Chapter 7: No Good

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I hope you all enjoy reading! Just to let you know, there will be no new chapter next week as I'm going on vacation and taking a break from editing! Stay tuned until then.

Xoxo xoxo

~Raegan~

To say that I was surprised to see Josh waiting at the salon after what had gone down the night before was an understatement. But he had been showing up at a lot of places just to see me lately, and last night was no exception. It was a mutual friend's birthday, but never did I think Josh would actually attend. He hated going out and loved spending nights in whenever he could. It was always me trying to force him out of the house and most times it ended in a fight. Josh and I were just so different and I was so sick of him fighting for something that had been dead for years. When he'd shown up last night, I knew it was only so that he could see me and try and convince me to take him back, but my resolve was not wavering. I was done—ready to move on and try new things. But clearly, that approach hadn't been sinking in, so instead, I thought I might try giving him the emotional closure he might need.

That somehow ended in a hug—a hug that Tweaker had been a witness to, and apparently one he wasn't happy about, although I had no fucking clue why. We had sex one time and he was already going caveman on me? What the actual fuck?

I'd tried to break it up once Josh had thrown the first punch, but after that, I couldn't be bothered once all hell broke loose. I broke up with Josh to escape drama, not to get myself into a shit-pile more of it.

But drama seemed to follow me wherever I went, and work was no exception. Josh was sitting in my chair when I walked in, waiting for me like a damn stalker even though the salon wasn't even open yet.

"What are you doing here, Josh?" I asked, placing a hand on my hip. His face was all beaten up—presumibly from Tweaker, but in his defense, Josh had started it.

He looked up at me from my chair, his chocolate brown eyes looking glassy.

Was he about to fucking cry? Jesus Christ, I hoped not.

"Morning," he said, standing to his feet and making his way over to me.

"I got you your favorite," he said, holding out a Starbucks cup.

Bribing me with Starbucks? The man knew me too fucking well.

"Thanks," I said, as I took the cup from him. I was strong—but not that strong. Who the fuck was I to turn down free Starbucks? That shit is expensive.

"Can we talk?" he asked, a sheepish look taking over his features.

Fucking hell. How many times did we need to talk about this shit?

"Josh," I groaned. "We've talked about this a million times. Still, you show up at my house, when I'm out, and now at work. When is it gonna stop?" I asked, throwing my hands up in the air.

His face fell.

I felt bad, but fuck I was tired of this.

"Sally let me in. She said it was fine if I waited for you," he mumbled.

I was gonna kill her for this later, that bitch. She was my boss and a big Josh supporter, and probably the one encouraging him to keep trying.

"Josh, we've been through this. I thought I made it clear last night that we're just better off."

He seemed to be taking the hint fine enough until Tweaker showed up and ruined it all that is.

"So you think he's better for you then?" Josh asked, his tone changing from sweet and soft to the usual clipped and impatient. "That guy is a fucking loser. Rides around here with a stupid logo on the back of his leather and thinks he's king of the world. He's no good for you, Rae."

I had no delusions that I was gonna end up with Tweaker, but I didn't like the way Josh talked down to him as if he was so much better.

"This isn't about him," I frowned. "He has nothing to do with why I don't wanna be with you anymore, Josh."

"You're saying you haven't fucked him?" he challenged.

My eyes narrowed. "Seeing as how we've been broken up for months, that's none of your business."

His eyes widened with realization. Josh looked like I had just slapped him across the face or something. "You have fucked him," he declared.

Yes, I fucked him, and it was the most glorious night of my damn life.

But Josh had no business knowing that, so I didn't answer.

"Has Jamie met him?" he asked, his voice wavering just slightly.

This was Josh's way of asking if Tweaker and I were serious. He knew that I would never bring any guy to meet Jamie unless said guy really meant something to me. And while I hadn't brought Jamie anywhere near Tweaker, nor did I have plans to, I didn't feel like I had to justify this all to Josh.

"This is stupid. Getting into bar fights? That's not you."

He shook his head. "This isn't you either!" he yelled.

I let out a scoff. "This is me, Josh. I just don't think you ever realized the kind of girl you were with for the last four years."

I had never changed. I'd been my wild-crazy self for as long as I could remember. The only different part about me now was that I wasn't holding it back anymore. I didn't have to filter myself just so Josh could feel good about our relationship. I had always been outspoken, and I had always been up for fun. It was just that now I didn't have Josh up my ass trying to tame me. I was sick of feeling like I was dating a man who was trying to be my parent, I just wanted to be free. I was still young, and it was about damn time I started acting like it.

He was silent for a moment, letting my words sink in. "To think," he began. "I got that asshole arrested last night, for what? You're clearly over me," he mumbled.

While I knew his words were an attempt to bait me into saying I wasn't over him, the only part of his statement that I cared about was the mention of an arrest.

"You got him arrested?" I shouted. "Why would you do that?"

Josh had thrown the first punch, and he may have missed, but he did say some pretty fucked up things to deserve a punch back. While Tweaker went way overboard, I didn't think he deserved to be arrested for it.

"That's all you care about, isn't it?" Josh said, almost in shock.

I crossed my arms over my chest, really done with this conversation now. "Drop the charges, Josh. This is between you and me, not Tweaker."

A look of realization washed over him. I think he was finally beginning to understand that this breakup wasn't temporary and I meant it when I told him I was never coming back. "Fine," he said. "I'll drop the charges."

Josh turned his back to me and began walking to the door. I let out a breath, relieved that this would probably be the last time I had to deal with this. But then Josh turned around and shot me a menacing look.

"I hope you know he's gonna fuck it up and disappoint you, Rae. He's a worthless junkie, and even if you don't want me, you deserve better than him."

