''What the hell is going on?''

Mads opens the door and storms inside our dorm, making me jump.

I don't even look at her, because if I do, I'll lecture her about how she should stop slamming the freaking door all the damn time.

It's not a good day to mess with me. Seriously.

I didn't sleep at all last night. After Noah left, I lied down on my bed and cried my heart out until the sun was shining high and I had to get up to go to class.

Just a quick look at me and you'll agree that I shouldn't put my face out of this room, but Noah has already ruined my heart, I can't let him take anything else from me, my education included.

''I broke up with Noah.'' I say, my voice as cold as it was last night when I told him to leave.

''I know, he told me, but what's going on? He didn't want to talk, he just said you dumped him. Are you ok? You don't look ok, Ems.''

She takes a step closer to me, but for the first time she seems cautious to do it, as if I'll bite her.

Well, today I might.

I pretend to be focused on getting my stuff ready for class, key word being pretending, because I'm actually just going through my notebook not reading anything before I shove it inside my bag.

I'm not sure I want to talk to her right now. It's not about her, it's just that I don't feel like talking to anyone to be honest.

I should also call my dad to talk about this, but I'm feeling embarrassed for the way I treated him when I think all he wanted to do was tell me the truth.

I'm also trying to avoid feeling like I was feeling just hours ago for as long as I can.

This is what I always do when I get hurt. I shut myself in my own bubble and avoid all possible human contact.

You can't trust people when you're feeling like shit.

Well, you can't trust people, period.

You see, the kind of things that happened with Noah is the reason why I've never opened up to anyone before.

I knew he was going to hurt me, because that's what people do. People will hurt you, whether you like it or not.

Noah is just a proof of what I already knew.

However, there was a part of me that hoped he wouldn't, that hoped he was different. I was hurt by the only person I thought that could make me happy forever.

I'm trying my best to not break down even more and I know that one look at Mad's face, I'll be back to square one and I'll start crying again.

Not that I'm too far from it, as I'm actually holding back the tears.

''You can talk to me Emma. You know that, don't you?''

As soon as the words leave her mouth, I do it. The one thing I shouldn't have done, but it was stronger than me.

I look at her.

Her expression is a sad one and in the spare of a few seconds, I break entirely.

I let go my all of my stuff, that I was holding close to my chest and I sit on the bed, already sobbing.

She is quick to sit next to me and engulf me in a tight hug that is at the same time comforting and painful.

I hate that I'm feeling like this. I hate the fact that I love Noah so much to the point that I allow myself to be this hurt.

''It's ok Ems. I'm here for you.'' I take my hands to my face and lie down on her lap.

I stay there, crying just like that for about ten minutes before I can actually put a coherent sentence together.

When I manage to stop crying an entire ocean, I sit again and look at her, tears still rolling down my face.

''He... he lied to me, Mads. It was all a lie.''

''What do you mean?''

''He never loved me. All he wanted to do was use me for information.''

And I'm back to sobbing.

''He loves you, Ems. I know he does. He was heartbroken when we talked. I know him well enough to say he's devastated.''

''No Mads, he's a fucking liar.''

I know I'm not making any sense, so just like that, I start telling her everything.

All the things I kept inside for so long are out there for her to judge me or even worse, to pit me.

I tell her about my father, his company and also about my mother's death. I go down memory lane as I talk about my childhood, everything that happened since I came to BC, up until when I saw that picture of Noah last night.

She listens carefully to every word I have to say and nods once in a while to let me know she's paying attention.

I think this is the longest I see her without talking and I know she's struggling to keep her mouth shut, which I appreciate.

Once I'm done, I look at her expectantly, but she still doesn't say anything.

After a while of her contemplating whatever is going on inside her head, she finally takes a deep breath.

''I never knew you've been through all of this. You never talked much about your family, but I knew a few things and it was enough to see it's a sensitive topic. I'm sorry all this happened, Ems. I really am.''

''So, you don't think I'm weak or... I don't know, an idiot?''

''Of course not. I think you're strong and deserve to be happy. No one can take that away from you, not even Noah.'' I smile at her.

I know I was just saying how I never open up, but it feels so good to get all of this out of my chest.

Don't trust anyone, my mind reminds me.

''The only thing I'm angry is for not telling me all of this before. You're one of my best friends and we should talk about this stuff.'' I suddenly feel embarrassed. ''I'm happy you're telling me now though.''

She gives me her most genuine smile and hugs me in that very Madeleine way, which is crush your bones until you can't breath.

''Now, you'll go freshen up and we'll go out there to face whatever we have to face, together. I'll be by your side.''

As she stands up and pulls me by the hand to follow her, I know that I can make this.

If I have good friends by my side, like I have Mads, maybe it will be easier to go through this and move on.

''Mads?'' She stops and turn to face me. ''Thanks for skipping your practice, I know it's important to you, but you being here means a lot to me.''

She just smiles at me, as if saying 'anytime'.

I know she's right. We'll face this together, but there's one thought that crosses my mind and bothers me beyond I can explain.

The problem with all this his that my heart and my head are saying different things.

