Song for this chapter - when the Party's over

- Billie Eilish

"Have you seen Cleo anywhere?" I asked Josh, concerned at the fact that I hadn't seen her for hours. When he shook his head I asked if he had seen my boyfriend, Mason. He yet again shook his head, and I grew anxious. They were the only ones I usually hanged out with at parties, I only trusted myself to get drunk around them, yet there I was 6 cups of cherry sourz in and neither of them anywhere to be seen.

When I couldn't see them as I stood on the table, I knew they must have been upstairs. They were close friends, they were probably talking. I knew how lucky I was to have my best friend and boyfriend to be close as well, it meant that I didn't have to divide my time up as they wouldn't mind going out altogether. It made my life much easier and more happy as I could spend time with my two favorite people; all day, every day. I loved them with all of my heart, I would do anything for both of them.

As I climbed the stairs, I wobbled from side to side; I was so unsteady that I almost fell backwards, at least giving myself a good laugh while I swayed. Upon reaching the landing, I took off my black heels, deciding that it would be easier to walk bare foot and drunk, especially while I was searching, and it would definitely benefit my feet while I danced with Cleo and Mason later.

I knocked on the bathroom door first, calling for both Cleo and Mason and when none of them replied, I moved to search the bedrooms. The first room I looked in was unsuccessful as all I heard were grunts and moans from a drunk couple. I scrunched my nose up, not wanting to scar my brain with such dirty images.

The second room was again unsuccessful as it was completely empty, I frowned at the fact I couldn't find them and began to think that maybe they both left, but I knew deep down they wouldn't leave without me. Especially not Mason, he always took me home after parties, carried me to my room even, when I was too drunk and tucked me into bed.

I almost gave up when I got to bedroom three, because as I opened the door I only saw a couple making out on the bed, however when I looked closer I noticed it was both of the missing persons. My eyes widened and then refocused, trying to absorb the fact that the two closest people to me would betray my trust like this. I couldn't believe it, surely my eyes were making this up. They must have an explanation.

"Guys?" I asked, timidly, my voice tiny. They both looked up at the same time, guilt quickly encasing their facial features. The room went completely silent, none of us really knowing what to say. My heart broke, it was as if I could feel the betrayal seeping into the cracks and breaking it. I couldn't breathe. I don't think I could've talked even if I had wanted to. My eyes didn't leave them as Mason still remained on top of Cleo, his lips smeared in her red lipstick.

My eyes couldn't take it anymore, or they were just tired, but I blinked and the tears that were seemingly buried started to come to the surface.

"How? W-why? W-what?" My questions all came at once, and my voice was broken, the sobs interrupting any flow to my words. "I'm sorry, I'm going to go." I cried, and turned away, leaving the room.

"Baby, wait." Mase called from behind me. One word, four letters - a stab to the heart. A heart that was already broken. My trust broken with it.

"Layla, please wait. I'm sorry." Cleo  called from behind me.

I couldn't face them right now. I needed time to think, although I'm sure the thoughts would only hurt me. I could hear them close behind me, they were going to catch up, I knew that I would have to face them. So when I reached the bottom of the stairs, I turned around to face them.

"Why would you do this?" I asked, luckily with no sobs interrupting me.

"It just happened." She reasons, squeezing her eyes shut as if this situation is already tiring her.

"It just happened?" I reiterate, "you don't allow things to just happen with your best friend's boyfriend, Cleo." I mumble, running a hand through my hair as I stress out over what to do. I'm too overwhelmed by my emotions right now to come up with any sane idea on how to handle this situation. I don't want to lose either of them, but I don't see a time where I can look at one of them without picturing them with the other.

"It was a mistake." Mase said and I shook my head, trying to stop the tears that were falling down my cheeks heavily.

"A-a mistake?" I questioned, "I was right downstairs, looking for you. You left me by myself and went into a room, I just found my best friend and my boyfriend in a room, making out. Am I really that worthless that you guys would want to lose me over a mistake?" I run my hands through my hair, messing it up as my hands continue to shake - not being able to process what I just saw with my own eyes. It feels like I'm dreaming, I couldn't have possibly seen this coming. That's what scares me. It's always the things you least expect that hurt you the most...

"You're not worthless, you are my everything. I don't want to lose you, baby." Mase reasoned, my heart broken even more.

