"Isn't this awesome? I can't wait to see Dean on stage!'' Abby says excitedly, while I sigh and look out the window.

Don't ask me how, but we ended up in Noah's BMW on our way to New York to go to Dean Lewis' concert.

Yeah, that is definitely not what I was expecting when we made plans for the concert, so Instead of feeling excited about it, right now I feel a huge headache.

I was supposed to talk to Noah and make him leave, but here I am, at the passenger seat while he drives, his soft music playing on the radio.

I have no idea how the hell this happened.

When I said that Noah should leave, I had on my mind that I wouldn't take no for an answer, but before I knew, he was putting his things in the guest room, while I was pacing from one side to the other, waiting for him to finish settling in.

I got in a huge fight with my dad, because he said I was being rude and he had already invited Noah, so he couldn't tell him to leave.

Well, I didn't tell my dad what happened between us, so he probably thought it was just me being dramatic, so telling Noah to leave didn't work out that well.

I look at the back seat and see Kevin with his arms crossed and a frown on his face. He's having a hard time with Noah and made very clear that he hates the guy.

When they met, Kev was surprised at first and then he kept glaring at him all the time.

It's not only the fact that Noah is my ex-boyfriend and he did what he did, but it's also that male thing about dominance, I guess.

This is Kevin's territory, so I can imagine his annoyance with another guy invading his space.

Considering how we've never had such a good looking guy around here, Noah is getting famous already, so yeah, Kevin is definitely not happy.

You know, small town stuff.

Kev was also not happy with the fact that Noah is coming along to the concert. I tried to reason that the tickets were sold out, but Noah pulled some strings and called in a small favor from a friend and he not only got the ticket to go with us, but got us better places.

The guy doesn't take no for an answer. I wish I was like that. I really do.

Anyway, we'll be staying at my dad's apartment for the night and once we get there, he's sleeping on the couch. We'll finally talk in the morning and then he'll leave.

I just need to make sure it happens as I planned, which is something I seem to fail miserably.

We go straight to the apartment to leave our things and the car, as we decided to take the subway. It would be impossible to park near the concert, but in no time we're on the line to get in.

I'm finally starting to feel excited. I've been dreaming about going to Dean's concert for what feels like forever now and the moment he started singing the first song, I screamed like crazy.

I sang to every song, so loud that I'm sure my voice will be hoarse tomorrow.

That's when Dean started to sing For the last time, a song that I absolutely love and suddenly it got a stronger meaning as it made me reflect.

I fell in love with you for the last time.

I guess It's how I feel about Noah. This should be the last time that we have these ups and downs. I feel like I need to put an end to this cycle. I'm losing control of everything again and I hate it.

Although I can't help the fact that I kind of like that he's here, things can't be like this. I want to be the strong woman I believe I am and not just some stupid girl who does everything her boyfriend says.

I love him and I think I always will, but this has to change. He can't keep coming back to my life whenever he feels like.

It breaks my heart every time and I meant when I said that I can't take it anymore.

As the song continues, I make the decision of getting things back on track and that starts by talking to him when we get back to the apartment.

Then I'll talk to my dad. I need to understand what is going on with him and Noah. It's not that I don't think it's good that they get along well, plus the fact that they are now partners in business, but he can't be ok with the fact that he's now my ex-boyfriend.

That's when Dean sang Be Alright and tears start rolling down my face.

The lyric is so relatable and it's like he's singing to me.

After that, all I could think of was the conversation I was about to have with Noah.

When the concert is over, we head back to the apartment, but everyone notices I'm rather quiet, instead of thrilled with the amazing concert we just went to.

''Ok, so bed arrangements. Kevin can share the room with me, Emma you stay in the main bedroom and Noah can take the couch.''

Before anyone has time to say anything, Abby is already disappearing inside her room for the night and dragging Kevin along with her in an attempt to give us some privacy to talk.

She was trying to make eye contact with me, probably to check if I'm ok, but I didn't look at her.

Noah got inside her head and she's insisting that we should talk to fix our relationship, so yeah, I'm a bit upset with her too.

She was supposed to be on my side, but know it's like she's giving in to his charms.

