Chapter 50

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"LOOK WHAT I got." Aaron turns to me as I pack my stuff. I was already so down knowing the goodbyes were coming.

"What?" I asked looking up from my sweater.

He sat down in front of me and played with the chain on his fingers. I looked at the silver pendent that went with it. On it was written:

West's.

"Aww." I touch it. "Congratulations. You've finally become a dog." He frowned at me as I laughed kissing his cheek. "I love it."

"You better." He grunted. "It's for you. And me."

I beam at him and finish packing the rest of my stuff before the bell rang. "That must be grandma!" I excitedly squeal getting up. "I need to pee. Go meet her downstairs." I quickly run to the bathroom and do my business before zipping my fly and running down the steps.

Each step was more airy then the next. My heart was racing so badly I thought I might just drop dead. I could hear her laughter echo through the loud walls.

I walk down and nearly stumble at a skinny woman sitting on our couch. "Bryce?" Grandma turns to me. Her hair was wrapped in a turban. She probably went to travelling again and became obsessed.

"Gee grandma you look skinny. Have you eaten anything?" I laugh as I embrace her tightly. She does the same as my eyes met Catherine who shifted them away.

"Of course I have! Old age really does a lot. Plus I had a whole pot roast when I went to the gambling shed last night." She whispers to me. "Let me tell you those guys are not what they portrayed to be if you know what I mean." I laugh and elbow her.

"And this must be the pretty boyfriend." She smiles at Aaron who walks forward. He extends his hand forward but she does not take it. Aaron looks at me scared.

Grandma turns to me narrowing her eyes. "How's the guy?"

"Amazing."

"Good personality."

"Yes."

"Clean?"

"Yup."

"Mind blowing sex?"

"Check." Aaron goes into a coughing fit to which I ignore.

"Love or lust?" She shoots the question at Aaron.

"Love." He fires back nervously.

My grandma nodded. "I'll see for now. Shake it." She extends her hand and Aaron shakes it wearily. "Sit down, boy." He does and I control myself from laughing.

I look up at Catherine who clears her throat. Louis shoots her eyes at her mouthing something. "I'm going to get water."

I watch her walk off. Weird.

"So tell me Bryce. How's it been at the academy?"

I bite my lip and lean back on the armchair. "Academically it's horrible. Socially it's amazing." My grandma laugh out loud leaning her head back.

"That's the Weston spirit. You've grown soo much taller then the last time I've seen you."

"Well you haven't seen me much now have you?" I accuse. "You didn't even come to Christmas, Mom's wedding or my birthday."

Grandma rolls her eyes. "I was going too." She says. "But I got busy. That's all."

"Hmm." I calculate. "What kind of busy?"

She blushed at me. "Not that kind! For Christ's sake I'm fifty-eight!"

I laugh out loud as the rest of my friends come down. "Guys this is Grandma. Grandma these are the shitheads I've been hanging out with."

"Pleasure meeting you. One shithead to another." My grandma winks as they all chuckle astounded. "Ah Jordan you look nice and tall. Got muscle on you too. Attract any ladies?"

"As a matter of fact I have." Jordan straightens the top of his shirt.

"Oh?" My grandma challenged.

"Yeah. Emery." Jordan mused.

My grandma looked at me. "Emery the bitch? Really? You took the shot with somebody who-"

"Grandma." I sang in. "We're good now. Don't worry."

Jordan's eyes are widened as my grandma tilts her head at him. "Are we actually good?"

"Yes ma'am." He swallowed as she nodded turning back to us.

"Bryce could you get me some water please, sweetheart?" Grandma asked. I immediately got up and went to the kitchen to hear Louis and Catherine shouting.

"Stop it Cath!" Louis shrieked. "Not everything is about you!"

"It fucking is when she doesn't get involved!" Catherine hissed back. "If you don't tell her then I will Lou. I don't give a damn what Amelia, Jake or her grandma said! She isn't a little girl anymore-"

"She has already been through soo much. Are you going to be that selfish and add another knife to the wound Cate? You like to see her suffer and cry?"

