This is the third chapter in KIM's POV of what all happened when she came back from Miami after saying 'Goodbye' to Keith and asking him to keep Veronica happy. Hope you guys enjoy! :)

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THE LOSSES

"It's not like you're going to take ages to get ready, but please be ready by seven."

"Yes, Josh. Have I ever made you wait?" I asked over the phone, one question of which we both knew the answer way too well.

I heard him chuckle at the other end and he said, "I'm just very excited to see you."

A little smile made its way on my face, but somehow, it didn't reach my heart. "Me too," I told him truthfully.

"Oh... are you done with the photographs?" he enquired and I could hear slight typing noises from his end. He was undoubtedly typing away something work related.

A sigh escaped my lips as I gazed at the newly developed photographs that I had just hung in the black room of my apartment. "Almost." I gave him my one word answer.

"Great," he said and I could hear the grin in his voice. "Kimberly, I'll see you tonight. I've a meeting to attend. Okay?"

"Yeah, okay," I mumbled, my gaze still fixed on the photographs.

"Love you," he whispered, making me drift my eyes away from Keith's photographs to any other photograph in this room.

"L-love you too," I stuttered, looking at the photograph of sunset of Miami beach where Keith and I had confessed our feelings after years.

I brought my phone in front of my eyes once Josh had cancelled the call and stared at it with my lips tightly pressed in a thin line. "What's wrong with me?" I questioned myself. "Why did I just stutter?"

Shaking my head at my confusing thoughts, I started working on the remaining photographs. But no matter how much I tried, I couldn't concentrate on my work completely. The first reason of my unwanted distraction was the fact that the photographs I was working on were Keith Warren's; him in blue cotton shirt with the background of the beautiful blue water which was making his eyes shine as he smiled his gorgeous smile at the camera; his bare-chested self as he ran his fingers through his brown messy hair and smirked at the camera with a mischievous glint in his eyes; him looking way too hot in that black tux, looking all sexy as he laid on the couch with his piercing gaze fixed on the camera. Or was it me whom he was gazing as I was the one holding the camera?

No! It couldn't be.

The second and the most annoying reason was the fact that it had been two days but still, I couldn't stop my mind from wandering to whatever had happened in Miami.

How could he still manage to make me smile? How could he still make me so happy? We had not seen each other for five years... five years were a lot. But then, how could he had the same effect on me as he used to have all these years ago? How could I forget about Josh and get lost in the moment in his bedroom? If Adam wouldn't have interrupted, I had no idea what all would have happened. It was good that nothing happened, for obvious reasons. We were not cheaters. We both were in perfectly happy relationships. Weren't we?

My heart shattered for the umpteenth time as my mind drifted back to the last moment Keith and I shared at the beach. I still couldn't believe that I had confessed to him, finally. Well, so had he. But, he had said that he 'liked' me, whereas my confession was of love. Wasn't there a huge difference between these two words? Probably that difference was the reason as to why I chose to say my final goodbye to him. He never loved me. For him, I was just an infatuation or merely a crush, but for me, he was so much more.

It would probably be the biggest lie if I would say that getting over Keith Warren was not the most difficult thing I had ever done in my life. But the question remained, had I really managed to get over him?

A part of my mind was laughing at me for being so pathetic and reminding me of the many times in Miami during the weekend where I had completely forgotten about my fiancé and enjoyed every moment with Keith. It reminded me of Saturday night when Keith was about to kiss me and I was definitely not the one to stop him. How could I be so naïve and walk that painful path again? How could I do something so terrible to Josh, the guy who loved me so much?

My unforgivable behavior was the reason of my cold shoulder towards Keith the next day at the photo shoot. The truth Martin had told me the previous night had just added up to the mess.

That was when I resolved that I needed to make the right decision this time. It was either Keith or Josh. But wasn't it obvious from Keith's statement that he merely liked me and not loved me? I had to be little selfish and that's why I chose the person who loved me instead of the person who just liked me.

