When the gates to her mother's property came into view Sid took a deep breath. She wanted to turn back but she had to remind herself that her son was in there. She imagined little AJ locked in there crying for his mommy while her mother tried to feed him something vegan. The whole house was vegan thanks to Regis. They only wanted to bring things into their home that didn't cause "death and trauma" as they put it. It was a whole thing. No matter how much she reminded her mother that once upon a time her favorite dish was her father's six-cheese macaroni and cheese with a side of smothered pork chops Tanya would not let this vegan thing go.

Sidney could only get to her Mom's house when Tomi was able to hire a driver to take her up there or Whitney was willing to pick her up. There were no combinations of buses that could get her that deep into the suburbs without it taking hours and involving more walking than she cared to do. Sid liked it that way. She didn't have to make up a bunch of excuses for her mother to explain why she did not come to visit more often. It wasn't like she wanted to go up there and sit in that house or see her mother peck Regis on the lips time and time again. 

The fact that their relationship was still going on was a slap in the face to Sid. It was like her mother was purposefully trying to hold on to everything that she gained from her husband's death. Regis was nothing like her father. Where her father used his hands to create beautiful meals and could rip an entire chicken into fours with his bare hands, Regis was more equipped for swindling and slick talk to get things done. He spent her mother's money like it was his. Hell, it kind of was.

She had to go in there and save her baby. The hypocrisy of it all. Besides, with AJ being with Aiden every other week and her mother and Whitney demanding they spend time with him on the weeks Sid did have him she felt like she barely got one-on-one time with her own child. Not to mention the time she spent at work. Well...when she had work.

The car pulled up to the gate and she spent longer than necessary thanking the driver and shoving a twenty dollar bill in his hand that he kept refusing. Sid didn't know why she needed him to take it so badly but she did. Eventually he relented with a nervous smile and thanked her before driving off. The car felt like it was leaving her in the middle of the desert with no way to get back. She closed her eyes and took another deep breath before she pushed the code on the front gate and watched the heavy wrought iron wall roll apart to let her in.

Sid's legs burned as she hiked her way up the long driveway and to the front door. She rang the doorbell and waited. Her sister's arms were slung around her neck a moment later.

"You're choking me." Sid stumbled through the door to alleviate the strain on her neck.

"Miss you."

"Miss you too. My neck, Whit, seriously."

"Look at you. You look so good."

"You lie and it's the sweetest thing." Sid kissed her sister's cheek and held her tight. Whitney was the only good thing about these visits. She felt guilty leaving her alone with her mother and Regis but it was for the best. Whitney was finishing up her degree in Social Work and with plans to go straight on for her Masters. She was going to be someone amazing who made an actual difference in the world and she would need her mother's financial support to do it.

"Where's my baby?" Sid asked but she could already hear AJ's giggles flowing to her from the family room. She made her way over there just in time to see her mother and AJ sitting in front of a large canvas. AJ rested on her mother's lap while she guided his hand through painting what Sid thought looked like a tree but an extremely abstract interpretation. Tanya tried to get AJ to paint in straight vertical lines but his little unruly hands dragged the brush from left to right. She stopped and tickled her grandson in the creases of his underarms. The same way she used to do to Sid and Whit when they were little. Sid smiled.

"Hi, Ma." Tanya spun around and took in Sid with a once over like she always did. Yes, I am fatter, Mom. It was likely only five pounds gained since the last time since was there almost two months ago but her mother could pick up on any minuscule weight gain. She knew about Sid's binge eating and was sure to add it to the list of things Sid should talk to a therapist about. Sid added it to the list of things she would avoid.

"Oh, hey, Sid. I didn't hear you come in."

"I'm light on my feet for a fat girl." Sid spat out. Whit gagged a laugh back in her throat but Tanya threw both of her daughters an admonishing look. Regardless of whatever they went through Tanya always told her daughters they were beautiful and didn't like any self-deprecating talk.

"Yall, don't start that mess. Here take the baby." Tanya guided AJ over to his mother and Sid scooped him up making sure to avoid his paint-stained hands as they made their way to one of three bathrooms on the first floor to clean up. As Tanya scrubbed paint from her manicured nails Sid followed suit cleaning AJ and listened to her mom yammer on about her work.

