Chapter 59 - It can't be true

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The weekend went by way too slow, as if all my life is going in slow motion. The small talk I had with Noah is playing on my mind over and over again.

Should I forgive Mads? Should I forgive him?

I don't know how I managed to get through finals and through a heartbreak without having a complete melt down.

I guess I have Ryan to thank for. He's been such an amazing friend.

I spent my weekend completely alone, because I insisted that if Ryan cancelled his plans to stay in with me, I'd murder him, so he'd better go to whatever party he was planning on going.

Saturday was spent thinking about every single thing that happened the past weeks and the conclusion I got to is that I'm done being the victim here.

I need to get my shit together and be the strong woman I should be.

I can't let Noah or Mads - or anyone for that matter - ruin things for me. This is my life and I'm taking control over it.

When I left Ryan's dorm this morning, feeling much better, I had two missions.

One, talk to Mads. I want to hear her side of the story and maybe, just maybe try to understand how all this happened.

And second, I need to call my father.

I've been avoiding doing it, because I don't want to admit that he was right to act the way he did when I was almost kidnapped. However, it's something I can't avoid forever. He's been calling me non-stop and it's time for me to face it.

I use my regained confidence and courage to go looking for the blonde girl that I miss like freaking hell.

I see Mads sitting on a small table outside the coffee shop we always go in the morning. Well, the coffee shop we used to go.

It's feels like forever ago that I've been here for the last time and I haven't realized how much I missed this place, until now.

Before she sees me, I stop to take in her appearance. She looks different.

She doesn't seem happy and she's not wearing pink, which might seem a simple and stupid thing, but is very unusual for her.

This dark outfit doesn't fit her, it's so weird to see her wearing dark blue pants and black shirt. You heard me, black. She's wearing black.

I sigh, knowing that this might not be easy and although I'm still hurt, I finally ready to talk.

"Can I sit?" I ask when I'm close enough to establish the first contact.

When she looks up and sees that it's actually me, she seems surprised and her eyes widen as well as they light up.

Still predictable, I see. Damn, I really miss her.

"Emma? Yes, sure, of course." She seems to have lost her words and I can tell she wasn't expecting this at all. Until last night, neither was I.

I pull a chair and sit awkwardly, not really knowing what to say to her.

How should this go?

She's looking at me expectantly, not moving a muscle. It's like she's afraid that If she does something, I'll snap and leave.

I can't blame her for thinking that, considering our last interactions.

"So, how are you?" I ask her. This is pretty awkward for both of us.

She fits the floor and takes a strand of her hair that was falling on her face and puts it behind her ear in a timid gesture.

"Hm, I'm ok... not really, I guess. You?" I don't say anything and we remain silent. "I'm so sorry Emma, for everything. I'm an idiot, I'm really sor--"

"It's ok Mads." I cutt her off. "I mean, it's not ok, but it's ok, you know what I mean? I'm not making any sense."

She smiles at me fondly and I find myself smiling back.

"I know exactly what you mean."

We stare at each other for a while until it's not even weird anymore. This is my best friend. Whatever messed up things she did, deep down I know she cares about me and I care about her more than I could ever explain.

''Do you want to talk about it?'' She asks me after a few moments in silence.

''Not right now. I want to know what happened and why you both did this, but now I just want to be here, if that's ok with you.''

She nods vigorously and just like that, I know it might not be perfect, but I'm sure we'll figure this out and maybe be friends again.

The silence between us is too comforting and we start making small, cathing up on what happened the last week and talking about final exams, plans for the summer and superficial stuff. It's a good starting point at least.

After we were apparently ok, even if there's still some tension between us, I said I'd think about going back to the dorm.

We managed to have a great time together, I just need to know if I'm ready to live with her again. I'm still hurt and I'm far from forgetting what she did, but having coffee with her made me forget it for a brief moment.

I feel good. I really do. For once since I found out the truth, I have somehow a renewed hope that things will be fine.

Deep down, I'm hoping that things might be fine with Noah as well. I don't want to admit it to myself, because I'm too proud for that, but I want to forgive him. I want to forgive him so bad.

I thought about texting him so we can talk, but I need to talk to my dad first. I know it might ruin my good mood, but I can't avoid it any longer.

I'll talk to Noah later. I just need to understand why he did it and if any part of what happened between us was true. If it was, there's still a chance for us. I love him with all my heart and something in me is pulling me towards forgiving him.

It doesn't mean that we'll be together again, but what's the point in holding grudges forever, right?

I sit on the quad and dial my dad's number. He answers on the first ring and for once and I feel nervous just to hear his voice.

''Emma. How are you?'' I sense relief in his tone and it makes me feel good.

''You were right.'' I don't feel like chit chatting, I just want to get this out of my chest, so I go straight to business.

''What are you talking about?''

''Noah. You were right about Noah.'' I hear his heavy sigh.

''Did he tell you the truth?''

''Not exactly, I figured it out. That is what you wanted to tell me at the hospital, wasn't it?'' I ask, but I already know the answer.

''I've wanted to tell you the moment you woke up. I thought he was going to tell you after, but he didn't and you shut me out completely."

"I'm sorry for that. I should have listened to you, dad. I shouldn't have ignored you for so long."

"I'm just glad you're ok and that you're calling me. You've been avoiding me and I'll be honest with you. I'm just letting you be because I know you're fine. Well, everything considered."

"How do you know that?" I consider how he could possibly know that I'm doing ok, or barely ok.

"I have friends at BC's faculty, Ems. They saw you and they've been telling me about you. From the distance at least, you seem fine."