Doing otherwise would have been so wrong to Josh and I couldn't do that to him. I really couldn't. I loved him. Yes, I did. But, why did answering Keith's question whether I loved Josh or not was so difficult for me? Maybe it was because I wasn't in love with him, and I loved him just for who he was - a friend I never wanted to lose and for whatever he had done for me.

Was it really right on my part? Was I making the right decisions?

A groan escaped my lips at the many questions and answers that were being asked and answered in my own head. I was, officially, going insane.

The sound of doorbell made me snap out of my thoughts and my head snapped towards the clock that showed that it was seven already. Amidst all my messed up and confused thoughts, I had managed to get ready on time. A sigh escaped my lips and I quickly checked my appearance in the mirror for the last time.

Looking at my girly appearance and with the many ongoing, completely depressing thoughts that had been going through in my head, I couldn't help but feel extremely un-me. Where in the world was the famous tomboy Kim?

'In Miami with Keith,' a voice answered the unnecessary question. I stared dumbfounded at myself and quickly shut the stupid voice in my head.

Just for some self assurance that I had not completely lost myself in this entire ordeal, I smiled in front of the mirror and told myself a bit enthusiastically, "Kim, go and kick some a*s." The doorbell rang again and light laughter escaped my mouth at my own antics.

Picking up my clutch, I rushed towards the door and opened the door quickly as Josh seemed to be in a hurry. "Patience is a virtue," I greeted him with a slightly stern look on my face.

He grinned as he roamed his eyes from my head to toe and said, "And you look beautiful tonight." With that he leaned in and in an instant, his lips captured mine. My first instinct was to back off but then I scolded myself and kissed him back. Why did I want to back off? This was my fiancé who was kissing me, not some stranger. But then, why couldn't I feel anything in this kiss? Why was it that even the slightest touch of Keith sent shivers down my spine and made crazy things happen till the very core of me, and such a deep kiss by Josh was doing absolutely nothing to me?

On our ride to the restaurant, Josh kept on asking about the trip and I answered him. My stubborn mind was drifting back to the dangerous territory called Keith Warren and I forced it to stay on the right track called Josh Stark.

The first time I had met Josh, I had hated him for being a judgmental a*s and that was the reason why I barged into his office and threw many colorful words at him. I had mentally pledged to never see his face again but he was persistent; way too persistent to hire me and eventually, I had to break my pledge. He was very handsome and sexy, there was no denying that; and when he had told me that he wants to take me out for a date, I had thought that it was some joke. But it had taken me more than three months to realize that it was not a joke. Eventually, I had agreed to go out with him.

Without my awareness those little date nights had converted into much serious nights and he had become a friend that I couldn't afford to lose. I knew he loved me. The way he looked at me reminded me of the way I used to look at Keith. It scared me.

Being with Josh was wonderful. He had showered me with all the love and affection that I had always craved for. But it had taken me days of dwelling into my thoughts when he had first talked about marriage. It had been four years since I had met Keith and news of him getting engaged to a top model, Veronica Lyons, was going around. That news was like a splash of ice cold water on my face and the completely negligible yet existing hope that I had of seeing Keith again had diminished into the air.

Everything was perfect until a week ago. I was happy with Josh and I had learnt to love him. But then arrived Keith Warren, again. The meeting that I had tried my best to postpone had turned into a chance encounter at GGIA's party. The various thoughts that ran through my mind on seeing him there were indescribable. Above everything, I was happy to meet a friend again. But, there were my conflicting emotions of seeing my first love again; love I had thought that I had forgotten about; love from which I had assumed that I had moved on; love that had managed to shake me to the core in the last weekend in Miami.

Wasn't it obvious that Keith was in love Veronica and he was going to be very happy with her? She was perfect for him. She was the kind of girl, we pictured being with a famous footballer. I was not that girl.

But then, why couldn't I erase Keith's words from my mind? Why couldn't I erase his expressions after we had decided to go our separate ways on Sunday night from my eyes? Why the hell couldn't I erase the terrible pain that had spread through my veins when I had hugged him for the last time and eventually, left him?

Why were my thoughts so confusing?

