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~Raegan~

Damn.

I knew my blowjob skills had improved since being with Tweaker, but I didn't think they were good enough to entice an offer like that.

My mouth fell wide open, and I just stared at him with pure confusion.

Was he serious? or was he just under some post-amazing-fucking-blowjob- spell?

"What?" I questioned, seriously confused as to whether he meant what he was saying right now.

Tweaker sat up straight, pulling me upright against him. He took my hand in his and brought it up to his lips, placing a soft kiss on my palm.

"I can't stand being this far away from you. I fucking hate it," he mumbled into my skin, kissing his way up my arm.

I felt goosebumps prick my skin as he spoke, but I couldn't get any words out.

This was crazy. We had strayed so far away from where we began and it was making my head spin. One minute we were having sex in the Black's storage room, then he was cooking pancakes with my nephew. We somehow made it official somewhere along the way, and now here he was asking me to move in with him.

It was officially safe to say that our uncomplicated arrangement had become a very complicated relationship.

"Are you serious?" I questioned.

Tweaker looked down at me and nodded. As I stared into his eyes, I could see the sincerity in his offer and it was clear that this was something he actually wanted.

"Seeing you a couple of times a month isn't working anymore, Toots. I feel like I'm going fucking nuts when I'm not with you. I know it's a lot to ask, but Ronnie and Knox live in Tucson anyway, so it's not like you don't know anybody there."

While the idea was surprising, it didn't sound so bad. Admittedly, I missed Tweaker so much while we were apart, and being close to him again was a tempting offer. Living near my best friend again didn't sound so bad either, but it wasn't that simple.

I sighed, knowing that as much as I wanted to, I couldn't say yes to him.

"Tweak," I began, taking his hand in mine.

His face fell, hearing in my tone that my answer would not be what he wanted to hear.

"I want to," I said, squeezing his hand tightly in mine.

I hated the way he lit up in a hopeful smile because I knew that smile would disappear the second I finished what I was about to say.

"But I can't," I mumbled.

Tweaker pulled away, putting distance between us both physically and emotionally. It was like a brick wall went up and nothing was up for discussion.

"Wait," I pleaded, reaching to take his hand in mine again. "Let me explain."

He shook his head. "It's fine. I get it."

I let out a breath and covered my face with my hands because he really didn't. I could practically see the reasons flying through his mind about why I might be saying no to him, and I knew none of them were the truth.

"You really don't," I said, not able to look up at him just yet.

"Okay," Tweaker challenged. "Explain it to me then."

When I finally looked up at him again, I could see both hurt and anger in his eyes. He tried to contain it, pretend like it didn't affect him that I had just shot him down, but I knew him better than that now.

"How can I just leave Jamie here? Holly comes home at sunrise, takes off for days at a time and sleeps until afternoon. If I leave, who's gonna feed Jamie? Who's gonna make sure he gets to school on time? Who's gonna watch him while Holly's working a pole or puking her brains out from drinking too much the night before?"

At my revelation, Tweaker's face softened.

"I wanna move in with you. Believe me, nothing sounds better than living Holly-free and getting to see you every day, but I told you before that Jamie is my first priority and that hasn't changed."

Tweaker nodded in agreement because that had been clear between us since day one.

Jamie came first. No matter what.

I knew from the way Tweaker's eyes changed from angry to calm that he wasn't mad anymore, and when he grabbed my hand and brought it up against his chest, that he understood my reasons for saying no.

Tweaker let out a laugh and tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "Let me clarify. I want you and the Twerp to move in with me. No way in hell you would ever leave him with Holly and I wouldn't let you. I assumed you knew that I counted him in with you as a package deal."

At his words, I felt my heart swell.

There weren't many men out there who were okay with women who came with baggage—espeically baggage that wasn't even biologically their own. Then there was Tweaker, who from the day he found out about Jamie never neglected the fact that I needed to take care of him first. Sure, he got annoyed if Jamie stopped our fun, but Tweaker never made me feel like I had to choose one or the other, which made this whole situation even harder for me.

I tried to fight it, but I couldn't help the stray tear that fell from my eyes, and once one had been allowed to fall, it was like Niagra-fucking-Falls.

