Sorry for the late update this week :( I'm usually really good with keeping on schedule but I was super busy with finals this week! I am now officially on Christmas break so there should be no future delays as we close out AFTR. I hope you enjoy! Don't forget to vote and comment.

~Raegan~

When the glass bottle that Tweaker threw shattered into a million pieces on my bathroom floor, I felt my heart shattering along with it. Seeing him in this state was breaking me. Here was a man who was basically a badass for a living—who was respected for being as tough and hard as he usually was, and now he was completely and utterly broken.

Ace's death had broken him and was on the verge of breaking us too.

I still couldn't get the image of Ace losing consciousness in my arms out of my head. The way he struggled to breathe as I tried to stop the bleeding, or how much blood had stained my hands, clothes, and carpet. The carpet had been ripped out since then, but the memories could never be ripped out of my head—or Jamie's for that matter. He hadn't seen much, mostly because he was turned away when the shot went off, but he had seen Ace laying on the ground for a few seconds before I yelled at him to go to my room, call 911, and not to come out until I told him to. Thankfully, Jamie was scared enough to listen, but he knew something bad had happened.

Miller and the Deputy Chief showed up around the same time the ambulance did, but it was all such a blur, I didn't remember much.

Holly was arrested, I knew that much because I remember her hysterical cries as she yelled "I didn't mean to!" as they hauled her off.

She didn't mean to shoot Ace, she meant to shoot me, and that made the situation all the worse.

I was to blame for all of this, and everyone knew it.

No one had said anything to me directly, but I could see it in their eyes.

The way Miller looked at me when I told him what happened, the way Mick sighed when I explained that Holly was aiming for me, and the way Tweaker had barely even spoken to me since he got to the hospital, was enough to know that they all blamed me too. After all, Holly was my sister, and I was the reason she was so angry. Ace had nothing to do with any of this, and he was the one who ended up dead because he took the bullet that was meant for me, straight in the chest.

My guilt was eating at me, and so were the memories of that night. All I wanted was to cry in Tweaker's arms and for him to tell me that everything was gonna be okay, but Tweaker was even more of a mess than I was. He'd barely looked me in the eyes in the whole week that'd he'd been here. He hadn't touched me even once, he hadn't made any effort to comfort or reassure me, and I couldn't say I blamed him.

I had essentially killed one of his best friends.

I didn't even know how I was gonna show my face at his funeral. At first, I convinced myself I had to do it for Tweaker, but he was adamant that he wasn't going. I considered staying with him and laying on that bathroom floor for as long as he needed me to, but the way he screamed as if there was no life left in him, I knew he needed to be alone.

I checked on Jamie next door before I left for the funeral, and thankfully at least he was holding it together as he played with his friends as if nothing was wrong. I thanked my neighbour for watching him these last few days and got in the car just seconds before I broke down.

I thought I had cried out every tear I had left, but apparently, I was wrong.

My mascara ran down my face as I took the longest route possible to get to the clubhouse. People stared at me when I was stopped at a red light, but I didn't give a shit. When I finally pulled up to the street, I pulled over about a block away and contemplated not even bothering to show up. I knew no one would miss me, and that they probably didn't wanna see me in the first place, but then I thought about Ace. The man had given his life for me. He had purposefully jumped in front of a bullet that was meant for my head, and for that, I owed it to him to suck it up and pay my final respects.

The front of the clubhouse was filled with more motorcycles than I had ever seen in my life, but the lot was quiet. No one was standing around having a cigarette, goofing off, or even speaking. I walked inside feeling like I had walked into a library. The place was filled with people—most of whom I had never met, but it was nearly silent.

I walked further inside, locking eyes with the first person I recognized—Mick.

He stood to greet me, walking over with a slump in his step. He looked exhausted and completely defeated, much like I imagined I did.

"Hey, Rae," he said, giving my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "Tweak outside?" he questioned.

I bit my lip as I shook my head, and Mick's eyes narrowed.

"Where is he?" he questioned.