I looked up from my meal to Josh, who was looking at me with a questioning look on his face. "You okay?" he asked with his eyebrows furrowed together in worry.

Mentally, I cursed myself for being so selfish and for thinking about Keith when I was here with my fiancé for a dinner date. I couldn't do this to him. I recalled the wonderful days Josh and I had spent over the years. Never could I ever deny that every moment was good. He never failed to show or tell me that he loved me and I was indebted to him for everything he had done for me in the last two years emotionally. The way his face was etched with worry for me, my heart hurt and I made a mental resolve of forgetting everything about a certain footballer. "Never been better," I lied with a smile on my face.

He seemed to buy my lie and grinned in return. We got back to our normal conversation and throughout the dinner, I kept telling myself that I could do this. Given a little time, I could easily forget Keith and fall in love with Josh just like he loved me.

"Just one more month to go and you'll be Mrs. Kimberly Stark." The grin on his face was infectious but still, I couldn't bring it upon myself to grin like him. There was a slight tug in my heart that was simply hurtful.

Once our dinner was over, we started moving out of the restaurant, but I bumped into Josh's back as he suddenly halted. "Keith," he called, making me whip my head up to look at him. He was looking right in the front and I followed his gaze to find the person whom I was trying my best to forget about. My eyes widened as I looked at him and the same shock was written all over his face.

"Josh!" Another voice from beside Keith reached my ears and I looked at the owner of the voice - Veronica. Of course, he was here with her. She was going to be Mrs. Warren soon. But still, why did it hurt so bad to look at them together? I felt ashamed at my confused feelings and started staring at the marble flooring, or was it because I couldn't afford to see them together?

Josh grinned and hugged Veronica lightly when she got up from her seat. "Veronica, it's so nice to see you."

"Likewise." After a pause, she asked, "And she is?"

It was obvious that she was asking about me. Josh stepped behind me and snaked his arm around my waist. Pulling me closer to him, he answered Veronica's question, "Kimberly, my fiancée." I could easily detect the happiness and pride in his voice, which just made me feel more guilt stricken.

"Wow!" Veronica breathed, looking very happy as she eyed me, taking in my appearance and as if judging me by my clothes that were Josh's choice. "You're so pretty. I must say, Josh, you both look incredible together," she complimented us and turned to look at Keith. "Don't they, honey?"

Keith didn't say a word for a minute as he stared at me with his beautiful blue eyes and no matter how much I tried, I couldn't bring it upon myself to remove my gaze from him. "Completely incredible," he breathed out and a little happiness rushed through my veins upon hearing his voice again. But there was a slight pain in my heart at what he had said. Did Josh and I really look incredible together? If yes, then why didn't I feel incredible?

"I hope you had a great time in Miami, Keith." Josh's voice interrupted my thoughts.

Keith shot him a fake polite smile while standing up from his seat and said, "Yes, I did." His eyes shifted back to me as he answered him. I, too, was looking solely at him trying my best to not display my emotions in front of him.

"You both should see the pictures," Josh said to them. He looked at me lovingly and added, "She has done a wonderful job, like always." The way he looked at me, compelled me to smile back at him, but that smile was not heartfelt.

"You were there too?" Veronica asked me in surprise.

"I was the photographer," I answered.

"That's so cool," Veronica cooed and continued her interrogation, "So, you know Keith?" She moved towards her fiancé and snaked her arms around his neck.

Upon being asked this question, I looked at him with so many emotions. I didn't know how to answer her. Did I know Keith? Wasn't I the one to tell him that I knew him better than he knew himself? But, could I tell her this? "No! I was just the photographer. But, who doesn't know him. He is one of the most famous sportsperson we've," I answered, trying my best to keep my eyes, voice and expressions as blank as I could. But inside, I was screaming and telling the world that I knew him well enough to fall in love with him again and again.

My answer kind of stunned Keith as he looked slightly hurt, and I, again, cursed myself mentally for hurting the person I was in love with - Keith and the person who was in love with me - Josh. But, I kept up the façade by telling myself that it's all for everyone's good.

