"Type n'yan mga bata." bulong ni Zhyner sa babaeng high-schooler ang suot.

Matalim ko siyang tinignan habang nakahalukipkip at nanonood.

She looked tensed because I was looking. With her pink ribbon on her hair and a bear designed wallet, I pursed my lips. Maganda, kaedad ko.. pero hindi ko gusto. She looks like a good girl with a very maintained grades. Napaka-inosente. Pakiramdam ko uubuhin 'yan magdamag isang buga ko pa lang ng sigarilyo. Not really for me.

Seryoso ako sa pang-huhusga sa babae nabaling ang atensyon ko sa dalawang babaeng lumakad sa harapan namin.

I ignored the red haired girl. Naalis ang paghalukipkip ko sa babaeng matangkad, mahaba at kulay kape ang kulot na buhok, maputi at payat.

Her uniform was too fitted and too short and it's perfectly showing her curves. Based on my observing, she's years younger than me. But her height and curves told me that she's reaching the maturity of girls my age without even trying.

She was laughing while holding her gray handbag. I also had to glance on her well-manicured red nails. I could smell her sweet pomelo scent from afar.

Her eyes were steel blue and is jewel-like with sweeping eyelashes. She would capture every soul by how she stare and blinks her eyes very gently. Her lips was like rosebuds. She's so soft. Every detail of her face is soft. Like I could break her in just a snap of a finger.

"He doesn't even look like a snack! Mukhang hindi marunong humalik. Ayaw ko 'yon, walang thrill!" she blurted and chuckled very seductively.

Damn, woman.

What is this? She's no soft girl! Walang preno ang bibig. Parang nag-init ang parehong tainga ko nang marinig ko kung paano siya magsalita. What a kid!

That was the first time I saw her. Pareho kaming high-school pero dalawang taon ang tanda ko sa kaniya. She's always passing by our corridor since her classroom is located at the other side.

I always pause whatever I was doing everytime she walks by. Halos mabali ang leeg ko habang masama ng tingin ko sa kaniya habang dumadaan. She doesn't even look back at me, not even once. I sometimes overhear their conversations and I always dislike what they are talking about. Mostly about boys.

"Avila 'yan. Matapang," a friend said to me one time when we were in the bench side.

They were practicing their graduation march. Nandoon siya sa may bandang unahan at katabi ang isang senior na nagkukunwaring parent niya sa paglalakad. She smiled sweetly at the man.

Tumaas ang kilay ko. "Ang bata pa, may boyfriend na?"

"Grade 3 nga raw, meron na e.." he said.

I snorted. "Not even a puppy love? Boyfriend kaagad?"

Tumawa si Carvajal. "Bakit? Ilang taon ka noong nagka-girlfriend ka?"

"I haven't."

"Sus! Balita ko nga sayo, kinder pa lang marunong na manligaw!"

I didn't talk.

I knew she was early exposed to many boys. I can see it with my own eyes sometimes. Kaya naman nang unang beses niyang magbigay ng sulat kuno sa akin ay hindi ko mapigilang mainis. I couldn't believe it.

Is this her trick? All of her the high school boys knows that she's a player. She changes her boys every week. Ang bata bata pa, ilan na ang naging boyfriend.

Heck, I had flings but I wasn't serious. All the girls I had wasn't really serious, too. It was all plain sucking and pleasure, none of it was serious. But this girl surprises me.

She spends her weekend with her boys. I wonder if her parents knows about that! Sino ba ang ama nito at hinahayaan ang anak niya? I would lock her up on her room if I was her father. Talagang pagmamalupitan ko iyan!

I still remember her first letter to me. Wala akong nagawa dahil nilusot niya 'yon sa bintana at kumaripas ng takbo palayo kasama ang kaibigan. She was too reckless to climb up on my classroom! May kasama pang back-up!

I like you and I hope you know that. Last night, I dreamed of you waiting for me at the aisle. I think I just foresee my future. Don't worry, I will be the best wife if that happens.

Love, Gianna
09122583854

It was written in a pink paper with a chocolate inside. I sniffed it and immediately smelled a sweet scent from it. Nilayo ko 'yon sa ilong ko at kunot noong tinitigan.

Wife, huh. Ilang taon na ba ito at pag-aasawa na kaagad ang inaatupag? Bet she doesn't even know how to cook.

Well, in case, I know how to cook.. No, what? Tang ina, Rashid.

"Ano 'yan.." Clyvan peeked at the recorder I was holding. Nilayo ko 'yon at tinago sa bag ko.

She gave this to me as well. I really can't believe that woman. She's crazy. She really recorded herself confessing her feelings to me. Hindi ko alam kung matutuwa ako o maiinis dahil doon. She's persistent.

"Leave me alone."

"Sex tape? Ano?"

"You're watching too much. Napaghahalataan ka," puna ko.

