In life, how many heartbreak do we have to meet? How many breakdowns do we have to experience? And how many emotional abusers do we have to encounter?

Because I can't count mine.

Life is unfair. Not sometimes. Always. I'm starting to believe that people are divided by three sections. The blessed ones, the average and the cursed. If I had to pick where I should be, I won't hesitate to pick the cursed one. Because why would I even deny? If you look at my life, you will never be at peace.

I don't understand why the universe turns out to be unfair for most of people. Why do people sometimes make me feel so scared and worried to trust again? They lie, they cheat, they rob your happiness and peace that you have. They ruin families and trust. If its worst, they kill people and rape women. Why?

"Are you okay?" a voice asked in the middle of my 2nd sip of vodka.

"No, I'm not." diretsahan kong sabi. "And don't even ask why."

It was a long silence and I enjoyed it. Siguro umalis na siya. They find me maarte and masungit again. I don't care. People always makes that assumptions about me. Dati, ayaw ko. Pero ngayon, parang gusto ko na.

Dad has been crashing my heart since I was a kid. Shae betrayed me. Rashid choose to break my heart at my back. My Mom.. if I lose her, I don't know where to go. I might as well fade with her.

Remembering their picture in my vision, I can't help but to feel that I'm under them all. That was my father's mistress. I never saw her but I knew she was.

And Elizabeth.. tumulo ang luha ko. Turns out that she's actually my sister. Is it? Ganoon ba, Dad?

Rashid and his family were there, too. What is he doing there? What are they doing there?

"For a while we pretended

That we never had to end it

But we knew we'd have to say goodbye,"

I wiped my tears when I heard Hunter's voice. Inubos ko ang baso ng vodka at hinanap ang bandang tumutugtog. My face was red as I saw Rashid on the stage. Bumaba ang tingin ko sa mga babaeng nasa tabing gilid. Malaki ang ngiti ni Elizabeth sa kaniya habang si Shae ay hindi makangiti.

"Torn in two

And I know I shouldn't tell you

But I just can't stop thinking of you

Wherever you are, you..

Every night I almost called you

Just to say it will always be you

Wherever you are."

Hunter's voice shaked a bit.

The song ended. Nagpalakpakan ang mga tao at pati ako ay pumalakpak din. Rashid didn't notice me here, though he's looking around. Dadapo na ang tingin niya sa akin nang umakyat si Elizabeth sa stage. The members left him there. Elizabeth gave him a wide hug.

I smiled sarcastically while my hand were already shaking. Bumuntong hininga si Shae sa ibaba hanggang sa nakita niya akong nakangiti habang nakatingin sa pinsan niya. Namilog ang mata niya.

My smile faded when Elizabeth pulled Rashid. Kumunot ang noo ni Rashid at may isinigaw na hindi ko narinig. But she was eager to pull him. Hinilamos ni Rashid ang palad sa mukha at sumama sa hila ng kabit niya.

I closed my eyes. They're disgusting. Fuck you, Elizabeth.

Does Dad made you feel that confident, huh? Is he sating you such confidence? And Rashid, isa kang putang ina. You're one of a liar person. He knew all of my worries about my family. He knows my weaknesses and he choose to hurt me with them.

Mom was right, damn it. I shouldn't really show people my weaknesses. He used it..

Umakyat sila sa itaas. Kumuyom ang palad ko at kinalma ang sarili ko ng ilang minuto. When I finally had the courage, taas noo akong naglakad patungo sa itaas. My hands were shaking and ready to slap his face until I'm satisfied.

Tumigil ako nang hindi ko sila makita. Not until one of the VIP room just closed. I froze a bit.

They're.. no.. please, no.

I covered my mouth with my palms while I kept shaking my head. Nanghina ako at gustong umatras pero hindi pwede. The stabs on my chest is already hurting, please don't make it worst.

"Gianna.." may humila sa braso ko at nagpatigil sa akin sa panunugod sa kwartong 'yon.

Shae didn't surprise me that much. Seryoso ang mukha niya habang ako ay punong puno ng pagkalito. She held my arm tightly.

I gritted my teeth. "You know something, don't you? May alam ka sa nangyayari, Shae?"

Kumurap siya, pumikit at yumuko. "I'm sorry, Gianna."

"Damn you!" I cried. "Shae, anong nangyari? I thought.. I thought we're bestfriends? Shae?"

"Listen, Gi.. Pinsan ko si Elizabeth—"

"I don't care! Kaibigan mo ako! Shae, I'm your bestfriend." I wiped my tears. "Is that why you've been avoiding me? Because your cousin likes Rashid and you have to support her? Kahit alam mong gusto ko siya?"

"Gianna, that's what she wants me to do! That's what makes her happy!"

"And that what made our friendship fail!" I shouted. "You gave up our friendship just for your cousin's happiness? Are you even my friend?"

She couldn't talk. Yumuko siya at kita ko ang tulo ng luha. Hindi na ako makahinga sa hikbi. I covered my mouth with my palms and almost shouted inside it. Its true. This hurts more than a break up. Losing a friend is worst than anything else.

Nanginginig ang kamay kong tinuro ang pintuan. "Sagutin mo ako, Shae. Does that woman runs my father's blood?"

Nanlaki ang mata niya at umangat kaagad ang tingin. "Gi.."

"Is she my sister? Fucking answer me!"

"Yes!"

Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig na may halong kutsilyo na diretso sa dibdib ko. Napaatras ako habang dire-diretso ang luha. I shook my head. Humagulgol ako habang iniiling ang ulo ko.

