Aiden wore a crimson suit, the color of the vile cherry-flavored children's medicine she drank as a kid. Him and his blinding suit stood before her, his lips moving. She pulled her eyes away from the suit and tried to focus on the words he was saying. Whatever it was she felt like it was important. She needed to hear it. But from the lapel to the hem of the pants, his blood-colored suit pulled in all of her senses. She pressed her eyes and shook her head before reopening them. 

She could hear Aiden now but instead of his voice, that low measured cadence that was second nature to her, ears it was Phil's voice slipping from his lips. His quick speech. Excitable bursts. The words coming out so fast that she could barely keep up with them. Phil...or Aiden...were telling her to run and pointing toward the entrance of the subway. I can't go down there, she tried to tell him. She started to run, but in every direction her feet took her is he found herself at the entrance of the subway. The descending stairs were menacing. She took off to the left. The same thing again. Dark stairs. Off to the right. The same. No matter where she ran they were there.

She felt herself falling. But the fall was only a short one before Sid felt her face pressed against the Persian rug on Tomi's living room floor.

The last thing she remembered was watching a movie. A Cinderella Story, the one with Hilary Duff, and now she was here. On the floor with a blanket twisted around her lower body. The ottoman across the room still held a pile of AJ's toys where she dropped them after arriving. She assumed that Tomi had retreated to her room for bed. After unraveling herself from the blanket she walked over to the kitchen and tried to shake off the dream but it stuck with her. She yanked open the cabinets hoping to find something sweet. A shot of endorphins, or serotonin, or whatever to take the edge off. A moment later she had to top twisted off a jar of Nutella and was aggressively dipping animal crackers into the gooey chocolate spread. It helped but the bad was still there. She wasn't surprised but disappointed.

She sank down into the couch and tried to clear her mind. But there was no use. The big thing that had lingered over her head had been revealed. She told not one but two people about the agony she put herself through the last few weeks. The load had been divvied up between some more shoulders and she thought that it would bring her relief but it didn't. Maybe a few more dips. She submerged a giraffe into the chocolate goo. 

Her phone said it was five in the morning. She thought about AJ as usual. He was always among her first thoughts, if not the only, in the morning. But surprisingly Phil was among those thoughts too. Her phone scrolled over the number to the hotel in her call log. She could call his room just to check on him. Make sure he was alright. She pressed the number and immediately regretted it. He was probably asleep. She didn't want Phil to feel like he'd traded one prison for another. She didn't want to be some chocolate and animal cracker guzzling corrections officer. But her mouth was already asking the front desk attendant to transfer her to room 688 and her body was sitting there tense while the phone rang in her ear.

"Hello?" Phil sounded wide awake. The ramming in her chest slowed.

"It's me."

Phil sighed deeply and she could hear the relief in his voice. It made her stomach swim and a warm heat roll through her. The feeling she was hoping the Nutella would bring. "I'm glad you called. I'm in here going crazy. My mind is like all over the place and I'm trying to chill but there's so much going on. It's like I tried to cause the least amount of trouble as possible. Just listen to Kru and I'd be alright, is what I thought. But when shit is going to go left you can't convince it to go right. You know?" The words erupted from him and rolled downhill to trample her with the truth. She put down the Nutella and laid back on the couch.

"I know exactly what you mean. If I could have chosen anything to happen in my life..." She paused because she feared the next thing she said would make her sound like an awful person. She had AJ and loved him more than life itself. But still...

"You wouldn't have chosen any of this shit right?"

"Not a fucking thing." Sid threw an arm over her eyes and chuckled. It was the worst thing to say. But life was the worst right now and so the words fit. They were home. Phil joined in chuckling with her.

"How do you just say everything?" Sid asked him.

"What do you mean?" She could hear the sounds of blankets shifting around him. She wondered if he was too uncomfortable to sleep or if he had made himself at home like he did in her place. His chocolate bare skin right up against those stark white sheets. Emanating pure warmth and Phil-like energy.

"I feel so much but whenever it's time to say it... It's like my mind stop the words from reaching my mouth all the time. Like...it knows my words won't be safe once they are outside of me." Tears stung at her eyes as she spoke but she kept them at bay.

"I don't know. I guess for me, it hurts more to keep it in than anything outside could. But we be experiencing shit from childhood that messes us up. I watched this documentary on Netflix about nature versus nurture and whatnot. And our parents really are responsible for half the fucked up stuff we do." He said with another lighthearted chuckle. Sid laughed too but immediately thought of AJ. She wondered what poisonous seeds she was already planting in his beautiful little head. Had she somehow taught him to be quiet? Fearful? Want less? Just imagining her words weaving poisonous webs in him made her pick up the Nutella jar again. A moment later a cracker broke its surface.

"So, you blame your Mom?" Sid asked. She cringed, wondering if she went too far. She knew how dudes felt about their mothers.

"Nah, not at all. I don't believe all that. I think its all just chance. Some people are just screwed up, no matter what. Like Kru. No matter who his mom was he was going to be screwed up." Phil paused as if he was considering his brother and possibly himself. Sid wondered what category Phil would put himself in but it was all getting too deep for her. Making her think of things that she hadn't thought of in years. No good.

"Do you need anything? Like a toothbrush or clothes or something?" Sid didn't recall him having anything but the clothes on his back when he turned up at the hotel.

"I'm dying for some deodorant. And yeah, some clothes or whatnot if its no stress to you."

"Old Spice or Gillette?"

"Damn, Sid. I can tell you haven't had a man in a while. Them old ass brands. Bring me some Dove. My skin is sensitive."

Sid clamped her hand over her mouth to stop the chuckles from escaping and waking Tomi.

"I got you." 

Stay tuned for another part coming tomorrow!