Pahirapan ang ginawa kong pagbuhat kay Rashid. He's so heavy and I almost break a bone. Sobrang lasing kasi niya at amoy na amoy ko iyon. Its doesn't smell so bad since his strong perfume is taking it away.

Binagsak ko siya sa kama niya. He was smirking with his eyes closed. Pulang pula ang kamao niya at mukhang masakit pa pero hindi niya iyon iniinda. He looks crazy handsome over here. Sumimangot ako at naupo sa tabi niya para pag-isipan ang gagawin ko sa kaniya.

"Hanggang sa dulo ng mundo.." he sang.

I glared a him. Iaangat niya sana ang kamay niya pero nasagi nito ang baywang ko kaya imbis na iangat sa ere, sa baywang ko iyon tumigil.

"Hanggang maubos ang ubo,
Hanggang gumulong ang luha
Hanggang mahulog ang tala.."

Garalgal ang boses niya dahil sa antok at pagod ngunit hindi iyon hadlang para kilabutan ako sa kanta niya. My eyes stayed at him.

He opened his eyes and directly went mine. Umawang ang labi niya habang inaantok na napatingin sa akin, tila nagulat sa nakikita. Lasing siyang tumawa at umatras ng bahagya palayo sa akin para titigan ako. He stared at me like I was an unbelievable angel who came down from heaven.

"You're Gianna?" he asked with his eyes slowly blinking.

I sighed and stood up. Pinatong ko ang isang tuhod sa dulo ng kama niya at yumuko para alisan sana siya ng damit dahil mainit. Unang buton pa lang at tinaboy na niya ang kamay ko.

He groaned. "You're not Gianna. Don't touch me."

Namuo ang kunot ng noo ko. "Rashid, lasing ka. I'll just remove your shirt."

He shook his head and closed his eyes. "No, I have a girlfriend. Gianna.." mahinang usal niya.

Damn this guy. Ako si Gianna!

I sighed and glared at him but he can't see me. Hinilot niya ang ulo kaya nagkaroon ako ng oras para alisin ang unang butones niya. He groaned again and pushed my hand away from him. Namungay ang mata niya nang tignan ako.

"Gianna.. Girlfriend ko."

I don't deserve him. How can he be too much for me? This is unfair. I don't deserve this kind of man but at the same time, hindi ako papayag na hindi ako ang para sa kaniya.

I sat beside him and touched his face. "Yes, Añonuevo. I am your girlfriend."

Nawala ang pungay ng mata niya. Now, he looked surprised. I smiled a bit as I caress his face. Nasuntok siya kanina kaya medyo namumula ang pisngi niya. Hinaplos ko iyon. He didn't even flinch when it looks aching.

"Gi.."

Namula ang mga mata niya. When I knew he was about to tear up, I crouched and kissed his lips. It turned out that I was the one who's kissing him hungrily now. Hinaplos niya ang likod ko para alalayan. He groaned when I entered my tongue eagerly.

I missed him.

In just a blink, I was already on top of him. Inangat niya ang sarili niya para halikan ako ng maayos. I tasted the alcohol and mint on his mouth. I thought that the alcohol from his mouth wouldn't make me drunk but his lips are.

A hard thing immediately stood between us making me stop from kissing. Bilog ang mata ko nang mapagtanto kung ano 'yon. Nagkatinginan kami. His expression were firm. Tila napawi ng halik ko ang kalasingan na nakapalibot sa kaniya kanina.

He clenched his jaw. "That's enough."

I stared at him. A feeling was drawn all over me. I know he knows what I thought so he shook his head. Namungay lang ang mata ko sa kaniya. My hand started to remove a button of his white polo shirt.

"No, Gi.."

"I want it," I almost cried.

He clenched his jaw. "I love you."

I bit my lips and continued what I was doing. His eyes dropped on my hand, trying to remove his clothes. Umaapoy ang mata niya habang nakatingin doon. Pumikit siya ng mariin at gigil akong niyapos.

"Putang ina, Gianna." he cursed and attacked my lips in his own ruthless way.

His kisses went down on my neck. Kumilos kaagad ang kamay niya at nagsimulang umakyat sa dibdib ko. His large hand cupped my breast below my thin vintage tube top. My black checkered dress was rolling up. I removed my pump in just shaking my both feet.

I moved up and down on his lap as my band is giving his hair an affectionate tweak. He groaned while he was busy cupping my both breast and kissing my neck.

