Chapter 26

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We were still driving. This was a very long drive. It felt like he is driving somewhere to dump my body. All around were nothing but the road and trees. He was silent the whole time. I was silent the whole time. My mind is racing. This is going to be the most important conversation of my life and I had no idea what it was going to be about. A lot of ideas are running through my head but Im not 100% sure what I will say and especially what he will say. 

Aidan brings me out of my thoughts, "Were here Kitten."

I come back to reality and take a look around me. We are sitting in the car staring at a beautiful scenery. We were on top of a hill and we saw mountains, trees and a river. I am mesmerized by the view.

Aidan chuckles, "Like the view?"

I nod but I continue starring out the window.

Aidan huffs, "Kitten I knew you'd like it here but we have to talk."

My heart is about to come out of my chest because I become nervous. He sees that and grabs my face and turns my face to face his. We are back to staring at each other. 

A moment of silence.

Another moment of silence.

And another.

Feels like eternity now.

Aidan breaks it and whispers, "Kitten, you shouldn't have come over last night. We shouldn't have kissed."

I break free from his hold on my face, "What? Why?!"

He looks straight, out the window, at the scenery, "It was a mistake. We can't do that."

Im confused, "Why not?"

He looks like he wants to say something but is holding back. He keeps opening and closing his mouth.

I decide to interject, "Aidan, you brought me here on this long as drive to this beautiful scenery and now you're shutting down. I want you to stop, look at me and continue what you're trying to say. Wait, scratch that. I want you to stop saying what you were saying and tell me that were going to be okay."

The whole time that I am talking, he is looking down at his lap. 

When I finished he smiled, a smile that wasn't happy or fake but a smile that I couldn't understand. 

He took a deep breath, looked up from his lap and finally began to talk, "Kitten I want us to forget yesterday ever happened. We shouldn't have done anything because it was wrong ."

"Aidan why do you keep repeating yourself? I don't think we did anything wrong. I mean we barely did anything. Wait. Just wait. I see what it is. You must not like me or something. Or it was bad, wasn't it???  I....I...I... mean you didn't have to drive all the way here to tell me that. I mean I get it.....we're not in the same.........league...."

Aidan interrupts, "WHAT? No. Kitten its not like that. It was definitely not bad, the quite opposite actually. But you are right. Were not in the same league. Its me that is not.....not....not....worthy of you. I just don't want you to drag yourself down with me."

His head went back down to his lap. I am just staring at him stunned. I thought it was me. I thought it was a bad experience for him or something. I thought I did something wrong. But he thinks its him. He thinks he's not "worthy" or something. How can he think that? Why does he think that? Who am I to even be worthy off?

I snapped myself out of my head and decided to ask him the questions I am thinking. Im ripping off the band aid even though this will be embarrassing and awkward. 

I open the car door, get out, walk around to his side, open his door and move him a bit to sit on his lap and straddle him. I sit wrapping my legs around him, facing him and my back leaning on the wheel. Now he won't escape me.

I take a deep breath, muster up the courage and ask, "How can you think you're not worthy? Why do you think you're not worthy? And why the hell do you think I am worthy or whatever?"

He stares at me stunned. He doesn't speak. I think I shocked him when I straddled him on his lap. I think I shocked him when I asked all these questions. Hell, I'm shocked at myself. I didn't know I have this side of me. 

Wait maybe Im over thinking and just squishing him. I start to get off but he hold me down.

I whisper, "Am I heavy?"

Aidan looks at me, throws his head back and starts laughing hysterically. He's like this for a few minutes. I try to get off him but he still continues to hold me. I can't believe him. This ass.

A few moments later, he stops. His face went from laughter to serious real quick.

Uh-oh back to serious conversation.

He puts his hand on my cheek, "Kitten, how do you do this? I was trying to find words to say to you and you go and do this and make me forget and laugh. And no you dummy you are not heavy. Not at all. Kitten I can't believe you cant see how worthy you actually are and how how unworthy I actually am. Im bad Kitten. I come from a bad family and a bad background. I know for a fact that you deserve better. But I can't I just can't let you go so I'm gonna need you to do it. I need you to stop it with me."

He took his hand off my face, looked down and whispered softly, "I can't. I just can't."

I hug him. Tighter then I ever have before. He holds me tight. I can barely breath. I don't mind. 

After a few moments, I pull away and hit him on his chest.

I become hysterical, "How can you say that? How can you put yourself so low like that? Why? I mean why?" 

I become so emotional, I get off him, open the door and get out of the car. I needed air. I needed space. I needed to get away from him.

I hear Aidan get out of the car and close the door. I know he is not sure whether to comfort me or not right now. 

He stands a few feet away from me watching me pace back and forth, "Kitten you need to calm down."

I stop and face him, "Why did you bring me here? Why did you drag me all the way to this beautiful place to tell me this nonsense?"

He walks up to me, faces me to the scenery, stands behind me and hugs me from behind. Now were both facing the beautiful view.

He leans down to where he puts his head on my left shoulder. 

I am instantly calm. How can someone calm me down in an instant? One second I was ready to rip his head off and now I just wanna stay like this forever.

He whispers, "Kitten I didn't mean to make you upset. I just wanted to bring you here to show you this amazing view. I admit I wasn't thinking my plan through. I didn't think about the drive back home after this conversation." He chuckles. 

This was so not a time for jokes. I turn away my head to the right from him a bit.

He sighs, "I'm sorry bad times for jokes. I just want the best for you. I... I..."

I break free and face him. I interrupt him, " And what makes you think that your'e not it?"

He's shocked, "Kitten we both know I am not."

"Stop calling me Kitten. If you're gonna push me away stop calling me that. I don't think you're this 'not worthy person' you think you are. You really wanna know what I think ?"

He nods.

I continue, "I think you are the kindest person I have ever met. I think you are the most unselfish person I have ever met.  I think you are the strongest person I have ever met. I think that you take care of me. I think that you bring out a side of me that I didn't know I had. Its such a good side. It makes me feel so good. You understand me in a way I didn't think anyone could. I think you feel terrible about what happened to Jenny but that was not your fault. Yeah you come from a bad background, but who's background is perfect? The most important thing is that you know thats not how you want to continue your life. You know the difference between right and wrong."

I take a deep breath. I look at him. He's frozen.

I continue, "And I know for a fact that you brought me to this place for a reason."

I think he needs some time to process this so I go closer to the edge and sit on a rock to watch the view and give him space. Heck I need space right now. 

A few moments go by and I feel my arm being grabbed, forcing me to stand up. Before I could do anything else, he leans in and kisses me deeper then ever. It was a kiss like in the movies. We couldn't get enough of each other. It was like our lives at this moment was dependent on kissing. 

After a really really really long time, we broke free. Both of us were panting heavily. It was the longest kiss ever. It just felt so right. 

Aidan sits on the ground and mentions me to come to him. I sit in front of him and he hugs me from behind. Were sitting there watching the sun go down. It was the most amazing view of my life.

Aidan leans in and whispers, "I'll never stop calling you Kitten just so you know."

I chuckle and roll my eyes.

"You're not gonna let me push you away huh?"

I shake my head no.

"Kitten you are everything to me." He kisses the top of my head.

I take his hand, bring it up to my mouth and kiss it.

"Hey Aidan, are you gonna tell me what this place is?"

He chuckles, "Not a chance Kitten. Well..maybe one day."

I stick my tongue out at him and he laughs.

Then it was silent. Nothing else needed to be said. It was silence all around us. Just us watching the sunset. 

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