f you & f her too

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Song For This Chapter: F You and F Her Too

- Erin Bloomer

"It's not what it looks like." He says, pushing himself off of the floor in order to defend himself, I guess. "I'm not cheating on you, I swear to god." It's nice that he knows that that's where my head went straight away. And I guess I know deep down he's not lying. Like deep, deep down. I trust him, but I don't trust myself. Like I said before, I don't trust my judgement.

"Obviously." I finally mumble, rolling my eyes - channeling as much confidence as I could muster at this moment. And I do know. He'd never cheat on me. But the compromising position I've accidentally caught him in, hurts all the same. Doesn't help that the girl he's with is a complete bitch. "You're completely obsessed with me." I add, crossing my arms. He lets out a small laugh, but immediately stops when I narrow my eyes at him.

"I was just speaking to her about some things." He tells me, reaching out to me but I'm not really in the mood to be touched. Once he sees me move away, his hands drop to his sides. I know how much he loves me. He loves me. Me. Grayson loves me. But why was he letting her touch him? Last time I checked, speaking to someone about something doesn't mean they have to touch you. It seemed like she was comforting him. What the hell was going on?

"Is this about what's happening with you and Reece?" I question, folding my arms across my chest.

"I-I can't tell you." He says, looking apologetic. Shame I don't give one fuck about that sad, hurt puppy look on his face right now.

"You can't tell your girlfriend?" Lydia murmurs from behind me, stepping forward to link her hands in mine. Okay, I'm a little insecure about him talking to another girl, not because it's a girl and I don't trust him, but because it's Kenzie and I don't trust her.

"You wouldn't get it." He has the audacity to say to me. I may not trust easily, but I know how understanding I am - especially to those I care about. It's as much a weakness as a strength.  What does that even mean? I'm his girlfriend, of course I will get it. I love him.

"Explain then." I encourage, placing my palm on his cheek to get him to look at me. What the hell is going on? I'm trying really hard not to fall apart. Reminding myself that he wouldn't cheat. That he loves me. That he's not Mason. I just need him to explain to me what's happened. Is there something wrong? "Why was she touching you?" I ask him, the picture of her hands on him, despite only touching his hair, still making me feel uncomfortable.

"You already have enough on your plate." He says softly, stepping even closer towards me, to swipe a few strands of hair behind my ear. Fair enough, but him not telling me is only adding to it. It's making me doubt everything and I hate it. "And she was just comforting me, and I was just about to stop her before you walked in." He tells me. The lump in my throat is growing by the second as I do everything I can to swallow back the tears.

"He doesn't have to tell you anything." Kenzie interrupts before I can tell him that he's only causing more issues. Stupid bitch.

"You don't get to talk to me like that." I tell her, watching as Grayson's eyes flicker between me and his mistress. Joking. She wishes.

"I'll talk to you however the fuck I want." She spits and I wait, expecting Grayson to stick up for me. I don't need him to, but he usually doesn't let me take shit from anyone, friend or not. The thing with Lexi proved that.

"Fuck off." I mutter under my breath.

"Layla." Grayson finally speaks up, it sounds like he's reprimanding me. My mouth opens in shock, not quite grasping that this is my reality. That he just let her speak to me like that and is cutting me off when I'm trying to defend myself. Defend myself when it's should've been him defending me. Why are all of his friends such assholes? Except Blake. And Myles.

My eyes sharpen into a glare on him, as I wait for him to explain what the hell is going on. The explanation never comes. I find it hard to swallow, willing the tears to stay where they are - I wouldn't be able to handle the embarrassment of tears falling down my cheek. This hurts. It's hurting me. Have I done something wrong?

"It seems both our boyfriends are being shady assholes today." I mumble to Lyds, before leaving the room and dragging her behind me - she's one second from attacking him and that wouldn't be good for either of us. "Come and find me when you want to talk. Although I can't promise I'll be as willing to listen." I mumble to him just before leaving the room. If something is going on, I want to know. I thought we had gotten past the secrecy but apparently not and I'm doing everything in my power to not fall apart right now, despite it being really difficult. I bump into Blake on the way out, his hands wrapping around me to stop me from falling.

