So I just finished the final chapter and epilogue this weekend and I am so sad, but so also so excited to start working on the next installment of the Hell's Tribe MC Series. The next book may not be about who you all expect but it's something I'm really looking forward to exploring and I hope you will all love it just as much as the first two. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy chapter 18. Be sure to follow me on Instagram @slowridebook for updates, spoilers, and more.

xxoxoxoxoxoxo

~Tweaker~

As I laid in bed, nestled up with Raegan in my arms, I stared at her face as she slept, slowly trailing my fingers up and down her bare arm. Even asleep, Raegan was probably more beautiful than any other woman I had ever been with—and I had been with a lot of women.

The sun that was shining down on her face had been up for almost an hour now, but we had only just gone to bed. After her finally telling me exactly what I wanted to hear, I had kept her up nearly all night. It had been weeks since we were together, and not only was I horny as fuck, hearing her say she loved me for the first time was an instant boner inducer. I'd practically dreamed of hearing those words leave her mouth, and once she said them, I couldn't control myself— I had missed her way too fucking much.

Even now as light snores left her full lips, I couldn't help but love every second of just watching her sleep. I almost didn't want her to wake up, because when she did, there was a big chance that she would change her mind and take back what she said last night, and I just couldn't fucking take that. Especially since I would have to tell her about my night with Chloe-Blowy, I was scared shitless that even after admitting she loved me, Raegan was still gonna bail when she found out what I had done.

I should have told her last night, but when she finally admitted she loved me, I couldn't bring myself to do it.

Admittedly, I'd fucked up.

Bucky had warned me that night, and at the time I was sober enough to understand the consequences of my actions, but I was too pissed off to care. Especially after I'd talked to Fields and let him convince me that Raegan was seeing him again, I felt more justified in my actions. Come to find out last night that the truth involved Raegan being the selfless and caring person she was, subjecting herself to seeing her ex for the love of her nephew.

This was all the Twerp's fault. I was gonna weggie the shit out of him for this one.

Had I only listened to Bucky that night, I wouldn't be awake, staring at Raegan as she slept, terrified that the second she woke up, she would leave and ruin me.

The anticipation was killing me, and the longer I stayed awake waiting for the moment her eyes would flicker open, the worse I felt. Instead of torturing myself, I slid out of bed, careful not to wake Raegan as I set her head down softly on the pillow next to me. She shifted only slightly to get herself comfortable again and went back to snoring away only seconds later. I gathered a set of clothes quietly from my dresser and slipped out of the bedroom and into the bathroom at the other end of the hall.

Once I was showered and cleaned up, I grabbed my keys and wallet and closed the front door softly behind me.

I was due at the clubhouse last night to celebrate our newest prospect getting patched, but once Raegan showed up, I never ended up making it in.

I had taken on many more responsibilities since becoming Knox's V.P, and managing our younger guys was one of them.

The charter was a mess when Knox and I had taken the reigns, and only one previous member was trusted enough to stay on after Rigs revealed just how many of his guys were in on his plan to rip off the Tribe. Axel, only a prospect at the time, had proven his loyalty over the last year and was trusted greatly by both me and Knox. He, after all, had been the one to risk everything to save Ethan and Lucas by bringing them back to Nora despite direct orders from his President, and that made him okay in my books.

He had been the one to reveal everyone's true motives when Knox and I began the process of weeding out men that could be trusted vs men that couldn't. All the guys who took Rig's side over Knox's were booted out right away. The few that didn't were guilty by association and for not giving up Rigs even though they knew what he was up to. Some of the guys just lost their patch during this process, while the others who put up a fight lost their lives. Axel had been a huge part of bringing this charter back to life, and because of that, the second he patched, Knox made him his sergeant-at-arms.

We had recruited multiple guys from other charters and prospected a few more until we finally had the makings of a strong club.

Twitch was the last prospect from our restructuring year to get his patch, and I almost felt guilty that I missed his party. Even so, Raegan was way fucking worth it.

