"Gosh, this rumors!" Reign massaged her temple.

Pahid ng make-up brush ang naramdaman ko sa mukha ko mula sa make-up artist. They know I don't like artists to put so much pressure in doing my make up. Ramdam ko naman ang marahan at maingat na ginagawa ng artist sa akin.

I raised my eyebrow while looking at the mirror. "What rumor?"

"The guy on your past Instagram account! Bakit naman kasi hindi pa nabura-bura 'yang account mo na 'yan! You really can't remember your password?"

I rolled my eyes with her question. "I told you, I can't. I lost my phone before the accident. Do I have time to search for that and delete my account now?"

"Sumasakit ulo ko dito," tumayo siya at pabagsak na nilapag ang cellphone. "We just have to thanks that the netizens still couldn't recognize who the man is. In fairness naman kasi, ang gwapo, ha. Parang out of the world."

Hindi ako nagsalita. I'm used to people discussing about my pasts. Parang hindi ko na maiiwasan iyon, lalo na sa industriyang ito. The thing is.. I'm not comfortable.

Iba ang mundo na ginagalawan ko ngayon. Ang mundo na puro ako na lang. This time, I am really independent. I have to depend on myself and not to others now. Sa huli, ako lang ang matitira sa akin. Before, I think that being independent is such a basic thing to do. I did it before because I had someone with me. But now, I'm all alone. In this big world.

My mother died because of heart failure. Little did we know, she already had it a year before it happened. Tuwing hindi siya umuuwi, nasa ospital siya kung saan nandoon ang kaibigan niya. Tita Julia, the doctor who is my mother's friend was sorry because she didn't told us about her situation. It's not her fault. Mom doesn't want anyone to know.

I know she did that because there's a lot of people who can use it against her, against our family and against our business.

The night I saw my father in a large table with his other family and Rashid's, Mom was there too. She came home drunk just what our maid said and had the heart attack in her bathroom.

She died just after she called me. She died alone. I blamed myself for her death. I couldn't sleep without crying.

I felt stupid.

Kung sana dumating ako.. sana nandito pa siya.

"Attorney," I drank my last shot of espresso martini.

I locked myself on my veranda just so my manager wouldn't see me drinking. Cassandra won't mind it.

"Miss Avila, you called."

How I hate that surname.

Tumikhim ako. "How was it, Attorney? I know my mother left a property deed for me. You've worked on it, right?"

"Yes. Thankfully, your mother is a critical thinker. She has been working on your property deed as I've been said and it's on our table now." he said. "This legal document that says Mrs. Avila is transferring her property, which is your house, to her daughter, Gianna Bryn Avila."

Sumandal ako sa swivel chair at pinaglaruan ang baso ng martini sa harap ko. I knew she'll do that. I remember how much she's been talking about it.

She knew she won't stay for too long..

"Thank you, attorney. So I can get back my house, right?"

"Sure, Miss Avila. The house is under your name, anyway. Do you want us to get a team and a warrant?"

Bumuntong hininga ako. "Ako na ang bahala doon, attorney. If they still insist, I'd call you for that."

I gritted my teeth. Guess what, my father let his mistress and daughter live in my house. My house.

"Sure."

"How about the other properties, attorney? Have you done a research about it?"

I'm guessing he didn't.

"Well, actually we have a lot to discuss about that."

Napaahon ako ng upo dahil doon. I've been thinking about it lately. I'm sure the house and the island isn't the only property my mother has. The ancestral house in Pangasinan is my father's but it was also named after my mother.

"The deed of transfer was named after Dimitri Avila. The island located in the east of El Vicente was named after him."

"What? No!" namilog ang mata ko. "That was my mother's!"

"I don't know, Miss Avila. It clearly says his name."

Ginulo ko ang buhok ko. "The ancestral house! We have that, right?"

"Yes and its now under Dimitri Avila."

"Fuck!"

I almost throw everything away from me. This is not what I expected. Mother, what the heck are you up to? Why did you.. oh my god.

Remembering how crazy my mother was for my father is a pain in my ass. I'm not being greedy. I just hate how she trusted her properties on my father who is clearly the gluttonous!

"But your mother gave you all of her shares on the company."

