Hey Firecracker

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I AM ENGAGED. The day couldn't be more perfect. I am going to marry the love of my life at an unspecified date and start a life together with him. To say I was shocked would be the understatement of the year. Owen was a little perturbed that I wouldn't let him give his speech but I couldn't help the need to get the ring on my finger, which is now winking at me as we drive to my mom's house to tell everyone the news.

"It's totally like you to not want to hear a man's undying pledge for you." Owen smirks at me as he pulls onto the street.

"But it's so pretty." I hold out my hand wiggling my fingers at him.

He chuckles, "I never forgot about how much you loved your birthstone."

My heart literally explodes in my chest and I can feel the warm blood seeping through my body. Clearing my throat, I ask, "Think Matt's going to freak?"

"Oh, most definitely." Owen says matter of factly. "Not as much as your mother though. She's still in shock that we're dating."

I laugh as he stops in front of my house and helps me out of the car but before we can go in his phone goes off. He answers it and his face goes from elated to stone cold serious as the person on the other lines talks.

"Yeah. Got it, I'll be there soon." He puts his phone back in his pocket and gives me an apologetic face. "Okay Firecracker don't implode on me. Luke says there's an emergency. I'm sorry but I have to go in. Mind waiting to tell everyone once I get back?"

Here's my first test at being married to a cop.

My shoulders fall a little, but a smile adorns my face because my future husband has a job that has made him into the man he is today... and I love it.

"Not at all. Should I hide the ring?" I say wiggling my brows at him.

He kisses my forehead. "Don't you dare take it off."

He starts walking away but then turns around asking, "Would you be okay with a short engagement?"

My heart warms that Owen is willing to skip that dating circuit with me and go straight to the commitment... but then thoughts of my dad leaving my mom flood my mind. They were married and he still left. I look at the man who once did the same thing to me but for totally different reasons. He went to college, started his career and matured. Patty once said that sometimes we have to mature before we find each other and she was right. We both had too. The resentment I once held towards him evaporates as I realize that Owen never really left me because I held onto him and he did the same for me... whereas my dad never once looked back.

"Yes. I'd marry you today if it was possible."

He gives the heart stopping smile. "Easy there Firecracker. I ain't going anywhere I promise."

My feet take me to him and I jump in his arms awkwardly as he kisses my head and tightens his big arms around me. "I love you."

"You have no idea." He says as he steps away and opens his car door. "Can't wait to permanently make you mine."

"Vice Versa Chicken Butt."

He laughs as he shuts the door and pulls away. Exhaustion gnaws at me and a little itty bit of fear slithers in my blood as I watch his car drive down the road away from me. Now I can understand what he was saying about his career being hard for whoever he married. It isn't the being alone or possibly having to take care of our future kids by myself... it's not knowing if he's going to come back home to me.

I push the fear down and decide not to marinade in it. Worrying solves nothing. The best thing to do is have faith that he'll be safe and to go about my day. I send up a little prayer as I walk in my childhood home.

Am comes around the corner as if she had been waiting for me. "Fun date?"

"The best." I give my cocky grin and she beams.

Matt comes walking in and kisses my head. "You look exhausted, maybe you should take a nap before dinner."

My whole body feels heavy. "Yeah learning how to shoot really takes the energy out of you."

"Yeah, go rest up." He says absently and as I walk up the stairs with my sore leg I hear him yell, "He taught you what?!"

Laughter slides through my throat as I reach the top and head to my old room to nap. Once I'm comfortably in bed I hold my hand up lazily looking at my ring. I'm surprised nobody saw it. I didn't try hiding my hand or anything because I was too distracted by the need to sleep.

My eyes slowly close and the vision of taillights haunt me for the rest of my sleep. I dream of chasing after a car and thinking it's my dad, but it's not... it's Owen. He's not looking back at me. Instead of being on two strong legs, I only have one. My body feels broken but I fight it in an effort to get the car to stop. My heavy arm reaches out but no amount of stretching will get it to stop. The car disappears and I'm left ripped open and bleeding on the street as I cry. The earth rumbles and the street cracks underneath me and swallows me up.

