Before I knew it, Victor's birthday was once more upon us and it was the big one. Twenty-one. He refused a party, but he accepted all of us going down to Firestone and getting a VIP area, and buying a bottle. We had all agreed to go dressed in white.
I had tried my very best to remain calm and normal around him, make sure he didn't suspect anything but each time he touched me or smiled at me a part of me melted into a puddle. Each time he did something nice or touching I fell more and more in love with him until I was sure I stared at him like a besotted fool.
One time he opened the door for me, and I stared at him with this ridiculous smile on my face until he asked me if I was alright. I had to twist myself into a knot stuttering that I had read a romantic book and I was still on that high. (A complete lie, ever since Professor Allens had made me read classics I found romance novels predictable and annoying. I hoped I grew out of that phase, I hoped that one day I could enjoy romance novels after the mess of college existentialism was over.)
"You want us to pick you up?" Jon asked me as he stood next to Victor.
"Um, I'll probably bring Yara if that's OK," I said.
Victor shrugged. "Sure."
"OK, I'll stop and get you first," Jon pointed to Victor. "And then we'll get the girls."
That was the plan so Yara agreed to spend the night and we got ready like we always did, my room became a mess of curling irons, lipstick, and spandex skirts.
"I think you should tell him tonight." Yara helped me tie my halter top as tight as possible making my boobs create great cleavage.
"I don't want to ruin his night."
My stomach was in knots. I wanted to dance with Victor but I was petrified of dancing with Victor but at the same time, I felt sick at the thought of him dancing with other girls. Or worse, leaving home with another girl! Ugh!
"You won't!"
Yara handed me a tube of red lipstick with a pointed look. She looked amazing. Her skin had already gathered her tanned summer look and it popped against her strapless white dress. She was going to garner attention by the buckets tonight with her nicely shaped butt showcased to perfection.
"Just casually press yourself against him," Yara added another coat of mascara. "Kiss him and then take it from there. You have to make a move."
I rather drink acid, but I wasn't going to share that with her. By the time I had liberally spritzed my wrists with perfume Jon was honking. Yara grabbed the bottle of perfume from me and coated my cleavage with it as I gasped. She gave me a sly smile and then we rushed downstairs. Jon started wolf-whistling when we walked to the car which prompted Yara to flick him off and made him laugh uproariously. Victor was sitting in the passenger seat, staring at us and he looked fabulous in a white ensemble, his collar opened and his gold saint chain glinting at us. I could tell he'd already had a few shots; his eyes were as lazy as his grin.
"Happy birthday, Manning!" Yara slid into the back seat.
"Thank you."
"Yes, how does it feel to be twenty-one?" I asked.
"Like it did when I was twenty," he smiled over his seat at me.
"That bad?" I smiled back.
"Hoping for the best," he said and turned to the road as Jon pulled out.
Then Santana's guitar filled Jon's speakers and we relaxed to the beat as Jon got on I-4. There was a vibe that night, a relaxed one filled with possibility and, occasionally, Victor caught me staring at him.
Firestone had a line out the door by the time we arrived, house music pounded out the doors as eager guys and girls waited impatiently to get in. We spotted Steven, the girl he was seeing, and some other of the guys we hung out with all decked in white waiting for us. The moment everyone saw Victor they cheered a happy birthday and we were allowed in through the VIP rope. The area we had purchased was roped off, with red velvet couches that made our outfits pop even as the club was packed. When we walked through the club, a random guy grabbed Yara's hand to pull her to dance and she took one look at his handsome face and threw me a smirk that said she was ready to dance and forget all about her troubles. I waved her off and followed Victor and Jon as more people greeted them.
A bottle of top-shelf vodka was already waiting for us on ice and I quickly received a drink with cranberry juice, toasting with Victor and Jon to our first drink. I watched as the guys danced, greeted people, laughed and all I could keep thinking is how much I wanted to dance with Victor. Just to feel him against me once more.
My musings on Victor were interrupted when a guy I had never seen greeted Jon over the rope. They whispered to one another and they both looked at me. Jon came over but his face was not very happy.
"My friend Mark wants to know if you're single. Are you single?"
I stared at him. "You know I'm single."
But Jon glanced at Victor who was laughing with Steven and his girl and then back at me. "You're going to put the moves on that, Becky-girl?"
I looked at Mark who watched me with a smirk and biting of his lip. He was... cute. A little short and ordinary but I wondered if I would look at all guys this way now that I was in love with Victor. Jon he was giving me a disapproving look which was big for him, how many times had he mercilessly played the field? Did he even understand how much it hurt to be in love with someone?
"I want to dance," I said and pushed past Jon, throwing Mark a smile. He reached out and helped me over the velvet rope.
"You're super cute, what's your name?" He smelled of cigarettes and beer. I shouted my name over the music, and he pulled me to dance.
He was a little too grabby for my taste but on the dance floor I caught up with Yara and we left our respective guys and started dancing with each other.
"I need water!" I shouted to Yara after our second song and she nodded.
We held hands as we pushed through crowds of people to the VIP area. My stomach lurched to my feet when I saw Victor sitting on the sofa, legs open wide, and a girl dancing for him. She was very pretty in a tiny black dress and long hair in tight braids. Yara handed me a bottle of water and gave me a knowing look.
"You can't expect him to act any other way if you don't talk to him," she said into my ear.
She was right.
"Ask him to dance," she said and gave me a firm look.