"So, I told her, the accident isn't what's making the child act up. It was them! The damn parents. Child is six and still sucking a pacifier. Poor baby's teeth looked like a damn donkey. That's why he's not talking yet." 

Sid's mother was in the middle of a tirade. She had heard this particular tirade quite a few times over the years since she started Berry's House, a nonprofit organization that provided financial aid and mental health support services to families of children living with trauma. Sidney remembered how much zeal her mother had for the work in the early days. She was often gone by the time Sid and Whitney woke up and came ambling back in the house exhausted with take-out long after the sun had set. But now, the more she got into the business side of things the more she begrudged interacting with the actual families. These new-age parents, as she called them. Their anti-vaccination, iPad toting, helicopter hippie bullshit was grating on her very last nerve and she was happy to vent to anyone willing to listen.

"Wow. That's crazy." Sid mumbled only half-listening. She was hoping that Whitney was ready to drive them back to the city. She was supposed to get here right after lunch, collect AJ and his things and be back in her apartment in time for dinner.

"Did you get AJ his shots?" Her mother's question cut through her thoughts of escape.

"Yes, of course."

"When? Claude didn't tell me you came by." Her mother's voice trembled a bit. Sid paused before delivering the news she knew her mother wouldn't like.

"I went to a different doctor."

"And why the hell would you do that? I was just getting his asthma under control!"

Because you say things like "I was just getting his asthma under control". You're not his doctor or his mother!

"Ma," Was all Sidney said. The rest of it sat in the back of her brain, tugging to get out. But Sid didn't have the energy to explain to her mother that she didn't like how she forced Sidney to take AJ to one of her organization's Pediatricians. Didn't like that she sat in on all of AJ's doctor's appointments, asking more questions than Sid did and offering suggestions that became the rule right after they left her mouth. Sid hated that she peaked at AJ's charts and lectured her about him needing more amino acids in his diet or that he was a tiny bit short on the growth chart.

"Where did you take him?" She asked.

"To this back alley place that made me bring my own needles."

"Don't joke about my grandchild, Sidney. Lord, don't!"

Sid listened to the heavy breathing as Tanya got all worked up. She was pushing her mother toward an episode but it wouldn't be the first time. It was not unlike her to overreact. Her drama is the sole reason Sid decided to be collected and in control. Why Whitney decided to just keep her head down and get through it all. Sidney peeked over at her mother just in time to see her with her hands turned up to the sky. Praying to the lord that Sid would not lead her only grandbaby to ruin. Ending this visit quickly was the only course of action at this point.

"Ma, He's fine. I'm fine. Look, I really have to make it back to the city. I have a lot of work to do." She was pulling AJ's hand from beneath the running faucet and drying them on thick fluffy towels. Damn, these feel nice. Sid let herself look around the marble bathroom. The heated floors were nice on the bottom of her thin socks. The thought crossed her mind that maybe she should tell her mother about losing her job. Maybe she could help her make ends meet with AJ until she got back on her feet. 

She couldn't question her mother's love for her grandson. She tried to be there as much as she could for him while still giving Sid the space she needed. But there was too much there. The forgiveness and healing that needed to happen between them was a chasm that Sid was not ready to traverse. Besides, she had just lost her job. She could at least exhaust all her options before she attempted a talk with her mother. Sidney put AJ on her hip and started to leave the bathroom. Down the hallway she could see Whitney putting her shoes at the front door. Thank God.

"Wait, wait! You're still coming to the gala right?" Tanya asked from behind her. Sidney felt a pit form in the bottom of her stomach just at the thought of going to her mother's annual benefit gala. It was brutal. For so many reasons. She didn't want to go and pretend to be okay. Answer questions from people with concerned faces and pretend that she hadn't fallen short of everyone's expectations of her. Worst of all, next to her sister who was the golden child when compared to Sid.

"Yeah." She didn't want to lie to her mother but it was the only way to end this visit without an argument. She wouldn't be going to any gala. No way in hell. Truth or not, her mother accepted her weak RSVP and allowed her to collect the rest of AJ's things and make her getaway. 

Hoping that this chapter gives a little insight into where Sid and her Mom's relationship is currently. Thank you so much for reading! I'll try to get another chapter up on Wednesday and we can get back to the action. 

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