"God just shut up. This isn't about us. She gets to make that choice. Not us. You said yourself she hasn't gotten that-"

"I didn't mean it in this circumstance!" Louis screamed. I walked in and they both jumped at the sight of me. Louis's throat was red, whether  from anger or pregnancy I did not know. "Bryce." She breathed with a smile. Her eyes trailed on the glass in my hand and she stepped aside. "The coolers acting a little rough so I froze ice cubes instead."

I set the glass down and crossed my arms at them. "What is it that you both aren't telling me?"

Louis opened her mouth. "Nothing. I swear it's stupid and soo minor it really doesn't-"

"Affect my life?" I finished for her and turned my attention to Catherine. "What is it?"

"Bryce-" She started a little sad.

"For fuck's sake tell me!" I angrily put out looking between the two of them. "What happened?"

Louis burst into tears while Catherine gritted her jaw. "It's not my place to tell but your grandma-" That was enough for me to go running in the living room.

Grandma and everybody looked up at me as I stormed in with a worried look on my face. "Bryce, dear, is everything alright?" I stared at her turban and swallowed shakily.

"Grandma." I croaked. "Take the turban off." She looked at me in alarm and Aaron stood up.

"Bryce I-"

"Just do it." I begged her. "Please." Her eyes darted behind me to where Catherine and Louis were standing.

"I told you not to." She hotly said to them.

"We didn't." Catherine matched her tone whilst Louis sniffed.

"Bryce what's wrong?" Aaron asked standing next to me. Jordan looked at me worried too. They all thought I was going and or something.

"Grandma." I pressed. "Please. Take it off." I did not care how this looked in front of my friends or boyfriend. I did not care how this looked in front of my sisters.

I just wanted to believe in hope for a little while. But even that shattered as my grandma took off the turban and my breathing completely stopped.

I fell backwards into Aaron who caught me as my eyes watered. "What kind?" I whimpered.

She looked at the floor in disappointment. "Breast cancer."

"And you-" I could not finish my words. But I had to get my answers. I had to fight for them. "And you could not tell me? Nobody could bloody tell me." I spat. They all bowed their heads in shame. My friends obviously did not know but they still seemed to be sad and in shame.

Aaron held me tighter but I pushed him away. The pain in my chest was building up too much. Horrendously so. Like a bottle cramming with stones.

"How long?"  I pushed through my emotions and started demanding things from her.

"Since you moved to Welton academy." Grandma's voice wobbled as she looked up at me. They all knew. Everybody fucking knew. That's why she was nowhere. "I'm so sorry- I wanted to but-"

"I don't want to hear it." I muttered getting out the room. It was too thick to stand here. To harsh to live here.

I heard Aaron's footsteps behind me as I reached the door and turned back at him. "Don't follow me." He looked like he was in distress as I gritted my jaw and shut the door behind me. I ran out in the snow with nothing but jeans and a light t-shirt.

I saw my driver try to holler at me but I ignored him and ran.

Nobody told me anything. I'm just that person.

And now Grandma had cancer. And I could tell it was an accelerating type. How many people survived it?

I tried not to think of the negative. She will survive. She will.

Fucking life. I could not have a break could I? It was the same old cycle. People always going away. Why could not I be the first to leave? To feel no pain. I wanted nothing to Dow it's life. Why cannot people who actually need life have it?

It is all a cruel game. Everything sick and twisted. I was never going to have a family. I decided I did not need one. What was one supposed to give me anyway?

Pain?

It was always pain. Ripping through me like claws on fresh prey. I was sick of it. I was so sick of it. I just- I just wanted to lie down and sleep. A really, really long sleep. Eternity.

No one could heal this pain. Nobody could stop it. It just kept digging and digging until I would be the bones six feet under. The adoption Center said family would give me happiness. What a lie.

Happiness? Only temporary. There were more dark sides then happiness. It meant being dependent on others. If they get hurt you get hurt. If they loose you loose.

There was no independence. No feelings that were pinned only to you.

I gripped past a tree root and sag against it. "Fucking hell." I tear up looking around at the people going around at the park. They all looked so oblivious. So happy and cheery and innocent-

"Are you okay?" I turn to see a man walk up to me. His face was pinched with the cold as he looked at me.

