Chapter 12 | the morning after

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I can feel the headache behind my eyes before I open them, knowing I'd had way too much to drink last. But it was my 21st birthday, so I think I get a pass. I shift in bed, moving my hands around first and appreciating the soft sheets surrounding me. The thread count must be off the charts, I think to myself sleepily, trying to piece last night together.

It's only when I remember exactly where I am and what I did last night that I open my eyes and shoot upright in bed, whipping my head around. The bed is empty, and I don't see any sign of Wyatt, which makes me feel a bit relieved.

If I thought I was going to have a hard time looking him in the eye after dancing together at that party, how on Earth am I supposed to look at him now?

The memories of his lips on mine, and his hands on my body begin to float back to me, my own cries and moans echoing in my mind as I remember exactly what we did, or rather, what he did to me last night. I more than consented too, in fact, after I stopped us, I'm the one who started it again.

I flop back in bed, covering my eyes with the crook of my arm and letting out a deep breath. He told me last night he didn't want to regret what we did, and I didn't either. But it's hard not to regret it in the light of day.

A gentle knock sounds at the door then before it opens a bit.

"Hey," Wyatt steps into the room slightly. "You up?"

"Yeah." I croak weakly, uncovering my eyes and sitting up slowly in bed against his headboard. He looked good, something which felt unfair because I knew he had to be hungover too. Dressed in athletic shorts and a large band t-shirt, the same necklaces I'd been so fixated on last night hanging around his neck. His hair looks a bit damp too, like he'd already showered this morning.

He moves to the bed slowly, sitting on the edge at my feet, maintaining a good amount of distance between us.

"Um," I hesitate, unsure what to say and he smiles gently. "So, last night..."

"Yeah," he nods slowly, running a hand through his hair. "I, um, I feel like it's my fault."

"No," I reassure him instantly, and he raises an eyebrow. "No, it wasn't just you. It was me too, I mean, we'd both been drinking. We weren't thinking straight."

"True, but I was—it started way before we ever got back to my apartment for me," he admits slowly. "I knew what I wanted to do if we were alone together, and I let it happen, even though I should know better."

"Honestly," I nod. "I started—well, I thought about things when we danced together at the party last weekend. And I think part of me hoped we would be alone together last night."

We watch each other for a moment then, both realizing that we're in the same boat. The attraction and desire are mutual, and it didn't just start out of the blue last night. The real question is: what happens now?

"So," I start again. "I guess, I just, I don't want to come between you and Ryder."

"I know," he nods. "I don't want to ruin my friendship with him or my friendship with you. But I can't pretend that I regret last night because I don't. And I can't pretend that I'm not—well, that I'm not insanely attracted to you right now."

"I feel the same way," I tell him, and he sighs deeply, almost like he's relieved but also now, more conflicted than ever. "Maybe we should give each other some space?"

He frowns, glancing away from me and resting his elbows on his knees while he tugs a hand through his hair again. I can see that he's struggling to make up his mind, and I am too, especially because last night is still so fresh in both our memories.

"I like hanging out with you," he mutters slowly. "These past few weeks, I don't know, I've been having fun. But ... maybe you're right. Maybe we're just confused."

"If we take some space and I don't know, hang out with other people, then maybe we'll both get whatever this is out of our systems." I reason and he nods.

"Okay," he says, looking at me again and I can see something torn in his eyes, like he doesn't want to put an end to this so soon, but he knows we need to.

"And look," I sit forward a bit. "I really don't regret last night either, I mean, that—it was really good. But I think we both know it can't happen again."

"I know." He agrees, grinning and shaking his head. "Yeah, it definitely can't happen again. Because if it does ..."

He says a lot when he trails off, not giving a voice to the feeling in the air between us. The feeling that one wrong move and we could both end up in a worse situation than the one we're in right now. Right now, we can chalk it up to a drunk, albeit reckless moment. We can blame tequila, and the night, and deny that there's anything more.

But if it happens again, it won't be that simple.

"So," I say firmly. "We take some space, we see other people, and then check-in with each other in a couple weeks because I like hanging out with you too, and my friends love you, so I know they'll want you around this summer."

"Alright." he nods again, expression determined but also a bit pained.

"Alright." I repeat, swallowing hard as I maintain eye contact with him, his warm eyes swimming with all kinds of different emotions right now. I take this moment to admire his face, the handsome lines, and sharp features. Knowing that I can't look at him like this ever again.

~

I know both Wyatt and I are reluctant for me to leave, but it had to happen, especially because I'd been millimeters from saying 'fuck it' and pulling him into bed with me. But I had to stay strong, and without the liquid courage I'd had last night, I'm able to pull myself away. He walks me out of his apartment and to my Uber, promising to call me in a couple weeks to check-in. And then I'm heading home, walking up my front lawn and knocking at our front door.

Luckily for me, Olivia lets me in, clearly hungover herself, and she doesn't question me about my obvious walk of shame. My dress from last night a bit rumbled, shoes in one hand and purse in the other. Also, blessedly, the marks on my chest and neck go unnoticed as well. She'd been up trying to make some coffee, while everyone else is still asleep. She had offered me some, but I'd declined, saying I needed to go upstairs and lay down for a bit.

Once I'm in my room, I kick the door shut and collapse in bed, feeling disappointed and a bit sad that I won't be able to see Wyatt for a while now.

It's then I remember the gift he gave me, and scramble for my purse which I tossed on the side table near my door. I grab it, bringing it back to my bed and pull out the Tiffany's box. I pull at the white ribbon, popping the top off the box and turning it over for a velvety case to fall into my hand.

I open it slowly, swallowing a gasp when I see a gold band nestled in the cushion of the box. It's a simple bracelet, with a dainty clasp, and it's also perfect. Exactly the kind-of jewelry that I'd wear for the rest of my life and maybe pass along to a daughter one day.

I reach for my phone, opening the messaging app, not caring that we'd just had that long conversation about taking some space because I needed to thank him.

Thank you so much for the gift.

I love it.

Good.

I thought you would.

Alright, now we have space for two weeks.

Just had to say, 'thank you'.

Alright Aurora.

Whatever you say.

I bite my lip then, tempted to continue the conversation but I know I shouldn't. However, my thumbs have already moved without consent from my brain.

Wow, jewelry & an insane orgasm.

I'm such a lucky girl.

Lol god damn it.

This isn't helping & you know it.

I just wanted you to know I appreciated the gifts.

And now I'm feeling sad.

Actually I think you mean blue.

Fuck you.

You could've last night.

Jesus.

This has to stop.

You're right.

My bad, have a nice Sunday :)

Bye Aurora.

Talk to you soon.

I laugh to myself, tossing my phone on the bed and laying back against my comforter. He is right, this does have to stop, but I really don't want to stop. The logic I'd been using with him before, while sound, slips farther and farther away from me now as I take the opportunity to ruminate on our predicament.

Would it really be so bad if we kept fooling around? I've never been attracted to someone the way I was attracted to him last night. And the desire I felt is something I already desperately want to feel again.

But the sinking feeling in my stomach tells me that it would cost Wyatt his best friend and I'm not willing to risk that for him. He's already lost his parents, practically alone in the world, I can't take away his only other solid support system apart from his grandparents.

Wyatt's strong, but everyone needs friends. And it's not like I'm the only girl he can get off with, there are a whole ton of ladies out there who'd gladly take my place in an instant.

I roll over in bed frowning to myself as that thought doesn't make me feel better.

If anything, now I feel worse. 

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