"Are you serious?" gulat na sabi ni Issa nang ibunyag ko sa kaniya ang nararamdaman ko para kay Rashid.

I stared at my nude manicured nails. My nails are long and its not fake because I really doesn't cut it too much even before. In usual weekend like this, I'd always come over to Issa's house and invite her for a mall. Since she doesn't have a car, I use mine.

Si Issa ang mas gusto kong kasama sa shopping kumpara sa ibang pinsan ko at kay Shae. They always question things I buy which irritates me but with Issa, she doesn't have a say. Minsan pa'y padamihan kami!

I shrugged, "But I won't ask you for anything. I also don't care if you tell him that, he knows about it."

Namamangha siyang tumitig sa akin habang pinuputulan siya ng buhok. "Sa lahat ba naman.. iyon pa! He doesn't take girls seriously, Gi. All of the girls he had, he just fucked them and leave. That's what he is. Just like Davis.."

"I'm not those girls. If its already clear enough that he doesn't like me, I will just accept it."

"Oh, you can't tell that." she laughed. "I can see how you like him now. What if he took advantage of that? That man may not be as smart as Manzanilla but he is damn cunning!"

Hilaw akong ngumisi. I have to agree. Last night, I almost gave myself. I tried to push him away because I was scared he'd dig me deeper. Nakakatakot maging mundo niya. I sound so hypocrite but that's a big fact for me. He's ruthless, I know. A bad news. Yet I choose to like him.

"And I thought you like smart boys! Ang mga ex mo, puro matatalino. Bakit ka bumagsak doon sa.." iniling niya ang huling banda ng pangungusap niya.

"He's just not studying a lot.." tanggi ko kahit hindi ko naman masyadong alam.

"Oo. Puro tulog at bisyo!"

Damn.

Buo pa din ang loob kong ibigay ang tape recorder kay Rashid. It was Monday when I saw him with his girl classmate and Ruther. Pinagigitnaan siya ng dalawa habang naglalakad. Diretso ang tingin ni Rashid habang ang babae ay nakatingala sa kaniya.

I stood up and went down the bench. Sinundan ko sila hanggang sa library. Gulat akong nagpupunta pala talaga si Rashid sa library kahit papaano. I sneaked inside after they logged their names.

Dumiretso ako sa kabilang book shelve nang makitang pumasok sila sa kabila. Sumiksik ako doon. I pretended to choose books but I'm actually peeking at them at the back of the thick books.

I pulled one. Maalikabok kaya pinagpag ko. Sa gitna ng pagpapagpag ko'y naglebel ang tingin namin ni Rashid mula sa kabila. My eyes slightly widened and his stayed cold and serious. Nasilip kong wala na si Ruther doon at silang dalawa nalang!

"So, uhm.. dadalhin ko na lang sa inyo? Do you practice there with your bandmates?" the girl smiled sweetly at him.

Tamad iyong binalingan ni Rashid. "No. Kukunin ko sa inyo 'yan," he said and looked at me again.

Oh, wow. They know each other's house? While me, ilang taon na akong nagmamatyag pero ni hindi ko alam kung may kapatid 'yan! Meron ba?

Sumipol ako at kunyaring nagbubuklat ng libro. I picked a wrong book. Its an algebra book! Tinitigan ko pa lang ang isang pahina, nanakit na kaagad ang ulo ko. But still, since he liked me being a good girl, I tried to read it atleast.

"Oh, uhm.. okay." the girl shyly said. "I'll cook lasagna for you tomorrow then. Kung gusto mo, gawin na din natin ang huling parte mo sa bahay. I can help you.."

I heard Rashid's slow seductive chuckle. "I don't eat lasagna and no, I don't accept help from pretty girls." hinawi niya ang buhok ng babae.

Malakas ang nagawa kong pagsinghap pero hindi iyon naging kalabit sa dalawa para pansinin ako. I swallowed hard and closed the book soundly. Dumiretso ako sa dulo at humugot ng ibang libro doon.

I gritted my teeth. Why is he so gentle declining other girls while me..

