoked. Because if smoked regularly Kook would have noticed.and anyway, who was Kook to judge Tae, didn't he himself drown himself into alcohol in past to forget everything.

Kook promised himself that on days when Tae felt like things were hard, he would try to be there for him. When you know the thing you are doing is killing you but you still do it... It was majorly because if you didn't.... your thoughts would make you want to kill yourself in that very moment. Kook knew very closely what that meant.

Kook closed the drawer. He realised Him and Tae weren't perfect. This was no fairy tale. This was real life. There was no prince charming. These were two people hurt in their own ways. Lonely in their own ways who wanted to be loved. Fate had made them meet each other and Kook swore he would never let go of Tae. Both of them had their own issues but both of them just needed a support to pass through this thing called life and if on the way they fell in love... kook knew they would have a happy future. It would be wrong to not realise that he already had feelings for the elder, Kook thought. So, why would he stand in the way of his happiness? Didn't they both deserve to be happy? 'I will try and be the husband Tae deserves.' Kook thought as he went to take a shower. He ahd made his decisions.

As soon as he was oit of the shower, make up artists and family rushed. The next few hours flew by. He was made to wear the suit him and Tae had chosen. His hair dressed and light make up on. He removed his lip piercing for the ceremony. He was ready finally after hours of torture. Joonie and Jinnie were getting emotional and that made Kook nervous. Suddenly, he realised there would be people and that he really was getting married. Like being bound to Tae forever. What of he couldn't be a good husband. What of he couldn't take care of Mr and Mrs Kim. What if they were disappointed in him? And he just went down the hole and couldn't pull himself out.

Suddenly, Tae's best friend and the famous interior designer Min Jimin came inside the room. Kook felt nervous. Was Tae okay? But Jimin was smiling. He introduced himself and handed him a beautiful blue flower.
Kook looked at ot. It was really breathtaking. He saw Jimin coming closer to him and he whispered, 'Tae asked me to say this. "If you could flatter this flower by keeping it close to your heart, it would make this man forever in your debt. I hope it doesn't dampen your ethereal beauty.'" Jimin said and went our the room. Kook blushed red. He asked the designer to place it his suit pocket. His family gave him knowing looks and teased him. But Kook couldn't help his ears going red. He rushed to the washroom for some privacy and looked at himself. The flower complimented his pure white suit. Only this sky blue orchid could look so beautiful on his suit, he realised. No other colour could match.

Jungkook was shocked for a second as he realised something.

Was the entire wedding actually themed around a single flower that would sit in his suit pocket from the start? Knowing Tae... kook was afraid the answer was Yes.

My husband is crazy, Kook thought as he held his face in his hand in embarrassment.

An: Do I make sense anymore?