OWEN'S WORDS DON'T "SWIRL AROUND" IN MY HEAD they go bang, boom, conflonk because it feels like someone's playing an intense game of racquetball in there. My head pulsates from each blow and I'm starting to wonder if words really do have power

...power to shatter my skull into a million pieces!

And now I have to sit still for an MRI... great!...

The technician is going over everything with me as I try to stop the rubber ball of words from smashing my skull from the inside.

"Do you have any questions?"

I look at the young guy with his dark sleek hair pulled back into a low ponytail. "What about my stitches?"

He raises a brow and smiles a little. "Do you have metal stitches?"

Okay Mr. Technician I've had an awful day, the worst most horrifying day ever... wait how long has it been now? Couple days?

My heart hurts not knowing what's going on outside these hospital walls. All I know is that the number of deaths have been confirmed. Six... six deaths and thirty-eight injured. It could've been more, thank God it wasn't more.

The other technician comes in and begins getting the machine ready. I watch him and try to shut my mind off again. It's a jumbled mess and now I feel like people are playing extreme racquetball.

The older, less... cocky, man calls me over and tells me to sit and lay down. As if my mother took over my body, I flick my hair back in the most dignified manner. The older man chuckles and gives me a broad smile. "I like how you did that. You could be in a hair commercial."

"Thanks." I say and then exaggeratedly toss my hair behind me, dropping my voice a few octaves. "Garnier."

He laughs and the one with the ponytail gives me a flirty smile. I lay back and prepare myself for forty-five minutes of no moving. They give me head phones and the ponytail guy leans over me. "What do you like to listen to?"

I go for a general answer since I know I won't be able to concentrate on anything. "Oldies."

He nods. "A girl with good taste."

He leaves and a waft of spicy cologne tickles my nose making me sneeze. Owen never uses cologne. He doesn't have to. The table slowly starts to pull me in the tunnel and a little fear snakes around my heart. I wonder if they'll find something wrong with me, like my brain, or something weird like... what if I swallowed a magnet when I was young? What if it rips out of me?... What if they forgot a piece of shrapnel?

Give me a break, I've never had an MRI before.

The table stops and I'm looking at a white ceiling that curves around me with a grey strip slicing right down the middle. And of course, my eyes are on the grey strip.

I hear them muffle something in my headphones and then music starts playing....

You have got to me kidding me.

That beat... that rhythm... Africa by Toto.

For once in my life can something not remind me of him. Don't I have enough I'm trying to deal with?

No music would've been better.

I close my eyes and try to shut my brain off but images of Nick and Patty turns my heart into cold concrete and shreds my chest to pieces. All of a sudden, the MRI feels small and my heart rate quickens making my fingers twitch. I remain still but it's torturous.

A small whine comes off my lips and I take a deep breath, not wanting to cry. I've done enough crying. The song catches my attention because it's the part Owen sang out when he made me do my embarrassing dance routine, making my mind drift to what happened when I came back to my hospital room. Seeing Owen standing there and asking to hold me like a man who was on the brink of breaking.

I'm not going to fake innocence here or act like I'm in denial and be like... what did he mean? Did he find out about my feelings? Of course he found out! And I didn't even need Am's crunched up, funny-looking, apologetic face to tell me what he meant.

It's simple. He knows I'm in love with him and have been for a long time. The real question to ask is... what's going to happen next?

With everything?

I flicker my eyes open when they tell me I'm doing great. I feel a growing need to rub my aching chest and I can feel tears prick my eyes. Patty. I want to talk to Patty. I remember her telling me to not give up but I'm scared. There's always been something oddly comforting with knowing that nothing would ever come of my crush on Owen. I don't know why.

It's what I've always wanted. But now, its like I'm on monkey bars with my legs stationed and the other half of my body dropping upside down and I can't decide if I like the new perspective. I'm out of my comfort zone.

