Chapter 9: The Honeymoon

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Debbie and Fester had gone to Hawaii for their honeymoon. Fester was sitting in the bathtub, with bubbles floating all around him, while Debbie stood by him with romantic music playing on a boom box that was on the floor.

"The key ingredient to a successful Hawaiian honeymoon is, romantic music." Debbie picked up the boom box and started sensually walking around the room.

"I ordered this cassette from Time Life. Five thousand of the worlds most romantic melodies."

"It's superb!" Fester praised. "What do you call this?"

"Number 438." She purred. "So, do you like romantic living?"

"I do, so far." Fester replied.

"I love romantic living! Oh, Fester how much do you love me?" Debbie cried.

"With all my soul." Fester declared.

"Would you do anything for me?!"

"Anything."

"Would you die for me?"

"Yes!"

Debbie gave him a sinister look. "Promise?"

She threw the boom box in the bath and the whole room started flickering. The bulbs around the mirror started exploding, and Fester's screams echoed through the room. Debbie smirked at the sight. Eventually Fester stopped screaming, and the room went dark.

"Pumpkin." Debbie cooed.

A light illuminated the room and Debbie looked down in shock and horror. Fester was sitting in the tub, alive, with a lightbulb in his mouth which he illuminated.

"Muffin!" He muttered, with the bulb still in his mouth.

...

Debbie was sitting in her bed watching tv, when the doors that separated her and Fester's room opened. Debbie looked over and saw Fester entering her room and a look of disgust crossed her face.

"Darling, I know your nervous. So am I!" Fester  told her.

Debbie's voice had an edge to it. "I'm not nervous. I'm upset."

"Because of the bathtub." Fester realized. He tried to grab the remote from her but she held on tight to it. Fester eventually snatched it away from her. "That was an accident!"

"I know."

"I'm fine!"

"I know."

"Don't give it another thought." Fester laid his head down in Debbie's lap. "Don't be frightened. This is as new to me as it is to you."

Debbie sat up a little and Fester sat up with her.

"Have you really never had sex?" Debbie asked.

Fester shook his head. "Never!"

"Well then, how do you know we're not having it right now?"

"Sweetheart. We'll be just like Gomez and Morticia. Pretend we're at home in my room...Granny down the hallway, Lurch by the door."

Debbie let out a heavy sigh. "Oh my god."

"Please, what is it? What do you need?" Fester begged.

Debbie swallowed her dignity and gave him a sensual look.

"Only you, my dearest." She declared and flipped them over so she was now straddling Fester.

"Really?"

"Fester, I'm ready." She announced.

Fester smiled widely.

"Just one thing."

"Gomez told me. No giggling."

"And?"

"No hand puppets!"

"And..."

"What?"

"After we've made love, you can never see your family again." Debbie stated firmly.

Fester frowned and sat up in confusion. "What?"

"Otherwise, I could never really...enjoy myself. I could never...give myself completely."

"Unless I never see my family again?"

"Yes." Debbie confirmed. "If I picture them in our lives, I can never achieve...you know..."

"Never?" Fester asked.

Debbie stroked Fester's chest. "Don't you love me?"

"Of course."

"Don't you want me?"

"Yes..."

Debbie placed a kiss on Fester's lips.

"Never. Stud."

"Woah!" Fester suddenly gasped and huge smile spread across his face, and he laid back down against the pillows.

...

Gomez cracked an egg into a glass and then poured vodka into it.

"It's so odd we haven't heard from Fester and Debbie." Morticia noted.

"It's been almost a week. Hasn't it little fellow?" Gomez asked Pubert. "Look at him. Too much fun at that reception."

Gomez stirred the drink and poured it into a baby bottle and shook it before handing it to Pubert.

"Here, little pup!"

...

Back at Camp Chippewa, Amanda fired an arrow and got a bullseye.

"Excellent Amanda!" Gary and Becky cheered.

"Thank you!" She responded, before handing the bow to Joel.

"Next!"

Joel picked up an arrow and tried to fit it in the bow, but was having a bit of trouble. Meanwhile, Wednesday was in the same line reading a post card that Fester had sent them.

"'Dear, Wednesday, Pugsley, and (Y/n), I love you dearly, but I can never see you again.'"

"Glicker, go!" Gary yelled impatiently.

Joel panicked and threw the arrow at the ground.

"Good try!" Becky said, but she glanced at Gary and they both shook their heads.

Joel handed the bow to Pugsley.

"'When you are grown up and very lonely, you will understand. Love, Uncle Fester.'" Wednesday finished. "He's a dead man."

"Go!" Gary urged Pugsley, and he fired the arrow into the air and hit some thing.

A few seconds later, a bald eagle fell from the sky.

"It's an American Bald Eagle!" Becky realized.

"But aren't they extinct?" Gary asked.

"They are now." (Y/n) muttered.

...

Debbie had gotten off the plane that brought them back from Hawaii and approached a man standing by a Hearse.

"Mrs. Addams?" The man asked.

"Yes!" Debbie confirmed.

"Your hearse ma'am, where is the body?"

"He's right there!" Debbie pointed behind her.

The man looked shocked. "But he's alive!"

"Tell me about it!" She hissed.

Fester walked down the stairs of the plane carrying all the bags.

Debbie approached her car and went to get in the drivers seat, but Fester ran up to her excitedly.

Debbie turned to him, frustrated. "Fester, we may be together for a while."

"All our lives, Cara Mia!"

"What?"

"Mon Cher!"

"Speak English!" She snapped.

"Pumpkin." He replied sheepishly.

"And if I have to be seen with you, we need to make some changes." She insisted.

"Changes?"

Debbie didn't say anything and climbed into the car.

...

Fester was now wearing a white suit and a blonde wig, as Debbie directed the movers that were unloading furniture into their beautiful, large, and expensive house.

"Be careful! It's a credenza! These are beautiful things, they're from catalogues! Fester! Get over here!" She screeched.

Fester scurried over to her.

He scratched his head repeatedly. "It itches." he whined.

"Don't touch it, not until the scab falls off." Debbie instructed.

"Pumpkin, do you think these clothes are really me?"

"Of course not, that's the point."

"Ma'am, where do you want this thing?" A delivery man asked, holding a painting.

"The second floor boudoir. And be careful."

"I'm her husband." Fester told him.

"Fester!" She hissed.

"Gimme a kiss." He requested.

"Gimme a twenty." She retorted. "Watch it! That's a Queen Anne chandelier!" She screamed at one of the workers.

...

"'Hawaii is wonderful, I wish you were here, and I can never see you again! P.S. Debbie says hi.'" Gomez read the postcard that Fester had sent him.

"I don't understand! For weeks not a word, and now this?" Gomez paced the bedroom in confusion.

"Darling, come to bed. He can't be serious." Morticia told him.

Gomez seemed like he didn't hear her. "Have I done something, said something? Why does my brother despise me?"

"He adores you!"

Gomez continued his passionate rant. "I'd do anything for him! At his request, I would rip out my eyes! At his command, I would crawl on my belly through hot coals and broken glass!"

"Why wait?" Morticia purred.

"As Fester gone mad?!" Gomez yelled.

"This is all just some sort of phase. Post-Honeymoon malaise. It's very common. Do you remember our Honeymoon?" She asked.

Gomez smiled. "That glorious cruise."

"No calls."

"No cares."

"No survivors."

Gomez knelt beside her. "Cara Mia!"

"So, you still desire me after all these years?" She fake pouted. "The old ball and chain?"

"Forever!"

Morticia smirked. "I'll get them."

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