"Rashid!" I called him loudly when he swiftly made me lie down in his bed and he was already on top of me!

He breathed in my ear. "You want this, huh.."

He teased my legs. Pumikit ako habang sinasabunutan ang buhok niya. I nodded and bit my lips.

"Say it." masuyo niyang hinalikan ang pisngi ko. "Say you want this, Gianna."

"Damn it, Rashid Ace! I want you now.." I couldn't recognize my own voice. "Please.."

It was like I cut his patience completely. He stood up. Umiigting ang panga niya habang nakatingin sa akin sa ibaba niya. He removed his belt and thew it somewhere. He was looking down at me like I was his whole empire that he rules completely. Isa isa niyang inalis ang butones at sa isang iglap, tanging ang itim na boxer naman ang suot niya.

He went to me and started removing my clothes too. Bawat alis niya ng damit ko ay hinahalikan niya ang nalalantad na balat ko. He kissed my breast and I almost lost it. Nang matira ay ang pulang panty ko ay tumigil siya. He licked his lips and touched me.

"Oh my god," I gasped when he rubbed me.

He was staring at my reaction the whole time. Ngumisi siya nang makitang hindi na ako mapakali at kusang bumuka ang parehong binti ko para bigyan siya ng espasyo sa ginagawa. He stopped when he knew I was already feeling it.

He kissed my tummy. "Let's take this slow.."

"But I want it wild, Rashid!"

He groaned. "Gianna, don't push me."

"Gusto ko nga!"

Madilim niya akong tinignan at isang hila lang ng panty ko ay pinatunayan niyang hindi ko dapat iyon ginawa. I should've just took his warning.

He knelt on the floor while making me spread my legs wide in front of him. I've been so confident about my body but I feel different right now. Pulang pula ang pisngi ko sa gagawin niya. I would say that I don't like what he will do but at the same time, damn it, I want it! I want him to kiss me all over.

Pahapyaw ang sigaw ko nang halikan niya ako doon. His hot lips kissed my drooling private. Halos bumangon na ako sa gulat sa ginagawa niya.

"Rash— ah!" I almost cried.

My hand was trembling as I reached his hair. I pulled it even more closer and almost thrusts on his face!

Ganoon na lang ang lungkot ko nang iwanan niya ako doon. He was biting his lips and hiding a smirk while he started kissing my skin up to my breast. The loneliness I felt was replaced with another weird feeling when he sucked my peak. Another one was his poking member on my pearls.

Bumaon ang kuko ko sa likod niya at nagsimulang itulak ang sarili ko para salubungin ang kaniya.

He stopped kissing my breast. "Gianna.."

Namungay ang mata ko. "I want.." I can't even complete a word without spitting my erotic voice.

"Baby, it will hurt.." hinalikan niya ang pisngi ko. "Badly."

"I can take it." I pushed myself again. "Rashid, please.."

Nagkatinginan kami. I knew he wouldn't decline me just like that. Hindi din ako makakapayag na tanggihan niya ako dahil nandoon na din ako.

I would give myself all for him without asking for exchange. I would let myself be fool for him. Funny how I used to feel sick of giving all for a man. I though that it's stupid. Iyon pala ay kakainin ko din lahat ng sinabi ko.

The night ended with my loud gasps, moans and screaming his name, his growls and groans, curses, slapping of our skin, sound of a moving bed, gentle kisses and our vows for each other.

Nagising ako sa mahabang tulog. White walls has been my life for many months until now so the brightness doesn't surprise me at all. Pawisan ang buong katawan ko galing sa isang panaginip.. no, its a nightmare.

I hugged myself as I let the anxiety clung unto me. I couldn't scream. I couldn't hold anything even I want to. Mabilis ang takbo ng puso ko na ilang beses kong nararamdaman. My hands are trembling while tears was flowing down to my cheek.

The wide glass wall from afar proved me that the sun wasn't up yet. It's dawn. Just like usual, I would wake up either in the middle of a long night or dawn just to cry for no reason and suffer anxiety attacks and depression.

Tinakpan ko ang tenga ko habang patuloy na naalala ang bangungot. A scene flashed in my mind. Matapang ang amoy ng pabango na hanggang ngayon patuloy na umiikot sa paligid ko. His touch doesn't make me feel safe anymore.

His eyes.. His black eyes that once I thought was a beautiful portal to his fantasy.

But it wasn't.