Damn mother nature. She just had to make me overly emotional in this fucking moment.

"Hey," Tweaker said, pulling my face between his hands. "Why are you crying Toots?"

I felt his thumbs brushing away my tears, but new ones were falling too fast. I tried to speak, but the only thing that I could get out of my mouth was hoarse cries.

Tweaker pulled me in closer and I nestled my head in the crook of his neck. "I promise I won't try and part your red sea again. Just please stop crying, baby."

I managed a scoff through my tears and I felt Tweaker's chest vibrating with his own laughter.

He thought he was so damn funny.

"I still can't move in with you," I finally said, keeping my eyes low to the ground.

Tweaker turned to face me, with what I imagined an annoyed look, but I couldn't dare meet his gaze.

He was probably wondering what the fuck else could this woman want? And he was right. Tweaker had given me everything a girl could ask for and more, and here I was rejecting him twice in one night.

I felt him let out a sigh and without even looking at me he mumbled his words. "Why not?"

I bit my lip, wishing more than anything that I could have a different answer for him. Unfortunately, his offer didn't change anything.

"As much as I think of Jamie as my own and take care of him like he is, Holly is still his mom. I have no legal rights to take him anywhere. I can't just uproot his whole life and rip him away from his mother just to make my relationship more convenient."

Tweaker turned to face me now, and his expression was beyond confused and slightly frustrated.

"I'm sorry to say this, but Holly doesn't give a shit about him. I know she's your sister but she is the worst fucking mom. She spends probably a couple of hours max with him a day and you do all of the work. You buy the food he eats, the clothes he wears, take him to and from school, tuck him in at night, and everything in between. You're the one he wakes up in the middle of the night when he has a bad dream or doesn't feel good. Your the one who raises him."

I nodded in agreement because everything he said was true, but it didn't change the fact that Holly had given birth to him. I had no right to take him to live somewhere else no matter how much I did for him.

"You're right," I nodded in agreement. "About everything. For all intents and purposes, I'm Jamie's mom. Doesn't change the fact that I can't just take him to Arizona with me. Holly could have me arrested."

Tweaker scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Yeah right. She probably wouldn't even notice you two were gone. She'd probably thank you for getting him out of her hair and complain about how much work he is even though she does shit all to take care of him."

I nodded. "Your probably right about that too."

Tweaker sighed. "But you can't just take him without her permission," he said, realizing how bad it could be if Holly actually did come after me.

I nodded, really wishing this wasn't the case.

"Maybe you could ask her? Maybe she would be okay with it and you can become Jamie's guardian?"

I let out a chuckle because it was as if I hadn't tried that already.

"You think that if I thought that was a possibility I wouldn't have moved Jamie away from her a long time ago? I suggested it when Jamie was six months old. I was living with Josh at the time and Holly had an incident. She freaked out and wouldn't let me see him for a month. Something about how she didn't need help from anyone, especially not us."

Tweaker rolled his eyes. "We both know that's bullshit. Jamie would have been in foster care by now if it wasn't for you."

"I know, but what can I do? I can't just steal my sister's kid from her. Jamie's not mine and Holly's not just gonna let him go."

Tweaker's phone rang from his pocket, but he made no move to answer it.

"You should get that," I mumbled.

Tweaker shook his head but pulled his phone out anyways. "It's just Twitch, I'll call him back."

"You can answer," I insisted, but he let it go to voicemail.

"I get everything you're saying, but what does that mean for us? Are we gonna have to do the long distance thing until Jamie turns eighteen and goes off to college? I love you Toots, but fuck that's a long time."

He was right. How could I expect him to wait that long for me?

"I don't know, Tweaker. Once school is out I can bring Jamie up there with me for a couple of weeks at a time, and on holidays and stuff, but you've done the drive—you know how rough it is. Flying is expensive, and with all this back and forth I'll have to cut back on hours—"

"Wait," Tweaker interjected. "Are you trying to break up with me?" he asked.

I sighed because I really didn't want to, but I was beginning to see no other choice. How the hell were we supposed to make this work long-term if we couldn't even make it work after a few weeks?

