Chapter 16: Tweaker-Watch

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Hi all, 

I felt like Monday took so long to come, or maybe that was just because I've been really excited about posting this chapter. 

I hope you all enjoy.

xoxo


Song for this chapter: Give Me Love by: Ed Sheeran

~Tweaker~

Five days.

It had been five fucking days and Raegan made no effort to call or even text. I told her I loved her and she just stared at me. There was no sign of a response or even a chance that she might reciprocate, and I just couldn't take that.

The way she stared at me with almost pity was enough to drive me to drink. Although alcohol was never really my problem in terms of addiction, it was something I tried to control as much as possible given my lifestyle. Hard liquor was a rare occurrence for me and even drinking a beer had become something of a special treat lately. I knew the fact that I still drank and had a joint in my pocket at all times of the day was somewhat concerning to Rae, and so I had slowly been cutting them both out of my life. The only thing I couldn't kick was cigarettes, which was also a noted trigger for addicts, but fuck I needed something to survive when I had a pain in the ass like her driving me crazy. Lately, a couple of drags of a cigarette was enough to calm me down from any situation, but tonight it just wasn't doing it.

I had already gone through a whole pack of Marlboro's by the time the sun set, and I began to realize that if I was gonna get through this night without throwing myself in front of a truck, I needed alcohol —and a lot of it.

It was my last night in Utah before I had to head back to Tucson, and I was beyond frustrated that I had spent almost a whole week here and had only been with Raegan for a total of five hours. I made the trip down for official club-business, but in actuality, I only agreed so I could spend some time with her. Here I was, five days later, and in the same state as her for the first time in weeks, only to be avoiding each other. As much as it fucking sucked, and as horny as I was, I would not be giving in to her—not this time. We had been back and forth with this shit for the last year, and I was done being her little bitchboy. Did she have me completely fucking whipped? Yes. But did that mean I was gonna wait around for years before she agreed to be my girl? Hell fucking no. Sure, I was technically allowed to fuck other women, but the point was that I didn't want to and I wouldn't be sharing Raegan either. I had let her lack of commitment go in the past, but I wasn't doing that anymore. Until she came to me, I wasn't planning on calling her or showing up at her place. I didn't care if I had to go back to Tucson alone and not get sex from her for another month, I was not budging.

If she wanted me again, the only way it was happening was if she agreed to be my old lady.

Until then, I would just have to blow off steam some other way.

_______________________________

Bucky had been watching me with a curious look in his eyes for the last hour. I had been at the clubhouse shooting back Jim Beam like it was water, then following it with multiple tokes of his joint, and it was safe to say I was pretty sloshed. He had yet to see me in this severe of a state since I had been pretty close to sober when he first prospected and had been even more of a damn angel in the last year.

I couldn't remember the last time I was this drunk, but I knew from the tingly feeling in my whole body and the slight dizziness in my head that I would have a killer hangover in the morning—something I did not miss from my party days. I couldn't help but think that turning to crank again would be an easy way to fix that problem, but then again, that was how I became an addict in the first place.

A friend had hooked me up with a factory job straight out of a high school and I had been blessed with the ass-crack of dawn shift. I was still into parties and having fun and so when I showed up to work one morning too hungover to function, that same friend offered me a white powder to snort that would solve all of my problems, and there was no way I could pass that up. From there, it was history. I became addicted to the energy, stamina, and exhilarating feeling. I could drink as much as I wanted, party as much as I wanted, and still show up on time for work the next morning. It was only when I started mixing meth, weed, and alcohol did it all become a problem. I turned into a depressed zombie, had paranoid delusions, and was convinced that someone was out to get me.

It was only when Cash and Ace had helped me get clean did I even realize I actually had a problem. It was a brutal and grueling process, and withdrawal was probably the hardest thing I had to go through, and that was the only reason I ever went near the stuff again. Even now as I imagined how disgusting I'd feel in the morning, my temptation level was barely at a 3. The moment I thought about Raegan it rose to a 5, and I downed another shot of whiskey.

"Whoa, man. Are you doin' alright?" Bucky asked, from the barstool next to me.

