Session 19

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I remembered something.

The world around me was drowning in gasoline. The sky was dotted with chemical clouds drifting like army men, the surrounding air tainted with black smoke which choked me until I wished I could stop breathing.

The ground I lay on was painted with soot, my hand stained black when I attempted to take a good look at it. There was some kind of pain at my side that felt like millions of snakes gnawing their way through my skin and towards my heart.

This was a different kind of memory. Usually I would just be a bystander looking at my past like a kid watching a fight, unsure what to do or what to say. I knew that I wasn't dreaming but I was still sleeping; I just wasn't sure since when. I felt the ache but I wasn't really dying. All I could do was lay still, breathe, and hope for redemption.

But then I heard him.

His familiar voice travelled through the smoke and gas, finding my ears quickly like spotting a firefly in the night sky. My body went rigid, a familiar move it had grown accustomed to. My breathing spiked as his voice came near; slowly, surely.

I felt his hands before I saw his face. My body disconnected from the ground, the scenery around me swimming as I was brought to my feet. We were on a long road; the only thing close to civilization was the obnoxious houses sitting pretty on top of the hill, each one a few miles away from the other.

In the distance, from one of the houses, I swore I saw a shadow.

You okay, Jack?

My eyes were finally able to focus on his face. I recognised the scruffy beard, crooked nose, and hard brown eyes that were peering into mine. It stole my breath longer than it should have and I almost felt my eyes well up with bitter tears. God knew that I had a lot of things to be sorry for, but his death wasn't one of them.

We hit a girl, I found myself saying. The words just seemed to tumble out of my mouth without me having to think them. I saw her. I felt her body against the car. We have to call the cops, Cillian.

He quit looking at me the moment I said that, like he couldn't bear to admit that I was right. Cillian wove my arm around his neck and began to pull me away from the scene in hasty, nervous steps.

You saw nothing, you hear me? He spoke between his teeth, trying to keep the fear at bay. There was no girl; we were never here to begin with. Someone jacked our car and we don't know where it is. That's our story; you stick by it or else I'll have to deal with you too. Now hurry up; someone is bound to see us if we don't move quickly.

I knew better than to mouth off, because I knew I'd get the shit kicked out of me if I did. So no words came out of me as Cillian and I hobbled away from our sin. I wasn't quite sure how to make sense of the whole thing and why I was remembering it then and not before. Nonetheless, my mouth was silent against the terror—not because of what he did, but because of what he would do if I stepped out of line.

I ended up looking back even though I knew I shouldn't have. My eyes caught sight of the overturned silver car burning in its own fire, threatening to explode. Shrapnel littered the roadside in different shapes and sizes, but that wasn't what caught my attention. What held it was the wad of long blonde hair at the front of the car, the rest of the body hidden. Blood pooled around her like a halo, forcing me to look away instead of running over to help.

Cillian wasn't lying when he said I was no different from him. The whole thing still puts a bad taste in my mouth. I hoped to God that I was a better person than what that memory showed me to be, because I would've blown my brains out in seconds if otherwise.

 ***

Trees were moving by the time I opened my eyes again.

I nearly forgot that we had already boarded the bus, the slight panic in me dimming by the time I felt Keenan beside me. His eyes were set straight forward, staring at the head in front of him but his mind didn't seem to be there. I didn't ask him what he was thinking about; we hadn't said more than two words to each other since leaving Lynn behind.

He had left me alone after he said what he needed to back in that bathroom. The room was empty by the time I had stepped out of the shower; there was nothing but a subtle trace of his scent lingering through the air to remind me of his absence.

I never went looking for him, though. I stuffed myself under the cool sheets of the bed made for two, willing myself to sleep so that I didn't have to think about him anymore. The sun I didn't need had peered through the brown curtains by morning, waking me up from a dreamless sleep. So I got up, got ready, and sat out at the porch waiting for him.

Lynn didn't say anything about what I had done. She didn't even ask for me to stay again, because she knew I would've waited half my life for that man if I had to.

I never moved from my spot, not even when Lynn tried offering me something to eat. The morning sun had turned into an afternoon blaze, which soon cooled down into an evening breeze. Don't even ask me why I wasted my time waiting for him, because I wouldn't know how to answer you. I had a million reasons to stay with Lynn and no reason to keep thinking about him.

I could've built a life in that small town and died old and happy, but I knew I couldn't just forget him. Not because I needed him or anything—I'm not for that I can't live without you crap. It was more because I wanted to, rather, and sometimes wanting things kills you more than needing them.

After the stars had come out, I decided to go back in. I took a shower again and fell asleep on an empty stomach. By the time morning came, my sun was already waiting for me.

He never explained where he disappeared to. He didn't seem sour at all; just distant. Lynn drove us in silence all the way to the next town over, where we hopped on a bus towards Rosebay. She told me that she would always be at the same place if I ever changed my mind, but I didn't think I would.

Keenan didn't say anything to me other than you should eat and this bus smells terrible. I was pretty sure he didn't want to mention anything about what he had said before, which was what I expected. I mean, I would've said something if I had the balls to, but you and I both know they're practically non-existent.

Just because I didn't want to talk about it didn't mean the same with his voice, though. I needed that more than ever, because the silence was making me feel more insane than it should have. I needed it to soothe my nerves and remind me that it was okay if I was making the wrong choice. Believe it or not, his voice made me calmer than I thought it would.

If Cillian was still alive kicking dust, he would've beaten me purple 'til I was numb to him. It wouldn't have done much though, because even God knew I would've kissed him again until he started spewing nothing but the truth.

We pulled into Rosebay in about two hours or so. We arrived later than Keenan had expected. I knew he wasn't too happy by the pout of his lips, but he couldn't say anything about it since it was his fault.