Oh. I don't know if I should feel bad about his friends keeping an eye on me, but I some how feel cared.

"Don't worry though, they don't know why I wanted to check up on you." I let go a relieved breath. "I was so worried about you after his father tried to kidnap you.''

His father? What does Noah's father have to do with all of this?

''Wait a second. You said his father tried to kidnap me?''

''He ordered the kidnap Ems, that's what you figured out, right? You know who Noah is. His father's company is the competitor I told you about. The one who's been threatening you. I thought you knew Noah was behind it.''

What? Just... What?

Noah is the one who tried to kidnap me?

It can't... It can't be true. Just no.

''I'm sorry dad, I'm... I have to go. I'll call you later.''

I hang up the phone and I feel like trhowing up. I run to the closest bathroom and I lock myself in a booth before I puke everything I have inside of me.

Noah and his father tried to kidnap me? This is even worst than I thought.

How could he? Lying to me is bad enough but hurt me? This is beyond fucked up.

Another lie. How many more I can take?

I feel all the anger that I managed to work coming back to the surface and the one thing I know right now is that I need to talk to Noah.

He needs to explain this before I lose my mind.

Without another thought, I leave the toilet and make my way to the bus stop. If I give too much thought before going to his apartment, I'll either plan how to murder him or will close myself in a shell that he'll never be able to get in and we'll never talk again.

I'm pretty much sure that we're over for good and even if my heart aches with the thought, I don't think I can forgive him for this. However, I need to hear the truth from him.

I deserve at least that. Maybe I'll be able to manage my anger if he tells me everything. I don't know if there's anymore shit that I should know, so before I realize, I'm standing in front of his door, knocking on it.

My hands are shaking, my eyes are red from the crying and I stare the door as if I could open just with my murderous thoughts.

I don't even know if he's home. Maybe I should have called before showing up here.

Stop it Emma. Stop being nice. Probably being nice is what got you in this mess in the first place. Being nice is what made me fall in love with the wrong person and made me such an easy target.

I'm done being nice.

I pound on the door and stop just as I hear footsteps coming closer to it and the lock being opened.

Once Noah opens it, he looks to whoever is interrupting his sleep with annoyance.

He's shirtless and wearing those sweatpants that I used to love so much. Of course he'd be looking like a greek god even with tired eyes, messy hair and sleepy face.

Unfortunately, I love this man way too much and as soon as I see him, all I can think of is how I miss him, instead of sticking to my promise to stop my nice manners.

"What are you doing here?" He rubs his eyes and looks at me with surprise.

I wasn't exactly planning on showing up at his place to discuss whatever fucked up situation we are in, yet, here I am.

Thinking about it now, I acted on impulse. I should have thought what to say before being all crazy and coming here.

"Well, I can go away." I make a move to turn around and leave. This was such a bad idea.

"No!'' He steps outside and touches my arm softly to stop me. ''Come in."

He opens the door wider and takes a step back so I can get in. I should leave and come back when I put some thought on this and when he's dressed.

The sight of his six pack and his v-line is too much for me to handle.

I hate him and I love him so much that it kills me.

I enter him apartment, but stand still as if the place is unknown to me. This place has become so familiar the past few months that it's like I feel at home. Felt, I felt at home. Not anymore.

He closes the door behind us and seems like he doesn't know what to say. We just stand there both in silence, while he's looking at me and I'm looking at the apartment.

I missed this place.

Focus Emma.

"If I'm making you uncomfortable, I can really leave. This was probably a bad idea anyway."

"No Emma, it's not that, it's just... I wasn't expect you to come here. I wasn't expecting you to even talk to me again, so I don't really know what to say."

I look up to meet his blue eyes and all I see in them is hope.

"Why did you come?" He asks, his voice low.

"To talk." I stay silent before I continue and this time, I actually say the truth. "To yell, I don't know Noah. I'm so mad at you, but I wanted to come, to discuss about this. I made a promise to myself that I would talk about everything with you and then I'd leave, I mean, really leave. I own myself that."

He looks hurt when the words I didn't plan leave my mouth.

"Let's talk then. What do you want to know?"

"Everything. I need to know the details, so I can move on."

"What if I don't want you to move on?"

"I guess that's not your choice to make, is it?" I narrow my eyes at him.

He sighs and fits the floor, before passing both his hands through his hair.

He disappears in his bedroom and is back in seconds, putting a t-shit on. Good, if we're doing this, he's better not be shirtless.

"Ok, where should I start?" He asks as he sits on the couch and taps next to him so I can also sit.

I make myself as comfortable as I can get, my eyes on him all the time.

"You can start by telling me how we met. What did I do to you for you to hate me so much and especially, how did you end up planning my kidnap.''

His eyes dart to me with the revelation that I know about the kidnap and the way he looks at me is the confirmation that it's true.

"I don't hate you, Emma. I think I never did. I love you and I don't think we should talk about this, it will be hurtful and I can't hurt you anymore than I already did.''

I ignore the twist inside me when I hear him saying he loves me, just because even if it makes me happy to hear it, I don't believe him.

"I don't care Noah, just tell me truth. It's not up to you to say how I'll feel about it. I'll decide if it will be painful or not, but tell me the truth, all of it."

He studies my face and somehow he knows it's a lost cause. Either he tells me everything or I'm done.

''It's a long story."

''It's good that I have time then.''

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Hey lovely readers,

A brand new chapter for you. I'll be updating again probably tomorrow.

Don't forget to vote! Your support means the world to me and gives me the motivation to continue writing!

Love, Me

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