Ewan picked me up from the police station, not mum like I'd hoped. Mum might've been proud of me for saving the life of some random girl, like Detective Martin told Ewan he should be of me. But of course, Ewan was a twat, thus my heroic actions were demoted to "being in the wrong place at the wrong time." Which made absolutely no sense. It was my garden, I was out there to do his dirty work! What the illiterate brute clearly meant was 'SHE was in the wrong place at the wrong time." But that would mean putting the blame on someone or something that wasn't me, right?

Ewan wasn't just ignorant of what I'd done, he was a downright prick about it. Even going so far as to tell me I could've done more harm than good and spending a solid twenty minutes of the car drive home growling at me for worrying "his wife." A phrase he used a lot to push me out of HIS family picture, a picture I just didn't fit into.

"Your mother was worried sick and downright furious when she saw you'd not done a damn inch of work on the garden! Then she couldn't find you- I knew it was gonna be that damn tree house that distracted you and I was right of course. I thought you might be a little brighter not to go into a collapsing building without an adult!

"I am an adult!" I snapped. I was sick of listening to him and even though I never usually stood up to Ewan he was doing my tits in this time. I had enough on my mind without him weighing on me.

"You're seventeen so you aren't! Charlie. Do you know what would've happened if that damned tree house had broke? You could've been seriously hurt! Huh? Does an 'adult' go into a hazardous area?"

"That girl would have died if it wasn't for me." I said whilst scowling out the window. I couldn't raise my voice much louder than a mutter. I couldn't even look at him, I was beyond furious. I had more to think about than Ewan's concerns. He always was a selfish prick.

"Yes, and hopefully she's damn grateful. But you still don't go risking your own life for someone else's."

"Just because I'm not an athlete or a soldier doesn't mean I'm incapable of helping people, Ewan."

The sky outside was still black and starless and in the reflection of the window I saw my face. My tired eyes, greasy black hair, the blood on my cheek and forehead from where I'd swiped at the sweat and tears with my blood covered hands. Her blood. The girl who's name I didn't even know, no one did, they'd given her the pseudonym Jane Doe and that's all I knew about her.

The reflection also showed Ewan's eyes trained on me. His brow was furrowed and I'd like to believe it was concern but the way his mouth was opening and closing like a fish, I knew he was really just wanting to berate me again and then thinking better of it. Ewan was an asshole but he didn't like arguments anymore than I did. One factor that kept our relationship relatively peaceful.

My mind kept going over what had happened at the hospital, trying to make sense of it. The police wouldn't tell me anything, but they asked me everything. They wouldn't even tell me or Ewan whether we should be worried or not about a potential killer being out there. All we got was a 'well, you can never be too careful but I wouldn't worry so much.'

I asked if I could see her again at some point, when she was better. The detective didn't look at me when he told me no, it didn't occur to me until then that she may not get better. I'd just assumed that we were here now, we were safe. I didn't ask anymore questions after that, I didn't want anyone to see me blubbering.

The car drive felt like a lifetime, I was too exhausted and I couldn't relax with Ewan around. My mind was a jumbled mess between the girl, the questions and my family. When I finally got inside the house mum just smiled lightly towards me, rubbed my shoulder, kissed my forehead and told me we'd talk after school.

"School?" The word kinda sputtered out automatically. It had been the least of my concerns up until now. Mum looked at me knowingly.

"You got accepted to Cambridge, remember. You have to keep those grades up if you want to go." She chuckled lightly and held me very close for what felt like the first time in a long time. I allowed one of my arms to wrap around her lightly but I didn't want to be too awkward about it. It felt wrong to want a hug from my mum, to want to cry to her, to vent to her about everything I'd seen and heard and said. I bit down on my lip again to stop the frustration from tumbling out before shuffling off to my bedroom. I didn't want to want my mum, I wanted to be an adult, to not need anyone. But I did want her. Sometimes a boy just needs his mum I guess?

I was finally alone, I finally had time to think. I sank down on the edge of my bed and first tried to think of everything that needed to be done before bed for tomorrow. Shower, brush teeth, place clothes in clear plastic bag for police, get school books ready, set alarms, write down everything from last night to give as written statement, get lunch money, ready bus passes, remind mum I've to go to police station after school...

~

I've always had a fairly boring life, the most dramatic part of it used to be my dad but he's been gone for a while now. Ewan pissed me off sure, but he never lingered long in my thoughts. Not like the girl did. She haunted me, she was in my head gasping in pain, her eyes wide in terror like they'd been when I'd pressed down on the gunshot wound. She'd never spoken to me but I could hear the words she wasn't saying.

I jolted and almost fell out of my bed. My body felt gross, wet, sticky and cold with sweat. I managed to stay wide awake for about a minute before exhaustion swept me up again and I practically fainted into sleep. When my alarm went off it was almost impossible for me to open my eyes, it was so painful. But eventually mum managed to get me standing up. She left my bedroom reluctantly, asking me to at least let her drive me to school but I'd told her I wanted to take the bus. I didn't want the tension, the unanswered questions to hang in the air.

