**edited 21/01/2021**

Elle

Monday 24th December 2018

         It was Christmas Eve.

 Snow was swirling outside and settling nicely on the ground like a beautiful blanket of pure white and it sparked the most perfect Christmassy feeling inside of me. We hadn't had a white Christmas for years, and anyone who knew me knew I loved snow more than any other weather. I'd rather have flurries of snow than tropical sunshine outside.

 "Enjoying the view?" Ace said, walking towards me with two mugs of hot chocolate that my mom must've made. I was stood at the living room window, looking out at the young children making snowmen in their cute little coats and mittens.

 "Doesn't this time of year just make you so happy?" I said in awe, taking one of the mugs from his hand. "Thanks."

 Ace wrapped his arm around my waist and shrugged, looking out at the same magical scene that I was. "Not really, no," his voice was quiet, almost broken, which made me snap my eyes to him and they softened immediately at how vulnerable he looked.

 "Oh, Ace... I'm sorry," I said quickly. "I didn't mean to upset you."

 He gulped down whatever feelings he was experiencing. "M'not upset, what're you talking about?" He asked and I almost wanted to let out the deepest sigh ever, he always seemed to push down his emotions whenever they surfaced like they didn't matter. He needed to feel emotions, happiness and sadness, or they'd drive him to insanity. 

"You can talk to me about anything, you know that right?" I said to him, softly so that my voice didn't sound patronising and he glanced down at me, our eyes locking for a split second before he looked away again and nodded. 

 "What I want to talk to you about is your brothers and Cady going outside to make snowmen, I'm guessing you want to join?" He said with a tempting voice and a wide smile spread across my face.

 I nodded. "Yes! Lemme go get my coat on," I said giddily, putting my hot chocolate down on the windowsill so I could race to the coat closet and grab my winter coat and gloves. I shrugged my coat on and zipped it up before shoving gloves on my hands. "Are you coming, Ace?" I asked him hopefully.

 He walked out of the living room with our mugs and shrugged. "I will watch I guess," he said and I sighed but nodded nevertheless.

 "C'mon then," I motioned for him to follow me and I headed for the back garden. I squealed in excitement as I saw Sawyer and Cady trying to create the bottom of the snowman as Harley created the head, much smaller.

 "Here is the snowman expert herself, why is he all lumpy?" Sawyer yelled over to me once I had stepped out of the back door and I grinned at the sudden drop in temperature, sprinting over to the odd looking snowman they had started creating.

 "What have you done to the poor guy?" I asked with a chuckle, moulding the bottom of the snowman by brushing off some parts of snow and carving other parts to make the snow much smoother.

 Cady and Sawyer looked at each other, exasperated. "How the fuck do you do that?" Cady asked and I laughed, starting to roll some more snow for the mid-section of the snowman. I glanced over to Ace and saw he was watching the whole scene fondly, leaned against the wall with his mug in hand and a small smile on his face. He raised his hand to wave at me when he saw me looking and I did the same, motioning for him to come over but he shook his head and I let it go pretty quickly.

 "Harls, help me lift this," I said to my brother and he assisted me in lifting the medium sized snowball onto the snowman's bottom. We positioned the mid-section and patted some more snow on it to ensure it sat properly before Harley popped the head on top.

 "The question is, how do we decorate him?" Sawyer asked, tapping his chin like he was in serious thought.

 "I say we go for a cute pink scarf-" I started saying and Harley immediately shook his head.

 "No! You always used to make them super girly and it sucked. How about my red scarf and I'm sure we can find a top-hat from one of the Christmas decorations mom has, a super traditional snowman?" Harley suggested and I nodded happily.

 Half an hour or so later we had finished Mr. Snowman and were stood back, admiring our handiwork.

 "I think he looks like a Barry," Cady said which made me chuckle.

 "Please don't name your kid that," I begged her and she slapped my arm before laughing herself, shaking her head.