My eyes snap open and I'm facing the window that has full view of the dark street. I take a deep breath and roll over from my side to my back and shakily push some hair out of my face. I had thought I had healed from the past, but it always tries to come back and haunt me.

A hand comes out of nowhere stroking my hair. I turn and see my mom. She smiles down at me and points her head down to the bed. I move over and she snuggles in the bed with me as her perfect smooth hair touches my gnarly locks. Our color is the same but everything else is different.

"I'm sorry." She whispers out. "I know it will take time for you to forgive me, but I want you to know how horrible I feel for hurting you so badly all these years."

My fingers lac with hers and I reminded of all the times she would come to my bed to snuggle with me the nights I cried myself to sleep after dad. I had always thought she had been so strong but what I'm realizing now is that she had just ignored her pain to take care of us. She never fully dealt with it.

She doesn't stop stroking my hair as I ask, "Why did dad leave us?"

Her majestic blue eyes fall away from my face and a deep sorrow I had never really seen before clouds her vision. "After I had you, life became complicated for me. I had two children to take care of, a career that was just beginning and a husband who was becoming increasingly demanding. Believe it or not sweetie that personality of yours doesn't come from your dad, but me. So much so, that we argued a lot and I wasn't always respectful." She pauses smiling a little and gives herself a minute before continuing, "I was so much like you. I wore sweats around the house and never really put a ton of effort into how I looked because I thought I didn't need to. He hated it and started saying things to me. When my career was beginning to take shape he ordered me to stop and focus on you kids. I did what he said and wanted to fix myself and our marriage so I took all the criticism and stored them, fixed them. Over the years though he became increasingly happy. No matter what I did or how I changed nothing ever pleased him. One day he said he couldn't take it anymore and that he wasn't meant for it... then left."

I revert back to the heartbroken little girl in need of her dad. "He didn't want us."

Mom gives a very small smile with tears in her eyes. "I wish I could tell you he did, but I want to be honest with you. No, he didn't baby."

Small sobs escape my lips. "Was it me?"

She holds me and shushes me. "Don't ever blame yourself sweetie. He wasn't happy and instead of fighting for our marriage he took the cowards way out. I'm so sorry I thought I was doing right by you but I realize now all I did was hurt and make that fear your dad put in you grow. I should've told you to be yourself. Not change anything. Tell you the words I wanted to hear but never did. I failed you and I have a lot of mending to do. The day I got the phone call about the school and you, I..." She swallows harshly as tears slid down her face. "The world just stopped and I didn't know how to handle almost losing you. Then thoughts ran through my had how you would've died never knowing what it was like too be loved... like how I fear I will one day."

The room is filled with my sniffles as I lay on my back angry and hurt. "I'm afraid Owen will do the same thing to me."

Mom's quiet for a second thinking before she finally breaks it. "I've been hard on you because I didn't want you to end up like me. All the things I changed about myself I thought had to change in you because if your father didn't want me then you would follow in my footsteps. What I didn't ever really think about was whether he deserved me... deserved us." She pauses and kisses my forehead. "Owen loves you and I've known that boy longer than you. I know he has a big heart reserved only for you. Harper, sweetie, you found a man who loves you for who you are and despite the awful things I have told you, you are a beautiful woman. But understand this. Owen isn't marrying you because you're the most beautiful woman in the world, he's marrying you because you've made his world so much bigger and extraordinary... you've made it beautiful for him. Your father and I didn't have that. We didn't have what you two have and he is the polar opposite of Owen, so stop linking the two together. Don't let that cowardly man win by making you miserable and afraid to move on. And you know what else..." she pauses. "Let stop calling him your dad because he's not. He gave up that right."

