T H I R T Y - T W O

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Sidney held onto the door handle to stop the cab from jostling her left to right in the back seat. Her eyes were focused on everything outside. Things that she had seen a hundred times. The bodegas. The bars and restaurants. The bustling tapestry of Brooklyn's streets was familiar, nothing exciting to see, but still she hoped that right now it would offer her something interesting to look at. Anything to distract her from what was going on her head. Phil showing up somehow eased and agitated her all at once and she didn't know what to make of it. The relief she from finally having someone else who knew everything she had gone through was undercut by her need to now get them both out of this absolute mess.

"So...for clarity's sake." Tomi cleared her throat and spoke only slightly above the Bollywood music that jumped from the speakers. Shit. That's right. Two people knew.

"The night that you got hit by the Citibike you hobbled your crippled ass into an alley and stole Phil's stash." Tomi's hands were steepled together in her lap. This was Tomi physically trying to subdue her reactions. The backseat they shared felt too small. Sidney glanced at the cab driver. He was too busy honking his horn at slow drivers to care about the conversation going on in the back seat. Sid eyed Tomi and nodded.

"And then you found out that the money actually belonged to Phil's brother Kru who runs a number of felonious enterprises in Brooklyn. This same brother was also letting Phil rot in jail for losing the money you stole." Sid nodded again before Tomi continued. "So, you used the money to bail Phil out of jail."

"Some of it. I bought the car and paid a lot of bills. Yes...and Kru--" Sid glanced at the driver again before lowering her voice. "--Kru is the one who killed my Dad."

"Kru killed your Dad."

"Mhm."

Tomi took her eyes off of her steepled hands and turned her head slowly toward Sid. "Sidney, love?"

"Yes?"

"You are not staying there anymore. You have to move, NOW."

"I just started at Ito. I haven't saved up enough money yet."

"You have a bag full of cash!"

That caught the drivers attention. He locked eyes with them from the review mirror for a second.

"Eyes on the road, man." Tomi instructed.

"I do not have a bag full of cash. I told you it's gone!"

"Well, sell the car then."

"I need... I can't do the trains...and I'm not going to run just because of him."

Sid raked her hand over her fresh twist out. She was sure that it looked like hell by now since she couldn't keep her nervous hands out of her head. She didn't want to run and leave everything behind like her mother did but she couldn't deny that the closer to her building they got, the more she lost her breath. Sid couldn't hide Phil forever and her grief and fury wouldn't let her go much longer knowing that Kru was out here walking around free after what he did. 

She was afraid of what she might do as much as she was afraid of doing nothing. Everything was slamming into her all at once. She once believed that she knew what she would do if she ever saw Kru again but now that she had laid eyes on him everything seemed so complicated. She was a mother now. And then there was Phil.

"You're coming with me. Grab a few things and we'll head back to my place."

"I'm not staying with you, Tomi."

"You need to. I was never comfortable with you staying in a place like this but now it's gone too far."

"What do you mean 'a place like this'? This is where I grew up, Tomi."

"Don't do that. Don't try to make me seem like some prejudiced asshole. You know what I mean. White, Black or whatever, it's dangerous. Even your Dad wanted out of here right?"

Sid narrowed her eyes at Tomi. Using her Dad was a low blow. Sid cared deeply about what her father thought and what he planned for her. She'd been trying since the day he died to live up to his expectations but every time she tried to follow the script she bombed. The exhaustion from trying to live in a way that would make him proud was wearing on her. When she took inventory of her life, the only thing that brought her solace was that he didn't know how badly she was failing. He didn't have to see the train wreck that was her life over and over.

The cab pulled up to the corner of Sidney's block and stopped. Sidney eyes the cab driver.

"The walk way is up there." As they all did, he released a heavy annoyed sigh before putting the car in drive to move forward. Sid felt her blood boil. She knew that they didn't drop people in the Upper West Side a block away from their buildings but because this was the hood they assumed a drop off wherever would work. 

"What the fuck is wrong with all of you Uber drivers! The app clearly shows where my building is. Why can't you ever just stop in front of the building! It's your job. It's your fucking job!" Sid grabbed her things from the cab before it came to a full stop and stormed out slamming the door behind her. She marched up the walkway. Tomi was on her heels.

"Sid, chill, would you?"

"I am chill! I can't just up and leave. It's not just me. I have AJ too and I need someone to watch him. I have help here."

"We'll figure all that out. Sid...seriously, we could have figured all  of this out. Why didn't you tell me? I know I'm all over the place but I would have hoped that I was together enough for you to know that you can count on me. I'm not good for much but I have resources and I wish you would use them."

To hear Tomi talk about not being good enough was sobering. Tomi had everything Sidney dreamed of. Stability. Parents who loved her. Sometimes too much. A life of awful dates full of possibilities. The only responsibility she had was to live everyday to its fullest. She lived life with a freedom that Sidney envied and if she was honest with herself. That's what stopped her from going to Tomi for help. Not pride. But jealousy.

Sidney's eyes pooled with fat tears. She felt so heavy. The weight of her life coupled with the weight of the life her father wanted for her was impossible to carry. All this time thinking that if she stuck around she could somehow avenge his death. But actually seeing Kru. Standing only a few feet away from him, she was terrified by the mere presence of him. But also terrified because she felt the truth that killing him wouldn't correct anything. Wouldn't bring back anything she had lost. Her father would still be buried under that big beautiful Honeylocust tree. The gaping hole he left would never be filled.

She took in her friend. Standing in the middle of the hood with her beautiful--expensive-- vintage sundress. With pockets. Shoving help at her. Wanting to help her turn the boat around.

"Ok." Sidney croaked. The guys in front of her building were eyeing the odd couple of Sid and Tomi as they embraced and Tomi wiped away a tear from Sid's face.

"Where's AJ?"

"He's with Aiden until Sunday night."

"Good. Let's pack your shit and get out of here."


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