"Hey clumsy," he grins, but he immediately frowns when he sees the unexpected tears roll down my face. "What's wrong?" He asks, his voice softening immediately. I quickly brush away the tears, putting a fake smile on my face when I notice people are starting to stare.

"Nothing," I squeak, "I'm fine. You should get to practise - Lyds and I were just leaving." I tell him, but he stands and watches me for a moment more before his attention is directed behind me. I turn my head to see Kenzie storming out of the boys locker room, with Grayson charging behind her.

"What the fuck man?" Blake calls to Grayson, who turns to face us as he stops running after Kenzie. Blake gestures to me, forcing Grayson's gaze to soften from the deep glare he had on moments ago.

"Coach was wondering where you were. Let's go." Grayson says to Blake, who looks down at me with sympathy before he steps to the side to let us past. I need to go home and cry into my pillow. I watch with wide eyes as they both re-enter the locker rooms, expecting Grayson to turn around and explain everything, but it doesn't happen so I turn around and rush out of the hallway. I need to get out of here as quick as I can.

"Thank god, it's Friday at least." Lydia huffs, shrugging off her hoodie to hold it in her arms as she stumbles after me in order to keep my pace.

Once we're safely inside Lydia's car, she starts her music straight away, rolling down her windows. She lets out a deep breath before screaming at the top of her lungs.

"Fuck men." She screams, "fuck men, fuck men, fuck men." She repeats over and over again, gaining the attention from students in the car park, "come on bitch, join in - it's freeing."

"Fuck men!" I scream - even louder than Lydia, joining in with a huge smile on my face. "I hate them."

"Ooh before I forget, I got us these." She says excitedly, turning down her music and handing me two fake IDs. Oh no. "We're going clubbing tonight." She orders.

"We're seventeen, how the fuck are we going to get in? We don't look 21." I tell her, she turns to face me in response.

"I know the security guard." She winks.

I weigh out my options in my head. It's either this, or I go home and cry all night over my boyfriend who's suddenly decided to not tell me things. Besides a girls night with Lydia is always fun.

"Fine!" I huff, a grin growing in my face, "let's go clubbing." I tell her, "illegally." I add.

"Yay!" She squeals excitedly, before pressing on the gas pedal to drive out of the school car lot.

"I need to go to my dad's appointment first though."

"Of course." She replies, "I'll help you sneak into his trunk."
I grin at her, watching curiously as she turns off the music completely.

"Has Grayson ever like pressured you into sending pictures?" She asks out of the blue, and I find myself furrowing my brows as I try to imagine a scenario where he would ever dare to do it. Mason would. He did.

...

Mase: you know Steph? She sent me nudes. Just thought I shld tell u x

My heart skips a beat. He gets photos from loads of girls, I mean I'm not surprised as he's good looking and the most popular guy at school. I'm sure he tells them to back off.

Me: oh yeah? What did u say to her? Hope u weren't rude!! Xx

I sadly know how harsh my boyfriend can be when he's just trying to be honest.

Mase: you know maybe you shld send me something? X

My eyebrows raise, I never realised he'd want something like that from me. I didn't even realise he liked my body, I've heard him talk many times about how he likes tall, skinny blondes. I'm the complete opposite.

I don't want to send him pictures.

Mase: I know you've seen my message.

Me: just not really feeling up to it.

Mase: it'll take 2 mins.

Me: I'm in bed.

I don't want to take pictures. It's just not something I want to do. It makes me feel uncomfortable.

Mase: don't be boring

Mase: if you don't I guess I'll have to hit up Steph again

I didn't think of that. What if he breaks up with me? I love him.

Me: I'm not boring

Mase: prove it.

It's just one photo, right?

...

"Hey," I mumble, fiddling with the straps of my backpack nervously, "um- Josh was suggesting that - you didn't tell anyone about those pictures I sent you, right?" I fumble around my words. I'm scared he's going to shout at me.

"No." He answers, slamming his locker shut as he turns to face me.