"It was nice working with you, Miss Kimberly Jones," he said with the most emotionless and cold voice I had ever heard him use and in reflex, I flinched as this voice was directed towards me; I flinched because I heard him call me 'Kimberly' and not 'Kim'. Kimberly was for others, not for him; Kimberly was for people I had met after returning from Hendersonville five years back, and not for him. In these five years, I had thought that I had gotten used to being called 'Kimberly' by everyone and the pain, reminding me of my careless and unloving mother had subsided. But, when he used it, the pain was greater than ever.

"Likewise, Mr. Warren," I replied with a slight nod. That was the maximum reaction I could give. 

Veronica tightened her hold on Keith and asked me, "Isn't he just so amazing?"

I looked at her as her question registered in my head and for the first time in last two days, my lips twitched up in a genuine smile. "Yes, he is," I said the truth.

Happy with my response, she pecked his cheek. "I believe that you both are coming to our wedding, and I don't want to hear a no," she told Josh and me a bit sternly.

Josh let out a chuckle and said, "We'll definitely be there. You both carry on with your dinner. We'll see you on Sunday."

Veronica giggled at this and said, "Sure!"

Throughout their conversation, all I could do was stare at Keith as he looked at me. What was I doing? I couldn't do this. I wanted to run into his arms and tell him that I loved him, but I knew that I couldn't do that. I ran my eyes across his facial features as in my mind, I knew that this was probably the last time I was going to see him in person; the last time I was going to see him before he vows to be of someone else. My heart shattered at the very thought.

Like a freaking zombie, but with way too many thoughts in my mind, we moved out of the restaurant. The drive, reaching my apartment, opening the door - everything happened in a blur as all my mind seemed to do was recall the entire scene that had just happened in the restaurant.

"You want me to stay?" Josh asked, with slight hope in his voice and face.

"Yes," I whispered. Yes, I wanted him to stay but like him I wasn't talking about the night; I was talking about my life. I wanted him to stay in my life, but I knew that I couldn't make him my life.

He grinned happily, while the only thing I could do was stare at him dumbfounded as I was so lost in my messed up thoughts. Seeing Keith again had just increased my confusion manifolds. Just when I had resolved about forgetting him, fate made me face him. And this cruel decision of fate just made me realize that I could not forget Keith Warren so easily. I was stuck with him. My heart was stuck with him and marrying Josh would be the worst thing I could ever do to anyone.

I was brought back to reality when I felt Josh's lips against mine, and this time I backed off in a reflex. Both of our eyes widened at my reaction and a gasp escaped my lips at what I had just done. With trembling hands, I covered my mouth and looked around my apartment in hopes of finding an answer to everything that had been going on.

"What's wrong, Kimberly?" he asked with worry and concern dripping down his voice.

Ignoring his question, I asked him the one question that had been haunting me since two days, "What am I doing?" My voice came out trembling as I ran my shaking fingers through my hair.

"What's wrong?" he asked again, this time ignoring my question. I looked back at him with glazed eyes and his eyes widened when he looked at my tear filled eyes.

With complete concern, he stepped towards me, but I stopped him with a raise of my hand. "No! Wait!" I told him and a hurtful expression crossed his face. His expressions hurt me too but I knew that some things needed to be done now. If not now, they could never be done. "What am I doing? I can't do this to you," I muttered to myself but I was loud enough for him to hear.

"What are you saying, Kimberly?" he asked, running a hand through his hair. "What's wrong, baby?"

"This is wrong, Josh. All of this is wrong." I managed to say in a loud voice as I motioned between us. His stance, his expressions were a huge give away of the fact that he was shocked at what he was listening. "We can't do this, Josh. We can't," I said as a few tears managed to escape my eyes.

He clenched his jaw as he understood what I was saying, but still managed to smile tightly at me. "You're just not well today, baby. We'll talk tomorrow. Okay?"

"No!" I protested in an instant, making his fake smile vanish from his face. "I can't do this to you, Josh. I can't. I don't love you." With that the tears started flowing freely as I looked at Josh whose