Wala akong gana hanggang umuwi. I was already feeling motion sickness until I get back at the hotel. Hindi na ako inabala nila Cassandra marahil alam nilang pareho kung bakit ako ganito. They ordered me food and left me alone in the hotel room. Nakatulog ako kaagad matapos kumain ng dinner.

Nagising ako dahil bumabaliktad na ang sikmura ko. I rushed to the bathroom to puke. Naluha ako sa kakasuka. Tulala ako sa salamin matapos buhusan ang mukha ko ng maligamgam na tubig.

Damn it. I thought I almost threw everything out. I didn't drink last night. Pero naalala kong hindi masyadong maganda ang pakiramdam ko. I touched my forehead to check my temperature. It was fine.

I went back to my bed after a few minutes. Tumunog ang cellphone ko at nakita kong si Reign iyon.

From : Reign

Hindi ka na namin ginising. Just go downstairs if you're hungry. Text me if there's something wrong.

I sighed. Now, I'm all alone. Well, that's fine. Iyon naman ang sadya ko ngayon. At least I can have my time alone to think about everything and sort it out.

Lumabas ako para magbreakfast. I was craving for pancake but then when I saw the rice meal, I ordered it. Madalas ay hindi ako nag-kakanin sa umaga pero nagugutom ako.

I finished my meal quickly. I decided to take a dip since I haven't tried swimming these past few days. Umakyat akong muli para magbihis. I wore a yellow stringed bikini under my black long cardigan.

Pumwesto ako sa dalampasigan na malayo sa tao. I wore a sunglasses to hide some of my face. Naglatag ako ng mantel sa silong kung sakaling humapdi ang balat ko. I took off my cardigan and walked through the water.

Hindi masyadong tirik ang araw kahit halos tanghali na. Hula ko ay uulan pa mamayang hapon. It's such a waste. Gusto ko sanang maglakad lakad ngayong gabi.

Bumalik ako sa silong nang mainitan. I felt thirsty so I looked for a neat cafe or a place to at least drink. I stopped in front of a beachside bistro. Didiretso na sana ako papasok nang makita ko ang isang lalaking nakaupo sa labas at may kausap sa cellphone.

What the hell?

Rashid was wearing a black polo shirt and it was opened widely and a dark maong shorts. His black shades were reflecting the ray of the sun. He licked his lips and nodded to whatever his caller said.

"I'll send you, Elizabeth." I heard him say.

Umangat ang tenga ko doon. Matalim ko siyang tinignan at nagmartsa sa katabing lamesa.

Naupo ako doon at kunyaring hindi siya napansin. He looked so fresh with his beach attire. At the same time, he looks like he smells really good. Habang ako ay basa ang panloob at medyo nababasa na din ang cardigan ko.

The waiter approached me. Kita ko ang pagbaba ni Rashid sa cellphone at tinignan ako. I smiled at the waiter.

"Watermelon juice, please." I said.

"Ah, shake lang po available na watermelon, Miss."

My mouth went round. "Oh. Is that so?"

"Opo."

"Sige, iyon na lang.."

Sinundan ko ng tingin ang waiter. I kept my smile on my lips as I watched him walk away. Tsaka lang iyon napawi nang si Rashid naman ang tinignan ko. I gritted my teeth when I found him shamelessly looking at my gaze.

I raised my eyebrow. "What are you still doing here?"

He stood up and without my permission, he sat down in front of me. "This is not your place, Gianna. Hindi mo ako mapapaalis."

"Hindi mo talaga ako tatantanan?"

"No." he glared at me. "Not until you give me a reason."

Umirap ako. "Hindi pa ba sapat na gusto kong mapag-isa, Rashid?"

"Why?" he frowned. "Isn't those years enough, Gianna? You were alone for too long. I fucking waited for you. Now what? Gusto mo ulit mapag-isa. That's not going to happen.. not this time. I want my time with you, Gianna."

My breath shaked as I inhaled them together with his packed-up words.

"You're not my boyfriend."

I pushed his trigger button. Umigting ang panga niya. "I am."

Umirap ako. "You're not. Hindi mo ako pagmamay-ari, Añonuevo. You can't just ask for my time that easy."

This man thinks he can do whatever he wants. If he thought that I'm the same Gianna, who is submissive and willing to do anything for him, well he's wrong. I burnt that Gianna down. I pity her so fucking much.

"You're still my girlfriend whatever happens."

Suminghap ako. "At ano? Ikaw lang nagcoconclude niyan? Ikaw lang may alam niyan?"

