Sleep

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(Song: Ode To Sleep by Twenty One Pilots)
"You comfortable?" Harry asks with the left side of his face on the pillow as he looks at me. I turn to the side and nod my head. It's already 12:15 a.m. when I look over at the digital clock by Harry. I shouldn't have prevented him from sleeping. This could have waited until morning, but of course, I just have to make it an inconvenience.

"Good," he says with a smile. "Now, can you tell me why you don't want me to talk to Michael?" He asks curiously. The dim light in the room from the lamp on the nightstand allows me to see Harry's eyebrows furrow together.

"Yeah..." I start. Should I just say the truth? That's the only thing I really can say, as I don't have anything else to tell him.

"Um... it's just... eating disorders are..." I'm at a loss for words and let out a loud breath, showing my frustration. Just tell him the truth. He's not going to yell at you.

"It's okay. Take you're time. We're in no rush," Harry says, trying to make me feel better. But we are in a rush. It's 12:15 in the morning.

I nod my head and finish my thought. "I feel... stupid, I guess... for having an eating disorder," I admit. "I don't want Michael to realize that I have an eating disorder when you talk to him... it's kind of embarrassing... I'm sorry it's a stupid reason."

I move a little further away from Harry, as he probably doesn't even want to really talk to me. That was such a stupid reply to make a big fuss over. I bury my head in the soft pillow and let a few tears slip. I don't even know why I'm crying. There's no reason for me to; I'm just weak, I guess.

Harry doesn't say anything for a while and I remain crying in the pillow. I don't think he knows I'm crying because I'm not making any noise, but I guess that's for the better. He'd probably think I'm even dumber if he knew I was crying.

"Ellie?" He finally asks, causing me to focus my attention back on him. I rapidly blink my eyes so the tears stop and look at him.

"Yeah?" I ask, my voice cracking, probably proving to Harry that I was just crying.

"That's not a stupid reason at all, understood?" He says, sternly. "What you said was a really good point. I didn't even think about what Michael would think when I talked to him. That was very smart on your part, thinking about the consequences."

I nod my head. "Kay," I whisper.

"And, also, I don't want you to feel ashamed of having an eating disorder. Unfortunately, they're not uncommon, so I don't ever want you to feel alone when it comes to this," Harry says. He lifts his arm and brings it around to my shoulder, giving it a light squeeze.

"It's not your fault, either. I'm not sure how much you know about eating disorders, but they're actually a mental illness. It's not that you did anything wrong to get this, so I don't want you to be so hard on yourself," he adds.

"You're right..." I say with a sigh. "I'm... I'm so sorry, Dad. I always take my anger out on you... and the only thing you do is help me. I'm the worst." My eyes fill with tears, and I can't help but let them pour out. Harry may not be able to see me really well, but I know he knows I'm crying, as I'm sniffling and breathing heavily.

"Shh... calm down, love," Harry hums, scooting closer to me and wrapping me tightly in his arms. "I hate that you feel that way because I don't know anyone who thinks you're the worst, especially not me. You have made my world a thousand times better, and I know you may not believe that, but it's true."

I don't say anything in response, but I don't think Harry is really expecting me to say much. I bury my head in Harry's chest and wait for my breaths to become even again.

My hands tightly grasp on to his shirt and I close my eyes. I didn't realize how tired I actually was until right now.

"Just relax," Harry coos. He places his hand over mine, which is still holding onto his shirt. "You can sleep right here. I'm not going anywhere." My hand relaxes, but I keep it right there since I'm too tired to move it anywhere else.

I'm glad Harry is letting me stay the night in his room. He makes me feel protected and calm, and that's exactly what I need right now.

•~~~~~

In the middle of the night, I wake up, panting, and immediately sit up. My sudden movement probably woke up Harry as well.

I can't believe I just had a nightmare. It's been forever since I had one of those. I really thought they were gone, but I guess I was wrong.

"El?" Harry asks in a raspy, sleepy voice. Dang it, I did wake him up.

"Oh, sorry for waking you up," I whisper, embarrassed that my problems are impacting Harry's sleep schedule.

"Don't be. What happened?" He says and sits up, just like me.

"I had a nightmare," I mumble. How lame of me. Nightmares are so childish. I'm a teenager and can't even sleep correctly.

"Aw, I'm sorry, love. What was it about?" He asks, concerned. I can't see him well, but I know he's looking at me.

"It was... about my mom dying... and it being my fault," I say. No tears fall from my eyes, though. It's almost as if I have grown numb to talking and thinking about my mom. I know it was my fault she died, but I can't bring her back. The only thing I can do is hate myself for it.

"Baby," Harry gasps, pulling his arm around me. "I hate when you think about that. And I hate it even more how you blame yourself for it," he says.

Needing some comfort, I hug him back. "Can I do anything for you?" He asks sincerely.

"No, I just want to go back to sleep. I'm tired," I truthfully tell him.

"Okay, that sounds like a good idea," Harry says. We both lay back down and Harry wraps his arm around me, pulling me closer to his side. "Goodnight, Love. I'm right here if you need anything."

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