Four weeks ago

I've done nothing but drink, Niall came back from Lunas the other day in a piss poor mood. He won't tell me what was said, all he said was she seemed broken which didn't help me then grabbed a bottle of jack and joined me.

I sit here on my bed with my dog laid at the bottom, I think the only reason I haven't blacked out majorly is because of that dog, even he looks tired and done with my shit.

"I fucked it, I know" talking to him as if he is going to reply, I think he misses Luna, he isn't the only one, I miss how she would look at me and my dog, the way she made my life make sense.

Instead of taking him out I walk out of my room in hoped of finding some drugs today, feeling rather empty and self destructive.

I've been trying to score drugs for the past three days, but every time I go to pick up Niall pipes up and stops me.

I however got out today, meaning I can pick up, I quickly stopped at the bar in order to grab some cash from the safe. I know there's a chance I could bump into Liam but I have no cares about that.

The bars slightly busy, it's loud and I'm drunk so this is not a good mix, I hate being around people when I'm drunk unless I'm fucking someone, but my dick won't even get up for me let alone another woman.

I've been tempted to fuck Niall but even if I am a drunk, I know it's a bad idea. I can't do that to Luna no matter how sexually frustrated I am.

I slowly walk up to the office, trying to figure out where I'm going. I stumble into the office and low and behold Liam is suckig Face with someone at his desk, all I can see is that she's blonde.

"Shit Harry, can't you knock." I stifle a laugh.

"I deeply apologise your highness." I stand up straight and salute.

The blonde turns and the colour drains from my body, the bile rises in my throat.

Courtney!

Why is she everywhere? She was with Chris not long ago and now she's with Harry. Something isn't right. I grab the small bin and empty the contents in my stomach into the bin.

Liam knows about Courtney, he knew what he was doing, he wanted this. Fuck.

"Hi Harry." I could be sick again from her voice alone, she's sitting on his desk with a smug smile, what a cunt.

"Nope, I'm not even going to touch this, I came for money and then I'm leaving." I grab my little tin safe from my desk drawer, not bothering to even acknowledge those two.

Walking out of the office with my money, soemhtings going on but I don't have any cares about life right now, all I want to do is get high and forget all about my fuck ups.

I pick up the pills and coke from my dealer and get a taxi back home. I take a tab whilst I'm in the taxi and hope it kicks in just before I get home in order to cope with Niall's incessant drunk rambling.

Being back in my house, Niall is still asleep in my bed. It seems that every night since he spoke to Luna he's been sleeping next to me.

I'm still curious as to what she said and what he said to her, but I don't think I'm strong enough to know.

So I let him stay in my bed, I don't bother to move or sleep on the sofa.

I'm too drunk or high to realise what or who is even in my bed anymore.

Two weeks later

"harry " *smack*

"Wake the fuck up" *smack*

"Alright I'm up, what's with the fucking hitting" I don't bother opening my eyes, I know it's Niall.

"You've ran out of alcohol, so I need money" that's why he woke me up, he wants to drink.

"Take my card and fuck off" he stumbles over to my Wallet and then walking out the front door.

I lay here in my bed, feeling rough. My head is pounding, my heart is aching and my body feels numb.

I wonder how she's feeling, is she running her shop as if nothing has happened, is she writing in her little journal, or looking up moth facts.

I fucking miss her, I've never missed another human as much as I miss her. I don't think people understand how much she impacted my life.

She made me want to be a better man, she made me want to stop Arcane to find a way out, to start a life with her.

Then I had to fuck it all up by not telling her from the start, I know she had some idea about Arcane as it's her uncles gang but she never knew the details.

I wonder how her family feels, if her family even knows. Instead of dwelling on this, I get out of bed and look around my room.

It's a mess, I feel as if I'm a teenage boy again when he never wanted to clean his room, there's clothes, alcohol bottles and baggies all over my floor and leading out into the living room.

I scratch my head, knowing I smell but not wanting to shower as that would mean I had to care about myself.

I put on some jeans and a black shirt, grabbing the bottle of tequila and washing down aspirin with the alcohol.

The harsh taste of the tequila burns my throat but I deserve all the pain my body goes through.

"I'm back baby" In comes Niall, stumbling in, did he get drunk on the way home from the supermarket.

"Niall shut up" he's always been a loud drunk, I prefer to be silent and brooding when I get pissed.

"Oh come on Hazza, lighten up. We are both single" what?

"What happened to Alicia?"

"Oh you Didn't hear, she was fucking her boss, silly me wasn't good enough, turns out I never am" he's getting deep.

"Come on mate, give me the alcohol"

"No, fuck you. FUCK YOU AND YOUR FUCKING SHITTY LIFE" he falls to the floor in tears, Goose starts to bark, I usher him into my room, I know he hates when people shout.

"You need to shower, a cold one will help" I go to grab him but he pushes me off.

"Niall"

"No you don't get to try and fix me, look at you. You've been drunk and High for the past two weeks, you don't get to lecture me on getting clean" we need to look at ourselves.