I met his dark hollow eyes. Sa isang iglap ay nabuhay muli ako. Mapungay pa ang mga mata niya at antok pa. His hair was messier than usual. I felt his hand on my naked body, my waist. Gumuguhit siya ng kung ano ano sa tagiliran ko habang nakatitig sa akin.

"I have a surprise." he whispered huskily and kissed my lips.

I woke up with his kisses on my lips and sniffs on my neck. Hindi ko nabilang kung ilang halik ang ginawa niya sa labi ko at maging sa leeg ko, pinapapak niya!

"What?" sabi ko at pinaglaruan ang buhok niya.

My breast were exposed fully. Nasa tiyan ko ang kumot at nasa loob ang kamay niya. We share the same dark blue blanket. The piece of blanket is on his waist, naked too. Nararamdaman ko ang paa niyang halos daganan na din ako.

He held a thing on my neck. Itinaas niya iyon, sakto para makita ko ang isang guitar pick necklace. Kulay itim ang pick na nilagay sa silver necklace. Sa gitna, nakaukit ang pangalan na nakasulat sa magandang padaloy. I tilted my head just to see what's written on it.

"Gigi.." I read mine.

He has it, too. I pulled it just to see it. I was expecting his necklace to be his name but it wasn't.

Gigi's. It says.

I chuckled. "Sinira mo ba ang guitar pick mo?"

Ngumuso siya at hinalikan ang isang dibdib ko. Masuyo kong hinampas ang braso niya.

He chuckled. "Uh-hmm. A special guitar pick."

Hinaplos ko ang kwintas na suot ko. I've always loved things that is shining and extravagant. I hated cheap clothes and jewelries and never thought of buying them once in my life. But as I saw his world, it just changed. This thing he gave me is a proof that he somehow changed my perspective in life.

I smiled at him.

Antok kong nilapatan ng halik ang labi niya. "Thank you."

He bit his lips and stared at me amusingly. I tried to move my hips just to straddle his waist but a pain stopped be from doing it.  Napansin nita ang paghinto ko kaya napatingin siya sa ibaba ko. We both know what it is. I'm not a bit happy about it but him.. he damn looks entertained about my issue.

"Sakit?"

Hinampas ko ang dibdib niya at hinila paakyat ang kumot, kulang na lang ay takpan ang mukha. Of course, you damn jerk. Who wouldn't be hurt? I can't even catch a breath properly last night.

Damn, remembering his size is wrecking not just my thing but also my soul. Pakiramdam ko kurap lang ang paghinga ko kagabi. He won't leave you having enough breath once he's already doing you. Kukulang at kukulang ang paghinga mo kapag siya na ang nasa harapan mo!

He chuckled and hugged me tighter. "Tell me where it hurts. Hahalikan ko para mawala."

"Rashid!"

"What? Some people does that."

"This is different!"

"How so?"

"You almost wrecked our bed last night! It was fun pero ngayon, masakit na!" I gasped and slightly pushed him away.

Humagalpak ang tawa niya at sinubsob ang mukha sa dibdib ko. "Okay. So, you don't want me to kiss you so you'd feel better?"

"Mamayang gabi!"

"What?" he laughed and took a peek on my face just to make sure I wasn't kidding.

"Pagod pa ako. Mamayang gabi na lang, Rashid."

"Damn, I was just joking!" umiling iling siya habang nakangisi. "Gianna, mabisyo ka."

I grinned. I won't deny that. I'll let the world know about it.

We stood up after a while. He was enjoying teasing me about what we just did. Panay ang hampas at tulak ko sa katawan niya tuwing naiinis at maya maya ay ako naman ang nang-inis, siya naman ay hapit ng hapit sa hubad kong katawan.

I spend my time on his shower while he said he'll wait for me in the kitchen. Kalahating oras ang tinagal ko doon dahil sa pag iisip. I still can't imagine we did that. I gave my card to him without hesitation.

For so long, I've known he has a great respect for a woman. He respects me even though I was too naughty some times and he couldn't handle me anymore. That makes him more than a man for me.

I just snatched clothes from his dresser. A large white T-shirt and a boxer. Pinatuyo ko ang buhok gamit ang tuwalya at hindi na nag-abalang magsuklay dahil bagsak naman ang buhok ko. I went out to meet him.

"It's late in the evening, she's wondering what clothes to wear.."

A song welcomed my ear as I walked through his kitchen. I found him picking up his spoon and about to taste something but he stopped. Sinarado niya ang nakabukang bibig at pinasadahan ako ng tingin.