My heart fell. Kinagat ko ang labi ko at niyuko ang ulo sa lamesa. Guilt crept inside me. I wasn't a good daughter at all. My mother was giving of her just to make sure I'm pleasant even if she's gone. Hindi ko man lang nagawa iyon sa kaniya.

"How do you know all of that, attorney? Dad blocked you to make research about those things." umahon ako.

He didn't talk for a while.

Tumawa lang siya ng kaunti. "I'm an attorney, Miss Avila. I serve my skills as long as I'm being paid."

I smirked and shook my head. "Thank you. I trust you with this, attorney. See you when I get back."

Everytime I look back at everything, I feel lonely. Even how much people tells me I'm brave to experience such heartache, I couldn't agree. Bravery is not for me. I'm a coward. I could save my mother but I didn't. I could save myself from pain but I didn't even flinch when I already saw signd. I was blind. A thing that hated. A thing that I refused to do. Hypocrisy.

Funny how I tell people in some interviews about hopes and chances in life. That life may fall, but you will always rise. We are all human, we make mistakes and are not perfect at all. Sometimes there are sadness but we shouldn't refuse to look at the beauty.

Lies. I couldn't even tell myself all of that.

I lost my mother. I refused my father and told him to not see me again and don't consider me as his daughter. I failed a friendship that has been a precious gift for me. I was.. cheated on. That's the tea.

Kasabay ng paglagapak ng itim na bota sa sahig ay ang pagpasok ng reyalidad sa utak ko. Hinigop ng ilong ko ang init ng hangin sa siyudad ng Manila. Ang balot kong katawan ay mas lalong binalot ng init sanhi ng temperatura sa Pilipinas. Imbis na matuwa gaya ng mga kasama ko at pinili kong magtiim-bagang.

Siniko ako ni Cassandra. "Clubbing?"

"Don't even start," Reign glared at my cousin. "She has a lot to do tomorrow."

"Ito naman.. isang shot lang. Come on, namiss ko BGC! Bago umuwi sa ElVi, tara na."

Nilingon kami ng manager ko. "Contract signing muna, Cass. Fine, I'll let you drink when we get to ElVi. Ayos?"

Tinapik ko si Cassandra dahil sang-ayon din ako sa boss ko. "Bars in ElVi are so much better than what they have here, anyways. No offense."

As much as I want to be alone and shut people out, I can't. May trabaho ako. Hindi ako makapaniwalang nakauwi na ako. But it doesn't feel home in any ways.

I'm glad to have these girls beside me. Even if I don't open up anything, they doesn't ask and respects me. Cassandra surely witness how devastated I am in New York. Her mother was beside me, too. Issa and my other cousin get to visit me every year and on social media, too. At least, I still have a family.

I saw curiosity on her eyes when she saw those pictures I threw angrily and ordered her to burn it. Hanggang ngayon hindi ko alam kung sinunog niya 'yon. But she didn't ask me anything about it.

Isang hotel ang bi-nook ni Reign para sa amin. We share the same room. Sayang naman kasi, kakasya naman kami. Isa pa, Reign doesn't trust Cassandra and me most of the time.

"Isang picture lang, Miss! Isa lang talaga, sige na!" rinig kong pamimilit ng employee ng hotel nang maghatid ng room service.

"Sorry, hindi talaga pwede. She's here for a private matter and informations—"

"Reign," lumabas ako sa kwarto. "It's okay. Isang picture lang naman."

Ngumiwi siya kaagad. Sinuklay niya ang hanggang balikat na itim na buhok at umikot ang mata. I smirked at her and approached the woman. She looked so stunned and her face were all red.

Nanginginig niyang inabot sa akin ang cellphone. "Miss Gian, ang tangkad niyo pala talaga. Grabe, ang puti! Oh my god!"

"Thank you," hilaw akong tumawa at kinuha ang cellphone niya. "Ano ang pangalan mo?"

"Jane, po! Jane Caballeros, hehe."

I smiled on the camera. We took two shots. Kita ko ang pag-walk out ni Reign doon, mukhang ayaw niya sa ginawa ko. Well, I don't want to be rude. Kahit pa man dapat pribado lang ito. I can't help it.

"Sobrang ganda niyo, Miss Gian. Pasensya na, galing akong trabaho kaya amoy pawis. Pero grabe, hawang hawa na yata ako sa bango mo po!"

I gave back the camera. "I'm sorry, can I ask you a favor?"