"Don't call me that, please." I say in a broken whisper. I turned to Cleo, who was also crying and I felt my heart ache as I watched her in pain. I quickly wiped her eyes, and told her, "You're too pretty to cry," before I walked off. I didn't get far as Mason grabbed my wrist.

"Let me take you home." He offered, but I just shook my head. The last place I wanna be is alone in a car with Mason right now.

"I'll get a lift home from my mom, I love you both, get home safe." I said, as I turned around and walked out of the door.

As I left the house, I looked back at them to see Cleo in Mason's arms, sobbing. I hated to see her like this, and I know my conscience wouldn't allow me to just leave her here sobbing as she was so I turned back around to offer her comfort. As I reached them, Mason pushed her into my arms.

"It's okay, don't cry. I just need some time; that's all." I told her, and listened as she said sorry multiple times. I handed her back over to Mason, but he stepped forward to kiss me on the forehead, while he apologized again and again. I grabbed each of his wrists and pulled them away from me.

Giving him a small smile, I said; "I'll always love you, both of you. But we need some time apart, I need some time away so I can think clearly. Hurt people, hurt others and I love you both too much to hurt either of you."

"But we hurt you, you deserve to hurt us, to cause us pain."

"I can't do that, I think it'll only hurt me more. I'm not like you." I flash them a pained smile as I start to turn away. "I'll see you soon, I promise." I said and then turned around, actually leaving this time. While I walked, I called my mom - who picked up immediately, asking me what I needed. She said she was on her way as soon as I asked, so I sat on the curb outside while I was waiting. I couldn't wait to be in my bed with a book, to finally be relaxed and get my mind off of this whole situation. But something told me that I wouldn't be, nothing would get my mind off the image of my best friend and boyfriend together like that.

My mom's car pulled up and I hopped in quickly, trying not to let her know how sad I actually was.

"What's wrong?" My mom asked straight away, seeing right through my facade that I had struggled to put up.

"Nothing, I'm fine. I just wanted to come home."

"Why didn't Mason give you a lift? Where is Cleo? I thought she was staying round?" She asked a million questions at once.

"Something happened." I stated.

"Something? What happened?" She questioned.

"I caught them kissing, but it's not a big deal. I'm f-fine-" I got cut off by my loud cries. "I don't even know why I'm crying mom. I'm f-fine." I wailed, she just looked at me with sympathy as she carried in on driving. "It hurts, mom." I whispered as I clutched my hand over my aching heart.

"We're almost home sweetheart, then we can make you some hot cocoa, alright?" My mom knew that nothing could've comforted me, she knew that nothing could've been said to make this situation better. I had been hurt by the two people closest to me, and it was so unexpected. My mom knew that she couldn't do anything but watch as I fell apart. Because before I could put myself back together, I had to break. Before I could heal, I had to hurt.

When we pulled up outside my house, I was still hysterical, so my mom waited. I could tell she wanted to cradle me in her arms but she couldn't get to me, I heard her tell me something about my brother, but I was too busy trying to calm my sobs to make any sense of what she was actually saying.

My door opened minutes later and arms reached in and picked me up, cradling me close to someone's chest. When I looked up and saw my brother, I cuddled into his chest closer. I knew from this moment on that my family would get me through this.

I would be alright.

❁      ❁      ❁      ❁      ❁

I didn't speak to anyone for two days, and I left my phone with my mum, completely switched off, so I didn't have to deal with anything. I didn't leave my room, taking all the time of the day to think things through and to attempt to get the image of my best friend and boyfriend together out of my mind.

At some point, during the second day, I decided enough is enough. They both meant a lot to me and people make mistakes, I should forgive them. If they did it again, then we would have an issue. They both meant too much to me for me to just give up on the years of friendship we have and the countless memories we had made through the years.

I turned my phone back on, and received about one hundred messages and phone calls from Mason, loads from Cleo's parents and a couple from Cleo. As my phone rang to call Cleo's mom, my mom ran through the front door and into the lounge.

"Sweetheart, we need to go to the hospital. Cleo was in an accident." She told me and my mouth opened in shock.

"When? Is she alright?"

"The night of the party. And she's in her second surgery, but it doesn't look good. They don't think she'll make it through the night." She told me and my heart sank.