"We both know that, Gianna." he clenched his jaw.

Ang kapal talaga ng mukha niya. How does he demand for that when in the first place, I am not his girlfriend. Who would ever think of someone their property and demand for something so inappropriate?

Dumating ang inorder ko. Napawi ang usapan namin dahil doon. He remained on my seat while I drink it up. I wasn't so much thirsty but I almost drank half of it.

Tumayo ako nang matapos. He stood up, too. Alistong alisto na tila ba isang kurap lang ay magkakanda-dapa dapa ako para lang makatakas sa kaniya.

"Saan ka pupunta?"

"Sa kabilang isla!" I shouted as I walked away from him.

Panay ang lakad ko palayo sa kaniya. Kita ko sa mga salamin ng shop ay nasa likod ko siya, nakapamulsa at pinapanood akong galit na humahakbang sa buhangin.

Huminto ako sa dalampasigan nang mapagod ako. The wind was getting stronger. I couldn't fix my cardigan and my hair at the same time. Hirap na hirap akong itali ang cardigan ko. I stopped when someone touched my hair.

Sinikop ni Rashid ang buhok ko. I tied up my cardigan before I grabbed my hair alone. May hair tie naman ako kaya naitali ko iyon kaagad.

"Did you have you lunch?" he asked behind me.

Umiling ako habang nakatingin sa mga bangka sa malayuan. If I had my camera with me, I should've been taking numerous photos now.

Nilingon ko siya. "How did you know I'm here?"

"Internet."

Pinanliitan ko siya ng mata. "Wala ka bang trabaho? Elizabeth? Your parents?"

"I can work through phone and my parents are not my concerns." he tilted his face and raised his eyebrow. "What about Elizabeth, Gianna?"

I removed my shades and glared at him. "Wala! Malay ko! Wala akong pakialam!"

"Uh-hmm?" masuyo niyang sabi at hinawakan ang braso ko. "You could easily shout that you're jealous before, Gianna. Nasaan ang tapang mo ngayon.."

Tinulak ko siya. "Ang kapal mo! Hindi ako nagseselos! Ano? Gwapo ka ba?" I ridiculously laughed.

"It's just jealousy, Gianna. I would tell you if I'm jealous."

"Hindi nga!" I shouted. "I'm hungry! I'll eat at my suite. H'wag mong balaking sundan ako!"

I marched like a mad child. I scolded myself in the moment I was walking away from him. Pahalata masyado, Gianna.

I ate in my suite and spend my time with my bed. Gladly, hindi ako sinundan ni Rashid. He might have realized that he's here for nothing. Tama 'yan, Añonuevo. Umuwi ka na lang doon. You don't deserve to be with me, anyway.

I eventually slept after eating. Hindi na ako tuluyang nakabangon nang magising ako dahil sa hilo. I hugged my pillow and tamed the headache until I slept again.

"No.. no.." I murmured as I rushed to the bathroom this morning.

Dumuwal ako at halos yakapin ko na ang bowl para lang may makapitan. I coughed and flashed the toilet. Pulang pula ang mukha ko nang makita ko sa salamin. Nagmumog ako ng tubig at naghilamos.

I stared blankly at the flowing water. What the heck? Am I sick?

Tumuwid ako ng tayo at sinubukang iiling ang ulo ko kung sakaling maramdaman ang sakit ng ulo. But there's nothing. I'm probably just stressed out.

I took a bath and wore a yellow sunny dress. Today, I feel like going to just wander around the hotel. Cassandra said that their jacuzzi at the rooftop pool is nice. Bumaba muna ako para magbreakfast.

I ordered a rice porridge meal and hot chocolate today because of my nausea. Unang subo ko pa lang ay muntik ko nang mailuwa dahil sa biglang umupo sa harapan ko.

Rashid placed his meal in front of me. Kumunot ako ng noo at sumimsim sa maligamgam na tubig.

"I didn't tell you to sit."

He stared at my food. "Are you okay?"

"No."

"Headache?"

"Oo dahil sayo."

He clenched his jaw and didn't talk. Sumandal siya sa upuan at tumitig sa akin. I didn't mind him since I'm hungry and the porridge is what I see right now. He called a waiter. Mukhang umo-order siya kaya hindi ko pinakialaman.

I sipped on my chocolate drink. He played with his fork after taking a bite of his ham.

"Did you drink last night?"

Umiling ako. "I'm trying to avoid alcohol since I couldn't go to gym."

