NOAH's POV

It's been a torture not been able to see her, even if it was just for a few days.

There she is. The woman I'm completely in love with, my girlfriend. I should probably call her my ex-girlfriend now, but fuck it, I'm not ready for that.

I'm not ready to call her my ex and I don't think I'll ever be.

Just having her this close is making my heart beat so fucking fast.

She's sitting on a couch across the room, with Tyler is sitting next to her, while Madeleine and Mark are standing in front of them.

For the first time, I'm not sure what to do. Should I talk to her or just stay here and wait for her to notice me?

She looks tired and if I know her well enough, I'm sure she hasn't been sleeping properly - just like me.

Against my better judgement, my feet start moving towards her. I just need to ask her if she is ok, then I'll leave her alone to enjoy the party.

I wasn't planning on coming to this stupid party in the first place, but when Madeleine told me that Emma was going to be here, I had to come.

As soon as I entered the frat house, a lot of people came to talk to me, asking where I've been and I won't even mention the girls, who know Emma and I broke up again.

Emma finally notices me and I see her eyes widen, but she doesn't look away.

We keep staring at each other until I feel a small pat on my back. I didn't realize Tyler left her side to come talk to me.

''Are you ok, buddy?''

''How is she?'' I ignore Tyler's question, because it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is her.

''It's been tough for her, man, but she's ok.''

''Did you take care of her like I asked you to?''

''Of course, I didn't leave her side the entire week. You should talk to her.''

I nod and he pats my back again, like I'm a lost puppy or something.

We start walking towards the couch, my eyes on her all the time.

I stop in front of her, looking at her like an idiot and not saying anything until Tyler coughs and gives me a little nudge.

Say something, Noah.

''Emma, hi.''I say in a low voice.

''Hi.'' Is all she says, her voice soft and just that one word makes my legs tremble.

I was expecting her to yell, so this is a good start, I guess.

''Can we talk?'' She looks at me with a mix of emotions.

She seems to be battling internally as if she doesn't know what to do next.

''I don't think that's a good idea.'' Madeleine's voice finally makes me look away.

My head turns to face my best friend, who is just trying to help the awkward situation.

''Can't we just talk this through? Please?'' I ignore Mads. I really need to talk to Emma.

''Noah, I... I'm not—''

''I know you'll say you're not ready, but we can work this out. I know we can.''

''We can't. It's not that I don't want to, I just can't. You broke every piece of trust I had in you and this is not gonna work anymore.''

All the softness of her voice is gone and I can't blame her.

''I just want to know you're ok.'' She raises an eyebrow to me, but doesn't say anything. ''Baby, please--''

''I told you not to call me that anymore.'' She gives me a pointed look. ''I'm sorry, I can't do this.''

She stands up and turns around to leave, but before she disappears in the crowd, she turns to face me one more time, that hurt look back on her face.

I hate myself for being responsible for that.

''I just hope one day you regret letting this end the way it did.''

She says and then she's gone.

Tyler goes after her, probably to keep her from doing something stupid, like getting drunk.

''Noah, you're my best friend and I love you, but I think you should just back off.''

''Come on Madeleine, what am I supposed to do?'' I put my hands in the air, frustrated, while her arms are crossed over her chest.

Lecturing Madeleine is my least favorite type of her.

''I told you before. Give her space. That's what you are suppose to do''

''I know, but I don't know how.''

I sit on the couch, where a couple is now making out. I normally wouldn't be bothered by it and would even do the same at some point, but right now it just sucks because I can't do the same with the only person I want to make out with.

''Look, she loves you, but she's hurt. As I also told you, I think she'll come around, but you need to give her some time. Weren't you listening when we talked at your apartment?''

Her hands are now on her hips and she looks at me disapprovingly.

I was listening, but I was thinking of Emma more than I was paying attention, so I might have forgotten a few parts.

''It's not easy finding out her boyfriend has been working behind her back to do whatever you were trying to do. I know you're meant to be together, but this will take time, you screwed up badly, you know that.''

''I know.'' She holds me by my shoulder and shakes me as if this will put sense into my head.

''So man up and give her the space she needs.''

I sigh and pass my hand through my hair. If she needs space, I can give her that, I guess.

