Chapter Forty Two

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Chapter Eleven

Ryan

           

Ryan pushed open the door to Kristen Jordan's apartment building and paused before pressing the doorbell to her third-floor studio. The entrance hallway was warm from the sunlight beaming through the glass doorway. Ryan stopped to check his appearance in the dusty mirror nestled between the rows of narrow mailboxes and grid of doorbells. He was wearing a dark gray button-down shirt and jeans. Turning slightly from side to side, he decided the attire looked appropriate—neither dressy nor unkempt. After an encouraging nod to his reflection, he pressed the buzzer to her apartment.

"Ryan?" Kristen's tinny voice sounded from the ancient speaker.

He pressed the button. "Yeah."

"Hi, I'll come right down."

Ryan turned his attention to some stacks of catalogs that were too big to fit in the mail slots. Kneeling down, he saw one of the stacks—addressed to Kristen Jordan—was comprised mostly of scientific journals, the majority old editions, some dating back to the previous winter. There was a sound of feet descending the stairwell, and the locked door opened.

"Hey there," Kristen said.

"Hi." Ryan rose from his haunches. "Just looking at some of your old mail here. I take it these journals don't interest you?"

"Um, no. Not particularly." Kristen's lips turned in a smile. Her hair fell below her narrow shoulders and rested weightlessly against the curves of her chest. "They keep sending them though. Columbia must subscribe their graduate students or something. I certainly never signed up for them."

"Cool," Ryan said, returning her smile. During their recent text correspondence, he had been caught up in Kristen's intellect and forgotten how attractive she was. In a simple faded chambray shirt and shorts, she was remarkably attractive. Kristen pushed her shoulder against the heavy door and let the cool outside air into the balmy atrium as she held it open for him. Ryan buried his hands into his pockets as he walked out to the sidewalk. He noticed a fruity scent, probably her shampoo—her hair was still damp.

"How did your essay go over?" Kristen asked.

"Eh, mostly how I thought it might."

"So . . . not well?"

"The class pretty much shot down my ideas," Ryan said. "They're critical of any perspective that hasn't been hashed out to them in detail during Professor Hilton's lectures. You have to love it when people laugh off your views as naive just because it differs from the ones they've been taught."

"I know it." Kristen reached out a hand and languorously dragged the tips of her fingers across the coarse bricks of an old walk-up. "I've found people often disregard views that differ from their own, especially at the highest echelons of education. The more you think you know about something, the more stubborn you tend to be."

Ryan nodded. "Totally. But what really bothered me was that they relegated my stance as not only unrealistic, but outright impossible. I mean what kind of one-dimensional thinking is that?"

"It can be scary, that's for sure," Kristen said, casting him a sidelong expression of admiration. "I think the most rational outlook is the one that isn't convinced of its rationality."

"Yes. True intellect is doubt."

"I couldn't agree more. But I wouldn't sweat your classmates. They're just trying to get A's, not break any philosophical ground or earn a Nobel Prize with a midterm paper. You shouldn't let them get to you." Kristen took in a long breath and let it out slowly, her arms folded against her chest. The autumn trees lining the sidewalk were roused to life, their branches swaying at the caress of a breeze rolling off the Hudson. "Beautiful day, huh?"

"Yeah, it's incredible."They strolled southward across the Upper West Side sidewalks, the leaves of the maples and birches overhead painted in rich russet and gold. Their exquisite rustic quality, even in the heart of New York City, was a herald of the season's change—of things grander than urban concerns. Under their feet, the brittle and curled fallen leaves crinkled pleasantly against the drab concrete. A chill lingered in the autumnal air, yet the sun still held warmth.

"Want to go for a walk in the park?" Ryan asked as he looked up into the clearness of the pale blue sky. They had not yet hammered out any plan for their afternoon.

"Yeah, I'd like that. I haven't been outdoors much recently. Work with the Vatruvian cell has been . . . well . . . it's really picked up steam. I've lost count how many hours a week I spend in my lab." Kristen walked closely beside him, her head barely reaching Ryan's shoulder. Their strides in harmony, they passed several blocks of brick walk-ups and stately awnings, all the buildings looking especially striking in the sleepy fall afternoon. They crossed into the broad expanse of Central Park and found they were far from the only ones to have considered a stroll. The bench-lined paths and open fields were busy with people walking side by side, clutching leashes of eager retrievers, or sitting in the grass with a book and enjoying what was likely to be one of the last basking days of the year.

"How is your research going?" Ryan ventured. "If you want to talk about it, that is."

"No, no. It's okay. It's going great, really great. I just . . . " Kristen faltered and fell silent, staring at her shoes as they trod over leaves.

Ryan looked down and saw she was holding back emotion, her expression filled with conflict. He could tell her thoughts were somewhere else. "What's wrong?"

"Oh, it's nothing. I'm sorry—it doesn't have anything to do with you." Kristen gave him an apologetic smile. "The research work has just been stressful this week."

"Is everything all right?"