When Noah and I are alone in the living room, both of us stay in silence for a while. My eyes are on the door, just because I want to avoid looking at him.

Another thing the concert made me think is that I need time alone. Ever since I went to college, I don't have time for myself and I used to love being alone.

I'm not sure why this happened, but being with Noah and all the lies made me so insecure to the point that I questioned if I'm enough.

I am enough, I just truly need to get back to enjoying my own company.

''Are you ok? You seem... distant.''

''We should talk.'' I ignore his question and I make my way to the bedroom and look at the huge bed in front of me.

I sit on its edge and fit the floor, while I wait for him to follow me and make himself comfortable on the small couch.

He doesn't say anything and I know he's waiting for me to say whatever I have to say.

His face is serious and somehow it's like he knows what is coming his way.

I'm thinking carefully about what to say next and when I don't open my mouth, he breaks the silence.

''You want me to go, don't you?''

''I don't know what I want. What I do know is that I'm tired of this endless cycle we seem to be in. We're perfect together, then something happens and we're back to square one and you're breaking up with me.''

''Emma, I'm sorry, that won't happen again.''

''No, it won't.'' He nods, as if understanding what I mean.

''Because it's over, isn't it?''

It's my time to nod.

''I thought that I could fix it, that I could come here and talk to you to say how much I regret what happened.''

''It's not how it works, Noah. You can't just restart things whenever you make a mistake. What you did really hurt me.''

''I know. I truly am sorry Emma and I meant when I said I won't give up on you.''

''You know what the problem is? I've heard that too many times. It's always like this, you screw up, than I get upset, you say you won't give up on me, I forgive you and we're back to this endless cycle. I need my own time to figure out what I want for the first time in a really long time. I feel like you always gets things your way and I'm the one who keeps forgiving you for all the shit we both do. This has to end.''

''I knew you'd get sick of me one day. I'm too fucked up for you to put up with me." He says frustrated.

''I'm not sick of you, Noah. I... I love you, but I finally realised that I need to love me first.''

''I understand that. It just feels a lot like you're breaking up with me for good.'' He passes his hands through his hair.

''I don't know what will happen, I just need to find myself again.''

''How long do you need?''

''I don't know. I'll go away for the rest of the summer.''

''What do you mean, you'll go away?'' I take a deep breath. I need to be strong to do this.

''I thought about it just now actually. I've always wanted to go to Italy, so maybe I'll start there.''

''You can't be serious, Emma. You don't have to go to fucking Europe to stay away from me.''

''This isn't about you, Noah. I'm not going to Europe to stay away from you. I'm going there to stay close to myself. This is about me.''

''You're really doing this, aren't you?'' I nod. "Will you come back to me?"

I see his eyes fill with tears and it takes everything in me to not forget everything and just be with him, like my heart desperetely wants to.

''Noah, let's not do this. Maybe you'll realize that you're better off without me.''

Although I say it, the words are bitter in my mouth and deep down, I don't want him to move on, because I know I won't move on that easily.

"I find it very hard to believe, I told you once that you are the love of my life. I meant it, but if you don't want to be with me anymore, than I don't know what to do."

I know it's hard for him to say that. He's not used to getting rejected and I can see hurt on his face.

He stands up and when he's about to leave the room, he turns to me with too many emotions for me to figure out what he's thinking.

"Goodnight Emma."

He leaves the room and the moment he closes the door, I start crying like never before.

For some reason, this doesn't feel temporary. It feels so final and the fact that I just lost him due to a choice I'm making is opening a hole in my heart that I'm not sure I'll ever fix.

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When we woke up the morning after, Noah wasn't there anymore. I can't believe he left in the middle of the night, but what was I expecting?

I'm not really mad that he's gone, I'm just sad. He left me a note that only broke my heart even more.

Emma,

I hope you find what you are looking for.

I'll always love you.

Truly Yours,

Noah

He arranged a car to drive us back to Hellertown, as we came to NY with him and all I felt like doing was cry all the way home.

I didn't talk to Abby or Kevin about it. There was no need to, they knew what happened the moment they saw the note on the couch.

