A/N: Hey guys

Sorry it's taken so long to update. Life has gotten in the way and I wasn't too sure if I wanted to put the flashback in this chapter or not. PLEASE let me know what you think about the flashback, just to put my mind at rest.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

M. Elyse Lynch

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Ponyboy's POV

I sat in the concession stand of the drive-in with Johnny and Dally, the autumn air causing me to just about freeze. I'd forgotten my jacket, sitting there shivering as the wind blew straight through me. The night haunted me as the shadows closed in. Johnny had wanted me to go with him and Dally to the movies. I was gonna say no, afraid that the Socs had been waiting for this moment when I finally left the protection of my home, but my brothers forced me, saying it would clear my head.

I could hardly focus on the movie, staring around wildly, watching every movement and listening to every sound. My instincts were on overload, ready to run if I had to. Running was my only defence if they found me, so I was tense, just waiting, terrified...

"Ponyboy, just relax. You're makin' me edgy." Johnny's voice cut into my thoughts. I turned to face him, my eyes wide. He was eyeing me with intensity, worry creasing his features. I looked up at the screen, balling my shaky hands into fists. It was some beach-party movie with girls in bikinis and swinging music. I tried to not look away from the screen, shuddering at the thought of the Socs grabbing me from behind and dragging me into the darkness, where I knew I wouldn't be safe...

***

The movie ended and we left, walking through the deserted streets until we reached our neighbourhood. Dally and Johnny goofed around a little, but I didn't join in. I remained silent, my shoulders tense and my chest tight, my sides prickling from all of the walking we'd done. Soon we made it to the lot, where Dally left for Buck's place. Johnny and I lied down in the grass, looking up at the stars.

I was looking fruitlessly for some courage and hope in the night sky. I was even more scared now with just Johnny. We were the smallest of the gang, easy targets. Silence was shared between us, until Johnny broke it with the question I'd been trying to avoid for the past week.

"What happened that day?" The breath hitched in my throat, causing me to gag a little. I spluttered for a moment, before turning my head to face Johnny.

"What?" I knew what he was asking, but I didn't know what else to say.

"What happened when the Socs jumped you?"

I stared at him, lost for words, feeling my stomach knot and churn. He looked directly into my eyes, not flinching, his black orbs demanding. I turned away, shutting my eyelids tightly as the memories of what happened seeped into my mind.

"I can't, Johnny," I gasped, my voice breaking. "I don't want to think about it."

I felt his hand on my shoulder and I flinched a little. I didn't like being touched anymore, unless it was Soda.

"Pony, listen to me." Johnny's tone was gentle, but stern. It was something I hadn't heard before. He was usually as quiet as I'd become, only speaking when he had to. "You can't keep this to yourself. It's been getting to your brothers how quiet you've gotten. It's killin' them. The gang miss the old you."

I looked up at Johnny with blurry eyes as they clouded with tears. How could I tell him? I can barely replay it in my own mind without almost losing it. What would he think?

A pained glare flashed across his face, as if he was remembering something that really hurt him.

"I know how you feel."

I shattered, like glass in a hurricane, my pieces scattering in many directions. Tears fell without control. I wiped at them hurriedly with the heels of my palms, but they wouldn't stop. I couldn't hide from the memories anymore. I couldn't block them out. Gulping and gasping, I began to tell Johnny everything. At that moment, I realised I could tell Johnny; he wouldn't judge me.

I explained how the Corvair came up behind me, how the Socs piled out and before I could even think of running, they were circling me, grinning wickedly with cruel, dark eyes. Trembling, I told him how they pinned me to the ground, how I tried to get away but they were too strong for me. I told him about the blade, how I called out but they threatened to kill my brothers if I did it again...

"I-I felt so helpless..." I stammered through the tears. Johnny didn't speak for a moment, rubbing circles into my shoulder as a plain look of horror washed over his face.

"You know why they did this, don't you?" he finally asked and I nodded, quivering in my own panic and misery. I knew alright. I knew all too well why...

***

It was about three months ago. Johnny didn't go to school the day after he was attacked by the Socs. It was a good thing, because the story had traveled as fast as a wild fire between the Greasers and the Socs, bringing with it rumours that caused the hairs on the back of my neck to stand on end.

It was the day after that it happened. Johnny had come back to school, as beaten as ever, the fear flashing plainly in his eyes. To the Socs, he was an easy target.

Half way through lunch, I left the cafeteria to see a group of Socs harassing this Greaser in the hallway. Others had crowded around, jeering and laughing. As I got closer, I recognised the faded jeans jacket the Greaser was wearing and a flame of anger burned inside me when I realised who it was; Johnny.

I don't know where the courage came from, but I started to sprint towards the scene, ready to make my move. The gang didn't think I was tuff. I was the youngest, the smallest, the tagalong... But that day, I was gonna prove them wrong.

I was running towards the blonde Soc. I was so angry, I was ready to tackle the guy. But...when I dived towards him, wrapping my arms around his waist...I sort of pulled his pants down instead... I slipped to the ground, confused when laughter filtered through the air, then with a mixture of horror and success, I noticed that the Soc's Madras pants were lying limply around his ankles.

Smirking, I quickly jumped to my feet, feeling pretty proud of what I'd done. The Soc was pulling his pants up in a hurry, a mortified look on his face. I had dented his reputation. I almost burst out laughing, but what happened next caused all of my happiness to die like a blown-out candle.

With a fist colliding with my stomach, I keeled over, a groan escaping me. The Soc grabbed the collar of my shirt and dragged me up to stare into his hateful eyes. My feet barely touched the ground and I realised just how small and vulnerable I was compared to this guy. He chuckled a laugh that caused a shudder to run down my spine.

"You think that's funny, do ya grease?" I shook my head, and to be honest, I was pretty scared by then.

"Good, cause you're gonna pay for this, you hear? I'm gonna get you when you least expect it. Keep those eyes of yours wide open, because me and my buddies here are gonna get ya good, so just look out."

He released me and I fell to the ground with a thud. The Socs walked away, the blonde giving me a glare of daggers before storming off. The crowd left too, the show over. Johnny had a wild look in his eyes that must've reflected the same look in my own.

For a little over a month, I was more careful and a little more wary about walking the streets alone. But when nothing happened, I guessed it was just an empty threat. How could I have been more wrong?

***

"You gotta tell 'em, Pony," Johnny hissed through the dark and I could see the glint of fear in his eyes.

"I can't," I yelped. "They'll go after them too if they found out."

"Pooonnny," he groaned. "You can't handle this on your own."

"Well, I've got to. It's the only way I can keep them safe. I can handle it."

"There's a difference between handling something and dealing with it."

"How else can I deal with it? If I tell anyone, they'll hurt them too. Johnny, they might even go after you. I can't let that happen, I'd never be able to forgive myself." My voice was rising with a panic that hissed inside me.

"Shh, Pony. You're gonna be alright. We'll think of something." Johnny continued to rub my shoulder, which soothed me a little. It was sort of a relief to not have to carry the burden of the secret alone. I lied my head back down on the grass, trying to relax.

Before I even realised, I was drifting off. I hadn't been sleeping well, but under the stars, I noticed just how tired and exhausted I was. My heavy eyelids refused to stay open and they closed without my consent. A peaceful black darkness filled my mind and I fell asleep.