I didn't bother dignify his comment with a response, and I could tell that pissed him off, even more, when he finally left.

He seemed to think I was in love with Tweaker or something. But what he didn't understand was that to me, Tweaker was a chance to experience the fun I never got to have from being tied down by him since I was eighteen. I had spent the majority of my adult life in a relationship, and I wasn't looking for a new one. We had literally only started speaking again eight days ago, so there was no way Tweaker couldn't disappoint me because I didn't expect anything from him.

________________________

I couldn't help but let Josh's words stick in my mind even after I'd gotten home from work. I'd spent the whole day barely there and working on autopilot. I was so caught up in my own head, I was surprised I hadn't dyed someone's hair purple by accident.

"I hope you know he's gonna fuck it up and disappoint you, Rae."  Was the only thing I could hear in my head. I knew it didn't make any sense for me to care so much, but I just couldn't shake Josh's voice repeating it over and over again.

There was nothing for Tweaker to fuck up, and still, the words haunted me.

Even after I was exhausted from playing with Jamie all evening, thoughts of Tweaker consumed my brain as I lay in bed. And because the world was weird like that, I saw a text pop up on my screen as if my thoughts had somehow summoned him.

TWEAKER: Please don't tell me that you and Lieutenant Limpdick are back together? Cos I promise you if that's the case, you won't be able to get the image of me fucking you out of your head even if he ever manages to get it up again. 

I rolled my eyes and let out a laugh as I typed a reply.

ME: We're not.

It was only a second that I saw he was typing back before I received his one-word reply.

TWEAKER: Good

I couldn't help the tingle I felt down there at his response. I enjoyed it immensely that he was happy I was still single.

ME: Why good?

A loaded question, maybe, but I just needed to know why he'd reacted the way he had.

TWEAKER: I told you yesterday, just thinking about being inside of you again has me hard.

I gulped because thinking about that had me feeling some type of way too. I wanted him again. The three times we'd had sex that night were rushed and desperate, and I could help wonder how much better it would be when we both had enough patience to make it last. I wanted it all—everything I had been missing out on with Josh.

I was aching for him. Jamie was asleep, and Holly was at work. I could text Tweaker to come over right now and I could get my fill.

I pondered the idea for only a minute before I chickened out.

ME: You didn't have to hit him

I texted instead.

TWEAKER: You didn't have to hug him

He fired back.

ME: What were you doing at Dusty's anyways?

TWEAKER: Isn't it obvious? I was planning on a repeat of the other night, but the whole dickfuck putting his hands on you kinda distracted me. 

I fought a smile at his reply.

He wanted a repeat? Maybe I wasn't an unfuckable hag after all.

Before I could type back a reply, I saw the three little dots come up as he typed another message.

TWEAKER: If I wasn't heading out of town in a few hours, you'd be in my bed right now.

Cocky asshole.

A gasp escaped my lips as I began typing my reply, but the sounds of shouting coming from just outside my window stopped me.

I tossed my phone back on my bed without answering back and followed the sounds of yelling into the living room. The voices were coming from directly outside, probably on the driveway. I pulled the curtain back from the window and peeked my head to see who the fuck was yelling like that at almost one in the morning. Sure enough, Holly was stood in the driveway, fighting with a man. I couldn't see his face at first, but when he spoke again, I recognized his voice in an instant, and I knew I had to intervene.

I grabbed the baseball bat we kept by the door and forced it open in a matter of seconds. I turned the porch light on as I walked outside, bat in hand, ready to beat a man with it if I had to.

Sure enough, as I walked closer to the driveway, I proved myself right when I saw Travis Jennings, aka my sister's son of a bitch ex, standing across from her and yelling at a tone much too loud for this time at night.

"I want my fucking money!" he spit, as he took a step toward Holly, grabbing her roughly by the collar of her leather jacket.

"I already told you, I spent it!" Holly yelled back.

Jesus Christ, what had she gotten herself into now?

"Hey!" I yelled, holding the bat up high. "I don't want any trouble, Trav, but if you don't back the fuck away from my sister, I will call the cops."

Travis's dark eyes peered over to me for just a second before they shot back to my sister. He let his hands fall to his side and took a step back.

"Your sister owes me three grand, Rae. If I don't get it, and soon, I'll be back here."

With that, Travis took off into the night, and I was left staring at a clearly drunk Holly.

"What the fuck?" I questioned. "I thought we agreed that you were gonna stay away from him."

Holly sucked in a breath and pushed passed me as she let herself inside. I followed after her, my anger growing more by the second as she continuously showed me how much of a child she actually was.

"Holly," I whisper-yelled as she stomped down the hallway. Jamie was thankfully still sleeping, and the last thing he needed to be woken up to was us fighting.

"What?" she yelled, stopping dead in her tracks. "What are you gonna tell me Raegan? That I'm a fuck up? That I need to stop putting myself in these positions? That I need to grow up? You've said it all before, okay? I get it, and right now I just don't wanna fucking hear it. So please, just leave me the fuck alone and let me go to sleep."

I could see tears brimming the surface of her eyes, and as much as I disagreed with most of my sister's actions and how she lived her life, I couldn't bear to see her cry. Holly never cried—and I didn't want to be the one to make it happen. I wanted to tell her that clearly, my words hadn't sunken in no matter how many times I'd said them in the past. I wanted to tell her that indeed, she needed to grow the fuck up because she was almost thirty and it was fucking time. Only, I didn't have the heart to say all that when she looked so deflated. So, I sucked it up and decided it was best to let her be, at least for tonight.

"Fine," I said. "Go to bed. We'll talk about this in the morning."

She nodded and stormed off to her bedroom, shutting the door behind her.

Why did I feel like I was raising two children instead of one?

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