Chapter 62 - I just wanted to give you this

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8 Days

I'm looking at my tiny closet deciding what to wear to meet James later today.

It shouldn't matter much, because we're just friends and it's a casual hangout, but I want to look nice, more for myself than for anything else.

After I've tried basically everything I own and just as I get the last piece of cloth, I hear the door open.

''Hey, huh... are you reorganising?'' Mads sees the pile of clothes on my bed and looks at ir like I've lost it.

She places her purse on her bed and looks around, probably thinking the same as me. For the first time, our place is pure chaos.

I'm not the most organised person in the world, but this mess is too much even for me.

''No, I just don't know what to wear. I have a date.'' The words leave my mouth before I can control them and I widen my eyes with the information I just threw at my ex-boyfriend's best friend.

I'm not sure if I should keep from her that I'm going out with James. It's not even a date, I don't know why I said like it is.

What if she tells Noah? Maybe they've been in contact this whole time - these 8 long days I haven't heard from him - and will tell him what I'm up to.

He doesn't care Emma. He left, remember?

Right.

''It's not a date actually.'' I correct myself. ''You remember James, right? Of course you do, well, he wants to hang out, because we're working on a project together and I said ye--''

''Ems, you don't have to explain yourself. As I said a millions times, I am your best friend and I want you to be happy. If it's a date, let's make sure you look good as hell.''

She smiles, already picking up some of my nicest clothes from the pile to find an outfit for me.

I look at her suspiciously, but can't help but feel grateful for her help. I asked Ryan what he thought I should wear, but he just said 'something hot' and that's definitely not an option.

After she chose a dark jeans and the same blouse I went to my first party here, she sits me on the chair to work on my hair and make up.

''I missed this.'' She says and I smile looking at her through the mirror.

''I missed this too.''

''I know what you're thinking. That I'm Noah's friend and you're wondering why I'm helping you.'' I don't deny, so she continues. ''I want things to be as they were and I want you to know that I'm here for you, no matter what. I want you to be happy Ems, with or without Noah."

''Thank you.''

I don't know what else to say. I want that too. I truly want us to go back to being friends, just as we were before this whole mess and I feel like she helping me right now is another step towards it.

It's not just the fact that she's helping me, but I'm about to go out - again, not a date - with a guy that Noah hates and she's still by my side.

Maybe I was wrong. I mean, she is his best friend, but that doesn't mean she can't be mine too, right?

''You look awesome. I'm sure James will be head over heels for you.''

''Thanks Mads, but I don't really want that.''

''Oh silly, we all want a guy that drools over us.'' She winks at me.

Too bad that the guy I want doing that doesn't want me.

''He's here.'' She says excitedly and claps her hands in front of her as soon as there's a knock on the door.

When I open the door, there's a handsome James in front of me, an adorable smile plastered on his face and I can't avoid smiling back at him.

''You look amazing.'' He says shyly.

''Thanks, you don't look bad yourself.''

''Shall we go?'' He extends his hand to me and I nod, taking his arm and internally laughing at his somehow formality.

Fifteen minutes later, he parks the car near a small restaurant and I smile when the smell hits my nose as soon as he leads the way to our table.

We chatted the entire time, telling funny things about ourselves, like the fact that he's named after James Bond and when his dad introduced him to people, he would do in a very Bond way, just to embarrass him to death.

It's so easy to talk to him that it makes me forget the pain in my chest.

We ordered a huge bowl of ice-cream for dessert and I give him my most genuine smile. How could I not smile when I have this perfect piece of heaven in front of me?

I mean the ice cream, not James.

He's looking at me with amused eyes as I'm digging my face in chocolate mix like a maniac.

''What? Why are you looking at me like that?'' I say with my mouth full of caramel syrup.

''I'm just thinking that I'm happy to be here. I've been meaning to ask you out for a while, but I knew you were with Noah and he never let anyone get near to you, so I thought that now that he is... well, gone, I might have a chance ''

I was doing my best to not think about Noah, but it's too late now. I'm back to feeling sad with his absence.

"He was a bit overprotective."

"Have you guys been talking?"

"Not really." I fill my mouth with another spoon of ice cream, so I don't have to talk anymore.

I'm desperate to change the topic, before my mind goes back to the 'boy that shall not be named'.

I think he notices the annoyed look I gave him, because the next thing I know, he's asking me about something else entirely.

I thought it would be weird after he mentioned the guy that broke my heart, but he found a way to ease the tension.

''Sorry for what I said earlier, about Noah. I didn't mean to bring him up.''

''It's ok. It's just a sensitive topic.''

''Sorry. It's a bit stupid of me to talk about your ex when we're going out." He gives me an apologetic smile and I smile back.

''Just promise one thing. When we go out again, let's make sure we don't mention his name.''

''When we go out again?'' He smirks.

I really, really need to start thinking before I open my damn mouth.

After that, James kept smiling the whole time. At first I thought it was because of all the kids laughing with their new toys, as we're now at the shelter with the rest of the group, but when I saw him staring at me, I knew the smile was for me.

Damn, I'm so screwed.

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13 Days

The past few days have been... good, I guess. At least it's what I'm telling myself.

Although my heart still aches with Noah gone, I finally feel like my life is getting back on track. Mads and I are fixing our issues, Tyler is... well, Tyler, Ryan is the best friend I could ask for and James has been a great support.

I gave up the 'not saying his name' thing on day 11, as it's not helping at all, so what's the point?

Mads is pretty upset with Noah because he's not talking to her either. The only time she heard from him was when he answered her text with a simple 'I have things to do. I'm fine'.