I crawled into the bath and soaked in the heat of the water. The steam was therapeutic and cleared my head, waking me up. I let my head fall backwards onto my shoulders and my eyes gaze up at the white ceiling tiles. Soaking in the nothingness.

I didn't want to think, I wanted to relax in here all day. I let my body sink into the water, let my head rest on the side of the bath and opened my eyes.

The water was red. Blood red.

I almost screamed but I couldn't breathe, I kept gasping the air in and choking on it. The water was rippling as my body trembled uncontrollably. I knew it wasn't my blood, I wasn't scared that it was, but as much as that girl wouldn't leave my thoughts nothing jolted me back to that tree house like the sight of blood. My hand grabbed my mum's washroom sponge and flew it to my skin, scratching at every surface I could see was covered in blood. My fingernails were coated and it had dried beneath the nail. I groaned in pain as I tried to pick it out. It was so deep that by the time I was done fresh blood had seeped through.

By the time I gathered the strength to leave the tub it was too late to catch the bus.

I shook off the memories, drained the tub without looking at it and quickly ran my toothbrush over my teeth. I didn't have time to dry my hair but it was short enough so I knew it would dry out quickly. When mum guided me out to her car I found the crisp breeze cutting through me helped waken me a bit, it was almost comforting. I was glad my wet hair amplified it but mum was pretty annoyed and kept insisting I'd 'catch my death.' She stayed mostly silent during the car ride, leaving me to my thoughts. I didn't want to talk about it and I knew when she did start talking she'd insist so I was grateful for that, at the same time not talking meant I was alone to think about it and my mind insisted on thinking about it.

It would have been more beneficial if I'd stayed off school, I couldn't give a toss about any of my classes. Even better, I could barely stay awake during any of them. The teachers who didn't like me very much, for God knows what reason, seemed to revel in my inability to participate and took every opportunity to take the piss out of me in front of the whole class. The bell for lunch sounded but I knew getting out of class wouldn't give me any peace. I couldn't walk down any corridor without a sixth former shoving me and making snide comments.

"Posh twat, you can't even stay awake, can ye Whiddon?" It was the kind of comment I was used to, the kind I dealt with every day for seventeen years. I knew they weren't really personal, it was just 'banter'. Everyone got treated the same, any sign of weakness was capitalised on and as long as you didn't make a fuss no one would remember it the next day. If you did make a fuss you'd get the crap kicked out of you and it wouldn't stop. I'd learned the rules pretty early on so even though people took the 'mick' out of me a lot, I'd do the same any time I got the chance, so for the most part I wasn't bothered. Today was different though.

Today I had to clench my fists and grit my teeth to keep from lashing out. Today, whenever one of those fucking morons dared making any comments they were met with undeniable, seething rage. I barely managed to spit out a, "piss off!" before Niamh grabbed my wrist and dragged me away outside by the bins. Same spot we were in yesterday before all the madness broke out.

"What is wrong with you today? Have you gone full poshy and lost all touch with reality? If you want to get the shit knocked out of you then keep going the way you're going. Just keep in mind you'll end up with a face like Lenny Tozer's." Lenny was one of those kids who never learnt the rules of secondary school banter.

I wanted my mum's attention but I didn't want to talk to her about what was going on. I did want to talk to Niamh about it though. Other girls always claimed they were different but Niamh really was. I'd known her from I was eight and I'd starting fancying her not long after . Before she went through her ugly duckling transition two years ago, Niamh was a flat-chested, sporty, freckly, spotty nobody just like me. Then one summer she'd went off to work for her Uncle's amusement park and came back wearing a 32D sized sports bra (I may have found it in her gym bag). Ever from then Niamh's attention had been divided and my friends Liam and Mike, who previously took the piss out of me for having a girl as a friend, were all of a sudden interested. Niamh stayed close, she still told me things she wouldn't tell others and I did the same, but every day I drove further and further into the friend-zone. Either way I wasn't going to ruin our friendship over my boner, she was my best friend first.

But I didn't know how she would handle this.

"I'm not being a twat, I'm just not in the mood. I had a shit night last night." I wanted her to ask the questions because I didn't know where to start.

"Shit night? What, 'cause of Ewan or the garden thing?" She started lighting up a fag as I crashed my back against the wall.

"I never got started on the fence last night. My tree house was knocked down when I got out there. No one told me either." I paused, trying to build up to the truth of it all but before I could, Niamh was leaning her head on my shoulder with her free hand rubbing my forearm. I stiffened a bit but slowly relaxed into it. It didn't occur to me that Niamh didn't need to hear about some dying girl to understand why today wasn't a good day for me. The tree house was enough for her to understand, which fuelled me to telling her the full story. "It wasn't the storm though."

Her head raised up to look at me but she stayed leaning on my shoulder, "Huh? What 'ya mean?" She took a long drag of her cigarette and studied me with her small green eyes.