I could tell that someone had put him on Tweaker-Watch for the night, and he was taking his job way too seriously. The crease between his forehead had grown and his brown eyes were narrowed in concern, and it was nothing short of fucking annoying.

"I'm fine," I practically barked.

Bucky held his hands up in defense. "Hey man, I'm just trying to help. You look like shit and I know you gotta leave in the morning. I just wanna make sure you'll be cool to ride when you wake up."

I let out a laugh—because that was rich. He was worried I was gonna get too fucked and he'd have to deal with me for another night.

Might as well make the fucker work while he was on babysitting duty.

"You really wanna help?" I asked.

Bucky shrugged. "I guess."

I lit up with a smile. "Good. I need a ride."

Bucky nodded, somewhat surprised by such a normal request. "Okay. Where to?"

"The strip club."

"The strip club?" he questioned.

"Yeah," I nodded. "I wanna see if two blondes make a right."

_______________________________

Bare Essentials was a dive, but it was the closest strip club to Tooele and the girls knew to give extras to Tribe members. Although they were no better looking than the Hellcats, I needed a change and a very large distraction.

"Are you sure you wanna be here, man?" Bucky questioned, walking behind me like a nun in a whore house. He had steered relatively clear of women lately, and it was making me wonder if he had a girl on the side that he was stuck on. 

As I looked at the dancer standing by the pole closest to me and took in her smooth dark skin, long dark hair, and killer set of tits and ass, I realized this was exactly where I wanted to be.

When I locked eyes with Ms. tall, dark, and sexy, I was surer than ever.

I nodded. "Oh yeah, bro."

Bucky let out a breath. "What if Raegan finds out?" he questioned.

At the mention of her name, I thought I might feel regret or even hesitation, but I felt nothing. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the weed, or maybe it was the fact that I had a gorgeous stripper walking over to me with a desire in her eyes that I only wish I saw in Raegan's. Either way, Raegan was not stopping this.

I shrugged. "So what if she does? She's the one who doesn't wanna be exclusive."

Bucky sighed, looking for a reply that would change my mind. "Maybe," he agreed. "But did you ever think it's because she doesn't think she can trust you?" he shot back.

I let his words simmer for a moment, but there was no way that shithead was right. I had proved my loyalty to her months ago. The fact that I practically asked for her permission before I made the move to Tucson was only proof of that. Not to mention the fact that I hadn't so much as even looked at another woman. What more could she possibly want from me? I took care of her and the Twerp as much as she'd let me and I took every chance I got to come see her despite the pain in the ass drive. There was not much more I could offer her, and if all this wasn't enough, nothing ever would be.

I shook my head. "She knows she can trust me. She just doesn't want to."

Bucky turned his head to the side. "Are you sure about that, bro?"

As the stripper finally stood a mere foot away, I didn't have time to consider his question again.

"Hey, boys," she greeted, wrapping her arms around my neck.

Her outfit was white, making her chestnut skin look even deeper in contrast. Her boobs were sitting high in the slinky bra she wore, and I couldn't help but wonder how fast I could get it off of her.

"Hi, babe," I said, letting my hands fall low on her body.

She smiled, and the glint in her eye turned into full-on swooning.

She gulped and let out a little giggle as I squeezed in a full handful of her ass.

"Tweaker, right?" she questioned, barely acknowledging Bucky—who was still standing next to me.

I nodded, but my eyebrows narrowed in confusion, cos I didn't remember ever meeting her.

"Don't tell me we've met and I forgot a face like yours?" I teased.

I could see the blood flush in her cheeks as she nodded her head.

"We met at one of the Tribe's parties a while back," she informed.

Just when I was about to lie and say that I remembered her, she stood up on her tippy toes and brought her lips up to my ear.

"I'm Chloe," she purred.

I felt a spark ignite in my dick, despite how drunk I was. But as she whispered in my ear and dragged her long red nails down the front of my cut, I couldn't help the fact that my best bud was waking up from a long nap.

