Chapter 67 - I don't know what to do

Background color
Font
Font size
Line height

Hey Lovely Readers,

I have a huge apology to make! I know I haven't been updating and you've been asking for this update for what feels like forever now and I'm truly sorry.

This past few weeks have been crazy as hell and I've been through a tough time, which impacted my writing. Sometimes, we just have to step away and this was one of those times.

No one should apologize for not feeling well, but I owe you guys this! So, I'm so sorry.

You're constant messages and support have been a rock to me and I'll be forever thankful for you guys!

Anyway, enough with the sad stuff! Here it is a brand new chapter and I'll be back to updating!!

This chapter has less of dialogue, but it was needed for the next steps of the story. It's a bit longer than normal, because you so deserve it!

As always, vote, comment, let me know what you think and what you think will happen next! :)

Love, Me

----------------------------

I have Mads to thank for what happened right after I internally panicked with the mere thought of telling Noah about James.

I guess that going out with him once or twice would have been ok, but the fact the we kissed is what is going to make Noah freak out.

Oh, who am I kidding? Only one date is enough for Noah to want to rip the guy's head off.

I know it and I fear for my life.

You're such a drama queen!

Normally, I would get annoyed with Mads for her absolute lack of timing when it comes to me and Noah, but right now, I'm thankful for it.

Just to give you an example of how terrible her timing can be, one day Noah and I were in my dorm watching a movie - when we were still together obviously - and we ended up making out, but when things got heated, she burst the door open to find us in a very compromising position.

Let's just say we were also very naked.

I know you'll say we should have locked the door, but we have agreed that when we know the other is in the room, to at least knock to avoid situations like this, but did she listen? Of course not.

The point is, we were there just watching movies for hours and she had to open the door exactly when his boxers went flying across the room.

Anyway, I was preparing myself to tell him about James, but when I opened my mouth to just spill it out, that's when she interrupted us.

I'm a superstitious person, so I'm taking it as a sign to keep my mouth shut for now.

Ok, I'm not exactly superstitious, but I can't ignore this, can I?

Noah was annoyed that she was in the room, but it's not like she cares. Also, if he thinks that being alone with me, standing inches away from my face and looking at me with those perfect blue eyes would have any effect on me, well, he was probably right, but he'll never know that.

I just need to think through everything before I decide to forgive him. If I ever forgive him.

He was trying to make things right and he was with your father, for God's sake.

I know, but I'm too confused by everything. He lied, he used me and he told people about my mother. I don't know if I can look past that.

All of this is crossing my mind, plus the fact that I'm talking to myself again, when the professor looks at me and I nod to whatever he is saying.

For a moment I forgot I was in class, so I'm just a mere body in the room, my mind somewhere else entirely.

I'm absolutely not paying attention to a single word that is being said. Shame on me!

I just hope Mr. Porter doesn't ask me anything, because I'll probably answer something nonsense, like 'Yeah, sure, I think the El Niño phenomenon is terrible.''

Besides thinking over and over about everything that Noah has told me, my mind is working non-stop thinking about tonight.

What Mads wanted to tell us when she stopped our moment - yeah, I can definitely say it was a moment - was about this party everyone would be going to on Friday - aka today - and she felt that it would be great if we could go too and spend some time together.

Like, really? Noah was back for like an hour and she was already bringing up a party? For real, why on earth she thinks that going to a frat party will do us any good?

It's not only her lack of timing that is crazy, it's her way of thinking. Again, her mind works in ways that normal people wouldn't understand.

She should come with a manual.

I know that I have been going out more the last week - I won't talk about James for my own good - and I did go to a party, which was a sign that I started healing from Noah being gone. I know it's ridiculous, but somehow it's how I felt.

However, going to a party with Noah there can only mean one thing.

Disaster.

I have a feeling that this is going to be a huge disaster, but she's too hopeful for her own good.

She couldn't even give us some time to think this through before she got super excited.

I know the 'spend some time together' is just an excuse to get me and Noah to 'bond' again. We all know she's playing cupid, like she always does.

Come on Mads, the last time you did this, it didn't end well. I actually fell in love with the guy you wanted to match me with and he ended up being a big fat liar.

