Seth took a long, slow walk around the colony.

It had been two days since they'd finished off the Mandalorians and saved the graul. Most of those two days had been spent getting everything in order. Since he wasn't particularly technical-minded and he had a big frame and worked out a lot, mostly he just moved heavy stuff. Which he was fine with. It was sufficiently mindless work, it was easy work, and it gave him time to think. And right now, Seth really needed to think. If anything, he was slowly beginning to realize that he'd actually been going through life specifically not thinking.

And he was examining that now.

The reason was obvious, at least: thinking hurt. Not in the way that smart people asked dumb people if thinking hurt their poor brains. No, thinking hurt emotionally, because when you grow up in a miserable environment where abuse in its many forms is common, thinking was really just a path to pain. You get to thinking about something and all too quickly your brain starts asking questions. Why did I have to grow up so damned poor? Why did so many people hate me in school? Why do my friends keep dying?

Questions like that had no good answer.

If anything, he knew the answers, and it didn't help at all. The answer was: because that's the way the cards fell. That was the luck of the draw. That was the throw of the dice. He'd been born into a poor family on a poor colony. He was kind of funny looking and children are very cruel, and when you start out feeling worthless, it's a very easy transition to thinking you deserve this. You deserve the bad things that happen to you.

And he was a soldier in a bad war.

People died in war.

But knowing that didn't make it any easier, really. And so, consequently, he'd taught himself to stop thinking. He'd done everything he could to avoid thinking about things. It was why he drank as often as he did, or used to, anyway. Hard to get wasted when you were on duty so often and actually felt a deep sense of responsibility to those around you. And so it had just become second nature. For awhile, he liked it, but now he was beginning to see that it was probably detrimental to his health. Physical, emotional, and mental.

He needed to think about his life, about his purpose, about why he did what he did.

He'd been thinking about that specifically a lot over the past two days.

Seth came to a halt as he saw the lights of the clinic spilling out onto the colony's only road. He was almost positive Seri was still in there. He wanted to ask her a question. Her and Yex and Nova. They were all so...independent and responsible and adult. He was certainly independent enough, but in a way Seth still felt kind of like a teenager. As he resumed his journey, approaching the clinic, the front doors opened up and Seri stepped out. She looked around and when her eyes fell on him, she smiled and walked over.

"What are you doing out here?" she asked with a smile.

"Just taking a walk. Thinking about things," he replied.

"What kind of things?" she asked, and she took his hand and led him over to a bench where they sat down together.

"My life, I guess. What we're doing...I had a question."

"What's your question?"

"Why...do you do the things you do? In life, I mean. What motivates you?"

Seri lost her smile. "That's a big question. Hmm...I suppose what motivates me is getting meaning out of my life. And I've come to the conclusion that the only way I can really do that is to help people with my medicinal skills. I have a mind uniquely gifted in that respect. I just get medicine. I can help people in ways that most of the population simply can't."

"Does it work?" Seth asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Is your life fulfilling? Are you happy?"

She sighed. "I'm...getting back on that road, I think. I've had a hard life. Especially since coming back to Taris. I was happy when I was in school. Busy, very busy, but happy. It felt like I was getting things done. But then coming back to Taris, my parents dying, being forced into exile in the Undercity...I've been miserable for a long time now. But I like to think that helping people, that my medical skills and, more importantly, my application of them to people who would suffer and, in some cases die otherwise, is what really kept me going. I knew I couldn't give up, because if I did, someone out there that I could have saved would die..." she paused suddenly and looked at him. "Why are you asking me this?"

"I just...I have a lot of problems of my own," he said, looking down at his feet. "Maya's trying to help me. I basically had a psychotic break back on Taris and I almost had another one here. And I want to, you know...be better. So I'm trying to figure some things out about myself, my life. I thought it would help to hear what keeps you going. You're so smart and motivated and kind."