"Po? Ay, naku, opo!" she almost jumped. "Bawal po ba sabihin? Ako po bahala 'don! H'wag kayong mag-alala!"

Tinapik ko siya sa balikat. "Thank you, Jane. I'll trust you with that."

"Syempre, Miss Gian! Fan na fan niyo ako. Mas maganda talaga kayo kaysa kay Melina kahit saang banda." pagmamalaki niya. "Salamat po, ha? Magtratrabaho na po ako! Salamat po! Oh my gosh!"

Tuwang tuwa siyang lumabas sa suite namin. Sinuklay ko ang basang buhok at bumalik na sa ginagawa. I found Reign glaring at me at the dining table.

Ngumuso ako. "She's a fan. We should be generous, you said."

"But not in this state." bumuga siya ng hangin. "Sinusubukan kitang itago sa mga fans at media tapos panay lang ang selfie mo sa kanila?"

"She won't tell anyone. Sabi niya."

"And you trust her like that? She'll post it, surely. Tapos ano? Pabalik balik 'yon dito para makiselfie sayo?" umirap siya. "Gianna, if its a normal day then it's fine to take pictures and accept compliments from a fan. But we're here for a business. Okay?"

She's here again with her scolding. She's three years older than me and she treats me as her daughter already. She's strict and among the three of us, she's the motherly. Cass is playful and always hyper.

I nodded. "Fine, I'm sorry. We won't stay here for a long time, anyway."

Natahimik siya doon. Sumandal siya at tinitigan ako. "Are you sure you want to do that alone? You know, Gi, I can help you. I know some reliable attorneys from different law firms in Manila."

"Thanks, Reign.. but I got this. Sobra na ang tulong mo sa akin. You helped me when I was lost and nowhere to go in times of my modeling career. You trusted me even if I'm not that good in that field yet."

"Of course, you'll always have me.." she tapped my shoulder. "As long as I'm getting paid."

I rolled my eyes and laughed. "Yeah, right."

"Kidding!"

Naubos ang oras ko sa kakadaldal kay Reign. Cassandra was busy sleeping because she's really a bed person. Kalaunan ay inantok din kaming pareho at hinila na din ng kama.

Kinabukasan ay nagising ako sa pagmamadali ni Reign. Napasarap ang tulog ko dahil mahaba ang byahe. Nagmamadali tuloy kaming magbihis. I just wore a jeans, bodysuit, leather jacket and my hideous big shades and cap.

"Nuevo Unibank, Inc.. is it?" tumaas ang kilay ko habang pumipirma sa kontratang binigay ni Reign.

The advertising manager of the company smiled at me and nodded. "I believe that you would be a great spokesperson, Miss Gian. It's nice working with you."

"Nuevo.." pinanliitan ko ang pangalan ng kumpanya. "Who's your boss?"

"Po?"

"Gian," pinanlakihan ako ng mata ni Reign at hilaw na nginitian ang manager. "It's nice working with you, too, Mr. Thomas. I'm looking forward for the advertisement shoot. I believe they told us that it would be tomorrow, right?"

Hindi natanggal ang titig ko sa puting papel sa kamay ko. I'm overreacting, probably. Namawis kaagad ang kamay ko sa iniisip.

Gosh, Gianna, that's impossible. Nuevo is way different from Añonuevo. What am I thinking?

"Yes, yes! My secretary will send you the schedule." he smiled and looked at me. "Our model is quite busy so we shouldn't stress you out tomorrow."

Sinuklian ko ang matamis na ngiti niya. "Thank you for the consideration, Mr. Thomas. I appreciate it."

"Of course!" halakhak niya na tila proud na proud sa sinabi. "So, we'll see you tomorrow?"

We finished the quick meeting. Magdamag akong naghintay sa conference room habang si Reign ay nakikipag-usap sa advertising group ng kumpanya. Instead of playing with my hair, I stood up and went to the glass wall.

I'm almost at the highest floor of the building. I looked down. Tiniklop ko ang braso sa dibdib at walang emosyon na tumitig sa baba. Manila, just like New York, its a busy city.

Looking at those cars passing by, I suddenly missed being just a normal person. I missed walking down the streets without wearing anything to hide my face and without paparazzis or fans everywhere. I miss shopping though I'm quite using shopping app all the time, what I mean is.. I miss shopping in an actual mall alone. Dang.

