35: I'll Go

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"What was that?" Josh asked as I set my phone down in my lap.

I fiddled with my hands as I tried to come up with a response. On one hand, I didn't want to lie to him anymore but that would mean he would try to talk me out of whatever I wanted to do. On the other, I knew telling him would lead to nothing good. So, against my best judgement, I decided to lie.

"I'm not sure, think it was an accidental call." 

Easily the worst, most pathetic lie I've ever told. I was sure he was about to question me, but instead nodded and said, "I've got to get home before my mom flips out but I'll see you in school tomorrow?"

I smiled, "See you."

Another lie.

We both stood up and I rushed over to give him a hug, but I didn't let go.

"You okay?" He chuckled as he pulled me off of him.

I nodded, "Yep, never better!"

Josh leaned down and kissed my cheek, "I'll text you later."

I watched as he walked away and his car faded into the distance.  I sighed and quickly began to walk home for what could be the last time.

---

Was this a stupid idea? Obviously.

Should I tell Annette what had happened? Of course.

Was I going to stop and think about this more? No. I didn't have time.

I couldn't risk Elizabeth being dragged into this mess. At least with me, I was comfortable with Mike and Lisa. I was used to being around them and would always care for them. If by some crazy way Mike was actually able to get some sort of custody over her, I would never be able to forgive myself knowing I could have stopped it. She would be miserable with them. She hates the simple mention of their names.

When I got to the house, Elizabeth was still gone. I couldn't leave without an explanation so I wrote the following letter and put it on her desk.

Liz,

My whole life I was raised believing I was alone. I didn't think I had any siblings... really any family besides my "parents". And then you came along and changed my whole world. I mean, everyone secretly wishes they had a twin so it's pretty damn cool that my wish came true. While we aren't the same personality wise, I love being your twin and wouldn't change it for the world. Thank you for finding me and standing up for me every day.

Please never blame yourself for this loss. You are the glue of this family, you have to hold everyone together. Get Dad + Jake back and move forward in your lives like before I came back. I love you all.

-Erika.

Annette had already gone to bed at this point. It had been a long, emotional day for her. So I quickly scribbled a short note for her as well.

Mom,

I used to think it would forever feel strange calling you Mom. I mean, I was raised all these years believing someone else was my mom, but now it's normal. My love for you overcomes the strangeness of the situation and I am proud to be your daughter. I know we have a lot of differences and I wasn't the ideal child but I appreciate everything you've done for me. 

You deserve the world. I know that Dad will see that and come back to you soon, maybe the loss of me (for the second time) will bring everyone back together. 

Love, Erika.

I checked the time and saw I had 15 minutes to get to the school before my hour was up. No time to write to Josh, Jake, or Steve. I felt a wave of sadness leaving them behind, especially without a clear reason why but I couldn't bring myself to tell them. I knew someone would blame themselves for it and it was truly no ones fault but my own. I wanted the paternity test, I allowed them back in my lives, I did everything. In a way, it was my fault everything was so fucked up in the family. I just hoped Annette and Steve would find their way back to love.

Knowing Annette had the "main" keys to her car in her purse, I grabbed the spares from the drawer in the kitchen. The school was much too far to walk to and I had no time anyways. They'll find the car within a day or so anyways so it's not a big deal, just my last time borrowing it.

I left my cell phone on the counter. I knew that Mike and Lisa wouldn't let me keep it with all the tracking that's available these days. Especially with the Becca situation that happened last time I met them. It was better to not waste my parent's money and just leave it for them to sell or use in the future.

I felt my eyes water up as I left the house. Emotions flooded my body as memories of my first time coming here came back. I felt so confused, hurt, betrayed, and alone when I was first arrived here but the time I spent changed everything in my life for the better. I learned so many valuable life lessons in my short time with my true family, including how to love myself.

The drive to the school was one filled with tears. I wanted to turn around so badly, but I knew I couldn't. I had to do this to protect my family.

There was only one other car in the school parking lot. Knowing it had to be Mike and Lisa, I parked beside it and hopped out with my backpack, which I had packed lightly with clothes and some bathroom essentials such as a toothbrush.

Lisa immediately hugged me, "I'm so glad you've finally come to your senses and come back to us, hun!"

I faked a smile, "Yeah."

Mike raised his eyebrows, "What do you have in the bag?"

I rolled my eyes, "You can look through it if you want, I left all my electronics at the house though. I just have clothes in here."

Mike raised his hand and harshly slapped me. Lisa gasped as I put my hand over my cheek, "What the hell?"

He sternly replied, "Things are going to be different now. Much different. You will no longer speak or act the way you have been. We're going to have some stern rules. Get in the car, I'll explain on the way."

Never in my life had either of my them been physically abusive to me. Even as a child, I cannot remember receiving even a slap on the wrist. Mike was always one of the kindest men I had ever met. Never even killing a bug, but clearly, things have changed.

Question for the Reader: Cats or dogs?

Author Answer: I love both but if I had to choose, dogs! 

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