Mahigpit ang hawak ko sa hindi pamilyar na libro. I can't hear them now but it doesn't mend my irritation to what I witnessed.

He's far and the reality is, I can reach him. But he just doesn't want to be reached that's why he always go farther when I'm near.

Matagal ang tingin ko kay Rashid nang makita siyang pumapasok sa shelve kung nasaan ako. Lights are off from this area so its not as bright but we can both clearly see each other. Kita ko ang seryoso niyang mata sa akin.

"Do you know that its rude to eavesdrop?" he asked calmly and stood in front of me.

Sinara ko ang libro. Napatingin siya doon at saglit umangat ang kilay. Nakakabit ang itim na piercing niya sa isang tenga at magulo ang buhok, gaya ng madalas kong makita sa kaniya. My nose welcomed his powerful scent as long as the side of my mouth rise sarcastically and tilted my head.

"Ganoon ba ang mga type mo?" tumaas ang kilay ko. "I'm even prettier than her."

He licked his lips and crossed his arm on his chest. "I don't base on physical appearance, Gianna. Besides, even if you're ten times prettier than her.. nothing will change."

Humugot ako ng buntong hininga at padabog na binuksan ang bag ko. I pulled the box that has my recorded voice inside. I extended my hand to him. Nakatingin lang siya doon at tinaasan ako ng kilay.

"Kung hindi mo 'yan tatanggapin, ipipilit ko pa din hanggang kunin mo." I said.

"You still don't get it, don't you?" kumunot ang noo niya. "Stop doing this. If this is how you play—"

"I'm not playing, Ace. You're the one who doesn't get it. If I was playing then I should've been quitting now because of your insults!"

Nagkatinginan kami at parehong masama iyon. Umangat baba ang dibdib ko dahil sa inis. I know I should've be feeling tired because if I do, that will just make it look like I'm not serious at all. But I can't just deny that I'm not getting tired of his rejection and insults.

He clenched his jaw and grabbed the thing on my hand. Itinaas niya iyon. "If this is something stupid, ibabalik ko ito sayo."

I took a sigh. "Fine. And maybe that's a cue for me to stop."

Tulala ako nang makaalis ako sa library. Ni hindi pa ako nakapag-log out dahil doon. I can't believe it. I mean, I was liking him for years yet I said that. Hindi ko alam. Maybe I was just mad and irritated.

I want to entertain myself so I answered a bit of boys from my messages. Si Julian ang umaangat sa mga nakakatext ko kaya kalaunan, pumayag akong ligawan niya ako. He's one year older than me. At nang payagan ko siyang manligaw ay gusto niya kaagad makipagkita sa akin.

"Oh, I thought you're quitting dating boys, huh?" komento ni Shae habang kwinekwento ko sa kaniya si Juliane nang matapos kami maglunch.

"Pakiramdam ko wala talaga akong pag-asa kay Rashid," I frowned.

"Ngayon mo lang naramdaman?" iling niya sa akin. "Oh, e, paano mo naman nasabi? Did he already slapped you the truth?"

He didn't just slap me the truth, all of the given consequences and reality was slapped on me, too.

"Narealize ko lang.."

She laughed, "I told you so. I'm sure if you asked him for sex, he will not reject you. Paano ba naman kasi, seryosohan naman yata ang gusto mo. Kaya iyan, ayaw!"

I rolled my eyes. "Stop talking about him like that."

"Akala ko ba hindi mo na gusto?"

"I didn’t say that! Wala pa, Shae. Magmomove on pa lang ako! So stop talking about him like that." I frowned harder while she just made a face.

I can't help but to think about my voiced records that I gave him. If he happen to find it stupid— a thing that I know he would, ibabalik niya iyon. I avoided him before but I knew that I was still watching him as he walked pass me. Now, I think it would be impossible. But I want to be optimistic for once.

"Gianna Bryn, we have to talk." mariin na tawag sa akin ni Mommy nang makarating ako sa bahay. Hindi pa ako nakakatapak sa loob ay iyon ang ibinungad niya.

I smiled a bit and kissed her cheek. "Where's Dad, My?"