"Oh well, he was just being really weird-"

"I already told you I didn't." He snaps, leaning down to press his lips against mine to shut me up. "Don't you have somewhere to be? Nerd club or something?" He teases before he walks off, my eyes following his figure as he runs down the hallway to go to football practice.

"Everything alright?" Cleo asks as she walks up beside me.

"I- urm. I sent pictures to Mason last night." I tell her, "it was stupid I know. I think he's told people." I confide in her.

"What do you mean?"

"It's just - his friends seem to be making comments. Josh said 'nice rack Laylabug' what does that even mean?" I ask, a deep frown settled on my face.

"Let me see what I can find out?" She says, easing my fear just a little bit. Cleo is everything I'm not, fierce and bold. She has no issue with standing up to people. I, on the other hand, couldn't think of anything worse. "It'll be okay." She soothes, rubbing my arm.

"Yeah." I mumble, biting my bottom lip - for some reason my anxiety didn't go away.

...

"No he hasn't. Has Reece?" I ask tentatively, eyes softening as she fidgets in her seat, strands from her low bun waving around and she shakes her head.

"Not in so many words. But I feel so guilty when I don't. I know his past, how many girls he's been with and while I don't judge him for it, I feel like he judges me for my lack of experience."

"Has he said anything to you Lyds?" I ask her with concern.

"Not really. He just gets upset."

"It sounds like he's guilt tripping you." I say slowly, not wanting to step out of place.

"Yeah that's how I feel." She agrees. That's horrible. Why do men think that it's okay to not accept no for an answer.

"Gray hasn't pressured me." I mutter, I want to make her feel better but I'm not sure how to, "But Mason did and then when he got what he wanted, he showed the entire football team who then showed the cheer team." I tell her, watching as her face contorts into a glare.

"If I ever see this guy, it's on sight." She growls, hands tightening around the steering wheel.

"I think Grayson might beat you to it." I mumble, he hates him. I'm not even sure hate is a strong enough word for how Gray feels about Mason.

...

"It looks amazing!" Lydia shouts over the loud music. She put on her bad bleep playlist as soon as we got back from my dad's appointment. We actually followed behind their car, as he was still adamant on me not coming with for some reason. When I got there after them, he didn't seem to mind me being there so I think it's just the thought of his baby girl hearing everything that he's going through. My heart hurts for him.

"You don't think it's too much?" I ask, my eyes scanning the white dress critically. It seems to accentuate my curves perfectly, but my self conscious thoughts tell me my thighs looks too big.

"No. You've never looked hotter." She tells me, before resuming her eyeliner and mascara. Neither of us have spoken about what went down at school - not wanting to bring it up out of fear that we'll break down crying. Men.

"You almost ready to go?" She asks me, standing up after she's tied her heels on.

"Yep." I say, handing my lipgloss over to her for her to put it in her bag. Nothing changes.

"I'll book the Uber then." She mumbles, placing my gloss in her bag. She then gets her phone from charge and lifts it up to take a mirror selfie of both of us. "Okay to post?" She questions me, tilting the phone so that I can judge it.

"Yes." I reply and watch over her shoulder as she tags me and then posts it onto her story. We walk back into my bedroom, I grab my earrings, putting them in my ears before getting Lyds to do the clasp of both my necklace and bracelet. "Let's go." I say, switching the light off before trailing down the stairs.

When I get into the kitchen, a bag of chips are lying on the island, open and waiting for me. I scan the room quickly, looking for my dad but when I don't see him I sneakily put my hand in and take a handful.

"You sneaky little shit!" My dad calls, grabbing the packet out of my reach. I send him a grin through my mouth full of my chips, my cheeks chubby from being filled with food.

"Don't be rude to me." I chastise, waving my finger.

"So where are you off to tonight? A party?" I mean, kind of? As apart of our deal, Lydia promised to do all of the lying, after I argued that we would be locked in my room if I lied because I can't lie for shit.

"Yes! Don't you think we look stunning daddio?" Lydia says, winking at my dad with a huge grin on her face.

