I couldn't sleep. My eyes are closed but my brain is fully functioning. Niyakap ko ang sarili ko sa gitna ng dilim ng kwarto ko. Ilang oras akong ganito.. hindi makatulog.

I never think that my life has ever been easy. That the universe has ever been easy to me. Awa ang nararamdaman ko kapag iniisip ko ang pinagdaanan ko. I lost myself just after I lost my mother. I couldn't forget what I wished that time. I wished for my Mom to take me with her to the other side.

And after that, I woke up in a new world. Depression and anxiety was the first thing I faced. I thought it was all done.. but I was wrong.

Rashid is as powerful as he is even before. The difference is, he got everything now. Naalala ko pa dati, he told me that he had to earn the money he got from his gigs just so he can have his allowance. To think that his family is rich, I was amazed.

Despite of his bad activities before, he proved that he is more than that. I must say, genuinely, that he deserves what he has right now.

Iyon lang, sinusubukan niyang lokohin ang ama ko para pabagsakin. At kapag bumagsak, siya ang aangkin at ibibigay sa akin. He is so damn unbelievable. He planned all of this all along.

He admitted he is following me for the last three years. Pati ang pagkuha niya sa akin sa kumpanya niya, planado. I knew it. He is a monkey.

Maaga akong nagising sa kagustuhan kong h'wag makita si Rashid sa bahay. I'm really desperate to get my house so I could get away from here. Karga karga ko ang itim na Balenciaga bag habang maingat na bumababa sa hagdan.

Napamura ako nang makita ko si Rashid na nasa lamesa at kaharap ang kape at laptop. Gosh, its 5 AM! Did he sleep here?

"Breakfast?" he stood up.

Umiling ako. "Kakain ako sa venue."

"Where is your venue?" nakatalikod na ako nang habulin niya ako ng tanong.

Oh, come on. Why is he asking?

"Bakit? Pupunta ka?" iritadong hamon ko sa kaniya.

He pursed his lips. "I just want to know.."

"Mind your own business, Añonuevo."

Tumalikod ako at umalis. I gritted my teeth remembering what he meant last night. Do not fucking fool me, Rashid. I will not let myself fall for your traps again.

I arrived at the venue shortly. Reign was already there with Cassandra. Kaagad akong dinaluhan ng Cass ng mahigpit na yakap at pag-aaya sa mga lakad niya. Kaya naman iritado na naman si Reign dahil doon. Nagkatinginan kami ni Cass at sabay pabirong sumimangot. Gosh, I want to go to bar!

"I'll take care of her Reign, ano ka ba!" pagpupumilit ni Cassandra.

"You'll both get wasted. I'm warning you, Cassandra." she glared at my cousin.

"Postpone your schedule, then. Samahan mo kami para mapanatag ka." panunuya ko.

"Oh, she can't. Boylet ang schedule niya."

Namilog ng pabiro ang mata ko. Kita ko ang pamumula ng mukha ni Reign sa irita sabay lingon kay Cassandra na matamis ang ngiti. Tumawa ako.

Reign is older than us. Isang taon din ang agwat ng edad namin ni Cassandra, she's older. But we don't look at each other by ages.

Hanggang matapos ang shoot, nandoon si Cass at nakaaligid kay Reign para kulitin. Lumapit ako nang makapagbihis na. Issa texted me and she said she wants to meet me so I agreed. Lunch na din naman at wala akong lakad.

"Fine!" Reign gave up and sighed. "VIP room for the both of you."

"Ano? How can we dance?"

"Hindi pwede si Gian makihalubilo. Come on, I'm so stressed with her issues, enough of it!"

Ngumiwi ako. "Okay, whatever. I just want to drink anyway."

"Do not get too much drunk, Gianna, please." banta ng manager ko sa akin. "I'll get you a bodyguard soon, gosh."

"Trust me, Reign! Ako ang bahala!" pagmamalaki ni Cass at lumapit sa akin para magplano na.

We both parted ways after the shooting. Magpapahinga raw sila pareho ngayon. I promised Cass about our plans later. Dumiretso ako sa lakad ko ngayon.

Sa isang restaurant ang pinili ni Issa. I saw that it was a very expansive restaurant. Walang halos tao sa loob. Nakita ko kaagad si Issa sa sulok na kumakaway sa akin.

I smiled and sat. "Sorry, traffic papunta dito."

"Okay lang, ano ka ba." she giggled. "I already ordered our food, anyway. I picked a salad for you. Feeling ko kasi on diet ka."

"Thanks."

We greeted each other. Nasabi niyang galing siya sa opisina at lunch time niya lang. The food arrived immediately so we both started eating casually.

Tumikhim siya. "I heard Tito's planning to move out."

Minabuti ko ang pag-nguya bago sagutin siya. I knew she would ask this thing. I've always liked to open up to her since she's really good in advices and listening.

"I guess he likes his family more.." hilaw akong tumawa. "You see, I gave him a choice. He could stay in our house but he doesn't want that."

