8. self-love

Background color
Font
Font size
Line height

You were the one that made me feel enough.
**

Cameron's POV

The bright sunlight shines through my curtains and I hear the quiet vibrations of my phone. I let it ring until it turns off and rub my eyes. The phone turns off and I roll over to check the ID of the person who called me.

Harry's name, "Small Dick, Big Asshole" flashes on my screen as a missed call and I groan into my pillow. I guess I should answer. I tap on the notification and the call rings. My eyes are barely open, but then he answers it. There's a slight shuffle and then he talks.

"Morning, Cam. How are you?" he asks me and I can hear the background which consists of loud music and people talking. A bar, how lovely. I check the time and it's nearly two in the afternoon.

"Don't call me Cam, and I've been great until you woke me up with your inconvenient call. What do you want?" I answer in a bored tone and he chuckles.

He pauses for a moment before replying to me. "A father can't check on his daughter every now and then?"

"A father wouldn't be at a bar at two p.m., slapped his son and wife, degrades both of his children, and threatened to take everything away from a child who's parents can't even support him because they just let you do shit to the people he cares about and to him." I snap, sitting up on my bed.

"So, no. You're not a father to me, therefore you can't check up on me."

The silence was loud between us and then the occasional shouts of, "Drink!" came in between. I hear him laughing with someone and I almost hang up but he starts talking again.

"Cameron, let go of things. I haven't even said anything cruel to you and yet you burst out at me," he says in a weird tone, too calm. "I did nothing."

I scoff, "Nothing my ass. What do you fucking want?"

"What I wanted was a nice conversation, but I can't seem to get that can I? You know what, Cameron? You and Blake are mistakes. You both can't seem to become stronger mentally can you? You both crumble and fall in a matter of seconds because of my words, and that's pathetic."

My blood is boiling and I try to speak but he continues rambling on.

"You are pathetic Cameron. You can't seem to love yourself either! Your go-to motto back the was, Love yourself and love others, yet you can't follow that now can you?"

I stay silent and he ends the call. I drop the phone from my hand and stare at the wall in front of me. No matter what he says, I know that he's right. I can't seem to love myself and I hate the way I started off snappy.

I can't seem to get a break from Harry and it sucks. I lay down and face sideways to the mirror on the left of me. I analyze every feature of my face from the small zit on my forehead, down to my nose, and down to my pink lips. It's either too small, too big, too wide, or too narrow and I hate it.

I hate that he's fucking right.

**

I wish school wasn't a thing. I walk down the halls and to lunch where everyone was already there. A few people wave at me and I try and smile back but it doesn't reach my eyes.

I fix Blake's black NY hat on my head and sat down at the usual lunch table. I can hear everyone stop what they're doing and to look at me.

"Cam?" Sierra asks and I look up. Her eyes go from my frizzy blonde hair that's in waves down to my outfit which was a pair of black sweatpants and a plain white hoodie. "Are you good?"

I nod, taking a bite out of my sandwich, staring off into space. I feel a hand on my bouncing knee and Ty tilts his head to search something on my face. I look away and I can sense Blake's stare across from me.

"You okay?" he silently mouths and I smile. Parker isn't here and I wish she were. I see Kaydon handing me my favorite blue jolly rancher. I decline it.

"Okay, something's up." Kaydon concludes, putting the candy back.

Sierra pushes strands of my hair back off of my shoulders. "Cam, talk to me what's going in?"

"Nothing," I reply, not in the mood to talk.

Blake shakes his head. "Nah nah, it isn't nothing. Tell us dude, what's wrong?"

He keeps on nagging me and then I snap at him like I have never done before.

"I said nothing is fucking wrong!" I reply, quite loudly. Heads turn our way but resume their conversations after Kaydon waves them off.

Blake's eyes are wide and I stand up. I excuse myself to go outside and I walk faster and faster till im out the door. The sun blinds me for a moment and I sit down at the front sidewalk, taking deep breaths.

I don't usually snap at them. Blake is used to the usual, period ones or the annoyed ones, because he's my brother and he annoys me but this one was rather different. He looked hurt but also understanding what's going on in my head.

I can only slightly remember Kaydon and Sierra's reactions. They looked shocked and Sierra wanted to comfort me but I shrugged her off. The sound of the door makes me turn around and I see Ty walking out with my backpack on his shoulders and a bag of grapes in hand.

"Hungry?" he smiles slightly and I take the bag of grapes. I pat to the open space next to me and he looks at it for a moment. Then, he sits down next to me in a grunt with his long legs out in front of him.

I swallow the grape I was eating and I feel his finger lightly brush my leg when he stretches.

"Was I too mean to them?" I ask suddenly. He turns to look at me and shakes his head after a moment.

"No, you just didn't want to talk about it then. They're just worried about you, C." he assures me and I sigh.

"Blake looked hurt,"

Ty puts a hand on my leg, causing goosebumps to rise on my arms and legs.