I shrugged, fighting the urge to burst out into tears again—half my makeup was already gone thanks to the first round of tears, and I could sure as hell use whatever was left on my face.

"He wouldn't come."

Mick crossed his arms over his chest. "What do you mean he wouldn't come?" he questioned.

I felt my lip tremble because how could I explain what was going on with Tweaker when I didn't even know myself? "I woke him up and tried to get him dressed, but he was too high to care. He told me that he wasn't going and to get out," I attempted.

Mick shook his head disapprovingly. "He's gonna regret this when his head is on straight."

I nodded my head in agreement because I knew he would too.

"I told him I would stay back if I was the reason he didn't wanna come, but that didn't make any difference."

Mick's eyes narrowed. "Why would you being here make him not wanna come?"

I shrugged, letting out a breath. "Because he blames me—you all do, I'm sure."

His eyes softened as he squeezed my shoulder. "That's not true, Rae. Any one of us would jump in front of a bullet for a brother's old lady—It's just how we operate. Ace knew what he signed up for and he died protecting you and Jamie."

I shook my head. "You guys jump in front of bullets if it's one of your enemies who threatens an old lady. Holly's my sister. Ace had no obligation to do that for me."

Mick scoffed. "Anyone who threatens one of our own is our enemy. Ace knew what he was doing and I'm sure he would have done it again if he had the choice."

While his words could have very well been complete bullshit, they made me feel the slightest bit better.

"Thank you," I mumbled, struggling to keep my composure.

Mick sent me a nod as he patted my shoulder. "I'm gonna have Knox and Ricky go to the house and try and get him here. He shouldn't miss this."

"Okay," I agreed, hoping that they were more successful than I was.

I walked through the room, seeing nothing but unfamiliar faces. Most of these men were patched members, their bottom rockers showing that they were all from different charters. I didn't even know that the Hell's Tribe spanned as far as Montana, but I guess there was a lot I didn't know about this club.

I found my way to the back corner where the old lady's booth was, and only Loraine and Ronnie were sitting there. I approached cautiously because Loraine and I hadn't spoken since I left the hospital that day, and she looked deep into the half-empty bottle of vodka that she had in front of her. Ronnie was speaking to her softly, clearly trying to comfort her, but I could tell from the look on Loraine's face that it wasn't working in even the slightest.

"Hey," I practically whispered as I slid into the spot next to Loraine.

The conversation stopped, and Loraine's eyes grew dark.

"Hi, Rae," Ronnie mumbled nervously.

Something was off, I just knew it.

Loraine didn't even acknowledge me, she just made a sound that was something between a scoff and a gag. I knew she was hurting, but I couldn't just let her hate me without at least trying to make things better.

"How are you Rain?" I asked, placing my hand on hers.

I might as well have told her to get over it already for the way she turned and glared at me. She ripped her hand away from mine and scowled.

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me," she raged.

"Loraine," Ronnie, warned.

She only shook her head. "How do you even have the balls to show your face here?" she asked.

I bit my lip as I fought tears, cos I had been worrying everyone would think the same thing when I showed up.

"Look," I began. "I am so sorry, that this happened. I never meant for anyone to get hurt."

Loraine scoffed. "Well that's all fine and fucking dandy, but that doesn't bring Ace back!" she yelled, before bursting out into tears herself.

"I'm sorry," I said again, this time under my breath.

Loraine looked up at me with tears in her eyes. "The woman he was on the phone with when we got into that fight has been calling all week. She left him a voicemail and when I went to listen to it, she told him that the engagement ring was ready to be picked up."

My stomach twisted.

Considering all that had happened, I hadn't even considered telling her that Ace was planning to propose.

"The engagement ring, Raegan!" she screamed. "He was gonna ask me to marry him."

I felt my heart beating a million miles in my chest.

What was I supposed to say to that?

"I know," I mumbled.

Loraine's eyes widened as she turned to face me. "What do you mean you know?"

My lip trembled as I wiped away my constant falling tears.

"H-he told me," I stuttered.

Rain's eyes grew even darker. "When?"

