^^^Ghost of Me by Daughtry

Ponyboy's POV

I woke up to the bright morning sunlight flooding through the curtains, drenching the walls with red and gold. I shielded my eyes, the light blinding me. I blinked a few times, trying to adjust to the brightness.

Memory of last night was a haze in my mind. All I could remember after collapsing was the excruciating agony that tore through my body and the gentle caresses of hands on my face, giving me comfort in that horrifying world of pain. I could remember myself pleading, Make it stop...please...

I shuddered, wishing that I didn't remember, wishing that I could just forget...

"Listen up, Greaser," the Soc hissed into my ear, his voice as sharp as the blade he held in his hands, now covered in scarlet to the hilt. "If you want this to end, meet us in the park, midnight tomorrow night, got it?"

My stomach churned just thinking about it. I hid my face in my hands, forcing myself to breathe. For a moment, I tried to pretend that it was all a bad dream, that it wasn't real. Maybe it was just my imagination playing tricks on me... But deep down, I knew that it was real, so real that it terrified me.

I knew it was a death trap. Five against one; I didn't have a chance. If I went, it would be like suicide. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to push the sickening thoughts away. I wished I couldn't think. I wished I couldn't feel. A tremor went through my body at the memory of the Soc whispering those words, his breath tickling my ear, the scent of whisky so strong that my head began to spin...

I knew I couldn't keep this to myself. I needed to tell someone, but who? I gasped when realisation hit me. Johnny.

I sat up and a yelp escaped my lips as pain shot up my right side. I looked down at the thick bandage running down my ribcage, remembering the nauseating feeling of cold metal slicing through flesh, so quick that the blade blurred silver in the moonlight. I swallowed thickly, feeling shivers crawl across my skin.

I pulled off the bed sheets and I moaned. My jeans were gone and I was just lying there in my underwear. Now that part I definitely don't remember. A little warily, I stood up, softly whimpering in pain as I moved over to the window. I cautiously pulled open the curtains to reveal the glimmering sunrise, a sparkle of gold lining the edge of the sky and the clouds a pretty hue of peach pink. For a second, I wondered if it would be one of the last I'd see. I turned away, refusing to let myself think that. It scared me to death.

I found a pair of jeans and a navy blue t-shirt. I dressed myself, a little unsteady on my feet but I managed to keep my balance. Once I was done, I tip-toed into the bathroom as quietly as I could, so that no one would notice that I was awake. From what I could tell, the whole gang was in the living room, making as much racket as they usually do.

Leaning over the sink, I turned on the faucet and splashed water onto my pale face, feeling the cool droplets slide over my skin and drip back down into the basin. Suddenly, I looked up into the mirror and I gasped in shock, backing away slightly. I couldn't recognise myself. I knew it was me standing there, but then again I didn't. My green-grey eyes were no longer vibrant, but dull, holding a wary nervousness to them. There were dark circles underneath my eyes from the constant nightmares that haunted my dreams. I never could sleep after a nightmare. My cheeks were colourless and hollow, the scars so obvious that I shuddered. I was thinner too and the cuts and bruises that coated my arms and hid under my clothing gave me the creeps. I looked like the ghost of what I used to be...

Before I even realised it, tears were streaming down my face, gushing like rivers down my cheeks. I looked away from the mirror, shutting my eyes tightly, the pain of it too much for me to take. That was what the Socs had done. They'd destroyed me. And that, staring back at me, was all that was left.

With my shaky hands, I switched off the faucet and wiped the tears off my face before leaving the bathroom, making sure that no one could tell that I'd been crying. I stumbled out into the living room and found everyone watching TV and eating chocolate cake, except for Darry, who was in the kitchen cooking something more sustainable than cake. From what it looked like, almost everyone had camped out in the living room after the rumble, either on the floor or on the couch if they were lucky. The first person to notice me was Two-bit, who was lounging on the couch, sporting a black eye.

"Well look what the cat dragged in," he grinned, causing all eyes to swivel over to me. "How's it goin', kid?"