"Oh, well...thank you," she murmured. "And I'm glad, Seth. You are a good person. I can see that. You risked your life to save us on Taris. I mean, you absolutely saved my life in the cargo bay. I...I'm curious. What is the exact nature of your relationship with Nova?"

He looked over at her. "What do you mean?" he replied.

She offered him a small, awkward grin. "I'm sorry. That was probably a weird topic change. It's just that relationships are weird to me. I've never quite been in a real relationship. I've had...I guess you could say close friends that I made love with from time to time, but never anything serious. I've never really felt the urge, apparently not like so many other people do. I just find it interesting that so much of our society, our media and marketing and storytelling revolves around relationships and love. So I ask people about their relationships, if I like them enough and trust them."

"Well, uh...I feel pretty close to Nova, but we've decided to keep it simple for now. We like each other a lot, we, you know, sleep together."

"Is it exclusive?"

"I mean...sort of."

She giggled. "How can it be sort of exclusive?"

He shifted uncomfortably. "We've agreed that we'll remain exclusive unless someone comes along that we'd like to, you know...be with, and then we'll check with each other to see how it scans...why?"

"I'm just curious," Seri replied. She yawned suddenly. "Oh, wow, I didn't realize how exhausted I was. Are we still leaving tomorrow?"

"Yeah, as far as I know, tomorrow morning."

She stood up. "Okay. I must get back to the ship and make sure that we have all the appropriate medical supplies. What are you going to do?"

"Find Yex. I want to talk to him about this, too. Any idea where he is?"

"I believe he went to the administration headquarters to get a few more supplies for the ship," Seri replied.

"Okay, thanks. I'll see you back on the ship."

She gave him a hug. "See you there, Seth."

"See you, Seri."

He could see the administration building not too far away and set off towards it. Talking to Seri had been good, he decided. At least in the sense that her explanations had helped him a bit. He felt terrible for her. She didn't deserve all the crap life had thrown at her. He just wanted her to be happy. Seth was honestly curious what Yex would say. Something about Yex reminded him of a monk, and a Jedi, actually. A good Jedi.

He found Yex inside the admin building, in a back storage room, rooting around through a few open crates.

"Hello, Seth," he said without turning around.

"How'd you know it was me?" Seth asked.

"I just knew. Some in my life tell me that I have a touch of what the Jedi call the Force."

"That...makes sense actually. Um, how are you doing? What's happening?"

"All is well. I am hunting for a few last minute additions to our inventory. Otherwise, we are fully stocked on spare parts, tools, and other useful items with regards to the upkeep and maintenance of our vessel."

"That's good. You're a dedicated worker."

"I am. To do otherwise seems unwise."

"I guess so...I've got a question for you."

"Please ask. I will answer to the best of my ability."

"Thanks. Why do you do the things that you do in life? What, you know, motivates you?"

Yex was silent for just a few seconds. "In my experience, in our galaxy that we all share, there is much darkness. I have found that there are two ways to help push back against this. The first is to remove darkness. The second is to add light. You are largely a remover of darkness, as is Nova. Seri and I more add light, though we have been called to remove darkness from time to time, I more than her, as I am a more capable warrior. This is what motivates me. I have the capacity to add light to the galaxy. I can fix things that most other people cannot. I can help. I can ease suffering. I can create joy. To do otherwise would be immoral."

"So it's a moral imperative then? That's why you do it?"

"Not entirely. I also do it because it gives me great pleasure to do so. In my life, I have found that the greatest pleasure for me is to help others." He hesitated and pulled something out of the crate, then turned and looked at Seth. "Although I do recognize that this may be interpreted as an indictment on those who are not as giving as I am. I do not intend for this. I try not to pass judgment too often. Most people want simple lives, and I can appreciate that. I am lucky. I do not have to struggle to give of myself. It simply comes naturally to me. I understand that I am an aberration. Most sentients are, to varying degrees, selfish. I try not to judge them. Only when some are selfish to the detriment of others do I pass judgment and, if possible, intervene." He paused again and began gathering up the tools and parts he'd placed in a small pile.