 "Did I tell you the names Sawyer likes? God, it sounds like he's naming a car and not a baby. Thrash and Lightning were the top two," she said and I cackled, Sawyer was always a unique character.

 I shook my head. "Please no! I could not call your child Lightning," I said. We were both laughing, the image of a little Lighting Matthews running around when I felt something hard, wet and cold smash against my cheek. I let out a loud screech and lifted my hand up to my neck to find a smashed snowball.

 Looking to my left I saw both Harley and Sawyer stood with guilty faces and snowballs in their hands. "We threw like six before one hit you," Harley admitted with a sheepish grin.

 "Alright, it's on!" I said and began balling up snow.

 "I'm out of this one!" Cady said, cradling her bump protectively as she walked off of the grass to let us continue our childish antics without hurting her. 

 I stood up and immediately launched a snowball at Harley, punching the air when it smashed straight into his forehead. "Elle!" He gasped.

 "It's war!" Sawyer yelled, lobbing another snowball in my direction. I let out a scream and sprinted over to our BBQ, ducking behind it so they couldn't hit me for a moment whilst I piled up some snowballs beside me.

 I was panting heavily, I was definitely not used to physical exercise like this and especially not in below freezing temperatures. 

 I heard balls of snow smashing against the fence behind me, crumbling into pieces as soon as they hit the hard surface. I made sure I had enough snowballs piled beside me before I took a long, deep breath and popped back up from the BBQ. I started chucking them at the boys as quickly as I could possibly move my arms, but it was simply useless, I was outnumbered. 

 That was until a snowball was launched at them from a different direction and we all looked over to see the culprit, Ace Grey. He was stood with another snowball in his hand, smirking triumphantly. "Yes! He's on my team," I said, and continued making and throwing snowballs in their direction, only this time I had my trusty boyfriend launching them in that direction too.

 Ace, with a huge smile on his face, rushed over to the bench close to the BBQ and ducked behind it. It was slightly less useful as the BBQ seeing as it had gaps, so every now and then snow made it through and hit him but he had more protection that way. I howled in laugher alongside him as we both began throwing snowballs at my brothers.

 A screech left my lips when one hit my stomach and I threw one directly back at Sawyer, slamming against his shoulder. Ace threw one at the same time at me, aiming for Sawyer, and we high-fived each other when the second snowball smashed into his stomach and Sawyer doubled over.

 "Okay, okay! White flag, we surrender," Harley said, walking out from behind the dining set alongside Sawyer.

 "We won!" I cheered, throwing my arms around Ace. The look of sheer enjoyment on his face as he lifted me and spun me around sparked something blissful in my chest and I smiled before smashing my lips against his.

 "Well done baby," Ace mumbled, settling me back against the ground with his forehead pressed against mine. 

 Our eyes were locked together and it felt like I couldn't breathe, every single instinct in my body begged me to say those three words to him that I longed to say but they got lodged in my throat, terrified to come out. 

 "I love..." The words began coming out but I stopped myself quickly. What would he do if I actually said I loved him? Would he say it back? Would he leave? I was almost certain that Ace had never loved another human being, he probably didn't even know how to.

 How could he possibly love me?

 "I love snow so much," I tripped slightly, fumbling over my words.

 Ace didn't seem to notice though, he just nodded and squeezed me tighter. "I can tell," he grinned and then pulled away from me. "Let's get you inside and warmed up, you're absolutely freezing," he said, protectively wrapping his arms around my waist in an attempt to warm me slightly as we headed  to the back door together which my brother's must have gone through as they were no longer outside.

 I glanced up at Ace and swallowed thickly, what would he have done if I had said that? I knew I loved him, it was a wildly different feeling than what I felt with Carson but I knew it was love. Every time I was around him it felt like my skin was on fire, my heart slammed against my chest like a thumping drum, but he made me feel so safe at the same time. 

 I was in love, but with someone who didn't feel the same. He couldn't feel the same. He didn't know how to feel the same.

 I was screwed.