"Probably out with his mistress, wala akong pakialam!" she said and furrowed her brows at me. "Is it true, Gianna, that you asked your father for a condominium?"

I knew she'd ask me this. Kumurap kurap ako. "Mom, I realized lately that I'm old enough—"

"I know and that's not my point! Aanhin mo ang isang condominium kung may bahay ka namang tutuluyan? And its not even far from your school!"

Nagsialisan ang mga maid sa paligid. My eyes stayed at my furious mother. I didn't know how to explain it to her. My plan about having condominium didn't change at all. Naisip ko ngang mas maayos iyon sa pag-momove on ko kung sakali.

"Uuwi naman po ako tuwing weekend, Mom.."

"How can you do this to me, Gianna? I can't believe you! Alam mong ikaw lang ang tanging inuuwian ko sa pamamahay na ito, iiwan mo pa ako! You and your father are the same! You're not contented with the things you have!"

Namilog ang mata ko. She never compared me with my father and that's unacceptable!

"Mom—"

"You both like something else! Someone else!" she shouted. "If this is what you want then fine. Leave me. I've always been alone all my life, anyway!"

My mouth was left hanging after she had her exit. Tulala ako habang nakatingala sa hagdan kung saan dinaanan iyon ng aking ina. I'm guilty. Hindi ko gusto ang nararamdaman ni Mom. But she was never alone. She had me.. Or its just me who thought that, too?

Dinala ako ng sasakyan ko sa isang madilim na parking lot. I stared at the lights coming from the Redhill. I couldn't sleep. Binabagabag ako ng guilt ko dahil kay Mommy. I want to atleast apologize but she left before I could knock on her. Nag-alala ako pero alam kong madalas naman siyang umaalis at minsan nagpapalipas na ng gabi sa trabaho.

I went out from my car. I looked at my clothes. A white high waisted maong short and a baby pink halter top. I tied my hair in a messy bun as I grabbed my purse.

Ngumiti ako sa bartender nang makuha ang pink cocktail na gusto ko. I made my way on the second floor while adoring my fingernails holding the sexy wine flute. Sinuyod ko ang buong lugar at nilagay ang siko sa railings sa itaas.

The view below was nice. Lights were reflecting on my face while I smiled and stared at couples kissing on the dance floor. Some are making out but still trying to act cool since this bar is really strict when it comes to those.

Sumimsim ako sa cocktail at pinasadahan ng dila ang labi. I just hope I can catch my sleep later!

Tumapat ang mata ko sa nag-iisang lalaki na nasa pulang couch at diretso ang tingin sa akin. Hindi bakas sa mukha ko ang gulat habang nakatitig sa kaniya. His white longsleeve is not properly unbuttoned and his black slacks is spreaded widely. Dalawang siko ang nakaakbay sa couch. Nakatingala sa akin at kita ko ang paggalaw ng bato sa lalamunan niya dahil sa paglunok.

Tinapat ko ang mukha niya sa clear space sa aking cocktail flute. I bit my lips. "Now you're the one who's looking up, Ace.. Paano ba 'yan.."

I sipped on my drink and turned my back. Sumandal ang isang siko ko doon at mariin na tinignan ang walang taong likuran ko. My breath got heavier as I tried to calm them down. I'm moving on.. I tried to recall myself.

Muli ay humarap ako sa pwesto niya nang matapos pakalmahin ang sarili. Kumunot ang noo ko nang makitang wala nang tao doon. I'm not yet drunk, I'm sure Ace was there a while ago.

I was in the middle of craning my neck when a hand gripped the railings beside me. Gigilid sana ako dahil sa gulat nang mabunggo ng braso ko ang kabila pa. My heart raced as I stared the both manly hands that is tightly gripping both sides. Maugat at lalaking lalaki iyon.

A soft growl was heard on my ear as his breath brushed my hair and I felt like he almost sniffed it. Tinagilid ko ang mukha ko. White longsleeve shirt and the scent. Damn it.

"Sinong hinahanap mo.." malambing na tono niya sa tenga ko. Heat from his body was felt at my back. It gave me chills.

"Have you heard my message?" pambabaliwala ko sa kumakalabog na puso ko. "You said you didn't understand my letters that's why I recorded my voice instead."