It was enough to make me feel relieved.

At least he's alive.

I force my thoughts to go back to James and whatever is happening between us, even if I'm not sure what it is.

He's nice, but I don't know. There's something holding me back and I'm pretty sure it's the fact that I'm stupid enough to still hope that Noah will come back.

I sigh again and sit on my bed, alone with my own thoughts, while Mads is at the Cheerleaders practice.

I just realized that I have barely left the dorm since I came back from the break. No parties, no coffee shop, not even the library.

I'm just moping around and that sucks.

I can try as hard as I want, but my mind always goes back to him. I tried to forget and move on, but I can't. I just can't and that's when what I feel hits me hard.

I wish I didn't love him.

I miss his laugh, his smile, his annoying way to boss me around, his jealousy, I miss the way he kisses me.

I miss how we make love as he whispers in my ear how much he loves me.

I feel my eyes wet at this point. I was trying to keep myself busy to avoid crying, but it's like I can't hold back anymore.

I shake my head to stop the memories, hoping that the tears will also stop.

I lie on my bed and don't even realize when I fall asleep hugging my pillow pretending it's something else, or someone to be more precise.

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16 Days

I woke up with a heavy headache and I'm sure it's because I cried myself to sleep, again, just like I've been doing for the past three days.

Stupid Noah, now I'll literally feel him in my head all day.

Today marks the 16th day that I don't hear from him. More than two weeks. Two long weeks and I feel more vulnerable than ever.

I leave the dorm and head to the coffee shop to grab my daily cappuccino before going to class, which I call progress. At least I'm getting back to my normal routine.

Maybe it's a sign I'm starting to heal.

Much to my surprise, I see James there as well. He never comes to this side of the campus, so somehow I know he's here to see me.

My second date with him - I finally admit that's what it was - is tomorrow and I don't feel like going. I'll probably just make up an excuse to ditch him.

I can't go on a date date with him when I'm so in love with someone else.

It just doesn't feel right.

''Hey Ems.'' He approaches me and stops a bit too close. ''Are you going to class?''

''Yeah, just came by to get a coffee.'' But I feel like you already know that.

''Oh, cool. Well, I'm looking forward to our date.''

''Yeah...''

Shouldn't you be cancelling your date as you just said you would? That stupid voice in my head asks in her judgmental tone.

Before he could say anything else, I hear the small bell on the door ring and Tyler comes into view.

Seriously, why every time I'm with James, Tyler is there watching me?

''I better go. I'll see you later?'' James is out of sight in seconds as soon as he sees Tyler. He knows that Ty doesn't like him and we all know the reason why.

''Hey Ty, what's up?'' I say casually, wanting to act normal as if nothing is happening and a guy he doesn't like didn't just give me a peck on the cheeks.

''So, are you and this James guy dating?''

''How many times do I have to tell you? We're just friends.'' We sit on the corner table and I give him my cup so he can take a sip, like he always does.

''Look, I know he must be nice, but Noah will--''

''Oh, cut the crap.'' I cut him off, louder than I expected. ''If Noah gave a damn about me, he would be here. We've already talked about this, Ty.'' I give him a sharp look.

He's been telling me non-stop how much he thinks Noah and I will end up together and it's making me sick.

At least I don't have to deal with Mads saying this too. I know she also thinks it, but she's been careful enough to not say anything that might damage our already fragile friendship.

''I know, I'm not taking any sides here Ems, but even if I don't know what's going on with Noah, I know he'll be back.''

That's it. I'm going to have a break down.

''You must be out of your mind. He left Tyler. He freaking left without saying a word. This isn't about him anymore and yes, if I want to date James or anyone else, he has nothing to do with it and I'm fucking pissed that he's gone.''

Even I am surprised with my harshness.

''I'm sorry that you're going through this Ems, but I know Noah cares about you more than you think.''

''Stop it, please. Just stop saying this. It's been hard enough letting him go and you saying this, is only making it harder.''

I stand up and start making my way to the door, without saying another word. I wasn't going to cry in front of Tyler, not again, so I ran away and didn't stop when he called my name.

I leave the coffee shop determined to find James. I know I'm being a bitch for using him like this, but it's not like I don't care about him.

I just don't like him enough to date, but right now, I need a hug and I'm sure he'll be there for me as the good friend he is.

Ten min ago I was trying to think of an excuse to avoid going on a date with him and now I want him to hold me tight.

I'm an officially a crazy person.

I spot James talking to his friends at the quad and when I approach him, he gives me a perfect smile.

''I thought I'd only see you later.''

Without saying a word, I come closer to him and bury my face in his chest as he hugs me back.

''Is everything ok?''

No.

''Yes, I just wanted to give you this.'' I step back and stand on my tiptoe to give his a soft kiss on the lips.

He seems shocked, but recovers fast enough. I don't give him time to kiss me back though, before I pull away.

''Wow, what was that for?'' His smile is even bigger with my gesture.

''Just a kiss. I'll see you on friday?''

''You can bet on that.'' I let go of him and smile, even if inside I don't feel like smiling at all.

God, I shouldn't have done this.

Can someone please explain what the hell am I doing with my life?

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Hey Lovely Readers,

Happy Sunday! A brand new chapter! I'm particularly not really fond of this chapter. I mean, the story is going where I want it to go, because I know what's coming (hihi), but maybe I'm just doubting myself right now. Writer's problems I guess.

I'm thinking about doing a list of all the songs that remind me of Emma & Noah, what do you think?

Let me know what you think and don't forget to vote! :)

Love, Me

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