Sinapo niya ang dibdib. "Gago, hindi, ah! Ano ba kasi 'yan? Sex tape nga? Pahiram. Ipapakita ko kay Zhyner at naghahanap."

I pushed his chest. "Hindi 'to sex tape, tang ina mo."

"Ang damot damot mo. Sayo siguro 'yan, 'no? Iba talaga, Rashid Ace! Hindi na naka-summary, naka-record na!"

Inambahan ko ng suntok. He laughed until he got choked of his own laugh.

At the very end, I just found myself repeating the record all night. Hindi pa nakuntento at hanggang umaga, iyon ang pinapakinggan ko.

"I like you, Rashid Ace. And I think I'm soon to falling in love.."

Her voice sounded so angelic. Soft and sweet. Hindi ako makapaniwalang hindi ako nagsasawang itapat sa tainga ko ang boses niya. I would die just to hear her voice next to me everytime the sun rises and until it sets.

It wasn't my first time seeing her kiss a man but when I saw her while I was playing at the stage, I almost lost it. Hindi ko maiwasang magalit.

Oo at galit ako.

Why would she tell me she likes me but kiss and date guys who isn't me? Kung ako ang gusto niya, ako ang halikan niya! Hindi pwede 'yan!

"If you heard the band playing a while ago, the keyboard guy is my boyfriend!" she said with full of confidence.

She was drunk. Pulang pula ang mukha at halatang halata 'yon dahil may kaputian. She's so young to go out and drink! Dapat sa mga batang ganito, pinaparusahan ng malala.

She even had the face to tell me that I am her boyfriend. Sige, Gianna, papayag naman ako. H'wag lang gan'yan. H'wag hahalik sa iba. That's cheating.

If I'd be your boyfriend, you will spend every minute with me. Sa akin lang hahalik.. sa akin lang.

"Teka nga, why are you so mad? I told you, gusto nga kita!" she shouted in my face when I told her I didn't want her half baked feelings.

I just overheard that someone's courting her. Kahit saang anggulo, hindi ko malaman kung saan ang tama doon. Even Hunter was flirting with her. And she even had the face to shout that  she likes me confidently. I'm getting even more mad!

"Hindi ko kailangan-"

"Gusto kita."

Oo kaya putang ina, h'wag kang nagpapaligaw sa iba!

"Umuwi ka na-"

"I like you."

"Shut up." I glared at her.

"I like you, Rashid!"

"Gianna!" tuluyan na akong narindi.

She frowned. "But I said I'm serious! I like you!"

Hindi ko na alam. Between us, she's the one who looks dangerous. Ako pa yata ang matatakot sa kaniya. She knows how to play with her tricks and she probably know I couldn't get away with it.

Swertehan na lang talaga kung makakalusot.

As I see her more often, I felt something within me that I shouldn't be feeling. Babaeng babae. I couldn't even see her as a little sister or someone who is younger than me. She's a woman in my eyes. At alam ko, doon pa lang, mali na agad.

I'm no good boy. I'm not good in expressing words. Hindi ako marunong maging peke sa nararamdaman ko at wala akong pakialam kung sino ang masasagasaan ko. I told her all of my past just to watch her reaction.

Gusto kong ayawan niya ako dahil hindi ako tulad ng mga lalaki niya. I'm not the man who will give her pleasures.. well.. in life. Delikado pa't mukhang hindi siya sanay sa hirap.

She touched my hand and watched how I irritatingly pulled it away. She grinned. I shook my head. Her naughtiness is not a joke, I tell you.

"Kailan mo balak umuwi, hijo?" Mama asked through the phone.

Nilingon ko si Gianna na nasa loob ng kwarto, maingay dahil pinaglalaruan ang drums. Sumandal ako sa hamba ng pinto at tinitigan siyang mukhang sisirain ang drums ni Clyvan. I like it.

Jesus, I'm crazy.

Sinarado ko ang pintuan matapos kausapin si Mama at hinayaan si Gianna sa loob. She looks so interested in those. I like watching her trying my things. Trying things she doesn't actually do.

Little did she know, I watch her little moves. Every little details, I love to watch it and collect something from it. I want to know her more than anyone does.

I grinned and didn't hear what my mother said. "Come again, Ma?"

"Ang sabi ko, kailan mo balak umuwi. Uuwi na ang kuya mo. He's expecting you here."

"I'll take visit sometimes."

"Rashid.." her voice was a bit disappointed. "I'm getting lonely here. If you're thinking about your father, don't mind him. Mas lalong hindi ako mapapakali kung malayo ka sa akin."

I tightened my jaw. I know she's still disappointed at me for what I did before. I've been influenced by illegal things. Maling mga kaibigan ang sinamahan ko sa mga panahong iyon. Maling daan ang tinahak ko. It was too late because I already tried it. My family was disappointed and got mad. I was mad at myself, too. Kaya pinili kong umalis.