I heard Bucky scoff from behind me as he let out a chuckle. "That's right," he announced. "Chloe-Blowy."

Chloe's face fell and Bucky only continued to laugh.

I turned to look at him, more annoyed than confused. When I shot him a warning look, he took it as a sign and held his hands up as he disappeared into the crowd.

Lose the babysitter.... check.

"Is that really what they call you?" I asked, with a smirk.

Chloe looked up at me with amused eyes and shrugged. "You haven't made it in this town until a Tribe member gives you a nickname."

I nodded, seeing the sense in her logic.

"How 'bout we see if you live up to it?" I questioned.

Chloe's ebony eyes narrowed as she bit her lip. "I'm game."

Get a blowjob from a stripper.... check.

_________________________________

I thought hooking up with a girl like Chloe-Blowy would make me feel better somehow—maybe make me forget about Rae for a little while, but it made me nearly fucking sick. She got me hard but I felt like I might throw up the second she put her hand in my pants. I didn't even enjoy it—it was just my body reacting to sexual contact.

I wasn't technically doing anything wrong, but she wasn't Raegan, which meant I wasn't doing anything right either. I stormed out of there like a bat out of hell—confusing Chloe-Blowy beyond belief because she had barely got my pants down before I was running for the hills.

I couldn't find Bucky once I got back to the main area—the fucker probably ditched me, so I collapsed at the bar and figured I would keep drinking.

"Gimme a shot of whiskey," I demanded, making the brown-haired bartender nearly jump.

She nodded her head and left the man she was serving to get me my drink instead.

"What the fuck?" the man at the end of the bar cursed. "I was here first, bitch!"

At the sound of his voice, I felt my blood boil. I knew that voice, and it belonged to the absolute last fucking person I wanted to see right now.

"Sorry, Josh," she said meekly. "I'll be right with you."

"Excuse me?" he yelled at her again.

The bartender looked at me with unsure eyes. Tribe members ran shit in this town and she must have known it because although he continued to fuss from the other side of the bar, she poured my shot and tried her best to ignore it.

After a few moments of listening to his annoying ass voice, I had enough.

"Put a dick in it asshole," I yelled, turning to face Leuitenant Limpdick for the first time.

His eyes narrowed when he recognized where the voice had come from and I could see a fury ignite in his eyes as he met my gaze.

Josh Fields and I had hated each other since I could remember, but ever since I started going around with Raegan, the pussy bitch had it out for me and tonight was no exception.

I expected him to put his dick between his legs and run off like the coward he was, but in a moment of bravery—or stupidity, he got to his feet and moved to the barstool next to me.

Did this guy have a death wish?

Tonight of all nights was not the time to push me. I was in a mood, and I was drunk as fuck—there was no telling what I would do to him if he pushed the right button.

"Look what the wind blew in," he began, laughing sinisterly as he turned to face me. "Junkie trash."

I let out a laugh of my own as I downed my shot.

Normally his comment might have bothered me, but tonight I only found it funny.

"I'd rather be an ex-junkie than have a perma-limp dick," I fired back.

Josh's eyes narrowed, clearly unaware of the nickname I had given him many months ago.

"Excuse me?" he questioned.

I chuckled. "The only possible reason that you could have a girl like Raegan and not fuck her for a year is if you couldn't get it up. And since I know how wild she is in bed, the only way any man could resist her is if he couldn't sneak the viagra fast enough before sex."

It was Josh's turn to laugh now, and he looked more confused than I felt.

I thought for sure that he would have looked embarrassed or even angry, but he was only amused.

"Is that what she told you? Raegan said we broke up cos I couldn't get it up?"

I nodded. "Said you two hadn't fucked in a year."

Had Raegan lied to me all this time?

Josh nodded. "That part was true, but not because I couldn't. I was getting ass somewhere else the entire time Raegan and I were together. For years," he bragged.

"Then why did you come crawling back to her like a little bitch if you were the one cheating?" I challenged.

Josh shrugged. "I fucked around, but Raegan was always my girl. She never knew, and we never had sex cos I didn't want her to see the hickeys and scratches from my other girl. Then it just became a pattern for us to not have sex and she never questioned it."