I ran through the ways I could make it up to Twitch as I got onto my bike and made my way to the clubhouse. It wasn't as big as the one in Tooele, but it had become home to me all the same. The property was a vacant farmhouse with over 3 acres of land, but we had turned it into a place worthy of a Hell's Tribe charter. The house itself held a few bedrooms, and the room we used for church, but the barn was where most of the action was. The old building had been completely refurbished and served as the headquarters for most of our shenanigans. The large space was equipt for parties with a fully stocked bar, a small kitchen, and most importantly, a large loft upstairs that served as a bedroom, or as we liked to call it—the ass attic. Rigs had really let the property turn to shit while he was president, but Knox and I had given it a facelift and it was fully operational. It served as the perfect location, being in the heart of Tucson, but was secluded enough to go off the radar. The house and barn were fully gated and secure, but the rest of the land offered limitless space and possibilities.

I pulled up to the front gate and used my personalized access code to let myself in. Knox and I had taken extra precautions after we stripped over five members of their patches by making sure none of them would be able to get back in the clubhouse easily. We had Mack come in from Tooele and set up the front gate with a password protected system so we could know who was coming in and out at all times. It seemed a little excessive to me, but Knox was all about being safe now that he was a father.

That meant that I often took on the jobs that presented more risk, not because I had to, but because Knox had more to lose if shit went wrong than I did. Up until last night, I was an ex-junkie, who had no family, and a woman who didn't want to commit. Waking up this morning with Raegan in my bed, that had changed, but once I went back home and told her about my eventful night at Bare Essentials, I wasn't sure how long it would last.

As I parked my bike right by the front doors of the barn, I could only imagine what I would be walking into. Twitch may have been only twenty-two, but the kid had lived a long life. Like me, he was an ex-addict, and had gone through shit most twenty-two-year-olds could only imagine. We had bonded early on over our experiences, and he reminded me more of myself every day. He was currently sober, but unlike me, that meant of all substances, and even still, he knew how to party. Our charter was full of young meat, but of all, Twitch was the biggest wildcard. Knox was unsure of him at first since drama seemed to follow him everywhere he went. His baby mama had been the end to multiple parties and had even got Twitch arrested once while he was on duty. That was why he took the longest to get his patch, but finally, he had proved himself, and Knox had given the okay to make him a full-on member with me as his sponsor. That meant that if Twitch fucked up, it was on me, and after finally being able to let loose after containing his behavior for so long, I was worried for the state of the barn when I walked in.

To my surprise, it didn't look any different than it did on a typical Saturday morning.

Hellcats and our guys alike were passed out on the ground, couches, and pool table, but Twitch was sitting alone in the kitchen eating a sandwich as if nothing had happened.

One of the only perks of not drinking — no killer hangover the next morning.

"Hey," I greeted, taking a seat across from Twitch at the kitchen island.

He let out a laugh. "You're a little late, bro. Party ended a few hours ago."

I looked around at all the passed out humans and scoffed. "No shit. I would have at least thought it'd be going until at least nine a.m."

Twitch shrugged. "Weak turn out I guess."

I shook my head and patted him on the back. "Nah, bro. It's all good. I talked to Knox last night and he feels good about patching you in. He trusts you, man. Now all you have to do is keep it up."

Twitch nodded, fully prepared to do whatever it took to be on Knox's good side. He was a great president and leader, but he could be a little harsh sometimes. He reminded me more and more of Mick as he took control of this charter and all of the guys respected him immensely.

"Good," Twitch nodded. "I don't plan to fuck it up."

I chuckled and took the other half of the sandwich on his plate. "Good," I mumbled in between bites. "Cos if you do, it'll be on me, and Knox is annoying as hell when he proves you right."

Twitch eyed me for stealing his food, but he ignored it and nodded his head in understanding. "Won't let you down, V.P."

______________________________

I left Twitch alone in the kitchen just after nine and prayed on my ride back to the house that Raegan was still sleeping.

When I tip-toed inside, I was surprised to find both the living room and kitchen empty because Raegan was always an early riser.