Masuyo akong ngumiti at lumapit sa kaniya. I immediately snaked my arm on his neck and tip-toed to kiss his lips.

Sininghot niya ang leeg ko at tuluyang binitawan ang kutsarang hawak. "Ang ganda mo.."

"Talaga?" I chuckled even though I knew that.

"Uh-hmm." he kissed my ear. "You look so beautiful, mahal.."

Napawi ang ngiti ko sa tawag niya sa akin. In the middle of the song, he swayed my waist. His arm embraced my waist and swayed it along the smooth slow song.

Pumikit ako habang nakayakap sa leeg niya.

"And then she asked me, 'do I look alright?'"

"And I said 'yes, you look wonderful tonight.." Rashid sang on my ear.

I closed my eyes and rested my head on his chest. His warmth has always been my comfort zone and will always be. Ngayon pa lang, natatakot na ako sa posibleng mangyari. Ang buhay ay hindi laging nasa ibabaw, minsan papailalim ka at mananatili ka na lang doon kapat minalas.

That is no doubt. Life ain't fair. Sometimes you win, sometimes you don't. I don't think a life without pain and struggles is not worth living. Because if you feel so happy all the time, something is off. That's not living.

I raised my eyebrow when I saw his phone on the table. He was on his Spotify. Kita ko ang pangalan ng playlist niya doon.

Gigi Añonuevo.

"That's me!" I surprisingly said as I saw my name flashing on the screen.

He didn't look back but I know he knew what I was talking about. Tumawa lang siya at patuloy akong sinasayaw. I was left hanging my mouth half open and laughing a bit.

I really think he's the one who's obsessed with me all this time. Ayaw niya lang aminin dahil gusto niya na ako ang laging nagkakagusto sa kaniya! He likes my attention so much. And its showing!

Tumitig ako sa kawalan habang sinasayaw niya ako. "Sorry, hindi ko nasabi na uuwi ako. That should be a surprise."

"Apology accepted."

"And uh.. sorry sa kagabi. Napaaway ka pa tuloy dahil sa akin."

"Binabastos ka, Gianna. You shouldn't be sorry about that. That's not your fault. Talagang makikipag-away ako. Fuck, I'd kill those whoever put your name on dirt."

I remember how angry he was. I was scared for the first time. Scared that he might get bruises because of me. That would be a pain for me as well.

"But are you okay?"

"I should ask you that."

"Hindi ka daw pumupunta kila Lerwick. Are you still attending your band, Rashid? What's wrong?"

I knew something's wrong. Natahimik siya ar nakumpirma kong meron nga. I was pushing him just to look at his face but he thronged his face on my neck. Humigpit ang hawak niya sa baywang ko.

I gently caressed his arm. "Rashid, what happened? Hmm?"

"I'm fine."

He was still swaying me. Hindi ako naniwala doon.

Ngumuso ako. "May problema ba? You're high last night. You can't fool me, Rashid."

"It's just weeds. I needed it."

"And you're so drunk. You didn't even recognize me." I frowned. "Tell me, Rashid. May problema ba? Come on."

"My parents, Gianna." he paused and sighed. "I never liked golden spoon on my mouth and you know that. My parents know that. But they're pushing me on something I wouldn't want to do. Something about our company's future."

Ngumuso ako at hinagod ang likod niya. "Nag-away kayo?"

"They don't trust me. They thought I wouldn't survive without their money so they officially cut off my source through their riches."

Suminghap ako. I'm familiar to his parents. His mother looked nice and kind but his dad isn't. Mukhang istrikto sa kahit anong anggulo. He looks very ruthless. Add the fact that they're one of the most elite tycoons on the business world, I heard my parents talking about them often.

Tumawa siya at binangon ang ulo. "Hindi ako maghahabol sa pera nila. But lately, they're blackmailing me that they would withdraw all the money they spent on me just for me to do what they want."

"That's not fair!" reklamo ko. "As a parent, they shouldn't do that."

"But you don't know how they are." he smiled. "Money would ruin everything, Gianna. Trust me."

"Bakit hindi mo na lang sila sundin?"

Humigpit ang yakap niya sa akin at pati ang kunot ng noo ay humigpit din.

He clenched his jaw. "No."

"Rashid, maybe if you—"

"Gianna, I said no." matigas na sabi niya.

I smiled and nodded. I don't want to ask because he might not be comfortable to tell it. I respect him and his decision and I know he can overcome anything because he's Rashid. And if not, I'll be here for him anyways.