Nalungkot ang mukha niya. "I'm sorry that you have to experience this, Gi. I'm very worried about you. Tuwing nasa abroad ako at binibisita kita, hindi ko masabi ang alala ko."

It's true. Whenever she's there, I always notice how much she wants to ask me many things but she just don't want to bother me. I appreciated that she's really checking me up everytime and making me feel that I'm not alone.

"It's okay, Issa. Our relatives and your parents are always been there for me when no one was. I'm thankful for all of you.."

She nodded. "I know it's still hard, Gianna. Tito is really hard-headed. Ayaw makinig kahit kila Dad! The Rebecca woman is definitely a snob, ewan ko ba! Manang mana iyong anak niya. I really thank god Tito's not bringing them to our family gathering, talagang maghahasik ako ng lagim."

"They'll get what they deserve, Issa."

"Yes and I hope that's soon. Hindi talaga ako mapakali. Gosh, I remember her in my college days. She's trying to friend me but thank goodness I was snob and I really didn't like her at all!"

Natawa ako. "She's a cousin of my ex-best friend."

She gasped. "Shae, right? Oh, yeah! I remember her. I saw her on your London fashion show."

Napawi ang ngiti ko sa sinabi niya.

I tilted my head. "Really.."

"Yes! I forgot to greet her, mukhang hindi na ako kilala." she smiled. "So, anyway, how are you and Rashid?"

Hindi ako kaagad nakasagot. Kung may pagkain man sa bibig ko ay kanina ko na naibuga. I grabbed the iced tea on my side. Sumimsim ako habang nakangisi siyang nag-aantay ng sagot ko.

"I'll leave the house once I settled my problems." defensive na sabi ko kahit hindi naman iyon ang tanong niya.

"I hope he's not making you uncomfortable. Pagsasabihan ko talaga 'yon.."

"Hindi naman.." ngumiwi ako. "We're civil to each other."

What we had is not even civil. I don't know why I'm answering Issa's questions the way I answer interviews! Para akong nasa hot-seat.

"Ah.." she nodded. "Nagtataka din ako d'yan sa Añonuevo na 'yan, e. He's rich yet he can't even buy a house. Talagang nakihati pa sayo!"

"Ako naman talaga ang nakihati. That's fine."

"I think it's just weird. He can offer you other houses in his village. Mas kikita pa siya doon kaysa sa renta lang."

"I would also just get a property from his village but it's all taken so I had no choice."

"Ha?" kumunot ang noo niya at natatawa. "All taken? But my colleague is meeting up with him today about getting a new place."

Napaubo ako. My eyes was slightly widened and so is Issa's eyes. He said it was all taken! What the heck, Añonuevo? I remember what he said that he wants to keep me in his house so I couldn't get away from his sight. Hindi ko naman akalaing totohanan pala 'yon.

I finished my meal with Issa. Napansin niya sigurong wala na akong gana at gusto ko nang umuwi kaya nagpaalam na siya. Dumiretso na din ako pauwi dahil wala na akong ibang pupuntahan pa. I couldn't go shopping or anything. I might just stay in my house, pack my things and get ready to leave.

Issa said he's talking to a client today. Siguro hapon pa iyon uuwi. I will confront him about this. Kapag hindi siya pumayag, then maybe I'd just have to stay in a hotel for the meantime.

Gabi na pero wala pa si Rashid. I'm already preparing my outfit for my night out with Cassandra. Isang pulang spaghetti strap dress ang suot ko. It was short so I wore a black thigh boots.

I was irritated because Rashid's not home yet. What is he taking so long? Is he still with his client? Aba, alas syete na wala pa din. Is he planning to stay the night with her? How great, Añonuevo. Oo at h'wag mong ipakita sa akin ang kalaswaan mo. H'wag ka nang umuwi!

Wala akong nagawa kundi umalis nang hindi nasasabi ang sama ng loob ko. Maybe I'll just talk to him in the morning.

"You've been here?" Cassandra asked me soon as we arrived. Hawak hawak niya ang kamay ko habang ako ay badtrip na nagmamasid sa paligid.

I lookes at the sign of Redhill on top.

I nodded. "Yeah.."

And I have a very bad memory of this place. Bakit ba ito ang pinili niya? Nilingon ko ang stage. It is wider. Everything is different. Naalala ko pa ang banda nila Rashid na tumutugtog doon habang ako nag-aantay sa kaniya sa sasakyan o nanonood lang.

"Oh, may celebrities din pala dito. I know some of them. Do you?" she pointed at the group of people on the corner.

Bigatin ngang artista ang mga 'yon. They seem so having fun.

"They're familiar."

"Ay, kilala ko 'yon! I saw him on your dm's in Instagram. He's hotter in person. Bakit hindi mo pinapansin?"

"I often check my inbox."

"Oo nga, pansin ko. You haven't updated your Instagram, too. I'll take you a picture later. You need to update! Pera din 'yon!"

We ordered drinks and went up to our VIP room. It looks boring since we're alone but since its Cassandra and me, hindi magiging alone ang buong oras. We will surely end up drunk and filled with tea!