I rounded the corner to my bedroom, only to see her in practically the same position as when I left. She was sound asleep, tousled in the blankets on my bed, unaware of everything going on in my head.

I stripped down to my boxers and slipped back into bed next to her, hoping I could enjoy this moment for a little longer before she woke up and this whole thing went straight to hell. I felt my stomach clench when Raegan stirred and her eyes crept open. It took a minute for her to adjust to the bright light shooting out of the window, but when she did, she rubbed her eyes of sleep and looked over at me with a content smile.

"Morning," she greeted with a hum as she nestled closer to me.

"Hi," I mumbled.

"Where'd you go?" she questioned. "I woke up a little while ago and you were gone."

I sighed. "I went to the clubhouse. Last night was Twitch's patch-in party and I felt bad for missing it."

Raegan's eyebrows narrowed. "That kid you were telling me about?" she asked.

I nodded. "I sponsored him so he could get patched, so I should have been there, but I would have chosen last night with you any day."

She smiled and nestled closer. "Even over all your Arizona Hellcats? Ronnie tells me they're a step up from the Tooele ones."

I shook my head, thinking that none of them even compared to her.

"They don't even hold a candle to you, Toots."

Raegan smiled and planted a soft kiss on my lips, but I couldn't kiss back.

While my words may have been the truth, I couldn't help but let my mind float back to the one indiscretion I'd had since getting more serious with Rae. I felt my heart pounding in my chest as my guilt from my night with Chloe-Blowy overcame me.

How in the fuck was I supposed to tell her about this?

Raegan's eyebrows furrowed in confusion as I just stared at her in silence. She let out a laugh, leaned forward and placed her lips on mine with another kiss.

I should have cut her off, told her right then and there what I had done, but this was too good to stop.

I let Raegan deepen the kiss as she slid her tongue into my mouth. Part of me knew I should stop her. Other parts of me didn't care.

I flipped Raegan over so she was under me and moved my kiss from her lips to her neck. I heard her moan as I sucked the spot just below her ear, and it sent a jolt of electricity right to my dick.

"I love you," Raegan mumbled, breathlessly as my lips trailed their way down her body.

I stopped, removing my lips from her skin and looked down at her with remorse.

Her face twisted in confusion, but she didn't let that stop what was about to happen. Raegan curled a leg over my hip and used it as leverage to push herself on top of me again. This time, she was the one kissing her way down my body. She dragged her lips from my mouth to my neck, to my chest, and my stomach. Just when she got to the spot right below my belly button, she looked up at me with wild eyes.

I was hard and very ready for her. I knew exactly what she had planned for me, and while I so desperately wanted her to put me in her mouth, the second her tongue touched the tip of my dick, I felt nearly sick with guilt.

I winced because as much as I should have felt bad for letting her do this, it felt so fucking good.

I moaned loudly, trying so fucking hard not to enjoy this as much as I was, but there was no use. Right when I felt her lips curl around the crown, I knew I couldn't let this happen.

"Stop," I said, practically below a whisper.

I felt her hesitate for only a second before she took me deeper into her mouth.

"Stop!" I yelled louder this time.

Raegan's head shot up so fast, I was surprised she didn't get whiplash.

"What's wrong?" she asked, concern growing on her face, as she wiped her mouth clean of me.

My heart was back to beating erratically as she stared at me with very confused eyes.

How the hell was I gonna explain this to her?

"Tweaker?" she pressed. "You're scaring me."

I stood to my feet, knowing I had to put some space between us when I told her this.

Hell—I might lose an eye, or even my balls when I told her about Chloe-Blowy.

At the thought, I pulled on my pants from earlier for protection, and Raegan's confusion only intensified.

"What the hell is happening?" she asked, gesturing to the fact that I was getting dressed instead of letting her give me a blowjob.

I let out a breath. "I can't let you do that," I said.

Her eyebrows narrowed as she crossed her arms over her exposed chest.

"What the hell are you talking about?" she questioned, standing to her feet and taking a step towards me.