The one thing crossing my mind right now though is that there's absolutely no way I can survive this without having a drink, so I grab a red cup and swallow its content within seconds.

As time goes by quickly, I thought I was doing fine. The good part is that I managed to not think about her for the past couple of hours.

Who the fuck am I kidding?

My eyes are glued to her the entire time and truth be told, she is looking at me a lot more than I expected she would.

I see a guy hitting on her, but she doesn't push him away. Why would she? She is gorgeous and single.

My hands turn into a fist and deep down I know she's not pushing him away to make me suffer.

Well, she is getting it.

I want to punch the life out of that asshole, tell him to fuck off and stay the hell away from my girl.

Before I do something stupid, I go to the back of the house to calm myself down.

I'm not thinking straight here.

I lean by a tree and everything starts to spin around. A few seconds later, my body stops answering my brain commands and I feel myself falling to the ground.

Yep, I definitely drank too much.

---------------------------------------

EMMA's POV

A few hours earlier...

''Do you want me to tell these fuckers to fuck off?''

Tyler says and sits next to me on the couch of the frat house we're at. Mads also looks annoyed with everyone staring at me, like I'm some kind of alien.

I know I look like one because I haven't been sleeping decently.

''It's ok Ty. I'm sure they will forget this.'' I smile at my friend, not really convinced.

Well, I'm sure the girls will forget as soon as they have a chance to hook up with Noah like they used to.

The thought makes my heart twist a bit more.

Although Tyler puts it in a not so delicate way, I really wish I could tell them to back off.

Yes, Noah and I broke up, so what? No big deal, move on with your lives.

It's incredible how fast things happen around here. It had been merely hours that Noah and I broke up and there was already gossip about it.

How the hell everybody knew what happened so fast?

Give me a freaking break, universe.

I'm definitely not in the party mood, but Mads was right. This can be good to distract me.

At least I'm not worried about seeing Noah tonight. I haven't seen him since he left my dorm and I don't know how to feel about it.

I should feel relieved, I did ask him to leave my life after all, but I feel like shit.

Maybe it's because my very broken heart still wants to see him.

His last words are playing on my mind over and over again. I love you... I won't give up on us.

As if I sense his presence, my eyes dart to the entrance hall and my heart sinks when I realize it's him.

His eyes are on me and it looks like he's been through hell, his hair messier than ever and I wonder how he's doing.

My brain is yelling at me telling that I shouldn't care at all, but I can't help it.

Realizing that Noah is there, Tyler stands up and goes meet him by the door.

Ty has been such a good friend and has been following me the entire week. He asked me like a hundred times if I'm ok as if I'd break or something.

I stare at the two boys chatting, but I can't hear what they are saying. Whatever Tyler is whispering in his ear, Noah's eyes are still on me.

Tyler pats his friend's back and they start walking towards where we are.

No, no, no, please, I don't want to talk to him. I wanted to see him, but I'm not ready to talk.

People are still staring at us, probably wanting to know what will happen next. Noah Allen looking like shit in front of his girlfriend. Sorry, ex-girlfriend.

Headline of the day for these idiots who have nothing better to do.

My heart is beating fast as if it will fall out of my chest at any minute and I'm feeling really uncomfortable with him being this close to me.

Tyler coughs and gives a slight nudge on his arm as he's standing there not saying a word.

That seems to be enough to get Noah out of his trance.

''Emma, hi.'' Oh, his voice. I missed his voice.

''Hi.'' It's all I say. I'm afraid that if I talk much, I'll start shaking.

''Can we talk?''

I only stare at his face, not capable of saying anything. I don't want to talk, but I also don't want him to go.

God, what do I want?

I still have too many questions to ask him, not to mention that I miss him so freaking much, but I'm still not giving in.

How could I not miss him? It's not like I can fall out of love that fast.

''I don't think that's a good idea.'' Mads comes in my defense, as I'm speechless, my eyes never leaving his.

He ignores his best friend though.

''Can't we just talk this through? Please?''

''Noah, I... I'm not—'' He cuts me off.

''I know you'll say you're not ready, but we can work this out, Ems. I know we can.''

God, I wish his words were true. I really wish we could fix this.

Honestly, I also wish his arms weren't my favorite place in the world and that I wasn't thinking about hugging him and forgetting about everything right now.