I want to start my life and be better. But I just couldn't. I wasn't as bad as I am before but I'm not good, too. I'm just.. me.

I hate to be in their line. The border of the greats. Because I'm not like them. I fail. I disappoint people a lot.

They expect too much from me when I know I couldn't even reach their expectations no matter how hard I try.

I couldn't forget her reaction the first she saw my humble house. I know deep inside her is judging me. Of course, she's a high maintenanced woman. Sanay sa sarap. She gets all she wants with just her puppy eyes. Habang-buhay kong hindi malilimutan 'yon.

But I appreciated how she managed to show that she's comfortable. She wants to fit herself in my messy world. I thought she was weak and she's just making people think she's tough. But as I see it clearly, she learns from people.. she learns from experiences.

One day, I just found myself being so fucked up for her. I found myself trying to be a better man just to deserve her. Maybe I didn't even try. I changed naturally because of her.

Isang araw, namulat na lang ang mata ko na siya na ang mundo ko. A beautiful world.

Binuga ko ang usok galing sa bibig ko. Sumandal ako sa bintana patagilid para makita si Gianna sa kama ko. She was all over my blanket. Her naked back looked pretty nice while she tried to cover up her upper body. Mangha akong nakatingin sa kaniya na nasa kama ko.

Just like a dream.. I couldn't believe it. What did I do to deserve her?

"Pang-ilan na 'yan?" her sleepy voice sounded so seductive even if she's not trying.

"Two.."

Sumimangot siya at tumalikod sa akin.

I know what it means whenever she asks me that. She doesn't like it.

Gumuhit ang ngiti sa labi ko habang nakatitig sa asawa ko.

I sighed and threw the cigarette away even if I just lighted it up. Ngumuso ako at nagpipigil ng ngisi habang nilalapitan si Gianna.

I caressed her back and sniffed her soft hair as I laid beside her.

Hinalikan ko ang balikat niya. "I'm sorry.."

She didn't talk but she deepened her back on my chest. Pumikit ako ng mariin at hinigpitan ang yakap ko sa kaniya.

Jesus.. How can I live without her now?

"Si Gianna?" tanong ko kay Lerwick nang sadyain kong agahan galing sa bilyaran, h'wag lang akong maunahan ni Gianna. I don't like her going to that place.

Tumingin siya sa paperbag ng beer. I won from the billiards. Talagang nakipaglaro ako ngayon para lang magkaroon ng pera para ipambili ng alak at pagkain naming dalawa ni Gigi.

He chuckled. "Hindi na ako ang kainuman mo, ah? Magtatampo na ba ako n'yan?"

"Hina mo, e." I joked. "Mas malakas pa siya kaysa sayo. You're a loser."

Umiling iling siya. "Dylan's fucked up. Malapit na din si Hunter at Ruther. Ano? Susunod ka na?"

"You bet, Lerwick." matalim ko siyang tinignan dahil sa sumpang dala niya. "They're all losers. Just like you. Kaya kayo iniiwan."

"Putang ina mo. Kapag ikaw, naiwan, tatawanan talaga kita."

"Let's both laugh because that will not happen."

But maybe I talked too fast. We gotta expect the fucking unexpected.

They say that if we're too much happy, something is wrong. Happiness can lead to unhappiness.

But I didn't quite see it coming.

Chills was sent to my spine as I stared at the crashed car in front of me. The hood of the car was completely broken. Umuusok ang harapan at halos kalahati ng sasakyan ay hindi makilala.

Police was around the car.

I couldn't feel anything. My body went numb. Nanlamig ang buong katawan ko at halos hindi ako makagalaw.

My hands were shaking. Not the first time I felt fear but this was the first time I feel like I'd die.

I tried to search for her because I know it was her. I was tailing her car. I saw how it crashed. I fucking saw it in my own two eyes.

Hindi ko na nagawang abutan ang pag-alis niya. I was too weak to even come close. Gustuhin ko mang hanapin siya, hindi ko na magawa dahil kaagad siyang naitakbo.

Lumuhod ako.

Her cold blood was spilled on the broken road. My hands trembled as my whole body weakened.

That was the last memory of her that I have.

It was a nightmare. Ilang gabi akong hindi pinatulog. Ilang gabi akong naglalasing at ginagawa ang lahat para lang makakuha man lang ng kaunting tulog.

I was fucking up, I know, man. I am fucked up without her.

"Issa, you know something. Please.." I said desperately. "She's your cousin."

"She's getting better, Añonuevo. H'wag mo nang balaking guluhin pa siya dahil utang na loob, masyadong maraming pinagdaanan ang pinsan ko."

"Kailangan ko siya.." my voice broke.

Nahinto siya. She looked away. "Pwes, siya, hindi. Hindi ka ba naaawa? This is too much for her! Let her go, Rashid. This is enough."