Since Owen has come back I've realized that the love I had for him was young, but as we've spent some time together it's gotten stronger, more mature and deeper. Every little thing he does, sets me on fire, like when he taught me how to bowl. I thought I was going to melt into putty in his hands and drip on the lane.

I take in a deep breath, my head feeling fuzzy from the drugs. Behind my lids I see the boy I was in love with years ago. My big brother's best friend. How he would tease me with that boyish smile and cocky attitude. He was so beautiful back then with his messily styled chicken butt hair and young features. I drooled over him many times in the past. At one point I thought to myself, man if I didn't know him for my whole life and was a total stranger I would've asked a friend that typical line, who is that?

But it wasn't just his looks that pulled me in, it was the way he made me feel. I was special, loved and cherished by him... even if his reasoning was platonic. I'd rather feel special than be a stranger.

Whenever I needed someone he was there like a big muscular teddy bear. I thought what I had was an idiotic crush, but after my dad left, Owen went from teasing me to taking care of me. No one else noticed the change, but I did. He would let me win when we raced for food, slipped me some of his food on his plate when my mom refused to give me more at dinner, sat on my bed and helped me with my homework where I would wish more than anything that he would be my first kiss.

Never happened.

One of the strongest memories I have was when we were invited to a pool party for Jeanine Simms. It was one of those rare Fall's where it was super-hot and gorgeous out. I was a freshman, while Owen and Matt were seniors. She was so upset when I tagged along, because when I did, it meant that Owen wouldn't be flirting. He was always beside me, along with Matt, glaring at any guys who would try to come up to me. This party though was different, Matt couldn't come so I was alone with Owen.

He had totally been on edge too. I couldn't understand why, but was excited by the attention I was getting from him. But when I shimmed out of my shorts and shirt revealing my bikini, he threw a fit. We fought and he stormed away. I remember standing there with all the older girls drooling when he unsheathed his shirt and dove in the pool. When I was about to participate in the chicken fights, he came out of nowhere and grabbed me by the elbow, yanking me away from the guy who was clearly disappointed... but I wasn't.

I know on the outside I appeared angry, but inside I was giddy and overjoyed. We fought, but I loved that fight because he obviously didn't like me being around guys in a swimsuit.

I'm deep inside my head as I remember the way he would smile at me, and still does. How I would feel secure and wanted, which is something I've struggled with my whole life.

My dad left.

My mom is constantly disappointed in me.

But Owen's always made me feel wanted, which is why I took his move and lack of communication so hard. But there had to be a reason.

My thoughts continue to plunge through my brain. I smile at the image of me and Owen at Jeanine's, we're all chatting away and he holds me close to him... wait, what? This never happened. He's holding me like I'm his and I'm looking at him as if it's true. I'm tucked into his side and his arm is wrapped around me protectively. Then everything changes, the birds stop chirping and I notice something is off. I turn to the sky and see the birds flying in a v and away from us. My feet vibrate and there's a rumbling that strikes through my body. I grip tighter to Owen, but suddenly I'm ripped away from his strong grip and thrown into the pool along with debris where I see Nick and Patty floating lifelessly under the water with me.

My eyes snap open and I shoot up, my head pounding and my breathing heavy and irregular. Panic twists my heart like a gorilla has it in a vise grip. I feel a hand on my shoulder and look to see Am looking at me her brows pinched in concern. "You're fine. You fell asleep during the MRI and they tried waking you up but you were pretty drugged up."

I nod slowly feeling my head spin. My leg burns, but my abdomen, where they peeled my skin off like a carrot for the skin graft, burns more and the pain is so intense I feel like I'm about to vomit. I hear voices and the bed dips and I smell Owen, coffee with a hint of salt to it, a weird smell, but so highly attractive to me... and so him. He gathers me in his arms and my tense body relaxes.

I keep my eyes on the blindingly white blanket draped over me and then I see my mother's hand touch mine. "Sweetheart, there's something we have to tell you."

