I turn up the dial on the radio in the hopes that I can just enjoy this drive and not have to deal with Nico bringing up Danny. I'm able to get as far as turning up the volume, when Nico decides to say something.

"Are we not going to finish our conversation?"

I slump my chin in the palm of my hand and look out the window. The truth is - I'm feeling all kinds of emotions right now. The biggest one involves the realization that Nico is right. I am his. Because I choose to be. I choose to remain stuck in this place with him. This place of me not being able to see past him. My love for Nico is deep, so deep, that it scares me. But he doesn't know it because I keep it from him. And now, I've finally met someone who's piqued my interest. Someone who isn't Nico. And I feel ready to give the attention that I had only given Nico to someone else.

It doesn't bother me that Nico doesn't like it. Some part of me wants him to be jealous; wants him to get angry when another guy talks to me or has his arm around me. What bothers me is that his frustration doesn't come from a place of desire. Nico doesn't want me the way that I want him. It comes from a place of possession. Of him being used to the fact that I'm always around, always available, always his. And someone tampering with that is not okay with him. But I don't know how much longer I can keep things going this way. And I shouldn't have to. I deserve someone who wants me the same way that I want him. And with Danny, that could be a possibility.

"What's there to say?"

"Look, BC, I didn't mean what I said when I said you were mine. I wasn't even thinking when I said it, it just came out."

"Sometimes, it's the things we don't think to say that mean the most."

"So, what are you saying? You think I really believe that you're mine?"

"I think if you do it's because I gave you reason to believe it."

He shakes his head out of confusion. "What does that mean, BC?"

I don't say anything because it's only a matter of seconds until we're pulling into my driveway. "I want to tell you something," I say. "Can we go to the back and talk?"

His usual collected demeanor evaporates and he appears nervous. I'm not used to it - seeing Nico nervous. It's a rarity.

"Why can't you say what you wanna say to me here?"

I don't respond to his question. Instead, I open the door and make my way to the backyard. I know it's only a matter of seconds until Nico follows me.

I take a seat at the wooden circular table, and hear Nico's steps.

"I don't want to sit, Bella," he states, and his tone sounds jumpy, anxious.

"Remember that time your parents were away and you threw that wild party at your house? Your mom specifically told you not to have people over, but you did anyways." Nico doesn't say anything, but the faint smile on his face tells me that he remembers perfectly. "And Brooks got so drunk that he knocked your mom's vase to the floor? The vase that belonged to your grandma."

"To this day, my mom still doesn't know what happened," Nico says. "We did such a shitty job fixing it, but it didn't even matter. We got away with it."

"We didn't get away with it...and she did know."

Bella, Age 14 / Nico, Age 16

"Brooks, you fucking idiot," Nico says as he balls Brooks' button-down shirt in his fists. I know that Nico doesn't mean it. He's just mad because he's going to get into so much trouble from his parents. Besides the fact that he's not supposed to be throwing a party with them vacationing in a different country, Brooks' just destroyed Nico's mom's most prized possession: a delicate glass vase that was passed down to her from Nico's grandma. 

"Nico," I mutter, hoping that the urgency in my tone will get him to ease up.

"Don't even think about defending him, Bella," Nico reads my mind and says, and even though he's too busy glaring at Brooks, I know he's being serious towards me.

"He didn't mean to do it...he's drunk," I continue.

"Bella...," he warns me again, but I put my hand on his shoulder. That's when his muscles finally decompress, and he releases Brooks from his grip.

"I'm sorry, man," Brooks whispers, but Nico doesn't answer him.

"I want everyone out. NOW," Nico shouts, and everyone immediately disperses.

The next day, I accompanied Nico to this repair shop to get the vase fixed. The guy wanted $1,000. His reasoning was that the thing was in shambles, so they'd basically have to reassemble it from scratch. Long story short, Nico handed him the $1K, but when we got it back, you could tell that the vase just wasn't the same. Nico tried arguing with the guy, but there was nothing we could do unless we found the exact same vase...which we tried, and failed at.

Nico had texted me a few days after his parents got back, letting me know that his mom had no idea that there was something different about the vase. We figured that if she hadn't said anything by then, we were in the clear.

Or so I thought.

The next day, Gillian Bradford rang my grandma's doorbell.

"Hi, Mrs. Bradford. Nico's not here," I blurted out, assuming that's why she was here.