My tears stop as my eyes land on the engagement ring Owen slid on my finger only hours ago. "I love him mom... so much." I turn and stare at the woman who, yes was a stickler with me all throughout most of my life but was also the one who would stay up all night with me when I was sick and take care of me, who came to every game and put everything on hold to be there for her kids. "And I love you too but I'm mad at you still."

"As you should be. I think it's best to give you space and time with Owen. When you're ready, I'll be here." She hugs me wiping away her tears and then gets out flicking on the light making my eyes burn for a second. "Well let's get you ready then. Don't want Owen to see you with drool stains down your mouth.

I wipe at my mouth then freeze. "Wait what? He's here? Did he tell you anything?"

Mom cracks a big smile, one I haven't seen for a really long time. "I don't know what you're talking about."

She knocks on the door. "Elise, Am, Ems time to get in here and work some magic."

I knit my brows together in confusion. "Why?" My hands wipe my mouth to check for drool. "Do I look that bad?"

Am bursts into the room in a pretty dark blueish green dress. "Ems you're on dress duty, Elise you get the hair, Momma Collins make sure the boys are actually getting ready and I will take over the makeup."

"What's going on?" I shout.

Am brings me over to the vanity and plops down in a stool in front of me, taking out her big cosmetics case and running her fingers over a ton a makeup that probably cost more than our tiny apartment. "Getting you ready dumpling."

"Ready for what?"

Elise brushes through my snarly hair and nonchalantly replies, "You're wedding silly."

Everything shuts down, my mouth goes slack and my eyes widen at nothing in particular. My body is unmoving as what Elise says slowly begins to melt away the shock. By the time I'm fully alert Am has my makeup done, my hair looks like my mother's and Ems is holding out a very simple white dress with straps that cuts low in the back and a little in the front.

Once reality sinks in I stand up smiling like never had before and step into my wedding dress. "How on earth did he pull this off? He's insane." I turn to my girls. "He's insane right?"

Am answers flicking her blonde hair back. "He's been preparing for weeks and with this awesome mademoiselle's help of course." She points to herself. "We both knew you would hate planning a wedding so we took it upon ourselves and Owen wanted everything to be a surprise for you."

"Why? What if I hadn't said yes. Cocky sexy specimen of a man." I mumble the last part to myself.

Am gives me a serious yet playful look. "It was a risk we were willing to take."

I grab her hand. "Thank you. Most brides would probably beat you to a bloody pulp for planning their wedding, but me... I could kiss you for it."

She beams at me. "This is why we are the perfect best friends." She throws her arm around me. "I think God created us specifically to show the world that, hey, this is what perfect best friends look like."

We hug each other and she starts crying. "I'm so happy I never took him from you." We both crack up and with tears in our eyes.

Elise comes over with a long bouquet and Emily with a veil. I hug each of them and take a steady breath. "What now girls?"

Emily fixes my veil smiling. "Now we leave."

"And Matt comes in to walk you down the aisle." Elise adds with tears in her eyes. "He wanted to. I hope that's okay."

"I wouldn't want anyone else."

Everything at the moment seems like a dream as the girls leave and I stand in my room alone looking at myself in the mirror. My dress is perfectly simple with no fancy detailing. My mind is trying to play catch up as I check out my makeup and hair.

Matt walks in with his jaw set. He holds out his arm and I shakily take it. He notices and unscrews his jaw. "If this is too much too fast say the word and I'll stop this madness."

I smile. "Matty I'm not scared... I'm excited."

He gives a grumble as he begins walking me down the stairs. "That makes one of us."

"Are you really that upset?"

He takes in a deep breath. "Marriage is a big step Harp. Elise and I dated for over two years before we got married. We needed time getting to know each other and learning each other's cues and personality."

He opens the front door and I'm met with the sight of candles lining the stone path from our house to the sidewalk all the way down to what I know is the small baseball field. My heart melts at how perfect this is as Matt murmurs out, "I was hoping it'd be windy so the candles would be snuffed out."