I sighed, "The storm didn't destroy my tree house- or, at least I don't think it did. I found someone in there." I glanced down at Niamh but she didn't make a move to speak, her brow was furrowed and she was waiting on me to elaborate. I chewed nervously on my lip not knowing how to tell her, I still hadn't really gone over it in my own head. I'd just vaguely recalled what I could without thinking for the police. "I don't really know what happened but I think some girl had fallen through the roof."

Niamh's expression finally changed as she choked a bit on the smoke. "Oh." She looked at me not the way I'd expected. She just looked surprised, "Not *cough* what I'd expected, to be honest." Her hoarse voice made us both laugh a bit. "So what happened, then? Was she alright? You could sue her parents for the damaged property y'know."

"No it's- it's not like that. She was hurt. Like really hurt. When I first saw her... There was so much blood I thought she was dead!" I wanted Niamh to fill in the blank but when she didn't I managed to spit it out, "She was shot."

"Holy shit." I almost laughed. Most people might be delicate about what happened but Niamh had a brazenness that made me feel more relaxed. She fumbled around for something to say, "I-eh- I don't know what to tell ye? What did you end up doing then? Did you get your mum? Who called the police? Was she alright?" She rambled on but I just continued trying to piece the story together for myself.

"Everyone was out visiting my grandad, I was supposed to clean the garden alone but when I saw the tree house..." I trailed off, a bit upset thinking about it. "I went to go have a look and there she was. All bloody and dead looking. I phoned the ambulance and they patched her up."

"Is that it? Who shot her?" I shook my head.

"I don't know. No one even knows who she is so I don't know anything about it really. I don't know her name, where she comes from, how she got in my tree house. I asked the police if I could see her again but..." I considered telling Niamh about the detectives face when I'd suggested seeing her when she got better. I thought about telling her how at the back of my mind I was afraid that maybe she was dead by now. But I couldn't get the words out of my mouth. "I've to go to the police later to give a statement but I haven't a clue what to tell them. It's just... a bit mad at the minute."

"Sounds it. Well, can't you find out? Y'know, if she's alright and stuff, if they found her family or something?"

"Not really, they won't let me in to see her unless I'm related to her. I mean, I'm sure I'll find out eventually though. It'll probably make the news." I tried to shrug it off but the thought of having to wait gave me a headache. I was pretty freaked out from trying to stop someone from dying and I felt like I had the right to know how the hell she got in that situation to begin with. I felt involved on one side and pushed out on the other, I felt responsible for her still. At least while no one else was there for her.

"I'm sure they'd let the kid who saved her life see her. You should just show up to the hospital and ask!" She shrugged it off so casually, like it was the easiest thing in the world to walk into a hospital and see whoever you want to.

"It doesn't work like that," As much as I loved Niamh, she treated everything like it was nothing, "Her family needs to give explicit permission and I have to go to the police and make a statement after school anyway. I'm sure someone's with her by now anyway." That was a lie, I knew she'd still be alone and lost. The police were just as confused as I were and as long as she was unconscious they weren't going to get many answers.

Niamh crushed the butt of her cigarette against the wall and turned to face me. Her eyebrow was raised like a weapon, "Don't be a pussy." I snorted. "I'm serious!" It was hard to take her seriously when she clearly didn't know what she was talking about. "If you want answers then go find them. What's the worst that'll happen?"

"Oh wow, you're totally right. I never thought of it that way! Not like I could be arrested or anything." I crossed my arms and looked at her, she was acting serious but what she was suggesting was totally ridiculous. She looked as fed up as I felt, but it made me feel guilty for being a sarky prick. "Look, I'm sorry, that was dickish of me. But I can't do it. I can't see it going down very well."

"Well, then," she grabbed her bag and swung it around her shoulder, "Go, or don't. Either way stop fucking moping and trying to get your teeth kicked in." She strode off, leaving me feeling pretty pathetic, alone and still as pissed and confused as before.

The bell rang for fifth period but I stayed outside, staring at the open school gates. School would be out in another two hours, then I'd be expected to go to the police station. I was dreading it but also I was hoping I would find out what I wanted to, a part of me knew I wouldn't though. No one was going to tell me anything other than that girl. Jane Doe.

My head was throbbing and the heat in my cheeks was rising. I was angry and frustrated. I was with her, I helped her, I should have a right to see her.

My mind was flurry of thoughts I didn't understand. I didn't know this girl, I had only spent a few hours with her and the whole time she was too busy dying to probably even remember me. That is if she's even alive...

But when I slept, when I day-dreamed, when I let myself think about it for even a second the image of her terrified eyes and that silent scream hit me like a truck, accompanied by the urge to help her. The urge to talk to her and find out what the hell happened.

I was lost in my thoughts but I was driven by my frustrations. I had to know at the very least whether she was alive or dead. Whether I'd done anything good or not.

I'd never skipped school before, partially because I never thought it'd be this easy, but Niamh was right. I either had to go and try to find out what happened or shut up and move on.