"I'm not here to see Nico," she said. "I'm here to ask you a question."

Gillian had asked me for the truth. She was confident that something had happened to the vase, but she didn't know what. She knew that if she confronted Nico, he would have made up some lavish lie. So, she came to me instead. But rather than be honest, I lied. I told her that I had been over for the day and accidentally backed into it. She didn't press me for answers, and accepted my fib as is because she trusted me.

I'm not a liar, I hate when people lie, and even though my actions had made me a hypocrite, I felt the need to cover for Nico. I knew how much trouble he would've gotten in if Gillian discovered the truth, and I didn't want that to happen, so I took the blame and promised myself that Nico could never know because, if he did, he wouldn't allow me to take the fall.

From that moment on, I knew that Nico held this power over me. This power that he wasn't aware of, but that I had allowed him to have. And I hated myself for it. But I also couldn't control it. And I hated that even more.

"Why didn't you tell me that?" Nico asks, kneeling in front of me. I don't fail to notice the way his hands latch onto my arms.

"Because I knew if I did, you would take the blame instead."

"Of course I would've."

"Exactly. And I didn't want that for you. You had so many plans that summer. You and Brooks were doing that big trip to Florence, and I didn't want you to have to miss out on that. We both know your mom would have grounded you for a really long time."

"It's not your job to protect me, BC. If anything, I should be looking out for you."

I shake myself out of his hold and stand up from the chair. "That's the problem, Nico. I feel like I have to protect you."

He stands up and turns around so that we're both facing each other. "I don't understand. Do I make you feel that way?"

I pause for a few seconds, debating in my head whether or not I want to tell the truth. "Yes," I admit. "You still do." Before he can jump in, I clarify what I mean. "But it's not your fault because I know that you're not trying to make me feel that way. The truth is, Nico...I would do anything to protect you - whether you ask for it or not."

He walks up to me so that there's no distance separating us. "And I would do the same for you. You're my best friend." I close my eyes for just a second because I know that what I want to say next is going to be tough. "What? What is it?" he asks.

"I think I'm in love with you."

Nico's reaction immediately shifts. He's no longer relaxed. He's shocked. Like jaw-dropped, eyes-widened shocked.

"Yeah...," I continue. "I know that you weren't expecting to hear that, but I have to start being honest with you. I should've done it a long time ago, but I don't know...I guess a part of me thought that you already knew."

"I didn't," he whispers, but that's all that he says, and I instantly feel regretful for even admitting the truth.

"I don't mean to just throw this at you. I know that you're in a relationship, and I'm not asking you to drop that and choose me. In fact, I think I needed to admit this to you in order to move on."

The second that I say the words 'move on', Nico's shocked expression turns pained.

"What does that mean? 'Move on'?"

"It means that I have to stop falling in love with you when you're falling for someone else."

"I'm not falling for Cara, Bella. We just started seeing each other."

"Whatever it is, Nico, it's not me that you want. And it's okay...you don't have to want me."

"You don't know what I feel or want, BC."

Nico's words catch me off-guard, and for a slight second I find myself questioning if he wants me like I want him. But when he doesn't say anything after that...when he has the chance to explain what he means, but doesn't take it...I use that as confirmation to what I already believe as true. Nico doesn't want me the way that I want him.

"Okay," I give in and say. "But I know what I want in this moment." I walk closer to Nico and wait for him to look at me before continuing. "Nico, I love you. But I think I need to figure out who I am without you being tied to my every thought. And the only way that I can do that is if I give myself the space to do it."

"I don't think you're hearing yourself, Bella. We've known each other since we were little, and you want to give that up...for what? Another guy?"

"I don't want to give up our history. I still want you to be a part of my life and vice versa. I just can't be there for you the way that you're used to me being."

Nico shakes his head. "Why are you doing this? Is it because of Cara? Because, if it is, I'll end things with her. I'll do it right now."

"It's not because of Cara. It's because of me."

I look at him intently, hoping that he sees the meaning behind my eyes.

"Okay, then," he says, clearing his throat, "then if this is what you want, I've got to respect that."

He begins to walk back to the front of the house, but then stops and turns back around to face me. My heart speeds up when I see his mouth open to say something, but then he closes it and proceeds for the driveway, and my heart speeds up even more.

I think I just made a mistake.