"I-" I wipe my eyes quickly and nod. "Everything is fantastic."

He stared at me a little longer before asking, "Can I get you anything? Actually- here." He passed me a fifty with a smile. "Have a great day."

"Thank you." I crumple the note in my hand as he walked away. Did he think I was homeless? I probably looked the part. I scan my eyes through the crowd and see an alcohol store.

I quickly drag my feet there on auto-mode and step into the shop. I look at the cashier with an expression that was hazardously needy. "Strongest kind under fifty?"

She looked at me skeptically and turned behind her. "Everclear is the strongest. You can get this one for 48 dollars." I nod and hand her the money as she gives me the bottle.

It was 1.75 litres and exactly what I needed. "Keep the change." I tell her and walk out popping the bottle with the crock screw and toss them away in a bin.

I brought the bottle to my lips and choke on the harsh taste. It would get me drunk for sure.

Walking absolutely nowhere I chug the bottle intensely. I chug it like my life depends on it. That I depend on it.

I cough and pull away my eyes watering at the taste. "Damn." I muttered looking at the bottle. I drank half of it already.

Not good my subconscious tells me. I ignore it and feel the dizziness wash over me as I stumble past the streets.

"Hey!" A guy honks his car as I giggle at him from the street. "Have a death wish?"

"Yes!" I shout back sending him my middle finger and walking away. "Hellooo." I wave off to strangers who scurry past me.

I drink the rest of the content and throw the bottle away with a crash. I wipe my chin and smile as I look around. "Much better." I muse.

No pain.

Not a single sliver of it.

I felt phenomenal.

Tripping over my own feet I feel nauseous all of sudden. My stomach lurches as I step on the shards of glass barefoot. "Oh god." I hiss as blood starts drawing out. I throw up on the spot and cough loudly my chest hurting.

My hands meet the ground hitting more shards as I cough and spit. My insides were burning. Fire was starting inside of me and it hurt.

Tears stream down my face as I lurch again with a blaze catching in my throat. I brought my hand up to wipe my face only to shriek as my cheekbone got cut.

I was a mess. A disgusting mess.

Regret was coursing through my veins at this point. I should not have drank. I should not have touched the alcohol bottle at all.

I try to crawl away from the scene. To save my dignity but I was already to deep in this. I needed help. I needed water to wash away the alcohol.

I needed something. Anything. Everything. I start sobbing uncontrollably as I hit the ground with my hand. "I hate myself. I hate this. I hate everything." I scream down like the weak person I was. "I hate it."

I just want to die. I just want to cut myself. Cut myself from this world and be in a void of curiosity and nothing. I wanted to close my eyes and be gone.

But that was a lie. I wanted to live. I wanted to see my friends and Aaron. I wanted to fight. I wanted to heal. I wanted to say it was okay. I wanted to see tomorrow. I wanted to tel myself I love me. Because I do.

I made a mistake.

I closed my eyes and fell onto the ground with nothing around me but my pain.

I slept with it.

...

"Her heart race is too low and her body temperature is rising. Zarah get the blankets now." I heard voices rumble around me. Shuffling and placing. I felt a weight draped over me as I remained unconscious. "She's too drained. She's awake but she can't use her limbs."

Who the hell was she?

I remained asleep in my mind as time passed and I think about a few days went by before my hands worked again. I blinked my eyes slowly as a flashlight shun on them making me wince. "It's still a delayed response but she's better." The doctor diagnosed as I blinked again. "Bryce? Bryce can you hear me?"

"Hmm." I groggily put out.

"Do you know why you're here?" The doctor asked.

Not really. No.

"You consumed a very risky amount of alcohol. You are lucky as it didn't lead to any intense amount of brain damage but it did affect your chest. Your chest is going to be burning for a few days. But your heart should be okay." The doctor explained. "You have some delayed responses that will get better as you heal. For now I want you to rest and stay away from alcohol, okay?"

"Hm." I say not really in the mood to speak. The door closed behind her and I wondered where everyone was. Guess nobody came to visit me.

I did not bother getting up. I just counted to sleep for a while before the door reopened and the doctor came back. She helped me sit upright and pulled a stool with her.