"Ok," I murmured, looking down at my feet. I didn't want to admit it, but I felt...broken. I didn't want them to see the shattered pieces in my eyes, the shards that I didn't have the strength to mend, that I was too afraid to fix.

"Are you ok, Ponyboy?" I heard Soda's voice beside me, gentle and kind. His arms snaked around me and for a second, I wondered if I would ever feel that sensation again if I went to the park that night.

"I'm fine," I said, feeling cold inside.

"You hungry, Pone?" Darry called from the kitchen. I could feel his eyes watching me. Whatever he was cooking smelt really good, but my heart just wasn't in it and I wasn't feeling too good anyway. I shook my head.

"Johnny, can I talk to you for a moment?" I croaked.

"Sure," Johnny said, jumping up from the floor and I led him out onto the porch. I turned around to face him and he must've seen the terror in my eyes because he asked, "Pony, what's-?"

"The Socs want me to meet them at the park at midnight tonight," I whispered, tears blurring my eyes as panic began to take over. "What am I gonna do Johnny? What am I gonna do?"

***

Time was running out. The afternoon sunlight was fading into evening darkness. Johnny and I had spent the entire day trying to find ways to get around the mess that I'd gotten myself into, but we both knew that there was nothing we could do to prevent it. It was either go and fight, or stay and see what the Socs do next. This couldn't continue, I knew that. But I was so scared of facing them alone, knowing that there was only a slim chance of getting out alive.

Darry had come home from work an hour ago, early so he could check on me, and Two-bit had come shortly after, holding many little trinkets that he'd lifted during the day. Dally came too, a little bloody since he'd been out with the Shepherd gang for most of the day, looking for action and obviously finding it. But Steve and Sodapop were still at work, which was odd, since they should've been home half an hour ago. The others brushed it off as nothing, but I had the foreboding feeling that something was wrong. I hate it when I'm right.

"Darry!" Steve came barreling through the door, gasping and gulping for breath, a thin cut bleeding along his collarbone. Darry was at his side in seconds.

"What's happened, Steve?" he asked fearfully. "Where's Soda?"

"We were...walking...home," Steve panted, holding the doorframe for support. "Socs...cornered us... I got away... Soda's...still out there... Came to get...help..."

Everyone bolted to their feet, including me. I already knew who the Socs were. No no no... Please not Soda... Please not my brother... I was about to rush out the door with the others, but a hand pulled me back, grabbing hold of me by the bicep.

"Ponyboy, stay here," Darry ordered. "You need to rest your side. I don't want you getting hurt again."

"But-" I began to protest but Darry cut me off with a stern glare.

"Don't argue with me, Pony!" I cowered a little as his voice rose. He noticed and his features softened, a guilty flicker in his ice-teal eyes. "Just please, Ponyboy. Stay here."

Without waiting for an answer, he released me and galloped out the door. Johnny hesitated, giving me a sympathetic, yet reassuring smile before following the others. I sighed and began to pace the room, hugging myself tightly as shivers quaked my body.

They're doing this to punish me, I thought, feeling sick. They're warning me of what's gonna happen if I don't show. Whatever happens to Soda is all my fault.

I dug my nails into my arms, clawing at my skin, unable to bare the burden of it. This is all my fault. My heart hammered against my ribcage, my head swimming. What if they do the same thing to Soda that they've done to me? I can't let that happen... I can't... I remembered for a moment how I didn't scream so I could keep my brothers safe, and now it felt pointless.

Ten minutes passed by with the haunting stillness and the eerie quiet, until I heard voices coming towards the house. Relief washed over me, but it faded when Darry came charging through the door, carrying an unconscious Soda in his arms.

"Soda!" I gasped, unable to contain it.

The rest of the gang came rushing through the door, all looking livid.

"It's just a mild concussion, Pony," soothed Darry, lying Soda down on the couch. "He'll be back on his feet in a few minutes."

But I backed away, slipping silently down the hallway and into my bedroom. I locked the door behind me and slid down to the floor, drawing my knees to my chest. Overwhelming guilt was all I could feel, so powerful that I surrendered to it, sobbing softly into my arms. I did that to Soda. It was all my fault. I couldn't take that. I just couldn't...