"Rain," Ronnie interjected. "Maybe it's best you don't hear this right now."

She turned to face Ronnie as if she was crazy. "I want to know," she insisted before turning back to me.

I let out a breath. "The night before he died," I said. "He was upset and I asked him what was wrong and he told me about you overhearing him on the phone."

Loraine shook her head. "And why didn't you tell me?"

I shrugged. "I didn't think it was a good idea so soon. I didn't want to hurt you even more," I explained.

At my answer, Loraine's eyes only narrowed before she raised her right hand, and connected it to my cheek with a brash slap. I winced, holding my face with my hand as I let out a cry.

"Fuck you, Raegan," she cursed, forcing her way past Ronnie to escape the booth.

At this point, the quiet room had grown completely and utterly fucking silent. Not to mention, every one of those unfamiliar faces was now staring at me with both judgment and curiosity and I just couldn't handle it.

I ran out of there so fast I had nearly tripped over my own feet. Everyone watched in silence as I cried my way out the door, and no one chased after me. I heard Ronnie call my name in the distance, but by the time I had reached my car, I couldn't hear anything.

I drove and I drove until my eyes were too tired to see straight. When I felt them puffing up so much that I could barely see the road clearly, I knew it was time to go home, but facing Tweaker again sounded like the last thing I wanted to do, but I didn't have much of a choice either.

Thankfully, my neighbour offered to have Jamie sleep over again, so at least I didn't have to worry about him, but as I tiptoed into my own house, I almost prayed that Tweaker was passed out by now.

To my surprise, he was nowhere to be seen.

I checked the bathroom where I had last seen him, the kitchen in case he had finally decided to ingest something other than alcohol, and even the garage and backyard, but Tweaker was M.I.A.

It was then that I remembered Mick had sent Knox and Ricky to get him, but when I called and asked Knox if Tweaker was with him, he said he had already been gone by the time they'd shown up at the house.

If I wasn't so exhausted, I might have been worried. But in this state of mind, I knew Tweaker was probably just somewhere else drinking himself stupid. His bike was still here, which meant he didn't drive to wherever the hell he was, so I figured it was best to give him some distance, while I tried to get myself together.

_______________________

I think I fell asleep before my head had even hit the pillow. This was the first time all week that I didn't have Tweaker tossing and turning next to me, or making a ruckus as he got drunk until the sun came up. But it was short lived since the loud shrills of my cell phone woke me up what felt like only minutes later.

I shot out of bed, figuring that with the last week I've had, this call had to be bad news.

I picked it up hesitantly, holding the phone to my ear as I crossed my fingers.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Raegan?" A somewhat familiar female voice asked.

My heart was racing as I heard the loud music and voices in the background. "Yeah," I mumbled. "Who's this?"

The woman let out a breath. "This is Chloe from Bare Essentials. I work with your sister," she explained. "Or I used to, I guess"

I rolled my eyes, really not giving a shit what kind of stripper shit Holly might have left behind.

"Yeah, listen, whatever Holly left in her locker you can have it," I explained, ready to hang up.

"Wait! Chloe interjected. "This isn't about Holly. You're Tweaker's old lady right?" she questioned."

I took a deep breath, really not liking where this was going.

"Ye-yeah, I guess," I stuttered. "Why?"

With my fucking luck, she was about to tell me that Tweaker lied when he said they hadn't had sex and she was now pregnant with his child.

"He showed up here a few hours ago drunk out of his mind. No one would serve him so he started making a scene, so one of the girls took him in the back for a private dance and I think she might have slipped him something to calm him down."

"What kind of something?" I asked.

Weed and alcohol were one thing, but Tweaker was still an addict.

"I don't know," Chloe admitted. "I wasn't in there with them but I overheard Lola say she had some blow on her earlier today."

I felt my heart sink.

"Cocaine?" I questioned, almost not believing it.

Tweaker promised me he would stay away from this shit, and after a few really bad days, he was already using again.

"He's not looking so good," Chloe mumbled. "I think you should come to pick him up."

This was exactly why I was afraid of committing to Tweaker in the first place.