"Rae," I warned, holding my hand out to keep space between us.

She stood still, not taking another step as she stared at my hand and then back at me.

"What's wrong?" she asked. "You look like your gonna be sick."

I imagined I looked a nice shade of green right now, cos just the thought of having to tell her this made me nauseous.

"I couldn't tell you last night, but I have to tell you now," I began.

Raegan threw her hands up in the air. "Tell me what? What the hell are you talking about?"

I let out a breath, knowing that it was now or never. The sooner I told her, the sooner she could move past it.

"The night I ran into Fields, the night I called you," I began.

Raegan nodded, clearly remembering the call in question. "What about it?"

"I was at Bare Essentials," I admitted.

Raegan bit her lip, looking on the verge of tears, and I hadn't even told her what happened yet.

This sure as fuck wouldn't be ending well.

"Okay," she mumbled, her voice wobbly.

"While I was there I—I" I stuttered, not able to come out with it.

"You what?" she challenged.

She was getting mad now, probably realizing where I was going with this. She was always worried that I would get bored of her, and find another woman to toy with, but that wasn't what Chloe-Blowy was to me. I just hoped she gave the chance to explain that to her.

"I hooked up with someone else," I admitted.

Raegan's face fell and a stray tear streamed down her cheek.

She nodded, wrapping her arms around herself as almost a protective shield.

"You did," she said, almost as if she already half-expected it.

"Rae," I said, taking a step forward, but it was her turn to hold her hand up.

"No," she said, her voice ice cold. "It's fine. We were never really together anyway. Right?" she asked.

Ouch.

"I know that we didn't really have an agreement to be exclusive, but I've been operating under the assumption that we've only been with each other."

She nodded. "So have I, but we never agreed to only be with each other. You and I weren't technically together so I can't really be mad at you."

While the words were coming right out of her mouth, I couldn't believe she was the one saying them.

My eyebrows narrowed. "But you are mad," I said. "I can see it on your face."

She scoffed. "Oh, I'm fucking pissed—especially since you've been ignoring me for weeks, let me come here crying, apologizing, and all the while you were perfectly fine hooking up with someone else."

"Rae, it's not like that," I attempted, but she shook her head, as she gathered her discarded clothing from my bedroom floor.

"No, Tweaker. It is like that," she raged. "God, you let me come here like an idiot telling you that I love you."

"I know, that was fucked up," I admitted. "I should have told you last night before anything happened between us."

"Yeah," Raegan agreed, as she threw her t-shirt over her head. "You should have!"

"But you finally told me you loved me after all this time and I just couldn't fucking ruin the moment like that."

Raegan rolled her eyes. "You're kidding me right?"

I shook my head. "I know that it's a shitty explanation, but I was drunk, and pissed that you turned me down and I fucked up."

She nodded. "Your right," she agreed. "That's a shitty explanation."

"To be fair, you felt perfectly fine to remind me plenty of times over the last year that I was free to hook up with other women if I wanted to. You were very clear that you and I were nothing serious no matter how many times I tried to change your mind."

Raegan nodded. "And that's why I said I can't really be mad at you for it."

My eyes narrowed because I was way beyond fucking confused. "But you are mad," I repeated.

Raegan ignored me as she pulled her jeans over her legs and buttoned them up.

"It's pretty damn obvious," I went on.

Raegan gathered the rest of her stuff that was scattered across my bedroom and walked out into the hallway not even bothering to reply.

"Are you just gonna leave?" I yelled, following her out the door.

She shrugged, dropping her belongings to the ground. "I don't really care that you fucked another girl because you and I were not together. I'm mad that you fucked another girl, and didn't tell me about it until now. I'm mad that you told me you loved me but you ignored me for five weeks because your ego was bruised. I'm mad that you let me have sex with you before admitting this to me, and I'm really mad that you left me alone the morning after I told you I loved you back."

"We didn't have sex," I clarified.

Raegan rolled her eyes.

"I swear," I said, holding up my hands. "She was about to give me a blow-job, but the second she put her hands in my pants I