Chapter Fifteen

Hindsight is one of the most interesting ways to see the world because the decisions we make at the moment might seem perfectly okay. But once we are in the thick of it, it oftentimes can make us reflect on the choices we ended up perusing. Trying to take thirty credits in a term, well that certainly wasn't the best call I could have made. I'm not sure what possessed me to do it when I could have split up the work across three terms if I have to guess it would probably be my overachieving, almost detrimental nature.

Glancing around my apartment, I have five different textbooks spread open. There are papers and notebooks scattered everyone along with so many open pens and highlighters. I have been attempting to study for all of my classes for the last four hours, and I haven't retained a single thing. Pacing around my tiny living room, I try to collect myself and focus, but tears keep collecting in my eyes. With a heavy sigh, I pull out my phone. Blindly I dial Alexander's number and it rings.

"Hello?" Cathleen's voice answers.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought I dialed Alexander," I say while sniffling.

"You did, he just ran out to go save some people in an accident," she says.

"Oh... Do you think he could call me back when he returns?" I ask trying to hide the pain in my voice.

"Aviva, is everything okay?" She asks me a gentler tone.

"Not particularly," I admit chewing on my lip. I guess I am not hiding it very well...

"I'll be right over," she says, and I go to protest, but the line is already dead.

I put my phone down and pull my knees to my chest. Running my fingers over the cheap carpet I bought for the living room, I pull my messy hair out of my face and into a ponytail before resting my head on my knees. I don't want Cathleen to see me like this, but she hung up so quickly I didn't have the chance to tell her not to come. I am pulled out of my spiral by the energy shifting in the room. I hear her feet hit the floor, but I cannot find it within myself to raise my head. I know my eyes are bloodshot from crying, lack of sleep, and staring at books for hours on end.

"Aviva?" Her soft voice asks. I feel her kneel down beside me and rest a hand on my shoulder.

"You didn't need to come," I mumble into my knees.

"I wanted to, you're my friend and you are clearly not okay," she says. With a sigh, I raise my head and look in her beautiful gray eyes. Shock colors her face as she takes in the dark circles under my eyes and how pale my face is.

"Aviva, what on earth happened?" She asks sitting down. She kicks off her heels and turns to face me.

"Well to start, I am taking thirty credits," I say.

"Why the hell would you do that to yourself? The most I ever took was twenty-two and even that was a nightmare!"

"Once I finish these courses, I will only have twenty credits left to take over the summer and I will graduate with my masters," I mumble.

"You are insane, you are aware of this correct?"

"I'm going to put a lot of the blame on my overachieving nature here. I thought that I could handle it, I have been averaging twenty-two to twenty-four credits for the last few terms. Even from week one, I was only sleeping about six hours a night to keep up with the sheer workload. But finals have rolled around, and I can't absorb any more information! I have been studying for hours and I can't tell you a single thing I read," I say with tears in my eyes.

"Even if you don't pass all of your finals, I am sure you will be able to pass all of your classes," she says.

"I have a 'b' in almost every class. Failing my finals will result in me barely passing and the department might decide that I shouldn't complete my degree this summer," I say with a sigh.

"So, what did you need to do?"

"I need to pull straight b's on all of my exams," I reply ignoring what it will do to my GPA.

"Do you have a piece of paper?" She asks.

I hand her a sheet of loose-leaf and she helps me come up with a study schedule for the next week. She ranks classes for me and helps me decide how many hours I should spend on  each exam. She doesn't schedule anything for tonight and I am grateful for that. When all is said and done, I lean back against the couch and breathe a sigh of relief.

"Feel a little better now?" Her melodic voice asks me, and I nod. I do feel a little better; everything feels ever so slightly more manageable.

"Thank you," I say in a quiet voice.

"For what?"

"Being there for me," I reply. I feel her arm slip it's away around my shoulder and I rest my head on her shoulder.

"Always," she replies her voice sounding a little tight.

"We should go out and do something," she suggests after a while.

"I'm exhausted," I reply.

"When was the last time you left this apartment other than for school?" She asks me.

"I don't know, I promise we will go and do something after my exams are over. We can even celebrate my graduation if you want," I say trying to appease her. She and Alexander had been pestering me for the details.

"What do you want to do?" She asks amused.

"I want to watch a movie, eat a tub of ice cream and then sleep for twelve hours," I say, and she chuckles.

"Two tubs of ice cream coming right up. Could you pick out a movie?" She asks before grabbing her shoes and disappearing. How does she get those death traps of shoes on so quickly?

I don't have a TV, so I grab my computer and pull up my movix account. I search around aimlessly for a movie before I find a new comedy. I load that up and wait until Cathleen finally reappears.

"Cookies and cream, or brownie batter?" She asks holding two pints of ice cream.

"Brownie batter," I say.

"Good because I love cookies and cream," she says with a teasing smile before plopping down onto the couch.

We dig into our ice cream and watch the movie. I don't remember how it ends because I doze off once we hit the halfway mark. I wake up the next morning very disoriented. I find myself curled up in my bed. I role over to check my phone and see a square of color on my phone, grabbing my glasses, I pick up the sticky note.

'You fell asleep during the movie, I paused it so we can watch the end together sometime. I also put you in bed so you could rest comfortably. See you soon, Lena.'

"Lena?" I muse; that's a cute nickname.