 They were walking across an old stone footbridge that rose over a perpendicular path below. Kristen stopped and leaned her elbows against the railing under the shade of an elm's golden foliage. A sweet smell of cut grass and fresh soil lingered in the breeze, and a faint buzz of a lawnmower could be heard. Aware that his gaze might make her feel uncomfortable, Ryan shifted his attention to some teenagers tossing a Frisbee.

After some time, Kristen let out a sigh. "To answer your question, I don't know if everything's all right."

 "Do you want to talk about it?"

 "I'm just worried about the Vatruvian cell, and frustrated with the negligent bureaucrats in charge of regulation agencies. They should be vigilantly watching our research, but instead they're sitting on their hands while this technology grows in the hands of—in my honest opinion—reckless minds working behind closed doors. And the notion of the media acting as a watchdog is laughable; all journalists seem to have is praise for the Vatruvian cell. I feel waves of hopelessness sometimes, like nobody has the slightest touch of integrity or common sense." Kristen brushed away a few strands of hair the breeze had blown across her cheek. "Something as groundbreaking as the Vatruvian cell shouldn't be under the authority of one mind, and no one seems to feel that way but me."

"Well, I wasn't aware people beyond myself consider the Vatruvian cell to be potentially dangerous. My impression is that the scientific community is in agreement that it's a harmless technology."

"It was." Kristen said.

"Was?"

Kristen did not seem like the type to be easily flustered, and she suddenly looked sick with anxiety. Behind her reserved quirkiness was undeniable sophistication, and Ryan knew there must be a just cause behind her obvious trepidation. "I came out to get my mind off of all this heavy stuff." Kristen turned from the railing. "The weather's too nice to spend wallowing in dark thoughts."

Ryan smiled, but regarded her with concern. "Yeah . . ." He looked to the lightly swaying trees and sky beyond. "This is pretty tough to beat."

"So, Ryan Craig."

"So, Kristen Jordan."

"So. What made you decide to come to Columbia? I'm sure there were plenty of other good schools you could have attended."

"You mean beyond the obvious?" Ryan said, indicating their surrounds.

"Yes, apart from it being in New York City—though I'm partial to Boston myself. Where are you from?"

"Chicago."

"Oh," Kristen said. "I'm surprised you didn't want to go to college there. I've heard it's an awesome city—lots of top notch schools, too."

"Yeah, that's true." Ryan paused in contemplation. "But I needed a change of scenery. Plus I figured I would have the best odds of finding a situation I was happy with in New York." He absentmindedly kicked a pebble on the path, sending it forward a few feet. "Also, I'm not from a lot of money, and Columbia offered me a serious scholarship."

"Well, it sounds like you made the right decision," Kristen said. The afternoon was waning as they reached the bank of a pond. The colors of nearby trees reflected off the still water like an Impressionist painting. A faint breeze rippled over the water's surface. People were scattered around the water's edge, sitting on the soft grass or benches. The moving shadows of Ryan and Kristen fell elongated beside them in the late afternoon sunlight. For awhile they stood quietly admiring the harmony, Kristen with hand on hip and Ryan with arms crossed.

A man's shout abruptly broke the near silence of the pond. Ryan and Kristen shot each other a confused look. The shout came again, ringing with a howling tone.

"What is that?" Kristen turned her head after several more shouts.

"I don't know," Ryan said with a bemused expression. He was unsure whether to laugh or be concerned at the strange shouting.After a moment, a gaunt man with a poster board slung across his chest rounded a turn in the path and stumbled into view. The derelict man, his face weathered and leathery, had the volatile look of a schizophrenic or one prone to unstable episodes. He wore a filthy flannel shirt, torn jeans, and tattered shoes, the soles hanging off and dragging on the pavement. Waving his arms,he brandished a bunch of handwritten pamphlets and a poster that bounced against his chest painted sloppily with the words THE END IS NEER, THE WORLD WILL BERN. The dark red paint of the lettering had dripped in spots before it had dried and—whether intended or not—resembled blood.

"The end! The end is coming! All of you will burn! Repent! Run!"

The man was shouting at the top of his lungs, his voice haggard and raspy. He came quite near to them, and Kristen took a nervous step closer to Ryan as the man looked directly at her, his eyes jaundiced and askew as he screamed through missing teeth, "You'll burn!"

The man lurched forward, waving one of his pamphlets in the air as though it were aflame.

"Move along. We're not interested." Ryan's voice was forceful, and his face serious. Yet the man seemed to take no notice of the command and continued stumbling on, screaming and mumbling irrationally. Ryan realized the sick man was entirely unaware of his surroundings, least of all their presence. His shouts faded as he turned a corner in the path and continued his warning elsewhere.

"Ugh! I can't stand the creepy people who do that. It's so unsettling. Now I remember why I avoid the park near sundown." Kristen exhaled and folded her hands together nervously.

"Please—that was nothing. You should see some of the end-of-the-world spokespeople in Chicago."

"Hah." Kristen smiled uncomfortably. "But I don't know if it's comforting or disturbing to know those people are a global presence."