"You're up to something." He accuses, "c'mon tell me or I'll just have my private investigator follow you." He says as he begins chopping up some tomatoes. Lydia's smile drops as she heaves out a sigh.

"I know you have Grayson's number." She says, "and we didn't invite them."

"So you're going without Grayson?" He questions me. Of course he would ask that - he's obsessed with Gray and how he always "protects" me.

"He's being a tool." I growl, my words coming out gravelly as I speak through my clenched teeth, "that you can text him."

"C'mon. Uber is here. Let's go." Lydia says, charging forward to grab my arm and pulling me after her.

"Have fun." My dad shouts after us.

"We will." Lydia mumbles, sarcastically, as she entwines her fingers with mine. I watch as she downs half a bottle of vodka before handing it to me. "Drink." She gestures when I just look at it for a bit. I drink it quickly, placing the empty bottle on the side. When we step out of the door, a feeling of anxiousness washes over me.

"Are you sure we're gonna get in?" I ask, biting my lip.

"Yes." She says, reaching out her hand behind her for me to grab it. She pulls me towards the black Mercedes. "Ooh looks expensive for an Uber." She comments, before opening the passenger door and asking whether it was our Uber. When we've confirmed it is, we get in - Lydia pulling up a map on her phone to make sure we're going in the right direction. She also sends her location to Myles. A day in the life of being a girl.

He drops us off on a sidewalk close by, Lydia telling him to just pull over wherever he can get closest.

Luckily, we're let in straight away. Lydia fist bumps the bodyguard as we slip the queue to the front.
"No drinking though girly?" He said as a pass away comment while we were let past him after Lyds agreed.

Straight away, Lyds goes back on her word and walks straight up to the bar, ordering us two mojitos. This girl is too much to handle. Once they've been placed in front of us, she doesn't it in one go, I take sophisticated sips until the glass is empty - unlike my friend who clearly has absolutely no manners.

"Let's go." She orders and I look at her in question.

"Where?"

"The dance floor. Fucking obviously." She mumbles sarcastically, grabbing my hand in hers and pulling me over. She swings her head in circles before slut dropping to the floor, making me burst out in laughter. She was right, this is exactly what we needed.

We stay out there for a while before my feet get tired so we decide to go and crash a booth, Lydia picks one filled with boys. I repeatedly tell her no but she drags me over there anyway.

"Can we sit with you?" Lydia asks, batting her eyelashes.

"We're gay," one guys points to himself and the guy next to him, "and the rest have girlfriends." He continues.

"Yeah. Sadly we also have boyfriends." I pout, before sitting down. "They're being dicks right now."

"Ah high school drama." One comments, making Lydia clear her throat, putting on a deeper voice.

"Erm no. We're 21." Lydia says in a deep voice.

"It's okay. We won't snitch. We're 19. And I'm chase, it's nice to meet you."

Throughout the rest of the night, we stay with the boys - only getting up to dance a few times, the rest of the time we take turns going to the bar and getting rounds.

I dance with chase a lot, unsurprisingly it ensures no other man can grab at me. I'm not in the mood for a man other than Grayson to touch me even if I hate his guts right now. Well sort of.

When Think About Us by Little Mix comes on, I stop dancing and go to the bar by myself - last time I heard this song I was dancing with Grayson. I miss him.

"Hey, you look lonely." A guy says from beside me as he drapes an arm around my waist.

"Hey, get off." I tell him, yanking his arm away from me.

"Feisty. I can deal with feisty." He continues. Don't get me wrong, some girls might find him attractive. But not me. My boyfriend is the only thing swirling around my mind. I love him.

"Fuck off." I mumble, feeling the alcohol hit my emotions as I begin to cry, "I have a boyfriend." He begins to look alarmed when he notices me crying.

"Um - well - okay." He stutters, clearly having no idea what to say. He begins to move away from me, slowly.

"I have a boyfriend and he's not here because he likes other girls." I sob, and he stares at me in bewilderment. His expression almost makes me laugh, but I feel so sad I can't do anything but cry. "And I miss him." I continue sobbing, wiping the snot from under my nose. I feel

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