While my head is telling me to move on, get over him and never talk to Noah again, my heart, even being in a million pieces, is somehow still holding onto him.

It doesn't really want to move on and I hate myself for it.

-------------------------------------

NOAH's POV

''What are you doing here? If you came all this way to tell me I fucked up, I already now that.''

I step away from the door and give her space to come in. Normally Madeleine would use her own key and don't even bother knocking, but she knows better than to push it. Not today.

''I came here to check up on how you're doing. You're not answering my calls.''

''Shouldn't you be with your friend?'' I don't answer her how I am.

She already knows I'm a mess. It's too obvious. My eyes are bloodshot, I haven't slept in days and I haven't left my couch in hours.

''I am with my friend.''

She follows me inside the house, that honestly, also looks like trash. There are cups and dishes everywhere, my clothes scattered on the floor, like nothing matters.

Well, without Emma, nothing actually does.

I sit back on the couch and she sits next to me. I let myself sink in the furniture, like I've been doing even since Emma kicked me out of her dorm. Out of her life.

''You need to do some cleaning, don't you think?''

''You need to mind your own business, don't you think?'' I mimic her tone.

I shouldn't be rude to her. I know she's just being a good friend and I feel like a dick for talking to her like that, but I can't help it. I'm too heartbroken.

Not that I don't deserve it.

She gives me a pointed look, but luckily doesn't seem to mind my lack of manners towards her.

''I'm worried about you, Noah. You're not talking to any of us and you didn't show up at any of your classes this week.''

''I don't feel like going to college.''

I don't feel like doing anything, if I'm being honest, not only going to classes.

It's not only them that I've been avoiding, I also haven't talked to my father. After I left the party, he's been calling me non-stop. I answered one time just to tell him that I was busy and would call him back when I can.

''I know you don't want to go, but you have to.'' She pauses and takes a deep breath. ''Even Emma is asking for you.''

With that I look up to find her eyes.

''She is?''

''Of course she is Noah. What did you expect? She loves you, even if you messed up, it's not like she wants you gone, you know?''

The fact that she said that lights something inside of me that I didn't know I could have at this point.

I can only call it hope.

Maybe there's still a chance for us.

When Madeleine called me on Saturday to tell me that Emma was acting weird, I already knew.

Call it instinct, connection, whatever you want, but the thing is that I knew she realized the truth about me, so as soon as I hung up the phone with Madeleine, I told my dad I had to go.

I left the party and went straight to her dorm, leaving all my stuff behind at my parents house.

One look at her when she opened the door and I knew it was over for her.

I hate myself for hurting her like this.

She's the love of my fucking life and I ruined it and that makes me really hate myself.

I've been hiding in here, not wanting to face reality and thinking of thousand plans to how I can live my life from now on.

Emma didn't just walk into my life. She turned it upside down and now I don't know how the hell I can live without her.

I don't even know how to face her after all that. It will be too painful, seeing what I love so much moving on.

I want her back so bad that it physically hurts.

I don't want to give up and what I told her is true. I'm not giving up on us, I just need time to figure out what to do, I guess.

''Do you think I should try talking to her?'' I ask more hopefully than I should.

''No. I mean, not yet. I'm sure she'll come around and might eventually forgive you. This week has been hell to her Noah, but she loves you more than you deserve. She just needs time to assimilate everything.'' I nod.

Her words are actually comforting. She's right, Emma loves me. I know she does, so maybe we can still be together.

She grabs my hand and holds it tight on her lap. God, I don't deserve Emma and I definitely don't deserve Madeleine's friendship. She's too good to be friends with me.

''You know I love you and I'll always be by your side, no matter what, but you have to get your shit together. If you really want her back, it's not dragging yourself to the bottom like this that you'll get her to forgive you.''

I know she's talking about the way I look and for how messy my house is. I've never been this sloppy, not to mention the empty vodka bottle on my table.

It's pointless to deny that I've been drinking. The entire house smells like alcohol.

This is so not me, but Emma has such power over me and who I am to the point that it's unhealthy.

Madeleine is right, I need to stop this. This is not who I am or how I should handle this. I can't allow myself to be this messy when I have so much work to do to get Emma to even talk to me.

I need to see her. Just one look and I'll know if there's even a small chance that she might forgive me.

I was so lost in my own thoughts thinking what I should do next, that I didn't realize Madeleine was close to the door and about to leave.

''Mads.'' I call her name and and she turns to face me, her expression surprised, probably with the fact that I just called her by her nickname. ''Thank you. For everything. I... I love you too.''

She gives me the brightest smile I have ever seen and comes running back to where I am. She gives me a tight hug, that crushes my bones.

Damn, the girl is tiny, but she's strong.

It's the first time I confess my brotherly love for her and I can see a small tear in her eye.

Once she's gone, I'm back to my own thoughts and I decide that everything will be different.

I'm a man on a mission from this second on.

I'm getting my girl back.

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Hey Lovely Readers,

I have so many songs on my mind for this book that I'm thinking about doing a ''chapter'' only with the list, what do you think?

Thank you for all the support! Remember to vote if you enjoyed the chapter, it would mean the world to me!

Love, Me