"Are you feeling better?"

"As shit as I can be." I answered coughing. She passed me a glass of water which I hesitated holding.

"Drink it. You need to clear your system." She ordered. I brought the water or my lips and gagged. "I know. But you need to drink it." I drank a quarter before setting it down. A few moments of silence past us before she spoke up, "My name is Andrea. I'm your doctor."

"Okay." I answer my voice chalky. I looked around again before staring at the bandages at my hand and the IV drips.

"You made your whole family incredibly worried." Andrea said as I scoffed. "That much alcohol consumption could-"

"Kill me. I know." I hotly said to her. Repeating irrelevant information was not at all appealing.

"I know you know. That's where my next question comes in: why are you trying to kill yourself?"

"That's quite a designed assumption." I snort. Shit my chest hurt.

"It's a calculated one." Andrea said. "Is there anything bothering you?"

"Yes. You pestering me."

"Anything else?"

"Stop asking me questions. You're making my head hurt." I snapped at her. "I just drank alright? Like every other fucking teenager."

"Yeah but not every other teenager ends up at an emergency room." She countered cooly. "I know you don't want to speak but you're going to have to. I won't discharge you until you have."

"That's illegal." I hiss at her. "I'm sure you graduated medical school. The rules state a patient is discharged as soon as they are better."

"And you aren't. No physically snd definitely not mentally."

"Are you psychiatrist?"

"Are you going to continue fighting me Bryce?" I huff at her and lean against my bed. "Sit up right. You're still partially drunk." I roll my eyes and sit up a fraction as she pushes a strand of her dark brown hair. "Now? Back to the question in hand."

"I don't want to answer." I muttered.

Andrea sighed loudly and crossed her arms. "Bryce if you don't answer then I'm afraid-"

"I'm eighteen." I seethed at her. "You can't bait me into childcare or anything. I have the right to walk out of here. And if you challenge me then I suppose your reputation would suffer more consequences."

Andrea licked her lips and looked at me. "Answer the question."

"Because life is shit okay!" I bursted. "It's horrible and I thought the only way to push that away would be to get drunk. Happy now?"

Andrea nodded. "That was all I needed to hear. I need you to be more open with your feelings around people. Dorm drink them. You can die. And as much as you want to believe me death isn't that pretty. It's cold and alone. So try living. It's your life and your responsibility to live it to the maximum. It's your job."

"Another responsibility." I drag. "Just my luck."

"I mean it." Andrea narrows at me. "Now come. I think you have some people who want to meet you." I grit my jaw and stare at the ceiling.

"I don't want to meet them."

"Are you sure?" She pressed.

"Positive. Although can I have a phone call?"

"You may. Yes." She got up snd turned to the door. "It'll be fine. And just so you know the alcohol that the shop gave you was a fraud. It was only fifty percent alcohol and the rest water. What you were experiencing was a panic attack so congratulations." She smiles at me walks out.

That news actually made me relived. Incredibly and utterly relieved.

A few minutes later a nurse brings in a cordless phone and hands it to me. I dial a number and wait for the buzz to mute out.

"Hello?"

"Kevin?" I ask my driver.

"Ms.Weston? It's good to hear you. How can I help you?"

"Kevin I need you to go to my room and get my suitcase. I need you to book me a flight as soon as possible to Archdale. An you do that?" I wait for him to answer impatiently.

"But your mother would not be-"

"This is about me not her. Now can you do that?"

"Yes." He confirmed. "I can. I'll get your bags to your room by 2 tomorrow and are far transport. Have a healthy recovery miss."

"Thank you." I exhale and decline the call. I press the assistance button and have the nurse take this with her. Just as she left the door opened and I spoke up. "Andrea I'm really not in the fucking mood to be interrogated again."

The voice remained silent. I tilt my head from the TV that was playing on to see Aaron standing there. He seemed to look like all the living had been sucked from him.

His cold eyes raked my face and then my body and then the drips and straps on me. "Are you feeling better?" He asked slowly not nearing me.

I swallow and look at the window. "Yeah. I am." I cleared my throat only to start coughing aggressively again. My breath

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