My eyes find hers and I see tears as she pats my face in a very motherly fashion. She pushes back my hair and kisses my forehead as Owen's arms tighten around me. My throat is dry and I try to swallow but it hurts. "How long have I been out?"

Mom strokes my arm. Something is really wrong. "Almost a whole day."

I nestle into Owen, he's my protector and I know whatever mom is about to say is bad news and I'll need him. She gives a shaky breath as Matt comes over to me along with Elise and Am. I look at all of them, then at my mom. She squeezes my hand. "Nick's gone sweetheart."

Sorrow seizes my heart and I clutch onto Owen's arms, my nails digging into his flesh, but he doesn't even flinch. I wail, I cry, I sob and I forget to breathe. He pulls me into him and I soak his shirt with my tears.

Nick was my buddy, my little guy. I coached him, worked with him... and now. He's gone.

Everything hurts and Owen strokes my hair. "You did your best."

I have no idea how long I cry for, but everyone stays with me and Owen holds me as I cry until fall asleep and wake up again to only cry some more. They're all patient with me and soon my eyes for the umpteenth time open and they're dried, cracked and sore. The sunlight beams in and I wonder how it can be so beautiful outside after something so ugly.

I sit up a little and look around to see Am asleep in the chair next to my bed. I should feel grateful and comforted by my best friend's loyalty but all I feel is hollow.

No one else is here and I grab the remote attached to my hospital bed and turn on the tv. What I see makes my skin crawl and angry bile rise in my throat. The news. Politicians talking about what happened here, something I'd never thought I'd see. I hate politics. How divided we've become.

I watch and listen to them debate like morons about my home. How they think they can come up with a solution by arguing like five year old's. The worst is how they all say our thoughts and prayers are with you. Yet they don't focus on the victims, don't mention the cute gapped toothed pig tailed Lexi made blankets all year around then donated them to the local shelter every December. How Nick smashed a homerun record in our little league division. Or how Patty touched so many children's lives over her forty year career. My mind flashed to how every single school day at the end of the say she would stand out in the hall with a bucket filled with candy for kids to pick from.

They don't actually care about the victims. All they care about is being right.

Something in me snaps.

The tv turns black as soon as the hospital remote makes contact with it, cracking the screen. Screeching alarms go off and I pale realizing what I've done. Oh crap! Am jumps up with panicked eyes. All it takes is for her to look at me then at the tv and she knows.

Without uttering a word she runs out before any of the nurses can come rushing in. My head pounds and my hands cup my ears praying it will end. Am comes back in with nurses working to deactivate the alarms and get my remote back in proper place. I give a sheepish look to one as she checks my vitals and wounds before leaving.

Am sits in the bed with me. "Wanna tell me what that was all about."

"I hate politics." I whisper. "How do you do it?"

Am gives a deep sigh. "I'm not exactly in politics Harp. I'm a lawyer. But I do it because someone has to try to make a difference right?!"

I don't say anything.

"I think next election I vote for you as president." She jokes.

I snort. "Yeah, I'm confident enough in myself as an emotional person to say that I would be terrible. Look what I did to that tv."

Am clicks her tongue. "You've been through a lot. Although I could see you getting rid of tacos Tuesdays by converting it into a Pie day or something."

"I hold no discrimination toward Taco Tuesday or any food for that matter, apart from salad. Plus they already have a pie day."

We both laugh and then it gets quiet again.

Am puts her head on my shoulder. "I know you Harp. Please don't bag this all in and try to put up a front and strong for everyone else."

"I have to be. I have kids that are going to need me."

She gets off the bed then grabs my face. "You need to take care of yourself first. You need to time to heal too. It's okay to focus on yourself right now. Something you didn't do when your dad left."

My chest burns at the thought of him but all I do is shrug. Her hands drop and as the door to my room opens. I don't pay attention to it because something else takes precedence. I have to pee. I slowly swing my sore body over the side of the bed. My feet touch the cool linoleum floor and I reach for my crutches and hiss a little, making my throat burn from how raw it is. I try to put my weight on my good leg, but a pair of bronzed hands grab my crutches for me. I feel Owen's chest pressed against my back and I look up to see him.