"What brought this question on?"

"Well, I'm doing some soul searching, I guess," he replied.

"I approve greatly of this action. Not enough people look inward."

"Well...it's kind of scary. And painful."

"Yes. Introspection often is. But it is a worthy goal. Would you like some advice?"

"I would definitely welcome advice," Seth replied.

"Good. Another healthy trait. Always be ready to listen. But that is not the advice. My advice is this: we do not find the meaning of life. We create the meaning of our lives. Give your own life meaning, Seth. If you listen to yourself, and give yourself adequate time to speak, then you will know your answer."

"Thanks, Yex," Seth said. It made a certain kind of sense.

"You are welcome, my friend. I am going to return to our vessel now."

"I need to find Nova."

"I believe she is on the vessel."

"Perfect. Then I'll join you."

"I would like that."

They began walking out of the administration building.

* * *

"There you are."

Nova looked up. She was laying on their bed, reading from a datapad. She was laying partially under the blankets, and he suspected that she was fully naked. She at least was topless. "Here I am," she said, "what's up? Where have you been?"

"Thinking," he replied.

"What about?" His serious tone seemed to banish the vague playfulness in her voice. Not an effect he really liked, but he was feeling kind of serious right now.

"Life. Meaning."

"Wow," she murmured. "Well...I guess after everything that happened on Taris, and coming to a place like Dantooine, it's got us all kind of introspective."

"I have a question for you," he said, sitting down on the edge of their bed.

"Shoot."

"Why do you do what you do in your life?"

She blew out a long sigh. "That's a heavy question," she muttered. He had the idea that Nova didn't really like thinking in the same way he did. She sat up straighter and looked down at the bed for a few seconds, then suddenly looked up. "Maybe it's time I told you a little more about myself."

"Do you want to?" he asked. He also had the idea that revealing her past did not come easy to Nova.

"No, I don't, but I think I should. I..." she hesitated, sighed, growled in frustration. "I do trust you, Seth." She snorted and sighed again, shaking her head. "I trusted you from the moment I first saw you. That's why I was...mistrustful of you. How's that for ironic? Something about you just...whatever. I had a pretty crap life growing up. Poor, bordering on destitute, very miserable. Absent dad, hooker mom, you know the story. When I was eighteen, I ended up joining a gang because some of my friends were in it. Not some BS street gang either. They were a bit more legit. They had a network. I...became a hooker for them. An 'escort'," she said, rolling her eyes. "It was surprisingly good money. The gang leader liked me for whatever reason. I wasn't just an escort though, not after a few months. They gave me a little training on thievery, although I've always been good at stealing things. So I would escort for clients they'd set me up with and steal something from them. At first it was just valuable crap. Then it became information.

"I did that for two whole years. I was good at it, but my gang was mostly human. At the end of the day, they didn't see me as an equal. It was partially a sexist thing, but mostly it was a racist thing. There was nothing I could do to ever be 'good enough' for them. I didn't want to complicate things, but it nagged me a lot. And then, one night, I was off duty, having a good time at a bar, and what do you know? The head of a rival gang starts hitting on me. I figure maybe, just maybe, if I can steal something from him, I'd earn some more respect. Because these two gangs hated each other. So I let him take me back to his place."

She stopped and then raised her knees, resting her arms on them, then her head on her arms. "I hate this part of the story," she muttered. "I haven't told it to almost anyone, but I think I tell it to myself once a week at least." She heaved a sigh. "We slept together. I waited for him to fall asleep, then started looking for something important to steal. Right as I got my hands on it, I turn around and there he was, waiting for me. He knew exactly who I was. He wanted to make a deal, he had an offer: if I killed my gang's leadership by poisoning their meals and drinks, he would accept me in his gang not only as an equal, but as his partner. He was a twi'lek. And I...did it. I did it. I went back with the thing he'd let me 'steal', and when the time was right, I poisoned the building's supply of food and booze. Probably twenty, twenty five people died that day."