I shook my head, hating this fucker more than ever. "You really are a piece of shit aren't you?" I said.

He shrugged. "Maybe, but at least Raegan committed to me. She asked me to move in, even wanted to get married and have babies," he bragged. "She's just passing time with you and has been ever since you drove her home that night."

Now, that comment hit a nerve.

I felt my anger boil over and my temptation level was at an all-time high. I wanted more than anything to break this fuckers nose and then get high after I did it. I wanted to punch something and tear this whole place apart.

I stood to my feet, ready to make good on my thoughts, but as my balance wavered, and none of my brothers were here to back me up, I knew there was no shot in hell I'd be winning this fight if I started it.

"Maybe," I mumbled, using the bar as leverage to hold myself up. "But I'm the one who gets to fuck her at night, and your ass hasn't seen her in a year."

Josh let out another laugh and I was really beginning to wonder if I could still take him even in my given state.

"Wow. She really tells you all kinds of bullshit, doesn't she?" he asked.

My eyebrows furrowed. "What are you talking about?"

Josh took a step closer and patted his hand roughly on my shoulder.

"I've been to the house at least once a week for the last couple of months. But I guess you don't know Raegan as well as you think you do."

I felt my heart beating outside of my chest, and my whole body turned red with fury. If there was any possible chance that he was telling the truth, I was going to lose my fucking shit. There was no way in hell I would accept the fact that he was still in her life while I was away in Tucson.

Raegan never mentioned that Josh had contacted her again, nor had she mentioned that she had seen him, and more than once to top it all off.

He was lying, he had to be. Even still, I felt a whole burning in my chest because if he wasn't, this would explain it all.

This piece of shit had cheated on her for years, was at a strip club now, and sure as fuck was a regular since the bartender knew him by name, and she was still gonna pick him over me.

No shot in fucking hell that I was letting this happen.

"Fuck you, Fields. She'll never come back to you," I said, using those words as my last as I somehow dragged myself out the front doors on my wobbly feet.

The crisp night air pricked my skin as I threw the door open and I nearly collapsed on the sidewalk. I used a light post to hold myself up as I reached into my pocket for my cell-phone.

I was calling Raegan. I needed a damn explanation.

The dial tone sounded five times before it went to voicemail, and it took everything in me not to throw my phone into the street. I called back a second time, only to be met with the same response. By the third time I got her voicemail, I decided to leave a message.

"Pick up your fucking phone once in a while!" I yelled into the receiver. "Call me back. We need to talk," I demanded, before hanging up.

I sat on the sidewalk for what felt like hours, staring into the street blankly. When I heard my phone ringing in my pocket, it didn't even register in my brain until the third time the ringtone sounded. I pulled it out of my pocket, surprised beyond belief that it was Raegan who was calling me.

I slid my finger against the screen, answering it, but only holding it to my ear without speaking.

I heard Raegan's breathing on the other end, and I only listened to it until she spoke first.

"Tweaker?" she questioned, lowly. "Are you there?"

"Yeah," I mumbled.

She let out a breath, almost relieved. "I got your message. What's wrong? Did something happen?"

A lot of things happened, I wanted to say, but I just stayed silent and continued to breathe heavy into the speaker.

"Tweaker?" she questioned. "Are you okay? Where are you?"

"Are you seeing Fields again?" I asked instead.

I could hear her let out a breath, my question clearly catching her off guard. I knew then that he wasn't lying.

"Tweak—" she began, but I cut her off.

"Are you seeing him again?" I asked again.

"Not like that!" she interjected.

I felt my throat run dry.

"He's been coming around the house, but not for—"

"No," I interrupted again. "All this time you've been playing me like a fucking fool. Saying how you didn't want a commitment because you didn't wanna get into another serious relationship. Meanwhile, you've been seeing Fields behind my back and made me look like an idiot!"

"Tweaker," she said, her voice filling with tears. "Let me explain."

I shook my head even though she couldn't see me, because there was no explaining necessary. I got the message loud and clear.

"No need,

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