His tired eyes bore into mine as he brings my crutches over to me. I whisper a small thank you and my hands brace the cushioned part of the crutches. I try to get up, but my whole-body shakes and I bite my lip when my butt hits the mattress.

I just have to go to the bathroom.

I try again and fail. Owen easily sweeps me into his arms carrying me over to the bathroom as Am moves out of our way. He places me right next to the toilet and leaves me, shutting the door behind him.

I have never felt so vulnerable in my life. I go, then wash my hands in the sink. When I look in the mirror I gasp at how horrible I look. The right side of my face is bruised horribly and I'm so worn and tired that it dominates me. Not just my face, but the way I hold myself. I feel like I'm bleeding on the inside and that it's pouring from every pore to the bottom of my feet and into a void on the tiled floor.

I hop over to the door, my leg on fire, as soon as I open it Owen is there gathering me into him and bringing me over to my bed. When he puts me down he immediately sits next to me. I look around and notice Am's disappearance.

"Where is everyone?" I croak out.

"Matt's with Elise and the girls, your mom had to go out for a meeting and Am just went home to rest up."

"Don't you have work?"

"They gave me a few days off."

I swallow the big lump in my raw throat. "I'll never get to see them again, Nick, Lexi, Patty." I palm my face and dig my nails into my skin, not caring about my bruises and stitches. "I feel like I failed them."

Owen gets off the bed and kneels down in front of me taking my hands away from my face. He holds them as his serious eyes look straight into mine. "You did everything you could. You carried Nick and Patty out of the school with a blown calf. You Harper Collins are brave and selfless, so don't blame yourself. You didn't fail them, not even a little and Patty would agree with me."

Tears slide down my face and I have no idea how they keep coming, but I do know that I'm dehydrated. "I miss them."

Owen cups my face, "I know."

I give a whimpered sigh and burry my face into his hand. He stands and sits beside me as I lean into him. I just want normal, for one minute, just normal. "You remember that time when we went to Jeanine's pool party."

Owen's chest vibrates from his low chuckle, "Yeah, Matt was out of commission and I had to be your guard dog."

"You wouldn't let me participate in the chicken fights."

"No I wouldn't. Those are excuses for guys to be able to feel girls up."

"You would know."

His mouth quirks up at that. "Not really, I was too busy arguing with your stubborn self."

I cackle a dry laugh. "That was one of our biggest fights. I was so mad because you kept trying to put a towel around me and wouldn't let me have any fun."

He shifts on the bed. "I didn't like how any of the guys were looking at you."

"There were plenty of girls there to keep them occupied."

"You were their target."

I nudge him a little. "Oh come on. They all knew better than to try anything with Matt and Owen's little sister." Owen doesn't say anything and is like concrete, motionless. "What?"

"Were you in love with me then?"

My heart thunders but he stays calm looking at the hospital wall. Few minutes of normal out the door you go. "Yes."

My eyes trace his large shoulder to his Adam's apple then his strong features and deep-set eyes. He's grown from beautiful boy to effortlessly handsome man. He was strong before but now he's more than strong, he's powerful, he's secure, he's a man. My dull heart is no longer hollow but frail.

I look away from him and sit in silence. The mattress dips and my whole-body lights on fire when he fists my hair and his lips touch the deep part of my jaw. It tickles in the most amazing way, while he breathes deep calming breaths on my ear.

I've kissed plenty of guys but none of them were able to stir something in me, whereas Owen just has to touch me, sometimes not even touch me, and I can get an insane high.

My lips give a shaky whisper, "Owen?"

Before I can say anything else or question him, Matt bursts in through the door and Owen slides away from me. What horrible timing. Matt sits on the other side of me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders completely oblivious to what almost just transpired between me and his best friend.

"How you are feeling?"

I swallow down my frustration and let my head fall on my brother's shoulder.