Ryan laughed. "Either way, I think it's safe to say their apocalyptic premonitions are a direct result of their mental disorders and not prophetic powers."

"Yes, thankfully."

They sat down on an oak bench overlooking the pond. The day was dwindling, and the divergent line of the setting sun's coppery rays passed over the treetops and came to rest on the broad facades of nearby skyscrapers—a radiant amber above and nightfall below. There was a nip in the air, and they sat close.

"Do you have any plans for after you finish your doctorate?" Ryan asked in an attempt to change the mood from the eerie encounter.

Kristen shook her head. "I'm not sure. There's talk of the Vatruvian cell moving into the private sector, so maybe I'll stay on the roller coaster and see the project through to its end—whatever that may be. But I don't know, it's strange to think about. I've always simply graduated to the next level of education. It's all I know. Now that I have reached the pinnacle, I can't really envision what I'll end up doing. How about you?"

"I have absolutely no idea, to be honest." Ryan leaned back against the hard wood of the bench. "I wouldn't mind going to graduate school myself, but it's way too early to say. I guess my plan—if I could even say that I have one—is to wait for something to come along that really catches my interest."

"I like that. No predetermined agenda," Kristen said. "There's no telling where you'll end up, anyway, when you really think about it. If you asked me two years ago, I never would have imagined I'd be working on something like the Vatruvian cell."

Ryan nodded. "Ambition and direction can only get you so far, anyway. The rest comes down to uncontrollable variables. Fate, I suppose."

They stared across the lengthening shadows of the pond as the wrought iron lamps lining the park flickered to life, casting soft rings of yellow light across the pathway.

"So you believe in fate?" Kristen asked, her lips drawn in a sardonic smirk.

Ryan laughed."Eh, I don't know about fate, per se." He looked out over the darkening water. "I like to think I'm in control, whatever the hell that means. But when I look back at the past, it doesn't really feel like I've always been in the driver's seat."

"You mean you've had no say in the cut-and-dry path we're all on? Going straight from high school to college and straight from college to graduate school . . . so on and so forth?"

"Something like that."

"Well, do you feel in control of your life right now?"

"I can't honestly say."

Kristen thought over his words intently, her tone turning serious. "Yeah, me either."

Her hands were in her lap and she was biting the side of her lower lip in contemplation. Ryan regarded her silently as she surveyed the lights of the skyline shining against the twilight. "How about you? Do you believe in fate, if we're willing to devolve to such ideas?"

Kristen shrugged. "I believe we were each intended to do something with our lives, whatever that may be."

"So it's a matter of seeking that out?"

"Well, take your passion in the social sciences for instance." Kristen brought her gaze down to meet his. "Although it may still be obscured to you, maybe one day—all philosophical relativisms and moralistic nonsense put aside—you will truly help people somewhere."

"I like that."

She smiled. "Me too."

"And you?" Ryan asked. "Do you see the Vatruvian cell helping people somewhere down the road?"

Kristen's smile faded, and she shook her head with slow uncertainty. "I thought so once."

For a long while they sat in silence with only the breeze in the trees and the familiar city sounds breaking the stillness: distant police sirens, the high-pitched note of brakes and the faded honking of taxis. Ryan felt an uncharacteristic sense of contentment, being so close to Kristen. He felt frozen in time, removed from the world that existed beyond the two of them.

"What's your family like?" Kristen asked after a bit. "What do your parents do for work; how old are your siblings? Give me the rundown."

Ryan scratched his chin and hesitated to gather his thoughts. "Well, what can I tell you? I grew up in Chicago. My father worked as a research scientist and my mother was a stay-at-home mom. No siblings."

"Your father was a scientist? What did he research?"

"It varied," Ryan said. "His research was always changing from year to year. He never talked much about it, truth be told."

"Hmm," Kristen said. "And he worked in Chicago I take it?"

"Yep." Ryan said, running a hand through his hair. "Do you think we should find somewhere to eat dinner?"

"Sure, I'd like that,"Kristen said with a mix of confusion and empathy. She had surely registered he was discussing his parents in the past tense. "What was your mother like?"

"She was smart, like my father." Ryan said.

"I'm sure she was very bright to have raised you," Kristen said with a warming smile as she placed her hand on Ryan's, where she left it resting.

Ryan was stunned by the well of emotion that moved through him from her touch. He knew he had to say something. "They died when I was a teenager," he forced out. "Car crash."

"Ugh, I'm so sorry—" Kristen stopped, overtly unsure what to say. "My mother passed away when I was fifteen. Lymphoma. It's awful losing a parent. I can't imagine losing both. But I'm sure they would want us to live to our fullest and pursue what we want to. Right?"

"Definitely," Ryan said.

"I guess we have a lot in common," Kristen said, breaking their eye contact and looking up into the skinny arms of the shadowed trees.

"I'm sure we have plenty more in common than our sorrows, but it's nice to know someone who understands how pain can feel," Ryan said.

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