She stopped again. He thought she was trying not to cry. Hearing this, and seeing her like this really tore at his heart, but he wasn't sure what to do. He thought the best thing might be to let her finish before he said anything. "And, of course, when I went back, he betrayed me. I was attacked, beaten, and they slapped a neural shock collar on me. He kept me as a sex slave for two months. I managed to get the best of him one night. I killed him. And then I killed pretty much everyone else in that building. Then I ran home to my mother. I was done with the gang crap, I just wanted something simple again. Even poverty was better than what I'd been going through. I had just started building something of a life for myself when, a few months later, the Mandalorians came through and bombed my world into oblivion.

"After that, I became a bounty hunter." She snorted, laughed bitterly. "I called myself a bounty hunter. Really, I was just hunting Mandalorians, or any sick son of a bitch who hurt women like me. Sometimes I'd kill someone who had a bounty on them and I'd get credits for it. And that became my life. And now you know why I have trust issues. I was betrayed, and I betrayed people who...they weren't perfect. Some of them were absolutely awful and some I'm actually very glad I killed, but some of them really didn't deserve it. I did that. And I have to live with that for the rest of my life. So...why do I do what I do?" Nova raised her head again and looked firmly at him.

"Honestly, for a long time, because I was angry. I was furious. I was livid for years. At the gangs, at society, at the Mandalorians, at myself. I hated so much. But now I guess I'm just trying to make up for it. All the bad things I did, I'm trying to sort of even it out. In some ways, I never can, but I guess doing good things is better than not. Of course, I'm also kind of a selfish hedonist, so I am also motivated by things like good food and booze and credits and a great lay." She stopped, losing the small smile she'd gained.

"Do you hate me?" she asked softly.

"No, Nova," he replied. "I don't hate you."

"I did some really awful things. I mean, even that aside, not many people feel like dating thieving, murderous ex-hookers."

"Nova, do you want a hug?" he asked.

She stared at him for a few seconds, and he saw that her eyes were wet, and she laughed suddenly. "Yes, I think that'd help a lot."

She abandoned the blanket and moved over to him. He readjusted so that his back leaned against the wall, and she laid against him, hugging him fiercely, and he hugged her back. She laughed again, tried to say something, then let out a sob. He flashed back to Seri as Nova started crying against him. He hugged her to him.

"It's okay," he whispered, because...that's what you said in situations like this. Or it was the only thing that came to mind, anyway. That and, "I'm sorry."

He wasn't particularly good with emotional situations.

At some point in the near future though, he had the suspicion that he was going to be the one crying. It wasn't something he looked forward to. He held Nova until she finished crying, and when she was done, she let out another frustrated sigh.

"I feel so weak," she muttered.

"I don't think you're weak," he replied, rubbing her arm, "but it is okay to let your guard down every once in awhile."

"I guess it is," she murmured. She sat up and looked at him for a long few seconds. "It really doesn't bother you? Everything I told you?" she asked.

"Not particularly. I mean...nobody's perfect. And I've done some bad things too, you know. I've beat the crap out of people who honestly didn't deserve it. I've killed a lot of people, and some of them probably didn't deserve it. Nova, I-I don't know if...I don't want to pass judgment on you, you know? I respect you and I trust you and I think you're a good person. Whatever you might have been before, you're a good person now, okay?"

"Yeah...I guess that's going to have to be good enough," she murmured. "I mean-sorry, that wasn't directed at you. I mean that more in a general sense...man, that got so heavy!"

"Do you regret telling me?"

"No. I hated doing it, but it needed to be done, I think. I haven't told anyone that story for a long, long time. I haven't trusted anyone enough with it. I guess I trust Seri. She's such a sweetheart. And Yex, probably. He's one of those people who's so good that it makes you feel guilty by comparison," she said.

"I know exactly what you mean," Seth replied.

"So did that...I mean, did what I have to say help?"

"I think so."

"Well, I'm glad for that at least." She yawned suddenly. "Aw damn, crying really takes it