College 

Sophomore Year - Four Years Ago

Her chest heaved as she lugged herself up the hill toward the gym. Sid thanked god that she wouldn't have to actually work out when she got there. She was just meeting Aiden so that they could go to the dining hall for dinner. Her Spanish seminar had kicked her ass and she was ready to stuff her face and block out the fact that she still couldn't speak in the language after two semesters. She was sure that she would have to beg for another B this term...hell at this point she would even take a C just to be done with her foreign language prerequisite. It was times like these that she wished she had just gone into a regular culinary program back in the city. But she knew that she wanted to be more than just a line cook. Owning her own restaurant was her goal so she needed the business acumen too. It was exhausting having dreams.

Three petite girls in flimsy hoodies made their way down the hill with matching ponytails sweeping their shoulders. People who worked out never seemed to get cold. She tried to look less exhausted. Like this trudge wasn't making her calves ache. Like a swath of sweat wasn't growing under her boobs beneath the thick sweatshirt she layered over a thermal shirt. It was late November and only a few days before everyone was set to leave campus for Thanksgiving break. Her mother, Tanya, had demanded that she spend this Thanksgiving with her and her sister after she skipped out last year and spent it with Aiden's family instead. Tomorrow morning she would have her last class and that afternoon Whitney would be waiting to throw a pillowcase over her head and kidnap her to their mothers. Sid's chest burned at the thought of it. Or because of the hill.

She cursed Aiden under her breath. It was his fault that she was even going up here. She had never found a reason to go on her own but it had become a second home for Aiden over the past few months. At the start of the school year he had begun a new workout and diet regimen out of nowhere. All of a sudden trading their dates at the local Cold Stone for intramural basketball with his new friends. Sid tried to be a good sport and even watched a few of his games in the beginning but the bro-y, shoving and shit-talking wasn't really her style so she fell back. And the girls that hung around? They were either hopelessly obsessed with the latest Fenty Beuty concealers (not her thing) or knew from memory who was on the starting lineup for the Laker's during the 2005 season (also not her thing). The time spent around this new crew involved Sid being terribly quiet. Eventually, she just stopped showing up and decided to get what little time she could in her boyfriend's arms whenever she could.

Those arms as well had changed though. Along with his face and seemingly everything else. That chubby face that she used to love running her hands across had slimmed down into a chiseled chin and strong jawline that she still had a hard time recognizing as his from far away. His love handles had melted away, leaving a smooth midsection that she wished she had the chance to see more of over the last few months. She didn't know how many pounds he had actually shed but if she had to guess, she would put her money on it being somewhere around forty pounds in the time it took Labor Day to turn into Halloween. He was a man obsessed. She was just trying to keep up.

The hill finally leveled out as she approached the double doors to the gym. Sid sucked in air as her out of shape heart banged on in her chest. After showing ID at the desk, she dodged a bank of cardio machines before crossing the trophy clad hallway to the basketball court. The crash bar slamming against the door echoed as she entered the silent gym. She expected to see the usual crew hustling up and down the court but instead she saw a small group of people sprawled comfortably on the bleachers. It pulled her back to a time when she and Aiden were in high school. Before everything happened.

On half-days of school, instead of going straight home, she and Aiden would board the D train and ride all the way uptown to Harlem to watch the best in streetball play at Rucker Park. It always seemed like half the neighborhood was out there, especially on one of those really nice days when New Yorkers took back the streets. Setting up card tables and chairs on the sidewalks to play dominoes. Or cracking open a Johnny Pump that shot water into the street to drench kids and passing cars alike in cool water. If they were lucky they could squeeze into a little spot on the bleachers and watch. She loved those moments. Aiden on one level, his arms around her shoulders as she nestled in the spot between his legs on the level below.

That memory sent warm tingles through her. But those warm tingles quickly mixed with the rising heat from her rage as she watched a girl sitting between Aiden's legs on the bleachers just like she had at the Rucker. Jamal, a nice enough guy who seemed to never leave his side lately, was sitting right beside him laughing a big old laugh with his head thrown back at something that Aiden said but Sid didn't catch. She stood frozen for a moment, deciding whether to retreat in anger or attack in anger. But it seemed that at the moment she had made her decision to retreat Aiden noticed her standing there. She tried not to read into the way he inched further back on the bleachers to put space between him and the girl lingering between his legs.

"Hey, babe." Aiden had gotten up and was making his way over to her.

"Hi." Sid eyed the girl. Taking in everything from the way her coils were pulled into a beautiful high puff on the top of her head. To the way her long toned legs escaped gym shorts that hit just above her knee as she sat there so coolly. Aubrey, Sid raked the girl's name across her mind. She was one of the girls who knew the starting lineups. A real basketball fan and really gorgeous. She and Aiden seemed close. Sid's hands flew to her hair and she drew in a relieved breath after realizing it was still in neat box braids that she had done a few weeks ago on a quick trip back to Brooklyn for Aiden's Mom's birthday. Now, she just hoped no one could sense the tremble in her voice.

"You ready?" Aiden asked.

"Are you?" Sid spat back. Her eyes trained on the girl. She was now talking to Jamal who kept throwing glances their way.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Aiden moved his face in front of hers to block the death glare she was shooting toward his friends. She focused her eyes on his. Stared at that face that she wasn't quite used to yet.

"Nothing."

Aiden eyed her cautiously but chose to let the topic go. "Let me grab my stuff." Sid didn't let her eyes stray from him as he made his way back toward the den of deceit. Maybe she was overreacting but Sid had that nagging feeling that something was going on that she was not privy to. Like she was all of a sudden shoved out a circle that she had built. The one she'd been in since she and Aiden were five-year-olds playing tag.

"I'll catch y'all later. We're going to head over to dinner."

"Oh, I'm going that way too. I'll eat with y'all." Jamal said. He started to gather his things.

"Babe, I actually wanted to go off campus for dinner. Something a little nicer. Alone. Since breaks coming up an all." She threw in the last part to soften the brusqueness. Even though it delighted her a bit. She was being ruder than she had been in a long time. It felt good to be rude and lie. Just five minutes ago she was fantasizing about the chicken pesto that was on the dining halls menu today. The thought of topping it off with some ice cream from the soft-serve machine almost made her knees quake. But after seeing...whatever the hell she just saw, she wanted Aiden alone. She forced herself to put on a face that she hoped looked apologetic toward Jamal.

"Next time," He said shoulders dropped. He was out of the gym a moment later, taking Aubrey Between-the-Legs McGee with him.

"Are you okay? Did I do something?" Aiden asked as they walked out, his voice gentle but filled with concern for her as always. She eyed him. Did you? she questioned him in her mind. The face may have changed but those eyes of his were still the same. The ones that seemed to hold every emotion he'd ever felt. Right now they were holding a ton of worry, and with only a few hours to spend with him before they wouldn't see one another for a week, she didn't want them to part on a fight over nothing really. She hadn't seen anything but two friends comfortable with one another. Even if a little too comfortable.

"No. Just miss you."

"Well, I'm all yours. Where did you have in mind?" Aiden asked as they walked toward his car. She didn't really have any off-campus dining options in mind so she scrambled to think of something.

"Chipotle?"

"Bet. I'm getting extra chips and guac," Aiden said excitedly. Putting an extra pep in his step as they neared the car. No matter how ripped he got he was still that little chubby food-loving boy she always knew.  

Photo by Yassine Khalfalli on Unsplash