Part of me wanted to say no, and to let him handle this himself because I had warned him that the second drugs were back in his life, he would be out of mine, but I loved him too much to do that.

"I'll be right there."

________________________________

My heart was practically beating out of my chest as I drove to the strip club. I was worried for the state I would find Tweaker in, but more than anything, I was worried that I wouldn't be able to recognize the person he was when he was using.

The Tweaker I knew was the one who helped Jamie make pancakes on Sunday mornings so that I could sleep in. The Tweaker I knew was a man who loved me more than anything and would never walk away if I was struggling or sad. The Tweaker I knew had a past but worked too hard on recovering to ever relapse.

I didn't know this Tweaker, and I was scared that I wouldn't like him.

It felt like every pair of eyes were on me as I walked into the club. The men stared at me like I was a piece of meat, and the women as if I was infiltrating their territory. Luckily, I found Chloe sitting by the bar and we locked eyes as soon as I was within a couple feet.

She stood to her feet, a guilty look on her face.

"Raegan," she greeted.

I hadn't seen her since we were teenagers, but I often heard stories of the legendary Chloe-Blowy and it sickened me slightly that Tweaker had almost gotten one.

"Where is he?" I asked, not even bothering with the pleasantries.

"Follow me," she said, already leading the way.

I felt slimy even walking to the "private rooms" because I knew they were used for more than just dances, and I had no idea how Holly had done this for a living for the last few years. Thankfully, Chloe stopped at the second door on the right and held her hand up.

"Good luck," she said before she walked off.

I hesitated for a moment, holding my breath as I prepared for what I was about to see.

In a moment of bravery, I turned the door handle quickly and practically threw the door open.

My mouth dropped at the sight before.

Tweaker was laying half naked on the cheap bed, a bleach blonde bimbo laying next to him.

She shot up in surprise, covering herself with the tacky velvet blanket, while Tweaker just lay there completely unphased.

I turned to the woman who was in bed with my man and my eyes narrowed. "Unless you wanna lose an implant, get the fuck out, now!" I warned.

She stumbled out of bed and out the door so quickly, I wondered if she considered being an Olympic fucking runner.

I slammed the door shut behind her, and Tweaker winced about thirty seconds too late. Beyond the fact that there was a white powder residue on the nightstand next to him, I knew from his delayed response time that he was on something stronger than weed. I could tell by the way his eyes were uncharacteristically red and blank that he had actually snorted whatever the hell that Lola bitch had given him.

I tried to fight it the whole way over here and even as I walked in, but seeing Tweaker in bed with naked women—high no less, was enough to have me break down for what felt like the thousandth time today.

I felt my legs grow weak as I collapsed to the ground and sobbed away, and still, Tweaker didn't say a word or make any movements at all.

"Why?" I asked, looking up at him feeling completely empty and lost.

Tweaker just shrugged.

"That's it?" I asked. "You don't have anything to say to me right now?" I questioned, not believing that after everything this is how he wanted us to end.

He shook his head. "I don't wanna be with you," he said.

I felt my heart literally sink to the bottom of my stomach. It felt like someone had ripped out a vital organ or something, and he just stared at me with that blank fucking look as if he was a brick fucking wall.

"Since when?" I asked, my voice not even rising above a whisper.

Tweaker shrugged again.

"Stop fucking shrugging!" I yelled. "Tell me why!" I insisted. "Is this about Ace?" I asked, fearing that his response would be yes.

Tweaker shook his head.

"Then what is it?" I questioned.

He threw his hands in the air and let out a groan. "I just cheated on you, Raegan. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

Although I assumed as much, hearing him say it hurt twice as bad.

"Yes!" I yelled. "I want you to tell me when you realized you didn't wanna be with me and why the fuck you didn't tell me until now."

He looked speechless and dumbfounded, but that was probably the cocaine because Tweaker never had nothing to say.

"I just don't want you anymore. I'm sorry," he said, only half-heartedly.

I shook my head, not believing this was real.

Only a week ago he was desperate to