"Aunt Rosy" I greeted formally while making my way to Mrs Carter. "Mrs Carter" I greeted and smiled more when she gave me a side hug.
"Angel" she gushed happily. "I didn't know you are the grand daughter of Celine!" she said, giving my granny a big smile.
"Small world, isn't it" I said and watched as she nodded.
"And still I haven't met Beyonce" Ace commented from behind me. I rolled my eyes and sat next to Lily who was busy playing with her fingers. Alex was busy texting on his phone. I felt the chair being pulled next to me and Ace took place giving me a lopsided grin. The dinner was served and I could feel Aunt Rosy looking at me. She was sitting just in front of me with Santana and Alex by her side. Mrs Carter and Granny were both sitting at the ends of the tables. We could feel the tension radiating from Aunt Rosy and Santana and it was all directed to me.
"How are you?" Aunt Rosy asked after chewing her food. Oh god! Was she really talking to me? I rose my head to look at her. Yes! Unfortunately yes, the question was for me.
"Better than before" I replied and watched as she took a gulp of her red wine. Don't drink! My mind screeched at her. Every time she drank, she'd turned violent.
"How's school?" she asked again. Oh please! Every time we'd talk, it would end up in a fight!
"Great" I replied in a single word and I sighed when I saw her putting her spoon back in the plate.
"What's your problem?" Santana asked with her annoying voice. I could sense everyone looking at us.
"I've got no problem. I just wanna eat quietly" I responded as I put my fork and my spoon back in the plate. Aunt Rosy drank her wine and glared at me.
"You were always so arrogant" she spat at she put her glass on the table. Granny sighed and looked at her daughter.
"Rosy" she said. "Don't" she warned and Rosy ignored her.
"Why?" She sneered looking at granny. "Why would you take her side?!" she asked as she stood up in anger.
"Rosy! You're acting like a kid!" Granny shouted. I kept my eyes on Rosy, not wanting to look away which would probably give her that idea that I would scurry away because of her.
"I'm not!" Aunt Rosy shouted. "She's the reason Rose died!" she yelled, making my breath hitched and my granny turned her attention to me and shook her head. Rose. My mom. Aunt Rosy always blamed me for a death.
"She's not!" Granny defended again. I could feel the tears threatening to fall. I felt a hand on my thigh and it was kind of soothing. I knew it was Ace.
"Yes, she is!" Aunt Rosy yelled. "She was always a spoiled little brat!" she continued. "Rose died because of her! If it wasn't for her, she would be alive by now!" she continued and now I couldn't tolerate it. I pushed my chair back and stood up.
"I'm going" I informed granny and wiped my tears away as I made my way out of the dining room.
"Come back here, you little bitch!" Aunt Rosy shouted and I bit my lips harder to prevent me from shouting back at her. "I wish you died instead of her" She sobbed and my heart broke. I was the reason my mom died. I walked to the door but then I felt a grip on my wrist. I was pulled against his chest. His cologne enveloped me and I was crying.
"Calm down" he whispered in my ears. I took a deep breath but I couldn't calm down. Aunt Rosy's words always had this effect on me. It was as if she was shooting right in my heart with a gun. Every time she'd get the occasion to make me feel like crap, she'd seized it. She even convinced me that I was the cause of my parent's death. "Calm down" he repeated again. I turned to look at him and surprisingly, he wiped away the tears.
"I need to go" I whispered not wanting to look at him in his eyes. I didn't want to feel so weak in front of him.
"Let me drive you home" he said and reached for the keys but I backed away.
"No" I shook my head. "I need some time for myself" I breathed and walked out of the house. I could hear his steps behind me. I opened the door of my car and got in.
"Angel" Ace called and his eyes softened when I stared at him. "Let me" he pleaded and I gave him a small smile even though it didn't reach my eyes.
Trigger Warning.
"See you tomorrow Ace" I said and started driving away. I clutched on the steering wheel and let the tears fall. My blurry eyes made it quite difficult for me to see. I stopped the car in the middle of the road and wiped my tears away. The beeping of the cars behind me, made me realize that I was blocking the road. I started driving, speeding home with my heart racing in my chest. Anger pulsed through my veins. No, the anger was not directed towards Aunt Rosy. But it was directed towards myself. Hearing Aunt Rosy telling me that I was the reason why my parents died, made think that it was true. Maybe, yes, I was the reason for their death. I stopped in front of my house and rushed in. I couldn't stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks.
Only one thing could calm me.
I rushed to my room and fell on my knees near my bed. I lifted the drapes and pulled a box that I was hiding under my bed. I took a deep breath and opened it. I looked at the shining piece of metal. I was fucked up. I picked up the razor blade and took out some tissue papers. I wiped my tears and brought the blade to my wrist. This is how I coped with all the bullshit that Aunt Rosy and Santana pulled on me. Each and every time, I'd cut my wrist or my upper arm so that people wouldn't see. But right now it was the least of my concern. I slide the blade on my wrist and clenched my jaw at the stinging sensation. The oozing of the blood out of the cut seemed to calm me. I could feel all the pain flying away. It was as if the pain was flowing out in the blood. I slide the blade two more times and let my blood flow out. I, then threw the blade in the bin, taking out some tissue paper and wiped the blood. My head was spinning, making me grasp the wall for support. Don't faint!
I walked to my bed and let my body sneak in my bed. I knew that cutting myself was a proof of weakness but I reached a point in my life where I couldn't cope with any more bullshit. I started cutting myself three years ago, when my aunt started mentally harassing me. I sobbed when I felt the stinging sensation of the cuts. I should really stop.
I have to try at least.
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