"Your father got my aunt pregnant months before your parents' wedding. He kept it but I'm sure your mother knows about it. Tsaka ko lang nalaman na magkapatid kayo noong.. noong lumipat sila sa El Vicente at dinalaw siya ng Dad mo."

"That's not true.." I accused.

"Gianna, its the truth! I was heartbroken when I knew about it. Gusto kong sabihin sayo pero kapag tinatanong kita kung gusto mong makilala ang mga kapatid mo, sinasabi mong ayaw mo! You don't like it!" humikbi siya. "I'm sorry, Gianna. I know I was wrong. But this is what makes her happy. Her mother wants everything for Elizabeth. Wala akong magawa."

"You know what, Shae?" mapait akong ngumiti. "May magagawa ka. You just don't want to. Because you're just like them, you'll end up hurting me in the end. That's the truth."

Tumalikod ako habang pinupunasan ang luha ko. I left Shae shouting for my name and even stopping me from doing this. But no. I won't stay hurting. This is not just all about me, hurting because of them. Sometimes, we need to fight back.

I opened the door freely. Gumuho ang mundo ko nang makita ko ang tao sa loob. Rashid was on the sofa with Elizabeth on his top. Nanlamig ang kamay ko at diri ang kaagad naramdaman nang makita ang halikan nila. My heart was torn into pieces as I watched his hand caress her back.

I went straight to them and kicked the bottle of beers on the table. Nagbagsakan ang mga bote at nabasag iyon lahat sa galit ng sipa ko. Tumalon ang babae dahil sa gulat. I pulled her hair and dragged her on the floor. Bumagsak siya kaagad doon.

"Gianna!" Rashid shouted. Before he could even talk, I slapped him on his face. Hard.

"You're no different from my father." malamig na sabi ko at isang sampal muli bago ako tumalikod para umalis.

With all of the fiery things I have in my outside features, I was actually almost dead inside. Mabilis akong naglakad paalis kasabay ng paghikbi at pagtulo ng luha ko. All of the people that I had passed by were looking at me. Some knew me and calling my name but I didn't look back.

"Gianna!" Rashid shouted behind my back. I saw him jugging just to chase me.

Namumungay ang mga mata niya habang hinahabol ako. His eyes were almost bloodshot. Bumagsak ang balikat niya habang nakatanaw sa akin na humagagulgol.

Humikbi ako. "Don't.. don't come near me."

"Gi, please.." hinilamos niya ang palad niya. "It wasn't like that!"

"We're over." umatras ako nang nagbalak siyang lumapit. "I said don't come near me! Nakakadiri ka!"

He stopped. Hinang hina siya. My phone rang, hindi ko iyon pinansin dahil panay pa ang hikbi ko habang umaatras palayo kay Rashid.

"Baby, listen to me first.." he almost begged. "It's not what you think, please. Let's fix this. We can't be over, Gianna."

"Para saan pa, Rashid? You already proved that you're a cheater and a liar. What do I have to fix about that? Tapos na tayo. You cheated, we're done."

"No.. No." humakbang siya. "No, love, please. Elizabeth was just—"

"I don't care! She's my sister, I know! Wala akong pakialam, Rashid. Go back and fuck her! I don't care!"

"Baby, please.."

"You knew she was my sister, right? You still choose to be with her. Para saan? Para mas lalo akong masaktan? Rashid, you should've just stabbed me!"

Umiling siya, halos lumuhod. "Baby, you have to listen to me first, please.. Don't shout like that.."

"I'm so tired of being betrayed, Rashid." I wiped my tears like a kid. "All my life I was living in a circle of lies and betrayal. Wala kang pinagkaiba sa kanila. But you hurt me the most.. because I loved you the most."

Tumalikod ako at kasabay ng pagbagsak ng hindi matapos tapos na luha ay ang pagtulo ng patak ng ulan. I cried more thinking that maybe the universe is really making me feel useless and down.

Tumunog ang cellphone kong muli. Binuksan ko at nakitang si Manang iyon. I calmed myself while walking through my car.

"Manang.." namamaos ang boses ko.

"Gianna.." her voice shaked. "Ang Mommy mo.."

Nanlaki ang mata ko at huminto sa tapat ng sasakyan ko kahit basang basa na. "What happened to Mommy?"

I heard her loud cry. Hindi ko alam pero humagulgol ako sa iyak niya. I sobbed with her.

"Manang.. anong nangyari?"

"Wala na si Flora. Wala na ang Mommy mo.."

If there are words to describe how I'm feeling right now, no words couldn't explain it. Napaluhod ako habang tulala at bumagsak lahat ng gamit ko, maging ako. I stared at the wet road.

My mother.. No, please. Not my mom.. She's all I have..

My heart is now completely torn into pieces. Pinong pino. I couldn't hear words. I just know I was already entering my car and driving it so fast. My eyes were dried up, I couldn't produce any tears. Or I was just so numb of everything right now.

It was fast. I couldn't breath. Malamig pa din ang tingin ko sa daan kahit para na akong lumilipad sa bilis. I stepped at the gas even more. Namuo ang luha sa mata ko at nanlabo ang paningin ko.

A truck was in front of me, just about to pass but I couldn't take off my feet on the gas. Sumalpok ang sasakyan ko sa truck. A loud crash was heard.

Take me with you, Mommy..

I said on my thoughts just before my body felt numb and darkness hugged me.