Oh, also, it almost ended out friendship. You want to go down that road again? I don't think so.

Although every fiber in my body is telling me to just stay in my dorm, she didn't stop talking until she made us agree to go to this thing and I knew the moment Noah said yes to her, that I'd go too, even if I shouldn't.

I should make a list of everything I'm doing wrong in my life so I can start working on my issues. Actually, the list of what I'm doing right would be a lot shorter, so maybe I should do that instead.

Let me tell you, people in my condition shouldn't be allowed to make any decisions. Not a single one, no decisions at all for the sake of human kind.

It's like every time there's a decision to be made lately, I go like ''Oh my God, here it is a decision, let me make the worst one possible!''

I'm awesome, I know.

Maybe I agreed to go to the party because there's a part of me that is just jealous of all the attention Noah is getting from everyone - *cough* girls *cough* - but I should be used to it.

The moment we left our dorm on Monday morning, right after he was back, his fan club was there to greet him and I felt annoyed as hell.

I guess some things never change.

Imagine how it will be at the party. Ten times worst than normal, since they know he's now single.

Yeah, I know that we're not together because of my choice, but I have to be there. I can't let those girls think they won, because they didn't.

Or maybe they did, I don't know anymore.

At least, he doesn't seem to care about any of them.

This whole week that he's back, I couldn't help but think that I want to forgive him so bad, but every time I think about my mom and all the things he told his family about mine, it's like I'm pulled back to square one and I'm angry again.

But then he does things like what he did on Wednesday when we were at the library and I feel like he's finding his way back in.

I blush remembering our conversation from that day.

"Stop staring at me. You're getting creepy." I whispered to him, who was sitting a few chairs ahead of me.

"I'm not creepy. Can't I just look at you?"

"I suppose you can, but not in a creepy way."

''I'm supposed to be your boyfriend Emma, we've done a lot of things that would be considered creepy... well, a sexy creepy I guess and you're worried about me staring at you?"

My cheeks were on fire by then. Images of that time we had sex and did a not so conventional position invaded my mind. Let's just say, you have to be very flexible to do that.

"First of all, you're not my boyfriend and second, those things, those... sexy things, won't happen again."

He looked at me as if studying my face and then he smirked.

"We'll see about that."

I watched him stand up, my mouth hanging open with his bold move, but then he finished with the masterpiece that made me feel things in places I shouldn't.

''Just so you know, I miss your body like fucking crazy.'' He smirked again before continuing. ''See you around, White."

He left the library right after, leaving me there practically panting just with the memory of all the dirty things he's done to me.

The worst part of it? I miss his tongue on me like freaking hell.

I shake my head to get this memory out of it, when someone speaks next to me.

''You should turn that thing off.''

What?

I look at my side and I see that annoying girl that sits next to me in class giving me a disapproving look.

Oh wait, I'm still in class!

I'm sort of a nerd, but I don't compare to her. No one would ever compare to her.

I should just change seats so she stops looking at me like she'll kill me if I keep her from paying attention to this incredible class, but I like sitting here, so I won't let a random girl make me move. She can leave for all I care.

Plus, I'm quiet, so why the hell is she so upset?

I finally look down to see my phone buzzing, making an annoying sound. I was so absorbed in my thoughts that I didn't even realize it was ringing.

So maybe I am disturbing the class. Ops!

I hit the side button to stop the buzz and I freeze when I see the name on the screen.

James.

As I don't answer, just because I'm in class and not because I don't know what to say, it vibrates again, but this time with a text.

       You're probably in class. Are you going to the party tonight? - James

I type a quick answer saying that I'm going with Mads, which is true. I make sure to mention that I already have plans, so I won't give him a chance to invite me to go with him.

I wouldn't know what to answer if he did ask me out and as I can already see the disaster from a mile away, I don't need to add a date to the mix. 

He texted me back with a smiley face and we engage in a short conversation.

I don't miss the fact that the girl is still giving me death glares. What's wrong with her? I'm not doing anything wrong.

Is it a crime to text while the professor is talking?

I know that normally, I'd be annoyed if someone was texting in class, but look at me now.