I will not promise her that. I know I won't. I will do something. I will not stay here and just wait for her.

"If there must be a man for my daughter, I want an attorney for her. Not like you. What do you want to do anyway? Music?" Gianna's mother told me once. Natatawa siya. Naalala ko pa iyon.

Sinadya kong kausapin siya. I couldn't tell Gianna about her father and her step-sister. So I want to at least tell her mother about it. It was ridiculous. Hindi ko akalain na aabot ako sa puntong ito.

I swallowed hard. "I know I look undeserving of your daughter right now but I will try my best to earn her."

"Her father is cruel. So is the people around her. And by the time I'm gone, I want someone to take care of the things she couldn't."

That stayed on my mind. Hibang na siguro ako pero hindi ko na iyon pinag-isipan ng maayos. After graduating, I enrolled to a law school. I quit the band just for me to focus on my studies.

"Why quit, man? Akala ko ba sama sama tayo dito?" Ruther asked.

Hunter looked at me seriously. "Think about this properly, Rashid. I admit it, you're a big loss for the band. You started this so its hard to accept that you're the first one to quit."

"We're all going to quit anyway, Hunter. Let's just say that I'm the first one to take a step out." I smirked and tapped his shoulder. "Don't tell me you couldn't do good without me?"

"Fuck you."

"We still need your compositions." tumaas ang kilay ni Dylan.

"Tss." I scoffed. "Pay me, then."

"Tatanda ka talagang kuripot, ano?"

I laughed with them.

Throughout the years, we made a great friendship. And as I see it from here, they will make a great music together.

I couldn't help thinking about Gianna's dream for me. Importante sa akin ang opinyon ni Gianna. She said she wanted to see me perform on stage.

But also, importante sa akin ang mas kailangan niya. Her mother is right. After her death and Gianna's accident, his father already searched for the last will.

Little did he know, I was also fast to get someone to help me about it. I was still working at our company that time. Matinik na ang mga mata ko sa kaniya.

Attorney Santos handed me copies of the last will. It clearly says the name of Gianna here. Ang pagtira niya pa lang sa ibang pamilya niya ay mali na kaagad. I wanted to do something for her.

I want to hurt the people who hurt her. I stopped as I remember myself.. sinaktan ko rin siya. Wala din akong pinagkaiba sa mga taong nanakit sa kaniya.

That is why I punished myself. Soon as I got my diploma, I flew abroad. I was desperate to see her. I touched the frame where I put my diploma and a necklace that I craved her name. I placed it there because she's the reason why I'm here.

She's now a model. My woman is now a model. I couldn't be so proud of her.

But I couldn't smile as I see her walk straight at the stage with her fiery eyes not looking at me. Pakiramdam ko masyado siyang malayo sa akin na kahit anong gawin ko, hinding hindi siya titingin sa akin.

Sa huli.. nasa likod lang ako, malayong nakamasid sa kaniya. Hoping she'd feel me deep in her heart.. where I used to be.

Baby, why are you getting farther away? Too far, Gianna. I couldn't reach you.

Come home to me now..

Sinadya kong magpakita sa kaniya, para kahit kaunti.. makita niya ako. The anger in her eyes was the punish I deserve. Kulang pa ang nyebe sa lamig ng tingin sa akin. It hurts me big time.

"She's more than six digits, Sir." Her manager said to me.

I nodded. "That's why I'm offering eight."

Umupo siya ng maayos sa offer ko. I remained calm because I know she will agree. She is more than any prize, I know. And I'm ready to pay.. kahit ano pa man 'yan.

I bowed in front of a grassy tomb. Nakaukit ang pangalan ng Mommy ni Gianna doon. I clenched my jaw and squatted, placed my red roses on its side. Every year, I would go here to visit. Walang nakakaalam.

I know I'm still undeserving of her, Ma'am. I'm trying my best. Of all the people who have hurt her, I know I did her wrong the most. Even if it was misunderstood, she was still hurt. But I'm here.. Even if I'm going to win her or not, I don't care.

I was about to leave when I saw her with her baggage, approaching her mother.

Nanatili ako sa loob ng sasakyan, nakamasid sa malayo.

She cried. Humigpit ang hawak ko sa manubela habang umiiyak siya. I couldn't go near. I heard her sobs. Sumabay ang panahon sa pag-iyak niya. The storm made her flinch. Humihikbi pa siya nang tumakbo papunta sa akin.

I know she couldn't see me, so I stayed there.. looking at her.

Umiwas ako ng tingin.

If I could just feel the pain for you, my love.. You've been through a lot. I'm sorry.

"You heard what she said. Wala na akong pamilya. Are you all happy now?" her voice broke.

Wala akong maramdaman kundi sakit at sama ng loob. She thinks I'm one