Tumunog ang cellphone ko sa kalagitnaan ng paninitig ko sa siyudad. I was about to just accept whoever it is when I saw that it was my father. Nanlaki ng kaunti ang mata ko pero kaagad iyong napalitan ng kunot ng noo.

Every month, he'd call me just to check on me. He never visited me in New York. Just on facetime and calls.

"Dad," tapat ko ng cellphone sa tenga ko at may galit na binalingan ang magandang view.

"Gianna, hija!" he rejoiced. "I heard you're in Manila? Akala ko next week pa ang uwi mo, anak?"

Anak.

I gritted my teeth.

Bumuntong hininga ako. "I have work in Manila. Napaaga lang ng kaunti."

"When are you coming home, hija? So I can prepare for your homecoming. Maybe we can visit your Mom.."

"Dad," pinikit ko ng mariin ang mata ko. "Uuwi po ako sa isang araw. Don't prepare anything, I'm okay."

"Of course, I should!" I heard his merrily laugh. "Your room has always been clean and prepared. Walang ginalaw doon kaya h'wag kang mag-alala. If you want any changes, you can say it over the phone."

"Nand'yan pa din ba siya?" malamig na sabi ko. "O sila, Dad?"

It was a minute before he responded. He must've find my question surprising. Hindi ko tuloy maiwasang hilaw na ngumisi. I don't say anything about his mistress and his daughter staying in my house so its really quite surprising that I spoken like that.

Oh, I've been earning spite, father.

He coughed. "We'll talk about that when you get home. You should rest, hija. Is the flight quite tiring?"

Umirap ako. "I'm hanging up, Dad. Kailangan na ako sa trabaho."

"Sure.. sure, hija." tumikhim siya. "Take care."

I turned off my phone. Malalim akong bumuntong hininga. I never wanted him to even speak about my mother. After she died, I didn't know what happened since I was in coma. But I heard my father was the one who fixed the funerals and such. But months later, he was often seen with his mistress and his daughter. Two years after, Issa told me that he lived his family in our house.

He wasn't as devastated as me. I could say that. Was he even sad about my mother? I can't help to question that, too. Kasi ako.. hindi ko kaya na wala si Mommy. But for him, I think he's even more glad so he can have his freedom with his affairs.

Umuwi akong sabog dahil sa tawag ni Daddy. Pinipilit ako ni Cassandra magshopping pero tumanggi ako dahil gusto kong mapag-isa.

"Saan ka?" Reign asked after she talked to me about my schedule tomorrow.

"I'll take a dip."

"Hoy, hoy!" pigil niya. "Get back here. Talaga bang magpapahuli ka sa mga fans mo, ha?"

I rolled my eyes. "I'll wear a shades, okay? Isa pa, if they caught me up there, so what? I'm a celebrity and I can't swim with them?"

She tried to stop me but I still assured her that I'll be fine. Labag sa loob pa niya ang pagpayag. Susundan din naman ako doon.

"Bring me a glass of whiskey up there." I smiled while fixing my black robe. "Thanks, Reign."

The rooftop pool of this hotel is wide. Cassandra probably picked this hotel because we both like rooftop pools. Kakaunti ang mga tao dahil hapon at malamig na. I didn't mind the cold because I was used to it.

I couldn't remove my large shades, though. Its pissing me off.

Sumimangot ako at dumiretso sa isang rattan chair. I removed my robe and revealed a leopard matching two piece. Inalis ko din ang pagkakabuhol ng buhok ko sa tuktok. My hair flowed gracefully on my back.

I stood up and ready to step on the water but I stopped.

Two pairs of eyes were directly looking at my phase. Colder than the wind. Inagos ng bugso ng hapdi at pait ang malamig na titig papunta sa akin.

Nakaupo sa hindi kalayuan sa akin, hawak hawak ang bote ng isang mamahaling alak. Black polo shirt that is not properly buttoned and is rolled up until on his elbow. His feet were spreading widely and his both elbows were leaning on it making him crouch a bit as he watched me shamelessly.

He clenched his jaw. His dark hollow eyes gazed on me. Nanlamig ang kamay ko.

Napaatras ako.

The last thing I knew, I was already rushing to pick up my things and leave the venue.