I gasped sexily when the drinks arrived. "Gosh, I missed New York!"

We already finished two glasses of sweet vodka in just minutes. Cassandra took me photos. Pinagtiklop ko ang paa at hawak ko ang champagne flute sa isang kamay. She took several shots. Nang matapos ako ay siya naman ang kinuhanan ko. She loves how I take her photos. Kadalasan iyong kuha ko lang ang pinipost niya.

Your lips, my lips, apocalypse. My caption says.

"Hero's also messaging me. He said he's having a project here. Gusto ka niya makita." she grinned at me.

"Baka ikaw?"

Umubo siya. "Duh. Hindi ko 'yon type. I'd rather date a cowboy from 80's!"

Humalakhak ako. "Come on, I know you liked him before. You wanted me to get his autograph for you!"

"Noon 'yon. Maybe what they said is true, never meet your heroes. Madidisappoint ka lang." irap niya.

I shrugged. I think Hero is fine. He's a gentleman and outgoing. I would actually date him if I'm the old Gianna. But of course, I respect Cassandra.

I was already drunk in numerous flutes of alcohol. Hinila ako ni Cassandra na lasing na din palabas. I laughed and went along with her. Nasa railings pa lang kami ay pareho kaming sumasayaw sa tugtog. I smiled along with her while she took an Instagram story.

"Come give me some of that yum like a lollipop, let me set you free.." I sang in my drunk voice as the camera was faced in front of me. I raised my middle finger on it and laughed.

We were both hyped and drunk so we decided to go down and join the largest crowd. Baling bali na ang paa ko sa kakasingit dahil sinusundan ko si Cassandra hanggang sa mawala siya sa paningin ko.

I had no choice but to dance alone. I was in the corner, raising my hand and jumping along the wild crowd. Pulang pula ang mukha ko sa init at nagsimula ko nang maramdaman ang pawis sa leeg ko. I stopped when someone touched my waist.

"Hey, sexy.."

"Excuse me?" lumingon ako ng kaunti.

Isang mabalbas na lalaki ang humilig at sumayaw sa likod ko. I wasn't moving. Inalis ko ang kamay niya sa baywang ko.

I glared at him. "No touching, please."

"Woah, I was just vibing. Wait.. you're familiar." nanliit ang mata niya.

"Yes, it is Gian Bryn! Now, get your hands off me." I said out of drunkeness.

"What?" he went closer to me. I stepped back and annoyingly left that corner.

Ngumiwi ako habang nararamdaman ang ikot ng paningin habang naglalakad. It's annoying but I felt good to be drunk like this. I kinda missed myself on parties, drunk until I can't even stand anymore.

I danced and danced along with people. Umaangat na ang palda ko pero wala akong pakialam. The beat hyped up more. Tumalon talon ako hanggang sa may naapakan akong hindi ko sinasadya. She shouted because of the pain of my boots.

Nanliit ang paningin ko dahil labong labo na ang mata ko.

"Girl, look at what you're doing! Ano ba? Are you drunk? Gosh! They shouldn't allow drunk people in dance floor!" maarte niyang sabi.

"Excuse me, what?" I couldn't hear it properly. I can't even see her face because of the dim lightnings!

"I said go home! Hoochies are not allowed here!"

Lumiwanag ang mata ko sa narinig. My eyebrow raised. I couldn't see properly but I heard what she says! Naaninag ko ang pulang buhok ng babae at kitang kita ang dibdib niya.

"What did you say?" I stared at her with so much disgust and irritation.

"Bingi ka ba o ano?"

Nakita ko ang ilang babaeng nakatingin na sa amin ngayon. Some are whispering and talking about me now.

"Gian Bryn, right?"

"Oo! Gosh, she's stunning in person. Pero ano 'yan?"

I didn't care about who knew me now. Gulat din ang babae sa naririnig niya sa paligid. I was about to bitch slap her face when somebody went in front of me and held my arms tight.

Matangkad. Balikat ang nakita ko nang tumayo siya sa harapan ko. He smelled familiar. People were stunned. Yumuko siya at idinikit ang mukha sa buhok ko para bumulong.

"Let's go home." he firmly said and I knew who it was.

Mas lalo akong nanggigil sa galit dahil hindi ako papayag na uuwi akong talunan at hindi naka-abante ng bawi doon sa babaeng tinawag akong ganoon! She called me a hoochie!

"Yes, I maybe fucked many times! Unlike you, no one wants to even date you because you're boring! No one wants to fuck with you!"

Tumili ako nang buhatin ako ni Rashid. Ang tiyan ko ay nakatama sa balikat niya at pinipirmi niya ang paa ko sa harapan. I punched his chest while he was trying to walk away.

"Let your face down!" I heard him say.

Kinawag ko ang paa ko. "No! She called me a hoochie!"

"I said let your face down!"

His screaming voice was my cue to shut up. Nagulat din ako sa pananahimik ko dahil sa sigaw niya. I let my face down. Submissively.