I wish I could go back in time and make things different between us.

I wish I could choose not to love him.

''We can't. It's not that I don't want to, I just can't. You broke every piece of trust I had in you and this is not gonna work anymore.''

''I just want to know you're ok.'' I raise an eyebrow to him. ''Baby, please--''

The way he calls me baby hurts like fucking hell and I feel angry again.

''I told you not to call me that anymore.'' I pause, taking a deep breath. ''I'm sorry, I can't do this.''

I stand up ready to leave, but before I do, I look at him one more time.

''I just hope one day you regret letting this end the way it did.''

My final words hit me as hard as I think it hits him. I honestly hope he knows how much he fucked up.

I feel my eyes wet and I know I'm on the verge of crying, so I run to the other side of the house, as far away as possible.

I hear Tyler's voice behind me and I turn to face him as he hugs me, so I let all the tears out.

It hurts so freaking much to see him here.

Ty stays with me until I'm feeling better and he keeps making his Tyler jokes, that actually get me laughing.

Time goes by faster than I expected and I'm trying to enjoy the party as much as I can.

I know Noah's eyes are on me all the time and I'm doing my best to avoid looking at him - and failing miserably.

I should be mad, well I am mad and I should hate him, yell or just punch his face, but instead I'm standing here looking at his face and missing every single piece of his body.

What happens after is just me trying to act like I don't give a shit about him. I want him to understand that we're over, even if my heart is telling me that we're not.

I decide to do something - absolutely not mature of me - to make him inderstand.

I engage in a conversation with a guy that is clearly hitting on me and I glance at Noah, who has his hands in a fist and an angry look on his face.

I can tell he is drunk, because he is stumbling and supporting himself on the walls.

Why would he drink like that? It's not like him to do this.

After I talk to the guy a few more minutes, I ditch him. He's trying to impress me, but sorry dude, I'm not really interested.

That's when I see Mark coming like crazy in my direction.

''Emma!'' He looks at me, his face pale. ''It's Noah. He's... You should come with me.''

What is going on?

My heart aches with the thought that something bad happened to him, but I remind myself again that I shouldn't care.

''Please Ems, he needs help.''

Tyler joins us with the same expression on his face and he nods as if to reinforce what Mark just said.

Something is really wrong.

Wait, where is Mads?

''What makes you think I can help?''

I'm actually controlling myself not to run to wherever Noah is and ask what the hell happened.

They make a face, like it's obvious why I would help, but they answer me anyway.

''He's calling for you... very loudly." My heart skips a beat and my eyes widen.

The last thing I need is a drunk boy making a scene shouting my name, so I follow my friends.

When we get to the backyard, I see Mads trying to calm down Noah.

He's acting like crazy, pacing from one side to the other, with Mads on his toe.

I notice he has a small cut on his forehead and concerns fills my body. Has he been fighting?

As soon as he sees me, he comes running to me - stumbling to be more precise - and hugs me tighter than I expected.

I won't deny it feels good.

''Noah, I can't breath.'' I feel his arms loosen and he lets go of me. Mad is right behind us, looking concerned. ''Mads, what happened?''

''I got here and saw him like this. I think he hit his head or something. Then he started calling for you.''

''Don't do it.'' I turn to Noah, who is the one talking.

''Don't do what?'' I try to contain my own emotions as I look at him.

I can smell the vodka from the distance. His eyes are puff red and I know he has been crying.

''Don't kiss him. Don't go out with that guy. Please, don't''.

I need to get out of here. I don't think I have it in me to keep my walls up any longer when he says this kind of things.

''Who said I was going to kiss him or do anything?''

Why should I explain myself? Seriously, he doesn't deserve it after everything he did to me.

My feelings are in constant conflict. From loving him with all my heart and hating him with equal force.

''What do you care anyway?'' I say more to myself than to him to be honest.

''I do care, I can't stand to even think of you with anyone else.''

He has difficult saying the words and I blame on the alcohol.

''Please, don't say that. You know it's not true''.

''You know I love you.''

''Noah, you're drunk.''

''Please, forgive me.'' He looks sick as he says the words.

I was about to say something, but before I do, he throws up on me.

Just fucking p-e-r-f-e-c-t.