"No." I repeated over and over again, I couldn't believe she was leaving me.

"We need to go." My mom said, and guided me up off the floor and took me to the car. We sped down the highway, all the way to the hospital. I wanted to tell her that I wasn't angry at her anymore, that this didn't matter because I loved her and didn't want to lose her over this. That she meant way more to me than an argument. I was scared that I wasn't going to be able to say goodbye.

We reached her floor of the hospital in minutes because we ran up the stairs, instead of waiting for the elevator. I saw Mase sat on a chair with his head in his hands, streaks of tears evident on his cheeks; while Cleo's mom was on the floor weeping into Cleo's dad's arms.

"Is she okay?" I asked nervously fiddling with the cracked nail polish on my finger nails. Her mom just shakes her head, while sobbing.

"What happened?" I croaked.

"What happened?" Mason questioned rhetorically, his voice raised. "What happened is that you never deserved that girl, she left the party to go to your house to apologize to you again, because she felt so bad and you wouldn't forgive her for some stupid mistake. The guilt got the best of her and all she wanted was her best friend to say that everything would be alright, but you left! So she followed you, she went through a red light and a driver hit her side on. They took her straight to the hospital, and I tried to call you, where the fuck were you?" He spat, a glare on his pale face.

"I turned my phone off." I said in a small voice, ashamed of myself. "But where were you? Why didn't you stop her?

"Are you trying to blame me for this?" He shouted in my face, making me blink fast as I tried to think of what to say.

"No-no, of course not!" I argued, "it's just you knew she drank too much - and I told you guys I needed space, why did she follow me?" I question.

"Why the fuck does it matter? She drove drunk to get to you! This is all your fault, you're a murderer." He accused, eyes enraged as he glared at me like I was the worst person in the world. I felt like the worst person in the world, because at the end of the day - Cleo was my best friend and now she was gone because of me. Because of unnecessary drama over a boy that I could've ended that night there and then. The bitter taste of guilt was overwhelming and before I knew it, I was backing away - wanting to find a away out of here to a place I could finally breathe normally again.

"Yeah! Go on, run like you always do. Run, just like you did that night - when you put your so called best friend in the hospital and killed her!" He called after me, and I sent apologetic glances to both of her parents, who tried to stop me. They must've hated me, I'm a killer. I killed their daughter.

❁      ❁      ❁      ❁      ❁

The funeral was held a few weeks later, it was a beautiful ceremony. It suited Cleo.

I missed her, nothing could soothe the ache in my heart that was constantly there. I couldn't function, not properly anyway. All I could do was think of her, and relive the memories we made.

I was sat at her grave when Mason approached me.

"You shouldn't be here." He told me. I agreed, I was the reason she's dead.

"I know... I'm sorry, I'll leave now."

"Yeah go. In fact, why don't you leave for good, eh? I can't stand to see your face." He spat. Mason talking like this broke my heart, I hated that he hated me.

"I'm so sorry, Mase."

"Don't you fucking dare call me that. You deserve prison. It's all your fault! You're a killer. You're lucky you don't know how much I wish you and her could switch places. I wish it was you dead right now, not her!" He screamed. I immediately backed off.

That was it.

The moment that I decided I couldn't handle any thing else life would throw at me. My heart was broken beyond compare.

So I went and partied every night. I skipped school almost every day. I took drugs, got addicted, mixed them with alcohol. For one year I basked in hate and self pity. My body was in complete self destruct mode.

It was only when my mom left that I slowed down, my dad was now more broken than me. And I had to take care of him. So, I multi-tasked, only partying on the weekends and I looked after dad on the weekdays. More hate and self-blame seeped through every bone in my body. As it was me that pushed my parents away from each other, which forced my mom to leave without even saying a word. She just left a letter. One scrappy piece of paper was what it took to break my dad's heart. Life is crazy.

Once my dad had gotten better, he decided enough was enough. He couldn't stand to watch me self-destruct anymore, so he sent me to therapy and when I was off the drugs and the parties had stopped, I crashed. I couldn't take the memories of living here anymore, I couldn't stand to see the destruction I caused, so my dad picked us up and moved us ...

to the state of California,
to a place called Palm Springs.

❁      ❁      ❁      ❁      ❁

Don't forget to press the ☆