"He knew you were frustrated with the shit going on. He wanted me to come out here."

My eyes widen, looking from his hand to his brown eyes that were already looking at his hand on my leg.

"He did?"

Ty nods and I laugh a little. There was a peaceful silence between us. It was only the wind and the sound of birds chirping and I just took it all in.

"Was it Harry?"

He moves his hand to move my chin and I'm now directly looking at him. His head is slightly tilted, eyes looking at mine, quickly went from my lips and back up again.

Without a single word, I nod. He blinks, blinks again, and then he pulls me into a hug. Not the usual hugs we give each other, but this one was a deeper one. This one felt so personal and real that I didn't even recognize it as a Ty hug. We pull away and he fixes the hat on my head, causing me to laugh because the front of the cap was covering my eyes.

"What did he say to you?" Ty asks, taking my hand gently and staring at the rings on it.

I stare out to the parking lot, focusing on the moving leaves on the trees. "Called me and Blake pathetic, called us mistakes, said I couldn't love myself." my mind recalls back to the phone call and I grip onto his hand for comfort. He squeezes my hand knowing that he's here.

"He was at a bar at two p.m. laughing with people and said that he wanted to know how I was doing. He didn't come home to ask and he had the nerve to say that he is a father to me." I scoff and Ty just listens.

"But he's right, Ty. I can't love myself, I an pathetic, and I am a mistake. I can't defend the people I love, I can't control what I feel, I can't seem to be the person I want to be, I can't be the person I need to be and what everyone wants me to be. Why? Because-"

"Because you don't need to." he cuts me off, still staring at the gold rings on my fingers.

"You're capable of all of that, but you don't need to accomplish any of that today. It can be tomorrow, in a few days, weeks, maybe months. The person you need to be is just you and you're already you," he tells me.

"Sometimes, the person you want to be is the person you don't have to be at all."

I stare at him, mouth open in surprise and he finally looks up. He brings my hand up to his lips and kisses it softly before putting it down. "Don't listen to his shit, C." he says quietly.

I chuckle humorlessly, "That's kind of hard when he says it almost every day." Ty puts an arm around my shoulder and I lean on his.

"Know that you are none of the shit he says to you. Know your worth and we'll help you. You gotta let us try. Let me try." he whispers, and I can feel his voice on my head. The soft vibrations.

"I'm going to always be by your side, C. Your brother too, the group, everyone. Just let us in okay?" I look up at him and I almost just kiss him right there from how sweet this moment is, but I don't.

I nod and he smiles at me. The universe has blessed me today with this amazing boy next to me. His comfort makes me feel safe, his body making me warm next to me even though I'm wearing a thick hoodie, his scent of pine and soft cologne enveloping me, and just the presence of him makes me feel like I'm on a whole different world.

I don't deserve a friend like Ty, but here we are. I lean on his shoulder for the remaining of our lunch period and he lets me. We both stay quiet, looking at the parking lot full of cars. I hear his heart beating and mine too, but mine is faster. His other hand plays with the rings on my fingers again and I smile at that.

"You are something else Ty Shruder," I murmur and he immediately looks at me.

"What did you say?" he playfully grins and I shake my head.

"Nothing."

"No, no, what did you say?" he raises an eyebrow and I shake my head.

"I just said that you are something else," I admit and he laughs.

"A good way or bad way?" he asks me and I think for a moment, causing him to panic.

I smile, "Depends."

He rolls his eyes and takes a ring off of my finger and slips it on somehow with one hand. It's too small bit it fits most of the finger. "Instead, you should say Ty Shruder is the most amazing, talented, sexiest, handsome, best looking, funniest, guy you've ever met." he winks at me.

I laugh, actually laugh. "I'm never saying that."

"Not even at our winter formal?"

"Nope," he frowns and I push away the wrinkles in the middle of his forehead.

"No frowning!" he swats my hand away and we hear the bell ring. He gets up and lends me a hand which I gratefully take.

He hands me my bag and things before hugging me again. "Text me later okay?"

I nod and he smiles before walking inside. The way about him makes me smile and laugh. The moments we have are things people never see. When it's just us, Ty and I are so different. Ty Shruder is definitely something else.

And not in a bad way at all.

**

a/n

unedited!

okay last update for a week or two. its almost the end of school and i have sm to do! :)

this chapter hits close to me because self love isnt easy. cam is hard on herself and she doesn't know what true love is, neither does blake. self love is hard and it's harder without a support system. these six, (the friend group), are kind of based on me and my group of friends who are my support system. you can guess which character is based off of me ;)

if ANY of you struggle with accepting for who you are, loving yourself, or even with mental health, shoot me a dm on my ig @/urhxeartts or message me here. you all are so talented and worthy of something. everyone is capable of anything. i love you all sm.

HAVE A LOVELY DAY!!

-s


You are reading the story above: TeenFic.Net