After everything I'd done to prevent this from happening, it had happened. I hadn't screamed to protect them. I allowed myself to get beaten up so they didn't have to go through all the agony and the horror that I'd been through. For nothing.

Suddenly, a savage anger burst inside me. The Socs had done the one thing that I'd promised myself I wouldn't let happen. I remembered vowing to myself I wouldn't let that happen as the Soc, Tom held a blade to my throat, about to dunk my head into the fountain. If this is what the Socs were going to do, then I couldn't let it continue. I was going to do everything it took to make it stop, even if that meant risking my own life. No one was ever going to touch my brothers. Ever.

***

I lay sprawled across the bed, flat on my stomach, pen and paper shaking slightly in my hands as I leaned up on my elbows. I only had an hour and a half left before I had to face the music and I felt sick. I was writing a letter to Soda and Darry, in case I didn't come back... I was scared out of my mind, but I knew I had to go. This had to end.

I could hear the gang laughing at something that must've been on the TV, listening closely to Soda's airy giggles and Darry's baritone chuckles; it soothed me in a way. Only Johnny knew what was happening and I was relieved. This was my fight and I had to face it alone. The gang had suffered enough and if they knew, it would only make things so much harder for me.

The pen danced across the page as I wrote everything I thought I needed to say, just so if I didn't come back, they'd know how much I loved them. I felt like with each word, I was ripping my heart out and watching it bleed into the paper. I could hardly stand it. Not ever feeling Soda's comforting arms around me after having a nightmare and never hearing Darry chew me out for not using my head hurt so much that I struggled to choke down the sobs begging to come out of me. Yet I was doing this for them. And for myself.

Just as I was finishing up the letter, the door opened and Johnny came sidling in, his expression anxious.

"Are you ready?" he asked softly.

"Almost," I replied quietly, sitting up as I folded the paper, placing it down on the dresser where I knew my brothers would find it. Johnny sat down beside me and we were both silent for a moment, until I couldn't take it anymore.

"I'm scared, Johnny." It was so simple to say, yet the truth of it was eating me inside, the adrenaline numbing the pain in my side. For that, I was a little relieved.

He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and looked me straight in the eye, intensity burning in his black irises. "You're gonna be fine, Ponyboy. Don't worry. You're stronger than you think you are."

"But what if I don't come back?" I sniffed, watery diamonds clouding my eyes.

"Don't think like that, Pony. Prove to them that you ain't scared. Show them that they haven't beaten you. Let them know that you've still got a lot of fight left in you." He squeezed my shoulder affectionately and at that moment, I remembered what I was fighting for. I was fighting for my friends, for my family. The gang is my family, and knowing that gave me the strength I needed. I had my own two feet; it was time to stand on them.

"Thanks, Johnny." I smiled at him weakly before standing up and walking over to the window. I opened it wide and allowed the cool night air to wash over me. The wind rushing in my ears was like a shot of bravery, reminding me of the power I felt whenever I ran in track. I climbed through the window and leapt out onto the ground, as nimble as an alley cat. I looked up into the night sky, finding my bearings in the stars, the moonlight serenading me with a courage that I couldn't explain, causing my nervousness to fade slightly. Just as I was about to run off, Johnny's voice came from behind me, carried by the breeze.

"Stay gold, Ponyboy!"

I looked back over my shoulder, a little confused. "Wait, Johnny, what-"

"You'll get it later," Johnny grinned, chuckling as he leaned on the window sill. "Now go!"

I pondered for a moment, before turning and sprinting off into the darkness. Whatever he meant, I would figure out later. Right then I had to prepare for what was coming. The Socs had taken everything away from me. They'd even taken me; now it was time to get myself back.

~~~~

Hey guys

I hope you liked this chapter. It was really hard to write. I know that I said 'Stay Gold' without the poem, but don't worry, I know what I'm doing (at least I think so). I'm trying not to rush myself, otherwise I know that my creativity will die under pressure. So please, be patient with me.

Thank you!

M. Elyse Lynch