I took a deep breath and a gulp of cold water and nodded. Pulling up my resolve around me, I handed her back the water and sidestepped to Victor. He turned to look at me and smiled.
"You having a good time?" He asked, but I could barely hear him.
"Excuse me," I said to the girl and she looked me up and down with a scowl. When I turned to Victor, he was watching me with a questioning look. "Come dance with me!"
He sat up and asked me to repeat it. The music boomed.
"Come dance with me!"
His eyes got dark and confused. "I thought you didn't dance."
I couldn't help the sappy reminiscence smile on my face. "I can if you lead."
Slowly he nodded, took my hand, and lead me to the dance floor. My hand in his felt incredible as if we were together as if we belonged to one another. When we were in the thick of it he turned me, placed his hands on my waist and pulled me to him. We were a spot of white in the dance floor as the lights flashed around and my chest against his had me short of breath. The dance music didn't require a lot of dexterity, but we moved against one another and every once in a while, our eyes would meet, imperceptibly I would move closer.
"Let me cut in, man," Mark stood next to Victor and I scowled at him. He looked a little ridiculous with Victor towering over him. But Mark stared down at him and I felt Victor's entire body tightened under my fingers.
"No, bye," I said and waved a hand to his face. Mark was startled in surprise but I pulled Victor by his shoulders around to face me.
Victor watched me with a little smile on his face and then he leaned to talk to me, his mouth on my ear. "You're not still hung up on Clem, are you?"
I stared at him in surprise and shook my head, taking a steadying breath. "I have to tell you something."
People pumped against us and we were shoved together even more. The dancefloor was getting more and more packed and sweat beaded at my forehead.
"What?" He shouted over the music.
"I have something to tell you!"
People bumped into me and we got closer, I held on to his shoulders like a raft.
"Becka, I can't hear you!"
My chest tightened. "I love you," I whispered.
His brows furrowed and he came close to my ear. "What?"
"Happy birthday!"
When he pulled back, I was already smiling maniacally. Pathetic. I couldn't even admit it to him, I couldn't even say it. He smiled back at me and hugged me, his lips pressing against my brow and I savored that ghost of a moment, my fingers digging into his arm. Then we danced, bodies pumping, at one point I saw Yara in the dance crowd her eyes widened, and she and she gave me a 'well?' look which I sadly shook my head. She rolled her eyes and sighed dramatically.
I couldn't do it. Maybe if I was someone else, I would've done it. I would've told him how much I cared for him, how I'd chase him to the ends of the world, but I wasn't that person. I was leaving in three months, the sand was quickly dropping, and with it dropped my hopes.
Victor had a great birthday and I really did have a great time. We danced quite a few songs together and then we lapped up vodka, letting it roll through our veins until we didn't care who saw us, who laughed at us because we laughed at ourselves first. By the time we piled into the car, most of us were drunk and Victor and I ended up in the backseat with Yara passed out in the front. How Jon was sober, I didn't know but he put some soft Marc Anthony and gave us a look in the rearview mirror.
Victor was slouched down on the seat, his blazer long gone, his collar open, and he turned to look at me with a small smile on his face. He was smashed. Then he pulled at me with his finger, I could smell the alcohol on his breath.
"I have to tell you something." His words were hard to understand. "Stray Carter never said he liked you."
I paused, my mind trying to grasp who he was talking about. "From seventh grade?" I let out a laugh.
"Yeah." He came closer. "Remember I told you that Stray liked you and if you liked him back."
"I remember," I looked at him and he looked a little embarrassed, but the drink made him bold. "Why would you lie about that?"
Victor looked pensive, trying to compose words even as his eyes closed. "It was me that liked you, not Stray, but I didn't know how else to talk to you."
I sobered up a bit. "Wait, what?"
His black lashes had already closed, painting his cheeks and there was a slight snore to his breath.
"Victor!" I yanked at his lapels. "Are you telling me that you liked me in Mr. White's English class, and you didn't say shit?"
He opened his mouth, but his eyes were closed. "We should go to Puerto Rico after classes are done."
"Wake up, tell me about Stray!" I clutched at his arm.
His words were a mumble. "You snapped at me, so I didn't say anything else."
And he was gone, a small snore echoing in the back seat.
I stared at this face, my heart beating erratically, my cheeks flushing. Stray had never liked me and I had been a jerk to Victor but he had embarrassed me and I was lonely and afraid in my new school. Victor had ignored me and been progressively mean to me as the years went by. But he'd liked me. At one point he had liked me. I'd destroyed that. I'd stuck my foot up his ass and he'd stopped liking me that way. I closed my eyes, lightheaded from the drink and the revelation. I felt nauseous.
I wished I could rewind the years and acted differently but then I wondered had I been sweet and had he been forthright, would we still be Becka and Victor? Or would we be something else?
"Yes, let's go to Puerto Rico after classes end," I said and almost felt him nod. "You and me."
He slid down the leather seat and his head landed on my shoulder. For that moment, with his body against mine, I held him. He was mine. I could pretend I had confessed my feelings and he had returned them. We would be Victor and Becka, the couple instead of Victor and Becka the friends.
Recommended Year 2000 Playlist (will grow with each chapter)
1. If You're Gone - Matchbox Twenty
2. Absolutely (Story of a Girl) - Nine Days
3. Hanging by a Moment - LifeHouse
4. Yellow - Coldplay
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