Wes ~
My house was full of people and it was well after midnight, but I was fucking miserable.
It had been five days since I'd seen Gracie but it may as well have been five months. We had texted a few times, but she kept things brief and surface level.
I could see the writing on the wall, she was keeping me at arms length - pushing me away until she could muster the courage to leave me for good. It was obvious and it gutted me.
The chair I was sitting it was uncomfortable and I glared at the crowd of drunken strangers who were having the time of their lives in my living room. My feet were planted firmly on the ground but my legs were stretched out as I leaned back against the chair, sipping my tenth beer with an unamused expression on my face.
Fuck these people.
My daily routine has become toxic and unhealthy but it was my way of coping - of bracing myself for the inevitable. I drank all night and spent every waking second at the gym, sweating and fighting out every toxin from my body only to do it again the next day. I hadn't gone to class, I hadn't been sleeping l well. I was a fucking mess.
Blake pulled a folding chair over and sat down with a thud, pulling my attention away from my beer.
"Still haven't talked to her?" He asked.
"Nope." I said coldly, before tilting the bottle back and draining the contents in a matter of seconds.
"So you're just gonna drink yourself to death?" Blake chuckled.
"That's the plan for now, unless you got a better one."
Letting out a sigh, Blake reached out and gave my shoulder an endearing squeeze.
"The girls are in your corner, bud. That's gotta give you a little hope."
Considering his words, I had to admit that did give me a glimmer of hope in such a dark predicament, but it was starting to seem like it wasn't going to be enough.
"That's just it man. I'm starting to understand that it doesn't matter who is trying to convince her...she's done being convinced of things. She's going to make her own decision and I'm starting to realize that she's not going to choose me. She's going to play it safe out of self preservation."
My own words tore at my heart and my head swiveled for the nearest cooler, settling on one that was on the kitchen counter.
"I hope you're wrong." Blake added as I stood to get another beer.
"Yeah me too."
But I'm not. I know my girl. She's been through so much shit. She's gonna run to try and protect herself.
People instinctively moved out of my way as I walked toward my kitchen. I wasn't sure if it was my angry expression or my size, maybe both, but I didn't give a shit about being a good host at the moment.
Grabbing a beer from the cooler, I popped the lid off against the counter with my hand and tossed it toward the trash, but missed.
The bottle cap rolled to a stop next to someone's shoe and I turned over my shoulder and whistled to get the dudes attention.
"Little help." I muttered, letting my eyes travel down to the bottle cap against his shoe.
The guy gave me a go-to-hell look before turning his back to me in order to carry on his conversation.
Well that's a fucking mistake.
The anger I was harboring was so close to the surface, it didn't take much for it to bubble over and my feet started moving before I could reason with myself.
Taking hold of the guys shoulder, I harshly spun him around to face me.
"Pick it up." I bit out as I towered over him.
His eyes went wide but he quickly schooled his expression before bending down and picking up the cap.
That's what I thought bitch.
"Chill out bro." The asshole mumbled under his breath as he flicked the bottle cap up at me.
Catching it with one hand I glared down at the dude, knowing he was receiving the brunt of all my pent up aggression, but I was too drunk to stop myself.
"Chill out? How about you get the fuck out of my house." I snarled.
"Are you serious?" The guy asked, throwing his hands up, but taking a step back, putting some space between us.
"Do I look like I'm joking? Get the fuck out" I yelled loudly, prompting intervention from Blake and Chad.
"Easy Wes." Chad said as he came between us.
"Don't you stick up for this piece of shit." I said loudly, trying to grab hold of the assholes shirt as I reached around Chad.
"Yo Wes man calm the hell down." Blake said as he wrapped me up from behind and pulled me back.
"Get the fuck off me Blake." I yelled, making a scene as we stumbled into the living room.
Blake stood between me and the dude in the kitchen, staring me down as I huffed angry breaths. I could easily take Blake along with anyone else in the house, but I wasn't about to fight my best friend.
Bringing my beer to my lips, I sipped at the cold liquid with my eyes glued to Blakes before turning around and heading to the back patio, slamming the door hard behind me.
There were mostly chicks playing flip cup on the patio, but I didn't care. At least none of them would try to fight me.
I sunk down hard into a patio chair with an angry scowl as I chugged my beer in a matter of seconds, wiping my mouth with the back of my arm.
"You look like shit." Mandy's voice sounded from beside me.
"Thanks." I muttered under my breath without looking at her.
"These are new." She added, reaching out and barely touching the bruised and cut skin underneath my eye from a recent fight in the gym.
I flinched and pulled away from her hand.
Part of me wanted to interrogate her. I wanted to know all about Gracie and how she was doing. I wanted to know if Mandy made any progress on my behalf, but I already knew the answer. Gracie still wasn't talking to me - that was an answer in itself.
"Listen...I've had quite a few and well Gracie is our designated driver..."
My ears perked and she finally had my full attention.
"Gracie's coming here?"
"Mmhmm. Shes on her way. Thought you'd want to know." Mandy said with a half smile.
"Right now?"
I lifted my hat off my head and ran a hand through my hair before replacing my hat on backwards.