"I'm not trying to fix you, your clearly upset"

"Wow, what gave it away, Just Fuck off"

He stands, trying to walk away but I grab his arm, hoping he talks to me.

He swings his arm round and punches in the face, sending me flying back, he comes on top of me punching me left right and centre.

I don't bother pushing him off, he needs this and I deserve this.

"No good cunt" hit with another punch.

He grabs my head and slams it down, making me hiss at the sharp pain throbbing through the back on my skull.

"You fucked it all, I thought you loved me" love?

"You are just the same as everyone else, using people for their own pleasure then fucking off" he isn't making any sense.

I grab his forearms, stopping him. His eyes are puffy and snot runs down his face.

He wipes his face, sitting down with his arms on his knees.

I lay here battered and bruised. I can feel the blood seeping down my face, my lips are busted, my head hurts and my top is ripped.

Trying to catch my breath, I move my head to the side and spit blood out of my mouth, I try and move my body up slowly.

"Better?"

"Fuck you" guess that's a no.

I stand and try my best to walk to the bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror.

My eyes swollen shut, my eyebrows were cut and my lip was busted, seeing all these red marks over my body, I low-key missed the feeling of being in a fight.

I slowly poke at my face, hissing at the contact, I didn't fight back which took a lot from me but I know he needed it.

He needs time, he's single and he was talking about Love with me?, I have no idea what he wants from me.

I end up taking some more pain killers, washing them down with some bourbon, or whatever alcohol is left sitting in my room.

I don't bother cleaning the blood off my face, I just go straight to bed with the bottle of alcohol. I don't feel like having a heart to heart with Niall right now.

Falling into a sleep quite quickly.

My body jolts awake by cold water again, what is with people pouring water on me.

I open my semi swollen eye and see Eden stood there, how the fuck did she get in.

"What are you doing here?"

"You've been MIA for days Harry, the bar needs you. Liam needs you" I laugh at the way she uses Liam against me.

"Liam doesn't care about me, that's why he had his tongue down Courtney's throat"

"Courtney, wait, that's Liams mystery girl?" Ahh she had no idea.

"Yep, so he can fuck off, I want out of the bar" I want to be brought out or I'm selling my half.

"Why?, Harry what the fuck has happend, whose the blonde lad in your living room, and why are you so beaten?" Why so many questions?

"Niall is in my living room and he did this." I point to my face, ignoring her question about why I want to be bought out.

"Fine, where's Luna" has she not seen her?

"Has she not been at work?"

"She's not needed anymore, she and Zayn stepped back and hired people to run the shop daily" wow, why did I never ask.

I'm truly one selfish son of a bitch.

"Oh"

"Harry talk to me" she sits on the edge of the bed, her hand on my leg.

"No, you can go"

"Oh come on Harry, it's just me here, no need to hide" what are these people on.

"Eden seriously leave." She drags her had further up my leg, moving her body at the same time.

I grab her hand and push it off, rushing off the bed.

"Eden get the fuck out" I grab her arm and pull her out of my bedroom.

"Get off of me, god I just wanted some fun now that you and Liam are pals why can't you fuck me"

"I wouldn't fuck you if you where the last woman on the planet, now out" I shove her out of the door and slam it shut in her face.

Niall grunts awake at the sound of the door slamming, great can my morning go any better.

I don't say anything to him. I just walk back into my room, slamming the door shut.

Two weeks later

I'm drunk again, spending every day since Eden was here drinking and ignoring everyone.

I've not spoken to Niall, we've been living in silence. He's been sober since the fight and kept the house clean, I've been going between coke and tequila.

Sitting on my bed staring at my phone waiting for my dealer to reply to me, I've run out of drugs and all I have left is a bottle of whiskey.

My phone rings, then shuts off just as quickly as it rang. I picked up my phone and the call was from Luna, I've not heard from her In a month.

I call her back and wait for her to answer, I'm hoping she does. She picks up but doesn't say anything.

"Luna" is the first thing I say, I know my speech is slurred.

I can hear her shallow breaths, I try to rack my brains with what to say to her.

"Luna, I know you're there. Talk to me please baby"

"Cherry" I'm hoping the use of her nickname will snap her out of the

"Okay that's fine, I'll talk" I clearly sound drunk.

"I miss you, I know you need time but I can't deal with the time anymore, I'm going crazy over here, I can't do this without you" my tears start to well up, why isn't she saying anything.

"Luna, I'm so fucking sorry okay, I never meant to hurt you or break you, please baby come back to me, I will do whatever, we can do this your way." my heart is shattering piece by piece right now.

"Harry, I umm.....I miss you." Fuck, that shatters my heart, just hearing her, she sounds defeated. Empty almost.

"Fuck, i've missed the sound of your voice, I miss you to."

"Are you drunk?"

"I might be slightly intoxicated but I meant every word I said." I do mean it.

"Get sober and then maybe we'll talk" she hangs up, that's a reality check, she's talking to me. I need to get sober, I need to fix this shit and get her back.

Luna is the love of my life, I need her in my life, I plan on getting out and making a life for myself.