The waiter came and placed a tablets of medicine on the table. Huminto ako sa pagkain at nilingon si Rashid.

"Thanks." he said to the waiter and turned to me. "Drink this after you eat."

Binasa niya isa-isa ang mga tableta. I was left stunned. Lumunok ako at tipid na kumain. Pinanood ko siyang basahin isa isa ang mga iyon, parang pumipili pa. When he read all of those, he handed me one.

"Kailan ka uuwi?" I asked.

"Kailan ka ba uuwi?"

I glared at him. "Don't tell me you're not leaving without me, Añonuevo?"

Ngumuso siya pata itago ang ngisi. His biceps flexed the way he crossed his arms on his chest. I looked around and saw some eyes on me. I didn't care if they saw me with a man. I bet they're not even looking at me. Ang ibang mata ay nasa kasama ko!

"Not without my Añonuevo."

Tumambol ang puso ko. My eyes slightly widened. Uminit ang pisngi ko kasabay ng pagtingin ko sa pagkain na hindi na naubos. I was too moved by him that I didn't finish my meal anymore. Sumimsim na ako sa tubig.

"Medicine.." he said.

I shook my head. "It's okay. This could be just something."

"Still, Gianna. It will help you."

"I'm not sick Rashid. I was just stressed because you came out of nowhere. Iyon lang."

Tumayo ako nang matapos iligpit ang pagkain. He stood up, too.

"Saan ka pupunta?"

"Magbabangka." barumbado kong sagot bago tumalikod.

I thought I was also joking but when I saw the boats from the seaside, I immediately had my interests. Rashid was calling me while I walked towards the men with their boats. Nakahilera pa doon ang mga bangka at inaayos ng mga lalaking mukhang sila ang may-ari.

"Gianna.." he held my elbows. "You can't ride that. It's shaky, mahihilo ka pa."

"Kuya, magkano?" I asked the fishermen without looking at Rashid.

The fishermen said the price. 500 for an hour. I asked for discounts jokingly so he actually gave me a discount. 400 for an hour. I clapped because of excitement. Nilingon ko si Rashid na nanatiling nakatingin sa akin.

"I'm coming with you." he whispered behind me.

Umirap ako. "Then, you pay."

Sumakay ako sa bangka. Nakahawak si Rashid sa baywang ko hanggang sa makaupo ako. He was right when he said it was shaky. Humawak ako sa matibay niyang braso. He held me tighter and pulled me closer.

"Do you know how to swim?" I nervously asked him when the boat started. Nawindang ako sa bilis ng takbo.

He chuckled and leaned his face beside my ear. "I got you, Gianna."

I wasn't comfortable during the ride. Sumasabog ang buhok ko na nagpapairita sa akin at ang palda ko ay umaangat. He held the rim of my dress and pinned it down with his one hand. Sinikop ko naman ang buhok ko at inilalim sa strap ng bikini top ko. And yes, I wore a bikini.

"Look!" I shouted and pointed at the island were heading.

He nodded and held my hand to point a cave beside it. Suminghap ako at nawili sa mga nakikita. I don't like beaches because I don't know how to swim and I almost once. But seeing this beautiful view in front of me, it sents me different perspectives.

Sinalo ako ni Rashid pagbaba. Kakaunti ang turista dahil madilim ang kalangitan. Ako lang yata ang matapang na sinalubong ang panahon. Well, I think its fine since the fishermen let me.

"I'll hold your hand," he said while taking me to the white sand. Hinayaan ko siya.

Nilingon ko siya habang inaalalayan ako. He held me so careful that he doesn't care if he steps something just so I'm safe. I intertwined our fingers. He stopped because of what I did. Kaya inalis ko.

I smiled when I got to the sand. Binitawan ko ang kamay niya. He was still stunned and looking at my hand. Umigting ang panga niya at kinuha muli ang kamay ko.

"Where do you want to go?" he asked.

I bit my lips. Nothing's wrong, Gianna.. Walang mali sa ginagawa mo. Enjoy this moment.. this might be the last one.

Tinuro ko ang kweba na nakita niya kanina. He nodded and took me there.

Palihim akong ngumiti habang hawak hawak niya ang kamay ko. His hand was too large for mine. Umiihip ang hangin at hinahampas siya nito. His fresh light blue polo is almost being taken away. I stared at his side profile.

I have no doubts why Elizabeth is so crazy over him. No wonder why they mostly described him as a greek god who came down from the heavenly realm. I mean.. look at him, he's more than those handsome models I've met.