"Yep." She said, checking her watch. "You might want to go clean up a bit."
Her words gave me a sudden surge of energy and I sprang to my feet, darting into the house toward my bathroom.
Turning on the water at the sink, I splashed it in my face, hoping like hell I could magically sober up in a matter of minutes.
Shit. I'm drunk.
Snatching a water bottle off my night stand, I threw it back and chugged it, willing to try anything to flush my system quickly, but I could still feel the deep buzz of my binge drinking and knew it was no use.
"Hey Wes, you might wanna get out here bud." Blame called out happily.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
I was drunk and frantic, trying my best not to act as intoxicated as I was.
"Gum anyone got any fucking gum or a mint or something?" I said loudly.
As if that's gonna help.
My friends girlfriend pulled some gum from her purse and he tossed it over to me.
Giving him a grateful nod of my chin, I popped the gum in my mouth and chewed it as I followed Blake toward the front door.
Don't fuck this up Wes. Do not fuck this up.
The sight of Gracie stole my breath and I couldn't help but stare, blinking a few times to make sure I wasn't hallucinating.
She was laughing as she helped her sloppily drunk friends into her car, waving Mandy over to the passenger seat with an amused smile on her face.
Her eyes were puffy and had dark circles underneath them which meant she was probably sleeping about as well as I was, but she was still gorgeous. So fucking gorgeous.
I approached the car slowly behind Blake, using him as slight cover so I could move in closer, but stopped once her eyes locked onto mine.
Her eyes went wide for a split second before she squared her shoulders at me and acknowledge me fully.
"H-hi." She said quietly.
"Hi."
In my drunken state I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with my hands and managed to wind up with one awkwardly on my hip.
Eyeing me up and down, Gracie gave me a knowing smile that I ate up.
"Wes are you drunk?" She asked.
Shit.
"Me?" I asked pointing at my own chest.
"Yeah you." She chuckled.
"Nah, I mean I've had a few but I'm not drunk." I assured her.
Narrowing her eyes at me, she playfully folded her arms across her chest.
"Stand on one leg then." She challenged.
Piece of cake sweetheart.
I planted one foot on the ground and pulled one leg up like a flamingo, standing perfectly still with a cocky grin on my face.
"I'm a fighter Darlin. I've got impeccable balance." My words were dripping with arrogance and she rolled her eyes at me before reaching forward and giving my chest a playful push with her fingertips.
I allowed her weak movement to knock me off balance and gave her a smile, loving the fact that she was interacting with me.
"Cheater." I said with a laugh.
The word sobered her and her smile faded slightly, letting some pain return to her eyes.
Dammit. Nice going idiot.
"I miss you Gracie." I said desperately.
Her chin quivered at my words and she looked away.
"I miss you too, Wes."
Those words were music to my ears but her body language and tone sent a different message.
Please don't break up with me.
"You've been avoiding me. And I understand you need space. I'll give you whatever space you need...but I fucking hate it."
Gracie swallowed back tears and still refused to look at me, letting her eyes wander to everything in the yard except me.
"I don't know what to say to you Wes." She admitted in a voice barely over a whisper.
"So don't talk to me then." I blurted out without thinking.
"You just want to hang out in complete silence?" She said with the tiniest bit of humor in her voice as she wiped a tear away.
"If it means I get to be near you, then yes. A hundred times yes."
It was sappy and pathetic, but it was the truth.
She eyed me carefully, standing so close I could have reached out and touched her but I refrained.
"I'll think about it." She finally said.
It's not a no. In fact it's kind of a yes. A halfway agreement to hang out with me. She wouldn't do that if she was planning on breaking up with me right?
An excited smile spread across my face, thrilled by the fact that she hadn't rejected me.
Her friends loud singing from the car pulled her attention over her shoulder before she turned to face me again.
"I need to get them home."
"Yeah, sure, I know you can't stay." I tried to sound as casual as possible.
"Can I give you a hug before you go?" I asked, preparing myself for rejection.
My request had her wheels spinning and she didn't answer me right away, letting her eyes dart to the ground then back up to me.
Come on baby. It's just a hug. I haven't touched you in days and I'm losing my damn mind.
Without answering me, she simply took a few steps forward, snaking her arms around my torso as she laid her head against my chest.
Hell yes.
I couldn't move my arms fast enough and I wrapped her up, nearly lifting her off the ground as I lost myself in her touch. Inhaling her scent deeply, I held her firmly in place and squeezed her, loving the way she clung to me, thinking I couldn't feel the way she was taking in fistfuls of the back of my shirt.
It was a moment of pure bliss and contentment after a week of anguish and I never wanted that hug to end, but it had to.
She gently pulled away, leaving a wet spot of tears on my shirt.
"Sorry." She said as she touched the saturated fabric on my chest.
"Don't ever apologize for that." I said with a smile, reaching out and wiping away a tear with my knuckle.
"Call me if you need me?" I asked, knowing she probably wouldn't.
Gracie sniffled and nodded, wiping at her tears as she turned to leave.
I stood in my yard and watched her drive away, feeling that deep ache return to my chest once her car was out of sight.
It's not what I want... but it's progress.
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