The bus didn't even stop by the time Keenan was already up from his seat. Sitting still for hours must've driven him nuts; I knew that he was itching for some sort of excitement to get the shadows in his veins pumping again.

To tell you the truth, I was scared shitless. I tried playing off my anxiety in front of Keenan as I followed him off the bus, but I knew he could smell the fear rolling off of me. I had been holding the impression of a man for the past few hours while I was still a boy. I was always crapping my pants over something, but I only shook that time because I knew what was coming.

Another death on my hands. Spilled blood that I could've prevented. It was all starting to sink in slowly, causing my heart adjust to a familiar ache.

"That's our escort," said Keenan as soon as we stepped outside, pointing to a beautiful woman standing by the doors of the bus station. She situated herself a few feet away from the excited families and spouses waiting for their loved ones. She stuck out like a diamond in a sea of black rocks, her slinky black dress showing all her curves in the right places.

The woman spotted Keenan and I through her large glasses, her plump lips pulling up into a slight smirk. Her long, silky black hair was gathered at one side, showing off her porcelain skin glinting like treasure in the sunlight.

"You're late," she said as soon as we approached, folding her arms over the chest her dress didn't do much of a good job covering. "I came here yesterday as well. You should have sent a message if you weren't going to show up."

Keenan's pout turned into a frown. He walked past her and into the station, leaving us to trail on after him. "Many problems occurred during my trip here, Lorna," he explained slowly, "problems that I normally wouldn't have to face. I picked up a stray in East Eldon."

Lorna removed her glasses to take a good look at me. She had these amazing eyes that I can't quite explain to you; they were brown, but they were filled with something...enchanting.

Damn. These things could kill you.

"Who is he?" Lorna asked.

Keenan looked back at me for split second before shrugging. "I have high interest in him, I guess you could say. He was supposed to be a pet, but now I'm thinking of making him my partner."

"Partner?" Lorna spat out, stopping in her tracks. "You're going to make a human your partner? Do you even understand how much trouble—"

Keenan wheeled on her, gaining stares from passersby. "I reckon you've forgotten who you're talking to," he said under his breath. "I am the son of Dark King; trouble is what I need. So whatever plan you had for me, you include him in it. You hear?"

Lorna's eyes flicked over to me, her voice filling my mind. Trash collecting trash. She pushed away from us both before I could even forge a reaction, heading out the doors. "I don't think it's alright to talk here. I'll give you everything you need back at the hotel."

Keenan fell into step behind her, holding his own scowl. He grabbed my elbow and forced me to follow, leaning close to my ear to mutter, "She's a type of fae called aos sí; they always think they're better than everyone else. Beautiful, but deadly. Don't get near her unless I instruct you to."

I nodded, just because it was the only thing I could do. The bus had already departed and I had no cash left on me.

I was stranded in a place I didn't know with nothing but fae folk guarding me front and back.

 ***

"Violent behaviour?! You marked me as a seventeen year old with violent behaviour?"

Lorna got us a fancy hotel at downtown Rosebay. It was the kind of swanky hotel that had men in uniform waiting to park your car as soon as you entered the premises. There was a big fountain in the lobby with some expensive cherub sitting at the top, its eyes seeming to look past you and into your soul.

You don't belong here. That's what the naked bastard probably would've told me.

The room wasn't any better, by the way. It could've been a goddamn apartment, I'm not kidding you. It had marble floors and antique furniture, fixed with a fireplace and a sofa and a damn flat screen. The goddamn toilet could've been real gold for all I knew. Isn't that a kick? Crapping on real gold.

We had papers scrawled all over the coffee table. Keenan held his fake file in hand, his eyes fleeting through the words.

"The kids leave the group home when they turn eighteen," Lorna explained. "We're not supposed to keep them for more than a few months, but we've bent the rules with special cases. Your client is one of them." She took the paper from his hands. "I chose seventeen just in case you'd have to stay another year."

Year? I thought, my eyes widening at the realisation. I dared not to say anything against it, though. I was already on her bad side; I didn't need to get deeper into it.

"Your client is the sixteen year old Isaac," Lorna continued, handing Keenan a new file. "He's been in and out of the home for a while now due to obscure behaviour and troubles at school. He returned two years ago right after his girlfriend's death."

Keenan asked, "He wants vengeance or something?"

Lorna shrugged. "That's something you have to find out; he won't talk to me or any of the other councillors." She turned to me then. "I'll have to make your own file later on tonight. Considering that you still have missing memories, you will not take mandatory classes. You will be allowed to leave the home for 'therapy', where you will actually be doing the work Keenan can't. Do you think you can handle this?"

"Wait, what do you mean mandatory classes?" Keenan cut in. "Are you trying to tell me that I'll have to sit among kids and learn?"

Lorna simply ignored him, waiting for my answer. I stayed silent for a while, thinking about Isaac and how he'd never reach twenty, the people who would be dragged down with him, and the fact that I had the ability to stop it all.

If you haven't guessed by now, I have a pretty bad conscience. I mean, all people are bad. Hell, even nuns are bad. It's just that some people are smart enough to suppress the bad and pretend they never thought of it.

I don't.

So I said yes, of course, because I'm a fucking bastard. A selfish asshole. A sinner. However, even if you burned me in the depths of hell I would still say yes, because that's just who I am.

That's what Keenan made me.

A/N: aos sí = ees shee. For those of you into Fae folklore, they're also known as the daoine sídhe (deena shee).

Dedicated to halfmoon321 for their tremendous support on this novel. They seem to comment on every chapter, no matter how fucked up it may be xD This is my form of thanks, even though I say thank you in every comment ._. (it's a Canadian thing)


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