I laugh taking his arm once again and stepping out to follow my candlelit path that would lead me to a future I never thought possible. "Owen and I have known each other our whole lives."

"Yeah but he's changed. You didn't know him during his time in Alabama."

"You're right. He did change, but for the better. He matured, became more open and found his place in the world. Unlike you and Elise I think we needed time apart to find our own paths and we've been blessed with how they've converged again."

Matt shakes his head. "I never thought I'd say this to you Harp, but you're thinking to romantically about this."

A spark of temper hits me and I stop turning to my brother. "Matty just what are you trying to do? Ruin my wedding day? Talk me out of marrying the love of my life?"

He pauses and rubs his clean-shaven jaw. "It's not that sis... I just want you guys to work out. I want the best for you both and rushing into this seems like it will be unstable foundation to start a marriage."

My shoulders relax as I soften my eyes. "You want to talk about unstable foundation? Okay. My whole life has been an unstable foundation Matty. Dad leaving, mom becoming a completely different person and throwing dates at me. I was able to get steady enough to be on my own and make a life for myself, but I was never firmly planted." I grab his arm squeezing it. "Matty I didn't think that until my foundation had literally been blown out from under me."

He makes a sound that's between a scoff and a sob. I lessen my grip and step into him wrapping my arms around him and crushing some of my bouquet. "You, Am, Elise and mom, even when she was being ridiculous, have always been there for me. You, Matty, stepped up when I should've had a father to help me out. Like that time when a pipe burst in my apartment and you came over in the middle of the night when the landlord wouldn't and fixed it. There is no one on this planet who I want more than you too walk me down this very long isle."

He laughs but I can tell it's strained, "Guinness Book of World Record long."

I break away from him and take his arm bringing us further along the path. "But you need to know that the person who has always made me feel steady and safe is me... " I wink," and secondly, Owen." I jokingly sing out. "He's shown me time and time again that he's a man who will always take care of me and stay with me. You've shown me that a father can be amazing and loving, especially how you are with me and the girls... but Owen... he's never made me wonder about my worth and whenever my ground has been completely blown out from underneath me, he's been there ready and willing to hold me up."

As I finish we are at the field. The fencing is covered in lights and white flowers. The school band is softly playing and chairs are filled with students and teachers as well as some co-workers of Owen's. It's small, magical, unexpected and perfect.

My mom and Owen's parents sits next to the girls trying to contain them and they look adorable in their little flower girl dresses. Walt is at home plate and my eyes fill with tears knowing he's going to be our officiant.

The man himself is missing and I try looking around for him but don't see him.

Matt abruptly stops at the gate and causes me to stumble back a little. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when dad left."

My heart is heavy and light at the same time and I lean in kissing Matt's cheek. "You were hurting too. We all were. I had exactly who I needed to help me through it, so don't be sorry. But please... when Owen is there and ready for me give me away to him with your blessing, or else I'll take back everything I just said and blame you." I joke.

Matty turns to me with a serious expression taking my shoulders in his big hands. "Harp, before I give you away let me say one last thing." He takes deep breath, "I'm having a hard time with this because..." his voice crackles a little and he clears his throat, "I've been your main protector and Owen your second, but now I have to relinquish that role to him. He's the one to protect you from now on, but please know you can always come to me."

I snuggle into my brother laying my head on his shoulder, "I know Matty."

The soft playing from the band continues but it's beautifully quiet around Matty and I as we wait for the groom. No one knows we've arrived yet and I see my three bridesmaids chatting with one another. I take the time to look around at the field I've had a love hate relationship with for a very long time.

"I remember the day you were born so vividly." Matt says as he looks up at the star-filled sky. My attention shifts to him as he chuckles with a throat filled with feeling. "Crazy seeing as how I was only three. Dad picked me up from Owen's and Owen refused to be left behind, so dad took him with us. He was the first to hold you after

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