I'm such a bad girl!

I roll my eyes at her and get back to my phone.

James doesn't mention Noah and for a second I think that he doesn't know that Noah is back, but as quick as this thought came, it's gone. It's impossible that he doesn't know. Everybody knows.

There's not a single person on campus that is not talking about Noah's return, so the only chance James didn't hear about it, is if he suddenly became deaf, which I find very unlikely.

Another fifteen minutes of torture and the class is over. My education is being caught in the crossfire, so I'll have to start focusing more if I want to keep my grades.

I tried to stay focused, but with everything happening this week, it's just so hard to concentrate.

The moment I leave this torture, I mean, the moment I leave the classroom, I see Ryan making his way to my direction.

At least it's a friendly face.

''Ems, hey, are you ok? You look like you've seen a ghost.''

''Ryan, thank God you're here.'' I jump on him and hug him tight. Maybe I'm overreacting, as usual.

The good thing about Ryan is that he knows me well enough to know when I'm just being dramatic, so he laughs at my gesture.

''I don't know what to do, Ry.''

''Ok, I'll need more than that to be able to help you.''

''It's just this whole thing about Noah being back and James texting me, I don't know wh--''

''Well, well, well, if it's not Miss I'm annoying as fuck.''

You have to be kidding me. I haven't seen her in what feels like forever, but as soon as Noah is back, here she is again, being a pain in my ass.

This is just so cliché that makes me want to roll my eyes to the universe.

Seriously, when will I get rid of her?

''What do you want Diana? Really, why can't you leave me alone?'' I say, completely annoyed as I cross my arms over my chest.

''Oh honey, don't flatter yourself. You mean nothing to me. Don't get all bitter just because Noah left you.''

I feel a sting in my chest with what she said, but I won't let her know she's affecting me.

''Why are you here?''

''I was just making my way to class and I saw you talking to your pet. Just thought I'd stop to say hi. I guess I'll see you at the party tonight. I'm sure I'll see Noah there.'' She winks before continuing.

''Oh, wait, does he know you're dating that Jack or whatever his name is? I'm sure he'll love to hear the news.''

She smirks with that sarcastic tone and I feel like punching her pretty little nose that I'm sure is fake. I would actually punch her if I wasn't frozen in place, terrified. 

Did she tell Noah about me and James? oh God, I'm hyperventilating now.

''Just get away from us.'' Ryan steps in and defends me.

''Oh, look, he speaks! Don't worry, I'm leaving. I don't want you to bite me.'' And just like that, she turns around to leave us there, but before she does, she gives me another smirk. ''See you losers at the party.''

Ryan and I keep looking at her retreating figure and I just wish she trips on that high heels of hers and falls face first on the floor.

I guess I'm not that lucky though.

''I hate her.'' I say to Ryan, but my eyes are still focused on where she just went by.

''Ems, I don't want to be a bummer or anything, but she's right. You should tell Noah about James. You know he'll be pissed, right?''

I look at him and blink several times before I finally say something.

''I... I don't know what to do.'

''You know James is my friend and Noah... well, Noah hates me, but for some reason that I don't understand, I know that he's good for you, despite everything he did, so--''

''Not you too. You're also team Noah?'' I cut him off and he frowns.

''Team Noah? What the hell are you talking about? Anyway, what I was going to say is that only you will know what's the best thing to do, but you should be fair to both of them. You shouldn't lead James on and you definitely should tell Noah. If Barbie from hell doesn't tell him, he'll find out eventually and it will be even worse than it needs to be.''

I nod, knowing that he's right.

Whatever it is that I'll do, I can't keep lying to myself and pretend that I have a future with James, because I don't. I never did.

Noah is too deep in my veins for me to be open to anyone else. It's not like I'm forgiving him tonight, but I can't pretend that I don't love him.

I know what I have to do. I should talk to James at the party to tell him that I can't go out with him anymore.

If I do this, there's no reason why I should rush to tell Noah about going out with him, right? It will be over, even if it never really started, so I'll have time to figure out when to tell Noah.

The problem is that I should have learned by now that things don't always work out as I plan.

You are reading the story above: TeenFic.Net