TW!! I know I posted this at the start of the book, too, but just be sure... this book is partially about sexual violence.

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I can't believe I'm doing this again.

Another party.

I'm already on my third strawberry vodka. I'm not even thirsty. I'm just... bored.

"Never have I ever... had a threesome," one of the girls says. A couple of people drink, but Lena and I both don't.

"Never have I ever..." one of the boys smirks. "Had sex on campus."

I've barely touched my drink at all during this game.

"We just talked about this!" Lena's friend gushes, grabbing her arm. "In the bathroom!"

"Oh my god, yes!" Lena laugh. "So gross!"

"Kind of kinky though..."

"Yeah, hot as hell! But think of the germs!"

Lena's friends are great. She introduced me to a group of them as soon as we arrived, and they embraced me with open arms. I'm only just starting to get to know them, but Lena already seems to know so much about them. They're laughing and giggling, and sharing inside jokes.

I'm a bit of an outsider, but I don't mind. I'm just glad Lena is making friends. I don't want her to be held back by me. I want her to live her life to the fullest.

"Never have I ever had sex in public," one of the girls says. Lena sips at her drink, receiving a bunch of 'oohs' and 'aahs' from the group.

She used to be afraid of this story, but I'm glad she isn't anymore. We were in junior year when it happened. She'd been in a relationship with the same guy for about a year. They were having sex, but didn't start experimenting until later on in their relationship.

It happened while they were on a picnic. It was still bright outside, in a public park. There are always kids running around there, so anyone could've seen. But knowing Lena, she'd make sure nobody did.

"Well, look who it is!" a loud voice booms. I instantly recognise it as Christians. The one person I was hoping not to see today. I turn to him, smiling sweetly.

"Hi Christian," I say. "It's good to see you."

"I can never say no to a party," he smirks. "How've you been?"

"Pretty good. I've been kind of busy."

"I can tell! You haven't replied to my texts."

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that. I meant to, but you know how life goes."

"I sure do. You look extra cute tonight."

"Aw, thank you! I tried something different with my makeup."

"I don't know anything about that, but you look banging."

I added a bit more contour than usual, making my face look more chiselled. I'm also wearing a pinkish-red lipstick instead of a brownish-red. And some extra blush to make my cheeks stand out.

I thought it matched well with my outfit. I'm wearing a white lace dress, with brown suede flats. It's a very girly, classic look, so I thought some emphasised features would suit well.

"So, our date," he continues. "Are you free on Monday?"

"Yeah..." I hesitate. "About that..."

"You're kidding right?" he scoffs, shaking his head.

"I think you're really great, but I'm not sure if we should go out again."

"Why not?"

"I just don't think there's a connection there."

"A connection?"

"Yeah, I mean, I'm just not sure if..." I stumble over my words, trying to make sense of my feelings.

"I thought you said you had a good time."

"I did, I just don't know if I can see us being anything more than friends."

He scoffs. "More than friends?"

"It's not that I don't like you, I just don't think we'd work out."

"In a relationship?"

"Yeah," I nod.

"Holy fuck," he shakes his head.

"What?" I scowl, not understanding his reaction. He's smiling at me, almost laughing, but there's still anger in his eyes.

"You thought I wanted a relationship?"

"Not necessarily, but that's what dating is about, right?"

"No, Sarah," he snickers.

"Then why did you date me?"

"Because I wanted to fuck you!"

My scowl deepens, my heart rate increasing. This... hurts.

"I thought you liked me?" I hesitate.

"Yeah, I liked you enough to fuck you," he sneers.

Ouch.

"What?" I mumble.

"You actually thought I wanted to date you?" he scoffs. "You're unbelievable."

"I don't understand."

"You're so fucking clueless. You're a freshman, Sarah. You're worth double points."

"Double points?"

"You're lucky I even took you on a date in the first place."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means I should've fucked you the day we met!"

I feel like vomiting. I should've known. I should've seen this coming. Everything I thought about fraternities is completely right. He fooled me.

I keep my eyes glued to him, hoping to make my anger clear. He shouldn't get away with things like this. I can only image the things he's done to other girls. My body shakes as I speak my neck words, but I know I have to. I'm not just hurt, I'm angry.

"You need to go fuck yourself," I spit. "You're s fucking asshole."

"You know what?" he sneers. "Tyler was right about you. You're a fucking frigid bitch."

"Fuck you!" I yell.

"You hear that boys?" he calls, catching the attention of the others in the room. "We've got a new Virgin Mary!"

The crowd cheers, repeating his words over and over again. But I don't understand. Christian grabs onto my arm, catching everyone attention.

"Sarah Stone! Our new Virgin Mary!" he calls.

I tug my arm free, wrestling with Christians. The whole room chants the words 'Virgin Mary', eyeing me.

"Burn in hell!" I spit at him, but he just smirks.

"The first one to fuck you, wins," he whispers.

I'm going to vomit.

I turn away, barging out of the room. The crowd follows my movements, but I can't see them. My vision is too blurry. I run out onto the lawn, getting as far away from there as possible.

"Sarah!" Lena calls, hot on my tail. "She throws her arm around me, embracing me in a hug. "Are you okay?"

"I fucking hate him!" I wail.

"I'm so proud of you! You stood up for yourself!"

"I'm so angry! I'm so fucking angry!"

She takes a step back, surprised by my words. She's not used to me being so angry. I only get this way every now and then, and my medication is meant to stop it.

"How can he do that to me?" I grumble, ignoring her curious stare. "I feel so fucking stupid. He's a fucking dick!"

"Sarah..."

"I'm so fucking mad! What the fuck is wrong with him?"

As soon as I speak the words, my tears spill out of my eyes. I let out a loud cry, letting them roll over my cheeks. Lena embraces me once more, soothing me.

"It's okay," she says. "Everything is going to be okay."

"I feel so... I feel so used!"

"I know, girl. I know. You can let it all out."

"I don't know how to deal with this," I sob. "Everything is changing and I can't sleep. I miss my mum and I hate it. I hate it, Lena!"

"I know, I know. It's alright."

"No, it's not," I shake my head.

"Yes it is," she insists. "You're overwhelmed. Things will get better."

"I need to go back to therapy."

"You're going to a support group, right?"

I nod. "I start next week."

"Good! That'll help," she says. "Now stop crying. You can still fix your makeup."

I laugh, pulling away from her. I take a deep breath, calming my body down. I'm already feeling better.

"I think I should just go home."

"And let that dick ruin your night? I don't think so."

"Well, I definitely don't want to go back in there."

"Let me take you out," Owen says, joining the conversation. He must've followed us out here. He probably saw what went on in there, too.

"I don't think that's a good idea," I say.

"Come on, it's still early," he insists. "The boys and I are heading out to the Barrel. You should come with us."

"I don't know..."

"Go!" Lena urges. "I'll come too, if you want?"

"No, you need to stay with your friends."

"Fine, but then you need to go with Owen."

"I promise you'll have fun," Owen says. "I'll buy you nuggets."

"Well," I scoff. "You know I can't say no to nuggets."