When we were back, I started planning my trip to Italy. Although my heart is aching, it's like this choice is the right thing to do and it feels nice to do something for myself.

I want to leave as soon as possible, but before I do, there are a few things I need to sort.

Well, there are two people I need to talk to actually.

''The whole summer? You can't be gone that long, Emma.'' My dad said to me as soon as I told him about my plans.

''I already have my flight tickets, dad and it's not the whole summer, just a month or so. I'm leaving tomorrow, I just wanted to let you know. I need to put some space from all of this. From all of you to be honest.''

''Why? Tell me what happened. You can talk to me.'' He seems frustrated and I want to make sure to him that I'm ok. Or I will be at least.

''It's just... this is all too confusing. I'm trying to understand how you and Noah can get along so well, when you and I had issues my entire life. All you've ever wanted was for the company to succeed and that's one of the reasons why you shut me out for almost my entire existence, but suddenly, you're treating Noah like your own son. It bothers me.''

''I didn't know you felt that way.'' He seems truly concerned.

''Well, yeah, of course I do. He tried to get your company from you. How can you be ok with that and treat him the way you do? I don't get it.''

''I'm not ok with that, honey. We've been working together, that's true and after this time I can say that he proved to be different. I know he regrets what he did and I believe he's changed, Emma and I think he changed because of you.''

I sigh and he takes a step forward to hug me.

''I'm sorry if you feel that way. You will always be my daughter and I'll always regret not giving you the attention you deserved.'' He looks at me and sighs. ''I hope you enjoy your trip, just promise me you'll be careful and call me every other day.''

''So overprotective of you.'' I joke, but deep down I'm glad that he's ok with me going away for a while.

He knows that trying to stop will only push me away.

We chat for a while longer and it's time for me to go talk to the second person on my list.

I grab my old bike at the garage and I go down the street to Abby's house, like I used to do when we were kids.

''Can I talk to you?'' She opens the door and looks at me, not expecting me to be here.

I've been sort of avoiding talking to her since the concert was over.

''You came to finally tell me what I did wrong?'' She leads the way to her living room and sits on the couch.

''I'm sorry for shutting you out. I was upset.''

''I got that. I just don't know why. We've always talked about everything, but I'm not sure what happened."

''I was angry because you suddenly turned to Noah's side. One day with him was enough for you to be so supportive of him. What happened to make him feel pain?"

''I was never on his side, Emma. I'm your best friend. I just thought you two should talk. Yes, I hate him for what he did to you, but now I know he can make you happy. One look at the two of you and I can tell you're perfect for each other, even with all the messed up shit you both do sometimes, so I'm sorry if I wanted to see you happy.''

Well, I never considered it like this.

''I'm sorry too. I should have talked to you."

''You're damn right you should.''

''Can we just forget this happened? Just the next time, don't try to play cupid, ok?''

She nods and gives me a tight hug.

We spend the next hour talking and I tell her about my summer plans.

''I can't believe you're going away.''

''I know. I can't believe it either. Do you think I'm too crazy? I mean, should I stay?'' She shakes her head.

''You should totally go. I'll miss you, but I get why you need to go away. Just come back, please?''

''It's just about a month Abby, it's not like I'm moving overseas.''

''I know, I know. I'm just being dramatic.'' I roll my eyes.

''Of course you are.'' I take a deep breath. ''I have to go. I have a long flight tomorrow."

We say our goodbyes and I head home to finish packing. I'm only taking the essencial and I'll buy some stuff when I get there.

When I wake up and say goodbye to my dad, I can't avoid the tears.

It's just a trip and I'll try to enjoy as much as I can, but it's the most out of my comfort zone thing I've ever done.

Over a month alone in another country, without my friends, without my dad, without Noah.

It scares the shit out of me, but I'm ready to do this.

When I get on the airplane, I read Noah's note for the millionth time. I shouldn't have brought the note with me, but well, one step at a time. Hahahahaha

I hope you find what you are looking for.

As we take off, I can only hope that too.

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Hey Lovely Readers,

This chapter broke my heart and I hope you enjoy it!

Love, Me