"I love you," I said, "But it's not fair to you to only have a part-time girlfriend."

His eyes narrowed. "I don't give a fuck what's fair or not. My whole life's been unfair, so I don't expect it to change now. We're not breaking up, Rae. I'm in love with you, and to you, that might not be a big deal, but for me it is. I've never loved another woman in this world and I'm not just gonna let you go because we live in different states. If all I get is a couple of days with you a month then I'll take it, but don't you fucking dare try and break up with me."

Niagra Falls was back because fuck, my man had a way with words.

"Are you sure?" I asked, through my tears.

Tweaker lit up in a smile. "Our situation sucks dick more than the Hellcat's do, but for you, it's way worth it."

I rolled my eyes because it was just like him to make a joke out of it all. Then again, that was half the reason why I loved him.

I nestled in closer to him and rested my legs on his lap as he trailed his fingers up and down.

"Maybe Holly will meet some guy and run off with him like my mom did."

Tweaker scoffed, placing a soft kiss on my temple as I felt my eyes shut from exhaustion. "Here's hoping."

________________________________

Once the sun crept through my curtains, I was fully awake, both relieved and so damn content to have Tweaker laying next to me.

I didn't know how we got to bed since the last thing I remember was nestling into the couch together after I drowned the living room with all my damn tears. I assumed Tweaker carried me at some point, but I must have been dead-asleep since I didn't remember a damn thing.

I did, however, remember his expression when I told him I couldn't move in with him. A wave of guilt hit me, the memory from only last night making me feel nearly sick. I hated that I had to say no, and I hated even more that it was because of Holly, but unfortunately, there was quite literally nothing I could do about it.

I could petition for custody and have the courts declare my sister as unfit, but I didn't want Jamie to have to go through all of that. He was just a kid, and it wasn't fair to subject him to the shit ton of drama that would bring just to make my life easier. I also worried that he would hate me for it one day, and I just couldn't take that.

Tweaker and I would just have to figure it out the hard way—one day at a time, we would find a way to make it work. And while the idea sounded like a lot of work and part-time misery, the moment Tweaker opened his eyes, I knew it was worth it.

He smiled, so wide it almost reached his ears as he caught me staring at him. He pulled me closer and wrapped his arm around my waist as he placed a soft kiss on my forehead.

"Good morning, Toots."

I sighed, snuggling up against him as I nestled my face in the crook of his neck. "It's only good when you're here."

He scoffed, running his hand down the expanse of my arm. "You're telling me. I wake up every morning thinking I'm gonna turn over and get morning sex, only to find the other side of my bed empty."

I frowned, knowing that we couldn't change that any time soon, and it was all because of me.

"I'm sorry it can't just be that simple with us," I mumbled. "I know that—"

"Hey," he interrupted, pulling my face up so we could lock eyes. "I told you last night, I don't care if this," he said, gesturing between the two of us, "get's messy. I'm used to messy. I'm good at messy. Hell—I don't think I'd know how to deal with it if it was just all rainbows and butterflies. If all else, being apart keeps things interesting," he said, his lips curling into a smirk.

"Oh yeah?" I questioned. "How so?"

Tweaker was full on grinning now as he turned me over so he was hovering on top of me.

"Well," he began. "It sure as fuck makes me miss you more," he whispered, trailing his lips down my chest. I felt goosebumps prick my skin as he slid his fingertips underneath the waistband of my sleep-shorts.

"What else?" I gulped.

"It makes me appreciate every second I get with you. Especially when we're alone," he mumbled, swirling his tongue just below my jaw as his hands crept lower into my pants.

Every inch of me wanted him to continue, but my brain had come up with too many reasons to stop this.

"Tweak," I warned.

He groaned, his hands staying in place as he shot his head up. "Come on, Toots. I don't care about a little blood. I have to go back tomorrow and I need to be inside of you at least once before I leave for who knows how fucking long."

I shook my head, smirking slightly at how desperate he was for me. "Not happening."

"Seriously?" He pouted, rolling off of me with major disappointment.