He hummed the song that is played by the DJ. Lumitaw ang mukha niya sa gilid ko. Napaatras ako kaagad. His sharp jaw will surely kill me but I'm not declining. Nagkatinginan kami. His eyes drew my eyes, nose until it reached my lips.

He licked his lips, "How 'bout.. do it live?"

"Hmm?"

He moved closer to my ear. "Tell me about it live.."

Kumunot ang noo ko at tinulak siya dahil naamoy ko ang malakas na alak sa bibig niya. I faced him, this time. It wasn't a good move. Iningatan kong hindi maitapon ang cocktail na hawak ko. He leaned closer to me, this time. And by that time, I realized that it was actually a good move!

"Are you drunk?" tanong ko sa antok niyang mga mata.

He laughed. He placed his two fingers on his lips and gestured him smoking cigarette. Tumagilid ang mukha ko at hindi siya naintindihan. He looks drunk based on how his breath smells.

"You want to smoke?" I tried to figure out what he gestured.

He bit his lips and looked at me with pure amusement. "Inosente.." he shook his head and laughed.

I frowned, "What is it? You want to smoke?"

"I said, I'm drunk, yes and I smoked.." he gestured again. "But not a cigar."

My mouth opened widely. "Weeds?!"

He leaned closer to me until he reached my ear. He hushed me and gave a slow rough chuckle on my ear. I'm now facing his shoulders. If someone saw us right now, they might tell we're hugging or what.

Tinapik ko ang braso niya at inilayo ang cocktail para hindi matapon. "Rashid, you're fucking high."

"Uh-hmm.." his cheeks touched mine. "What? Are you turned off? You find me disgusting for doing something illegal. Well, I tell you this, Gianna.. I do drugs, too. So you, little girl.. you're entering a hell not a heaven just like what you want."

Umatras siya at nagkatinginan kami. Coldness of his eyes froze me completely aside from what I heard. Umangat ba ang dibdib ko sa gulat sa nalaman ko. He smirked when he saw it on my face. Kinuha niya ang cocktail at inisang inom. He didn't even grimace or reacted when he drank it.

He clenched his jaw. "Ano? Takot ka sa'kin?"

Kumunot ang noo ko, "Why do you do that?"

"Because I'm not as saint as you think. This is my life. Ang buhay na gusto mong pasukin." he gritted his teeth. "Now, I test you, Gianna. If I happen to like you.. kaya mo ba?"

I honestly didn't know what to say. Nakatitig lang ako kay Rashid na tila hirap na hirap siyang intindihin. His aura is really screaming hell. He's right, he's not a saint but a devil. The devil that I've been coaxing for too long.

"Hindi mo kaya.." he smiled without any humor in it. "Duwag ka, Gianna. You've been admitting that you like me without a hesitation but the truth is, you're a recreant. You're the trap between us. You want me to chase you back just so you could feel the satisfaction and turn me down."

Umiling ako. "I'm.. not! I like you, Rashid. And I've been serious about that!"

"Talaga? Between me and your boys, who are you playing with?"

Nabigla ako sa tanong niya. His hand lifted up and touched my cheek. Pumikit ako sa hawak niya at halos kapusin sa hininga. Goosebumps was felt at my back because of his single touch.

"Hmm, Gianna?" malambing na tanong niya. "Because I don't understand. You said you like me yet you date boys who isn't me.."

Dumilat ako at nahuli ko ang mata niyang nakatitig sa labi ko. A devilish smirk painted on his lips. Taliwas ang malamig niyang mata sa ngisi na pinapakita ng labi niya.

Suminghap ako nang haplusin niya ang braso ko. "I'm sorry.."

Ngumuso siya. "What's my name?"

I licked my lips. "Ace.."

He nodded. "Sounds good when it comes from you.." ginapang niya ang kamay ko.

My cold hands was embraced by his. Kinagat ko ang labi ko at pumikit.

"Gigi.."

"What?"

He let out a rough chuckle. "Nothing.."

And I knew, my life will never be normal again. He brought me hell and decided to make me his queen.