Naupo ako sa batong malaki sa loob ng kweba. He never let go of my hands. He squatted in front of me. Umiwas ako ng tingin at dumapo sa malawak na karagatan sa harapan namin.

He caress my hand. "Am I asking you too much, Gianna?"

My eyes stayed on him. Nakatitig siya sa kamay ko na tila ba naroon ang kausap niya at hindi ako. I saw him swallowing hard.

"If I say I want to be with you always.. Is that too much to ask?" he looked at me. "Kung ayaw mong lagi, pwedeng kahit minsan lang.. kung anong kaya mong ibigay."

Hinaplos ang puso ko sa halos bulong na boses niya. I have always been so soft when it comes to Rashid begging in front of me. Right now, all I feel is guilt. The guilt of making him feel like this. Na kahit kaya ko naman.. na kahit gusto ko naman, hindi ko kayang ibigay dahil lang hindi maaari.

"Ayos lang sa akin. If you want to not see me some other days, I'd do that. If you don't want me to text you because it bothers you, I'd do that.. Ayaw mong nagagalit ako tuwing nagseselos ako, sige, Gi.."

"Rashid.."

"Just don't get tired of me." namaos ang boses niya. "I'm trying my best to earn you. I don't care if it takes half a lifetime. Ginagawa ko ang lahat, Gianna.. Please, just don't get tired of me."

I held his arms. Umangat ang tingin niya sa akin. Little hopes was all over his eyes. Kinagat ko ang labi ko.

"I'm not tired of you, Rashid." I shook my head. "I'm sorry if you think that way."

"Then, what it is, Gianna? Was I too fast? Is there something wrong? Tell me.."

"It's just that.." I swallowed hard. "The life that we have right now is different from what we had before. Everything is different now, Rashid."

Kumunot ang noo niya.

He searched for my waist. "We're not trying to be what we are before, Gianna. We can't live forever staying that way. Baby, you have me in different ways of life.."

"But you're still in the circle of the people who used to hurt me, Rashid. Who hurt us."

Namungay ang mga mata niya. "Is that your worry, Gianna? You still don't trust me until now?"

My eyes slightly widened. I almost heard his hurts through his voice. Hindi ako nakapagsalita.

No. Baby, no..

"I understand, Gianna." he nodded and looked away from me. "Sa bangka lang ako.."

Dahan dahan siyang tumayo at iniwan ang kamay ko.

Nahulog ang puso ko. Pain stabs my chest as I watched him walk back at me. For how many times I've walked out away from him, left him too many times.. I finally know how he felt. I finally know why he couldn't let me out of his sight. Nag-init ang sulok ng mata ko.

He turned his back and walked away.

I stood up. Tears flowed continuously from my eyes. Humakbang ako ng isa at sinubukang tawagin siya pero hindi ko magawa.

"Rashid.." my voice weakened. "Sandali!"

Nanlaki ang mata ko nang patuloy pa din siyang naglakad na para bang walang naririnig mula sa akin. I panicked and ran towards him. I was too eager to get him that I hugged his back.

I burst my tears on his back. He stopped and froze. Humikbi ako habang nakayakap sa likod niya. My hands were strong to keep him between my hold.

"I'm sorry," I cried. "Kasalanan ko. I was too selfish to think that it was only me who is hurting and lonely. I believed that all of the people around me was fake and deceiving. I didn't let myself fall into you when it was obvious that I was.. already.. again. And if there's a person I should put my, its always been you. Because you did everything for me.."

Pumikit ako ng mariin nang hindi siya magsalita. "H'wag mo akong iwan.. I know I was wrong. I was too rude. I'm just scared to love you so hard that I'll end up losing myself again."

"What did you say?" he removed my hold.

Hinarap niya ako. Malamig ang mga mata niya na nakatitig sa akin.

My face was all red. Hawak niya ang magkabilang braso ko at medyo nakayuko para titigan ako. He gazed at my face seriously like he heard a very serious matter than he wouldn't want to slip away.

"Huh?"

"To love who?"

I blinked twice. "What?"

"Stop playing with me," he clenched my jaw and pulled my waist. "Who's in love with who, Gianna?"

I swallowed hard. As I looked into his eyes, I knew I'd be ready to dive deeper into his soul and tie myself down with him. Because of all the people, its always him who stayed beside me. And I'm willing to invade hell just to stay with him, too, in return.

I tiptoed and smiled, "I'm in love with you, Rashid. Always have been and always be.".. and kissed him.