"Seriously," I confirmed. "Plus, Jamie will be up any minute and I promised him homemade pancakes for breakfast."

Tweaker rolled his eyes but got to his feet anyway.

"Fine. I'll go wake up the Twerp and you go start breakfast," he said, pulling his jeans from last night over his legs.

"Deal," I smiled, much to his annoyance.

________________________________

I had only just started getting the ingredients out of the cupboard before I heard Jamie's little feet running across the kitchen floor.

"Aunty Rae, we're going to the clubhouse for breakfast!" he announced, so excited he was practically out of breath.

My eyes narrowed in confusion. "Good morning to you too, mister," I said, placing a hand on my hip.

"Sorry," he said. "But Aaron says we're going there as soon as we're ready."

I looked over at Tweaker as he rounded the corner into the kitchen with a questioning look. "I thought I was making pancakes?" I said.

He shook his head. "Just got a call from Cash, and everyone's gotta be at the clubhouse for breakfast in half-an-hour."

Coming in from around the corner, Holly turned into the kitchen looking like she had been dead asleep for a hundred years.

"The famous clubhouse breakfast spread," she said, hopping onto the countertop. "Am I invited?" she asked, locking eyes with Tweaker.

My sister was barely clothed, wearing an old t-shirt that barely covered her ass, and was riding up as she sat on the counter.

Tweaker shook his head. "Sorry, private event," he replied, rolling his eyes as he turned back to me.

Holly grumbled and crossed her arms over her chest. "So my kid is invited but I'm not?" she questioned.

Tweaker let out a breath, turning back to face her with frustration. "No, Raegan is invited and Jamie is her plus one."

"Make it a plus two," Holly suggested.

"Holly," I warned. "Since when do you care to hang out at the clubhouse before the booze comes out anyways?" I asked.

She shrugged. "I feel like I've been left out lately. Just trying to be included, little sis."

"Momma can come. Right Aunty, Rae?" Jamie asked, looking over at me with the sweetest little face.

I turned to Tweaker for help, because I really did not know how to handle this. I didn't want Holly to come, but I hated saying no to Jamie.

Tweaker shook his head. "Sorry, Twerp. Maybe next time."

Jamie's face deflated, but he wasn't nearly as upset by it as I thought he might be.

Holly scoffed, hopping down from the counter with a bitter look in her eyes.

"Well, if I can't come than Jamie can't either. We have plans anyway. I was just trying to see if I could find something better to do."

"Plans?" I asked. "What are you talking about?"

Holly rarely took Jamie anywhere on her own. If she did it was because I asked her too, or she had no other choice.

"It's Kaylee's kid's birthday party today. I told her we'd go."

Kaylee had been Holly's "best friend" or bad influence since I could remember. Kaylee had given Holly her first drink, first hit of a joint, and gotten her the job at Bare Essentials. Not to mention, they both got pregnant around the same time, making them both equally bad of mothers too. But at least Kaylee was throwing her kid a birthday party. I sometimes wondered if Holly would even remember Jamie's birthday if I didn't remind her a hundred times before.

"A party? Yay!" Jamie cheered. "I'll go get dressed," he announced, running off back to his bedroom without another word.

Holly lit up with a smug smirk at his excitement. "Looks like he doesn't wanna hang out with you two so much after all."

"He's a kid. He'd ditch you too if I offered him a bar of chocolate or a new toy to play with," Tweaker fired back.

Holly rolled her eyes and turned her back towards us as she headed back down the hallway.

"Make it fast Jamie! We have to go buy a gift before we go," she yelled.

I let out a breath, uneasy at the fact that Jamie would be spending the day alone with his mother. Under normal circumstances, I would be over-reacting, but this was Holly we were talking about. I wouldn't be surprised if I got a call from Kaylee later today telling me Holly had left and forgotten Jamie at her house.

Tweaker seemed to notice and placed a reassuring hand on my waist.

"Jamie will be fine," he assured.

I nodded, trying my best to believe it as I changed the subject. "Since when are we doing breakfast?" I questioned.

I may not have been a regular at the clubhouse, but since Tweaker left, all the guys had kept an eye on me. They checked in